Contradiction.....

[Jessica86]

I have a wife who has supported me, with the restriction of not going out in public. Sometimes, I wish I could just take a night drive while dressed, but anyway, here is the story.

Talking with my wife last night, we are planning what to do for easter, my brothers birthday (today) and our son's birthday in August. My wife showed me a spongebob outfit for him and said "Won't this be cute for Halloween?" So, as we talked, she said she got invited to a halloween costume party for her work, and WANTS me to go dressed. She has this party every year at her manager's home. We went last year and saw some very....freaky stuff. She said she would dress up in my male clothes to see if anyone would catch on. She also said "A friend of mine is doing this with her husband too! It will be fun! Plus, you look so good when you do! You're very good at it! Nobody will know unless we tell them."

Well, I said "Are you crazy?" first. Then she said she was serious. She wants me to do this. I asked her what changed her mind, and she said she didn't. She still doesn't want me going out. She said Halloween is a holiday where people can dress however they want and be accepted for it. She said she feels a lot better seeing me out for the first time on a holiday like that. What are your thoughts?

[Eloise]

Go for it. Have some fun. A beer or two.

[joannemarie barker]

you have to do it :) sounds so much fun :)

[J'lyn GG]

Proceed with caution. She may feel good about it now, but not then. I say that because alot of women bounce around with their feelings. I bounce from one minute to the next. Don't assume you will be going for sure until its closer. From my pov.

[Rebecca Cross Bracer]

I agree with Grace that you should be cautious, but at the same time give it a shot. As long as she's open about it then it should be fun. If she changes her mind you should respect that, but if she wants to give it a shot you should go all out.

Out of curiosity...why is there a Halloween party being planned in April?

[VioletJourney]

What this sounds like to me, is that she has no problem with your dressing, but she's just concerned about you going in public because of how it might affect you or how others would react. It sounds like she's really excited to have a chance to show Jessica off without you or her being judged for it. :)

[sissystephanie]

Sounds like a lot of fun! I say go for it!!

Rebecca, they plan a Halloween party in April so people have plenty of time to get ready for it!!

[RADER]

Sounds like a good way to break the ice, and you might want to practice some.You want to get it rite afterall. LOL
Rader

[Anne2345]

Hi Jessica! If there is such a thing as a party or holiday tailor-made for crossdressers, it's Halloween! I do not think it is so much a contradiction from your wife as it as an acknowledgement that all costumes, within reason, are fair game for halloween parties. Both my wife and I agree that I will not go out in public dressed, for a variety of reasons. She has, however, in the past suggested I go to a halloween party dressed. Like your wife, she thought it would be fun, and it was kind of her way of saying to me that if I ever want to go out in public, this is the only way it will happen. Being the paranoid person that I am, however (and not without reason), as much as I have fantasized about doing exactly that, I did not take her up on her offer. With my luck, some may notice that I am WAY to comfortable in heels, and that I have my heel swerve down too much! LOL! If the offer remains, and you take her up on it, have fun with it! :)

[Chastitycd]

My only concern is are you gonna be ok with just going out on Halloween then going back to just dressing at home? Personally my wife helped me get over the hurdle of going out in public and after I made that first step out its like a drug. Its so addicting! For me to have went out the first time then have my wife tell me "ok, thats it no more going out" would be like handing a T-Bone steak to someone thats been stuck on a deserted isle for years then right as their about to cut into it jerking it away from them..... So ask yourself are you gonna be ok with getting a taste of freedom then having it taken away by your wife? That might cause some friction for you two....just my 2 cents

Chastity

[Vanessa Storrs]

If both of you have a good time it could be more than a once a year event. Better start planning on what to wear it is only six months away.

[Alice B]

Sounds like it could be a big step in the right direction. I also say go for it, but understand that it is 6 month away. She could change her mind, so don't be upset if she does.

[Eryn]

Keep in mind that one event does not a trend make. Your wife may be thinking (correctly) that going out dressed on the one day that it is generally acceptable will make you happy. She may perceive a huge difference between going dressed to a costume party and going out dressed in public on any other day. Certainly enjoy the party, but proceed cautiously with going beyond that.

[James Kaon]

Jessica, I think it sounds awesome and not a contradiction! Of course I could be wrong, but, despite her concerns of you going public in general, she is willing to go for it for a night where there would be no complications... I think it is a good beachhead! Its like a taster in some ways no? At the very least, she would see people seeing you in what you like - how they react, even if taken tongue in cheek would be a good start imho.

I think yes yes yes!

Jx

[ReineD]

I can't answer for your wife, only for myself if I were in her shoes.

If I were to ask my SO to not dress in public, it would be because I feared the negative outcomes of being found out. We conducted a poll some years back when we still had polls, and asked the wives what they most feared or disliked about the CDing. Being found out and the possibility of being ostracized, or losing friendships or a job was the highest on the list. This is not surprising since these are the same reasons that keep CDers in their closets for so many years.

At the same time, I would feel bad for imposing these restrictions on my husband, since I would also understand his need to dress. I'd have mixed feelings about opening Pandora's box, should I support his going out occasionally in a town different than ours. I'd be afraid that he would want to go out locally, more frequently.

So ... if I were such a wife, I would offer an olive branch and suggest a Halloween outing since a man in a dress on that night would not raise eyebrows. No matter how well any CDer presents, if he dresses in front of the people he knows, they will still know who he is.

But again, I don't know if these are your wife's motives. I'm just guessing.

[Maria in heels]

Jessica...I think that you should go along with what your wife is suggesting...if this makes her feel comfortable, then let it happen. go have a great time, and you definately have enough time to plan which dress to wear. Maybe its because of the fact that a friend is going to do this with her husband makes it easier for your wife

[Chastitycd]

Another question I thought of is does your wife plan on you going trully enfemme, or rather a (for lack of a better word) "cartoonish" figure? Like is she planning on you going trully as your fem self or something more comical like with a really bad wig and drag queen makeup.... I cant seem to get my words right on what im trying to ask without it possibly coming out sounding wrong lol. Hope this makes sense.

[Duana]

To expand on Anne2345's comments...

There is a big difference in a guy putting on a dress for Halloween and a practicing CD. He's not going to have breast forms, 4-pad girdle, nice heels that fit. He's not going to know how to put on makeup, have a nice wig, etc. And he's sure not going to walk comfortably in those heels with a nice hip sway, or have the voice and mannerisms of a woman like a CD will.

I think you'll be sniffed out, pronto! I'd pass if you really want it to be a secret.

[crashd0309]

go for it!!! Take advantage of the offer.

[marny]

sounds like crap to me. If she wants you to dress what does Halloeween have to do with it

[Vickie_CDTV]

I find it a tiny bit contradictory since this is a party at her manager's house. While if you do this odds are everything will be fine, it is at her manager's house (someone who could hurt her if they wished) and I assume that is her biggest concern (being outed and fired etc.) It is probably best to keep the dressing out of the manager's house, and away from work in general, and do it among some different friends or such.

Duana has a good point. While most, if not all, will be oblivious as to why you look so good, you are still taking a chance in a situation where there could be real consequences. As really unlikely as it is, the consequences are still real.

[busker]

I have a wife who has supported me, with the restriction of not going out in public. Sometimes, I wish I could just take a night drive while dressed, but anyway, here is the story.

Talking with my wife last night, we are planning what to do for easter, my brothers birthday (today) and our son's birthday in August. My wife showed me a spongebob outfit for him and said "Won't this be cute for Halloween?" So, as we talked, she said she got invited to a halloween costume party for her work, and WANTS me to go dressed. She has this party every year at her manager's home. We went last year and saw some very....freaky stuff. She said she would dress up in my male clothes to see if anyone would catch on. She also said "A friend of mine is doing this with her husband too! It will be fun! Plus, you look so good when you do! You're very good at it! Nobody will know unless we tell them."

Well, I said "Are you crazy?" first. Then she said she was serious. She wants me to do this. I asked her what changed her mind, and she said she didn't. She still doesn't want me going out. She said Halloween is a holiday where people can dress however they want and be accepted for it. She said she feels a lot better seeing me out for the first time on a holiday like that. What are your thoughts?

I think this is the operative phrase here. Your wife is OK because another couple will be doing it as well. You might want to confer with the other fellow to see how much he is going to get into the act. Strength in numbers and it would to too coincidental if two friendly couples were both CDers. OR? I also think Duana has a point--if you are TOO GOOD at it, it might actually draw attention to your abilities, so you may have to downplay your passing.

[KrystalA]

I advise you to go for it. I did it one Halloween, dressed as a schoolgirl, and went to two different parties. I was wearing a full face mask, and one guy actually hit on me at a party. When he heard my voice, he said "Um...sorry". I laughed until I thought I'd fall down. It was a really fun experience.

[Sally24]

Halloween is about the only "safe" time of year for CDers. There are many people that this is there first or only trip out of the house. If they comment on how good you look you can say that you've worked in theatre.......or you can embrace it and say it was just really fun to try. Now if you dressed EVERY Halloween that would be totally different.

I say do your best, for you AND your wife. Make her a muscle suit and some facial hair. She might enjoy switching roles for one night. Ever think of a couples costume like Sonny and Cher?

[Cynthia Anne]

Don't pass up this perfect chance! It will break the 'ice'! Once the ice is broken, move slowly so you don't find out how it feels, 'when hell freezes over!

[Tina B.]

Jessica, like you I have a very supportive wife, that wants it kept at home, for ME it's no big deal, I don't really want to go out in this small town anyway. But since you say you do want to go out, and it sounds like this is the only offer you are likely to get, I'd go for it! If your make up is to good, wife did it, wig, belongs to wife, walking in heels, practiced all week long to get it right so I would not twist an ankle, the swing of the hips, just gracefully I guess, Oh heck, just go have fun!
Tina B.

[AKAMichelle]

A lot of women are like this. Halloween was the first time that my wife say me dressed. I say enjoy the experience. It might just lead to other outings especially if she feels very comfortable with you that evening

[TGMarla]

Do it. Don't pass up this opportunity. But be careful around your aquaintences, or they'll know you're an old pro at this.

[Taylor186]

you look so good when you do!

My first outing was at a co-workers Halloween party many years ago. I wanted to--and was told I did--look good doing it. Too good for it to be "just a costume," was voiced by some that night.

And, I took a lot of heat from those co-workers for many weeks, even years from some, because I shaved my legs, wore hose, walked too well in heels, had a too natural looking outfit for a one-off Halloween party, makeup was too perfect, etc. I'm sure many saw through it being "just a costume." And lame excuses like "I was helped" by my wife came off for what they were--lame.

So if you are not out, and positively don't even want a suspicion out there, then you may want to chose what you wear wisely.

If I had it to do over, I would still have done it, but I would have made my costume much more "costumey."

[Shelly Preston]

I think there are a few things to consider before you decide

How much of an effort do people make for this party if its a regular occasion.
Is it a case of putting an outfit together in the last few days, or do people really go out to look fantastic.
In the latter case then going dressed is not as much of an issue as people will guess you made the extra effort for the party.
However if it the former, some of the females attending may just think you have done things too well for a party and have suspicions this is not your first time dressed.
The outfit you choose might influence this too

If you do decide to take your wife up on this offer I hope you have a great time

[JenniferR771]

Fun opportunity, and think of all the shopping the two of your will have to do in the next few months. Learning to walk in heels, sitting down and carrying a purse. Buying lingerie, a dress, bra, shoes, jewelry, foundation, makeup, false eyelashes, nail salon, waxed eyebrows... "No one will know unless we tell them." And that is just for your wife.

I see it as no problem--its a costume party--that is all. What can they say? And you can always admit it to your really close friends later, if they ask. Or deny.

And if you don't want to look too good in heels--wear stockings and combat boots--problem solved. Looks silly, too.

Is your other half comfortable wearing a beard and chewing tobacco? Skinhead? Stuffing her shorts?

[Crafty]

I also think you should take her up on the invite. We did the samething many years ago. I hope this will be just the first of many outings. My SO and I go out but in another town, although we walk down the driveway dressed. I sometimes wonder who they think is driving me around these days.LOL

[Jessica86]

Thanks all! I'm going to do it. I've never been out before, so now I'm the one having thoughts about not going. I just have to keep the courage.