Ever want to say hi to another CDer?

[Valerie Nova]

It's fun spotting other CDers in thrift stores; lone skinny guys nervously flipping through the skirt and blouse racks. Every so often, I've thought it might be fun to say hi, but then if it were me at an earlier time, I'd freak out at the idea that other people noticed me or that I were that obvious. Here's some things I've thought of saying to one of them:

"I bet I'm prettier."
"It'd look better on me."
"It matches your eyes."
"I have one just like that!"

My guess would be that he wouldn't want to talk, but just one line to let him know he's not the only one might be nice to know. Any thoughts? And what would you do if it were you? (Yeah, yeah, I know all you fearless CDers are going to chime in with how you announce to all the SAs that you are in the market for a dress, for yourself. But you probably live in California. I live in ol' redneck blue collar America, and all the SAs I've talked to won't look me in the eyes anymore once they guess what I'm up to, so there.)

[Lorileah]

I used to tell the SA's it was for me, but I found out they really don't care around here. They are just happy they made a sale.

Personally I would never approach another TG just to make conversation. There are 'rules' you know :) But I have talked to people who were shopping nearby who maybe guessed that I was. That isn't a terrible thing. Usually they ask how something would look or go together. Some even add the caveat "you are a guy, would you think this is pretty on a girl?" There was one who asked and got more than she expected one time. I immediately grabbed a different blouse and placed it with the skirt she was holding and said "Now that will go nicely". She bought both (I wonder what her husband said when she told him a guy picked it out :))

[christinac]

I have came accross other CD's in stores before and even had coversations with a few, but I didn't make a special effort to approach the person to have a conversation or anything like that. They just happen to be where I was at or going to at the time I was there.

[Alice Torn]

I have noticed several, but, did not say anything. I live in a redneck macho area, now, too. The only thrift store here, the managers, and cashier, is where they can scan the womens wear dept., which is direstly in front of them. They can scan my every move, and facial expression, and being so tall, i stick out like a telephone pole!

[Plasibeau]

Often wanted too, never have. Still think it would be a great idea if we developed some kind of hand signal. Just something the says; "I see you, you're not alone."

[Valerie Nova]

Actually, I take that back. One girl at a thrift store looked me in the eyes and gave me a big warm smile when I purchased a pile of girls' clothes. She was about my age (20s) and looked like the typical liberal nonconformist type. I got a similar reaction from a cashier at DSW when buying a pair of knee-high boots; she was about my age too. But the older ones get all nervous and flustered, and anymore I try and be as discreet as I can or pretend I'm buying them for someone else.

Oh, and I'm WAY too cheap to shop anywhere where the SAs get commission. I've never bought anything new, even from Payless, that wasn't on sale or clearance. And every piece of my outerwear came from a thrift store, most of it from my wednesday afternoon half-price salvation army excursions. For me it's a splurge to go to the thrift stores that don't have a half-price day, or to buy a pair of shoes that are on sale at Payless.

I guess I've wanted to tell these guys they're not alone, but wanted to do it in a cute funny way that says I'm comfortable enough to joke about it. I just feel empathy for them I guess. Although sometimes if they're old or hairy or really heavy, I can't help being a little grossed out imagining them dressed as ladies.

Edit: Sorry about that last paragraph. I now realize that just because I think something, doesn't mean I have to say it. And besides, whether I'm grossed out has more to do with what they're trying on than what they look like. Once I heard a woman whispering to her daughter about the "man who went in the fitting room with dresses" and the daughter who was maybe 10 or 12 was like "ew, gross!" And I stuck up my middle finger and put my hand down by my feet where they could see it under the door. That shut them up. Although I ended up getting really self-conscious and going out without trying on anything. So I guess I can see why someone would take offense.

[Lori B]

"Ever want to say hi to another CDer? " do it all the time,,on here...lol,,,,actually only had one encounter,at a Target store,,we just looked at each other,smiled and went about our business :)

[Christine1954]

I guess I've wanted to tell these guys they're not alone, but wanted to do it in a cute funny way that says I'm comfortable enough to joke about it. I just feel empathy for them I guess. Although sometimes if they're old or hairy or really heavy, I can't help being a little grossed out imagining them dressed as ladies.[/QUOTE]

I have spotted several while shopping recently and have ideas along the same line, but have not been brave enough to make conversation. By the way we all get old ............as you will someday.

[Eryn]

I always think of how I would feel in those situations. I'm not too uptight about it now, but if I were approached when I had less experience it would not have been good for my calm.

Better to make friends here! :)

[Danni Renee]

I am so glad you posted this thread! I have thoughts in my head of getting to the point where I can talk to other CDs (not that I have seen any where I am at) and having normal conversations-just walking up and saying hi. But after reading the replies here, I realize that the ladies are right - if I was out shopping and someone came up to me I think I would freak out and not be able to say a word.

On the flip side, what lonely lives we lead when we are too afraid to even approach each other for fear of scaring each other off.

[Stephenie S]

We hear this query every once in a while.

It's really quite simple. You may speak to anyone you like. What you can't do, under penalty of being smacked with an old worn out bra, is make any reference to your CD status at the beginning of a conversation.

"Hi, that will look smashing on you."

You can ALWAYS compliment another shopper. You just can't expect them to begin a conversation about crossdressing with you, a stranger, in the middle of a store. Smile. Say "Hi". But be prepared to keep moving.

Listen. This actually happened.

After a business meeting with everyone in the office milling around, this short man came up to me, stuck out his hand, and said, "Hi. My name is Frank. I'm TG too."

Entirely inappropriate. Very impolite. Even if I wanted to chat, a business meeting is NO place to do so. The middle of a store is entirely inappropriate also, as is an airport. Almost ANY public place is inappropriate for this kind of conversation.

A smile, a quick compliment, and move on. That's the way it's done.

Stephie

[Amy Lynn3]

I see them, but I just continue to shop, just like I do when women are on the same racks as me. I would never start a conversation, but if they came to me, fine.

[Chastitycd]

Personally I have seen maybe 1 or 2 other TGs out in public (other than in an obvious TG place like a TG bar) and I wanted to say something but.....theres always that little voice in the back of my head that says what if its really a GG..... So I just havent been able to get the nerve to do it. However in your situation you could always break the ice by grabbing a dress and walking up to them and asking "excuse me, but how do you think this would look on me?" And believe me I know your "blue collar redneck america" pains. Where I live, people are still living in the 1950's.

[Valerie Nova]

I went to a psychiatrist once that was a TS woman. She was among the best in the county but was stuck with inmates and people who had really bad or no health insurance. It's just that, how do you have a private practice in a county as backwards as where I live as a TS? But at least a lot of unfortunate people received the benefit of her expertise.

Sorry if I offended anyone saying I get grossed out at some of the guys I see heading into the fitting rooms with women's clothes. I know I'll be old and not very pretty some day, but then I guess that' true for GGs as well so I can't complain. I guess I also get a little grossed out when I see old ladies buying underwear because it forces me to imagine them in their underwear. What can I say, some things are just instinctual.

[suchacutie]

I have a different take on this, and it comes from my own view and from experience.

Sometimes the conversation just comes to you. I was in a Payless and the 10-12 sizes were in a back corner. I'm picking up a few heels to look at, in drab, and a middle-aged guy, also in drab, comes up next to me and he's staring at the shoes, not quite knowing what to do. He finally plucks up his courage and says, "Hi, do you buy women's shoes often?". I said, "yes" and that started a conversation. He didn't have a clue about how to even go about determining the size he needed (without measuring) so I squared him away and he picked up a nice pair of 3" heels. (nothing for me as I was looking for 4" or higher). Basically I made myself available for a conversation by showing him I was doing exactly what he was doing, and I wasn't afraid for him to know about it.

The other related incident was with a CDer en femme when I was on the way to work and stopped in Starbucks (in drab, again). She was in line in front of me and the line was long enough that I had time to scope her out: hands, adam's apple, height, but she was really passable so I wasn't sure. When she ordered her voice was deep enough that I smiled, and she was a bit clumsy with her purse, even though if I hadn't been alert I would have missed it. After we both order we're waiting for our coffee/tea and she turns around, looks at me, so I smile and she starts a conversation. Having read many threads like this one, I had already come to the conclusion that if I were in that situation I'd simply treat her as any GG, especially since that's that way I'd want to be treated. She needed directions (driving) and I was able to provide those. We got our coffee and tea and went outside where I finished pointing out where she needed to drive and she thanked me, threw me a big smile and we drove off.

I come down on the side of treating CDers en femme as women, not mentioning anything about being CD. I treat guys en homme by example, showing them that I'm looking for the same thing they are (at whatever store) and just let the commaraderie handle it.

tina

[Vickie_CDTV]

Aren't you being rather judgmental of other people, while complaining that you can't find acceptance where you live? Would you really go up to someone and say that you look better than them, especially someone who is nervous trying to buy clothes and feeling vulnerable about being judged?

We will all get old (if we are lucky), and as my former (mature) girlfriend says,"Getting old and wrinkly and flabby sucks, but it isn't so bad considering the alternative." Some of us are fat (by choice or due to health problems beyond their control), some folks are hairy (some of us don't shave out of respect for their wives, some GGs suffer from hirsutism and greatly suffer emotionally because of it.)

In other words, please learn to not be so judgmental of others.

[Hiddenaway]

I have to say that I have not really ever thought much about it. I am very conservative when I shop for women's clothing and because I am married, I can play it off that it is something for the wife. I don't know that I would have the courage to speak to another if I were to notice and I would be very embarrassed were I approached. I don't know exactly how I would handle it, but I am certain that my blushing would be a complete give away. :)

Heather

[Tina B.]

Well I'm just glad I don't have to worry about your approaching me in a store as I'm over 60, over 200 lbs, and bald. Glad I'm to gross for you to talk to!
Tina B.


(Although sometimes if they're old or hairy or really heavy, I can't help being a little grossed out imagining them dressed as ladies.)

(Sorry if I offended anyone saying I get grossed out at some of the guys I see heading into the fitting rooms with women's clothes.)

Yes you did, you have lousy way to look for support!
Tina

[Tasha McIntyre]

I have never seen another Cder (that I have noticed anyway) in the wild, and if I did, I don't think I would initiate a conversation.

I am sure, however, that there are so many of us around that other Cders in drab have seen Tash at the shopping mall. Two occasions come to mind, the first was when one guy was kinda stalking me for a couple of minutes. I was a bit wary but he nervously wandered over, said hi and told me I looked great and he wished he had my confidence. Yeah I was read, but that's no big deal as I assume everyone who looks at me knows I am a CDer. I was glad he found the courage to say hi.

Another occasion was when I saw another member from this forum at the shopping mall (we've seen each other before in both guy and girl mode, she was guy mode at the shops). She did exactly what most here endorse and just walked by until I called her back and we had a chat for a while.

[Valerie Nova]

Well I'm just glad I don't have to worry about your approaching me in a store as I'm over 60, over 200 lbs, and bald. Glad I'm to gross for you to talk to!
Tina B.


(Although sometimes if they're old or hairy or really heavy, I can't help being a little grossed out imagining them dressed as ladies.)

(Sorry if I offended anyone saying I get grossed out at some of the guys I see heading into the fitting rooms with women's clothes.)

Yes you did, you have lousy way to look for support!
Tina
Honestly, I think you look quite a lot like a woman of around your age, and would probably think the same thing if I saw you at a store. Thinking about it, I've only seen two guys that kind of grossed me out. One was a dead ringer for the old man in "Up". The other was just really weird-looking, even for a guy. I know, I know, I don't have to vocalize every thought that enters my head. I'll shut up now. :o

Although I have to say, thinking about it, I'd probably only use the last one of my four lines in my first post. Unless the guy in question actually WAS pretty, then I'd use the first two maybe. Like Asian guys. They're so lucky with their pretty faces and practically no facial hair and small feet and shortness... :Angry3:

[Julogden]

I guess I've wanted to tell these guys they're not alone, but wanted to do it in a cute funny way that says I'm comfortable enough to joke about it. I just feel empathy for them I guess. Although sometimes if they're old or hairy or really heavy, I can't help being a little grossed out imagining them dressed as ladies.
Look around in these forums, lots of us are older and/or heavy. Maybe you ought to think a bit before insulting large numbers of the members here. And keep in mind that in not too many years, you too will be one of us older girls, and maybe heavy too.

Carol

[Valerie Nova]

Look around in these forums, lots of us are older and/or heavy. Maybe you ought to think a bit before insulting large numbers of the members here. And keep in mind that in not too many years, you too will be one of us older girls, and maybe heavy too.

Carol
Thinking about it some more, I'm way more likely to be grossed out by their fashion sense than the way they look as a guy. And that's the truth!

[TGMarla]

Ever want to say hi to another CDer?

Sure! Hi!

[NyssaF]

Although sometimes if they're old or hairy or really heavy, I can't help being a little grossed out imagining them dressed as ladies.

Hey, I am older, very hairy and REALLY heavy... :(

[StarrOfDelite]

Well I'm just glad I don't have to worry about your approaching me in a store as I'm over 60, over 200 lbs, and bald. Glad I'm to gross for you to talk to!
Tina B.


(Although sometimes if they're old or hairy or really heavy, I can't help being a little grossed out imagining them dressed as ladies.)

(Sorry if I offended anyone saying I get grossed out at some of the guys I see heading into the fitting rooms with women's clothes.)

Yes you did, you have lousy way to look for support!
Tina

To Tina: Brava! Bravissima! The young pretty ones realize too late that it's only the blink of an eye until they'll be old and wrinkly, too.