My Wife's Best Friend

[heatherdress]

I have a very supportive and loving wife who actually encouraged my personal growth and opened a door leading to my CDing. She opened up a dialogue about why I liked to buy her clothes, jewlery and shoes several years back. She asked me to be totally honest - would I like to have my own pair of high heels She then bought me a pair and, in time, helped me discover Nancy.

Her long time best friend has recently been staying with us for periods of time after she discovered her husband was having an affair. She is well down the divorce path and has started to date. My wife asked me today to introduce Nancy to her friend while she is visiting. She wants me to "be myself" and believes her frend will be very accepting. She even thought we could go out together.

Although this sounds great, I am not sure if I should come out to her. I am concerned that she may be still be fragile and that this discovery may affect her trust of men further following her husband's cheating. She is mature, intelligent and open-minded. But could this new discovery be negative for her?

Also, what if she is not as accepting as my wife thinks.? What if she raises relationship concerns to my wife?

Also, if I do introduce Nancy, how should I do it? One step at a time, or should she meet Nancy in make-up, nails, bra, breastforms, dress, nylons and heels?

There is a good possibility that her friend may have to move in with us for an extended period of time in the months ahead after her divorce settlement. I want to ensure that this is comfortable for all of us. So does my wife, and she thinks meeting Nancy as soon as possible would be best.

I think this would be OK. I think it would be fun. I am also worried that it might be too much, too fast. Anyone have any thoughts?

[Phoebe P.]

Maybe a game of reverse strip poker? :) She sees it a bit at a time? I got nuthin'...

[Fran Moore]

Wow Heather, I envy your "best friend" situation. My suggestion would be to have your wife talk to her friend first, and make sure that she is alright with meeting Nancy before she just "shows up". Maybe some general questions about her feelings about CD's etc. It's very considerate of you to take her feelings into account at this stage of the game, and you could be right, it might not be a good thing. Here's to hoping that it is, and you all have a fun time going out and about.

Suzanne

[Eryn]

That is a tough call. Your wife is obviously an excellent judge of people if she correctly figured out that your love of buying her things went along with your own CDing tendency. If she is as empathetic toward her friend then it would probably be OK to introduce Nancy.

I wouldn't recommend making it a surprise, though. Your wife should prepare your friend beforehand. Like you said, she may be fragile and should be treated gently.

[Tina L.]

I think you should do it if your wife is ok with it.

[BreenaDion]

They are right, dont come out all at once be a culture shock to ur wifes friend. I am a TS and in transitioning an at the stage where I have been coming out to every one. Best you have your wife talk to her in depth about nancy first then have the 3 of you sit down as a normal couple and talk about nancy. Dont have her show up an shove nancy in her face, have some class and do it in steps. After every one is comfortable then when nancy is around normally then its ok to be introduced to her. Best to talk and she how she feals about a CD, not every one is eccepting but women are more open minded then men. Good luck.
Breena.

[Julogden]

If you feel there's a need for holding back a bit, then by all means, introduce the subject in a gentle manner. Showing up fully dressed as a surprise may not be the best idea. Discuss your concerns with your wife and go from there.

Carol

[Tanya C]

I think you may be overly concerned about the affect that your cding would have on the friend's fragile state of mind as a result of her divorce. It's not as though you're in a relationship with her, so presumably she has no vested emotional interest in your gender identity.
As far as her perception of men is concerned, perhaps she may welcome the opportunity to become familiar with a different type of man, one who is faithful to his wife. And in your case happens to be a crossdresser.
It seems to me that she would come away with higher opinion of cders, and it may even elevate her perception of men in general.

In other words, go have fun.

[Taylor186]

If your wife is for it why not explore it?

But, agree with those who suggest a discussion with the friend first.

[darla_g]

why not go with your wife's instincts? call it women's intuition and now your catching on...

[Chickhe]

Let her see a 'halloween' photo and see how she reacts. If she says its cool you tell her more, if she laughs too much you send her packing...

[ronny0]

IMO... If it is 100% OK with you, then your wife should break the ice with "her friend" first, that's if she hasn't already? After that, as long as you and your wife are OK with it. It is your house, do what feels best for you two. The 'friend' is a guest, and if she is upset over it, she is free to find another place to live?
We only live this life once (that we know of?) so live it as full as you can with those you love.

[Samantha W]

By the way, Awsome shoes! What brand are they/.

[steph1964]

My wife's friend just went through a nasty divorce where her husband was cheating on her. She was an emotional wreck for some time and spent hours each day talking with my wife. IMO, without knowing her, this is something she doesn't need to deal with right now if it can be avoided. It sometimes takes people without emotional baggage time to understand and accept crossdressing. If she is still having problems dealing with the divorce then this could be too much. If you dress often and need to tell her it should be done by your wife and only introduce Nancy when she is ready. But if it can wait, then give her time to heal first. Being a good friend is putting their needs before yours when they need your support.

[Shari]

A talk would be the best way to introduce Nancy. Perhaps your wife could help to pave the way for you.
If she is open to the idea you might also want to ask her help in suggesting makeup, maybe aid in coordinating your clothing choices, etc. Try to allow her to be part of it.
An "in your face" introduction is the worst choice you could make.

[Kathy4ever]

Has your wife explored this issue with her freind. Hnowing woman maybe her girlfriend already has the suspision or they have talked about it. You seem to be very lucky to have a wife like that. She does know her freind well and I guess she must think it is okay to tell her. So I guess go for it.

[Freddy12]

I agree with those who indicated that your wife should take the lead. She can explain how Nancy came to be. Your wife instigated your realization that you are a crossdresser, so her friend can more easily accept the surprise if her friend explains how she came to realize your desire to dress as a female.

[Maria in heels]

I think that you should have a true, serious discussion with your wife about her friend. It is hard enough for your wife's friend to be going thru her current situation, and as your final thoughts say..."i am also worried that it might be too much, too fast" is right. If your wife is inviting her friend into your home as a safe haven, she ought to talk it thru first, when she feels that the time is right, with her friend first. The shock value might just be too much for your wife's friend, and she may just say nothing, trying to understand your family dynamics, and push her further into the dark that she is currently experiencing. Maybe in a few days or weeks would be better..just sit and watch how she unfolds and reacts first...

[erickka]

Since she is your wife's friend, I agree that your wife should be the one to break the ice in this situation. Honesty is the best policy, and if her friend does end up staying with you all in the future, I think it would be the best for all of you to have the most open communication as possible with each other. A long heart to heart with your wife will surely be the best start. Good luck and take care.

[Shelly Preston]

Do not surprise her as it normally enough of a shock to those who find out just being told

I agree with all those who say the first step should be that you let your wife tell her

Alsp I would suggest would be letting her see a photograph provided she is ok with the news about your dressing

Then she can have the choice if she wants to meet you dressed

As for her trust in men. It actually might be a pleasant surprise to her that you trust her enough to let your wife tell her you dress

[Raychel]

I will have to agree with some of the others, If it your wifes friend, and your wife is cool with your dressing, then your wife should be the one to break the ice. After that life should just go on as normal as it can be.:2c:

[Sally24]

If she is likely to be living with you then I think being honest with her is far better than if she picks up on it accidentally. I would start with a discussion and "offer" her photos if she is interested. I have found that to a person, all the females we have told thought the secret was an affair by me. They have all been very accepting. Good luck!

[heatherdress]

Follow-up - My wife broke the ice yesterday before I got home from work. Had a discussion with her friend. She showed her friend pictures, shoes, hair. Her friend was very positive, reassuring and understanding. Her friend immediately said whe wanted to meet Nancy and looked forward to her visits. She shared that she suspected Nancy might have lived with us (another story). She also shared she had another close friend with a CD husband and was very comfortable around him. Whew! She then tried on some of Nancy's shoes and since she has large feet herself, was just about the same size. She might have to leave today, but if she can stay another day, she wants to meet Nancy tonight.

[kristinacd55]

Should be an interesting get together! Keep us posted :)

[Tina B.]

Glad it went that way, I guess your wife knows her friend well enough!
Tina B.

[wanagione]

I think you wife shoudl take the lead here too. It sounds as if your time being Nancy is being is reduced because she is staying with you and your wife wants you to be happy. I would think that this would be something she wouldn't want to deal with right now. I can't see what purpose it would serve to tell her now. But I would explore it more with your wife. I would want to know why she thinks it's a good idea now at this point to tell her?

[Jenny Beth]

Your path is very similar to mine in that my wife was a big influence in my dressing and her encouragement eventually led to outings. I haven't been out in years but I dress daily and I can't imagine not being able to. If I were in your shoes and my wife wanted me to come out to a friend I would trust her judgement and hope things turned out in a positive way. I'd hope that my wife explained everything to her friend beforehand and I'd probably want to chat with her too before I presented myself dressed. I can't imagine having someone live under my roof and have to hide my true self and put away all my things worrying that if anything was discovered it would out me.

[heatherdress]

Thank you to everyone. Good ideas and very helpful support.

She had to leave today, but did so in a very positive way. She had seen several pictures of Nancy and expressed compliments and a desire to meet her soon. We plan to go out to movies, take trips and dine out when she returns. These will be new experiences for Nancy and should be fun. It should be easier to go out with three rather than two. I expect she will be be returning soon and frequently and am relieved this has been so positive. She left with a pair of black boots and high heels courtesy of Nancy. My wife is very happy. So is Nancy.
Some lessons learned.
- It is nice to get assurances from others that there is nothing wrong with our CDing.
- It is all about open and honest communications with our spouses, SOs, partners. Building strong relations are work - but so worth it. My wife is great and I am lucky.
- We do need to think about others we care about. We do want them to care about us.
- Secrets are not always secrets. Others may know more about us than we think, even if they do not tell us.
- This forum is a good place to come for help, thoughts and ideas when you need them.

[carhill2mn]

Heather, thank you for the follow-up. I am glad that your wife took the time and effort to "pave the way". It is great that your friend reacted this way and proves your belief that your wife is a good judge of people. BTW, I think that you should keep her (grin).

[Fran Moore]

Congratulations Heather, I'm glad it all worked out as well as it could have! I think you did a great job dealing with the situation, including coming here to get advice, and then following up and letting us know how it all turned out, as well as what you have learned throughout the experience. That gives the rest of us some good feedback for potential situations. Thanks!

Suzanne

[RADER]

Thats great, Your wife knows whats going on and its is OK with her friend knowing about Nancy.
You know, it might be a good thing, as if she moves in with you, there might be the temptation on her part
to approach you in any compromising way. Just a thought, I am probably wrong, but just a thought.
And being Nancy just might smooth things over in a good way.
Rader

[Jill Devine]

All I can say is WOW. You are so lucky to have a wife like that. She is literally one in a million.

[ReineD]

First, I would ask your wife if she has already discussed Nancy with her friend. Second, I would ask why your wife encourages the disclosure.

Last, I'd dress and enjoy myself. :)


Edit Oops, guilty of posting without reading the rest of the thread. :p The questions are answered.

[Alice B]

I think if your wife is OK with it and is asking you to do so, then it should be fine. Just have her discuss it with her friend first. I seriously doubt that it will have any negative effect upon the emotional state of the friend and might even give her some levity (not in a negative way) and let her relax and take her mind off her problems.

[Lori B]

I agree,,,you should all have a casual sit down and talk about it first

[t-girlxsophie]

I think rather than making her mistrust men,knowing you were a Cder should make her a little more trusting.Interesting times ahead for sure

Sophie

[Maria in heels]

That's great! now there is no more pressure or question for you, and Nancy can just be herself....

a word of warning :

if I were you, I'd keep her away from your shoes..especially if they are just about the same size...all of a sudden, you will be looking for those patent black slingbacks of yours and you will be searching high and low .... ;-)

[DonniDarkness]

- Secrets are not always secrets. Others may know more about us than we think, even if they do not tell us.

Spot on comment. I have a sister in law who i didnt think knew but over the years i have realized thru small comments that she knows....plus my wife has had to chase her out of my closet for me....as she was inventorying what would fit her

And also there is my cousin..... when i came out to her she said "yeah i always kinda knew"

So all in all, i think that sometimes we get so caught up in our keeping our secret we overlook the obvious

So nancy....question of the day...Do you think your going to get your heels back? lol

-Donni-

[Zoe Preston]

I was going to echo Suzanne's initial comment that you should let your wife broach the subject, but I see that's she now already done that. :)

All I can add is that I hope you realise that with your wife's acceptance added to her friend's tolerance and understanding it looks like you've just won the crossdressing lottery :D

I, for one, am deeply envious :daydreaming:

Zoe