Shifting Goals

[Sarah Doepner]

I've pretty much reached my limit on getting girl-like. Not just financially, but psychologically as well. I need a good dose on a regular basis, but seem to be satisfied with my current level of expression. Maybe the lottery would convince me otherwise, but I probably will never know that answer.

Some of you are pursuing this with wonderful enthusiasm and I'd love to get your insight on how you identify your goal. Has it continued to move off like the end of the rainbow with each step in feminization or do you see something fixed and attainable? I'm just curious, as I saw my goals shift and move around for years until they kind of settled down. At least for now with our feet grounded in health and financial constraints, I'm learning to be satisfied with what I have. Occasionally I want more, but if I beat my head against the wall of constraints for a while the desire goes away.

[Kathi Lake]

Well, that's the funny thing. I don't have a goal. Maybe it's because I'm not a Type-A personality (I'm more like B-, maybe even C+).

Seriously, I didn't know that a goal was required. I didn't know that an explanation was required. I didn't know that a reason was required. I do what I do because I like to do what I do. Maybe a simplistic way of viewing it, but my hero is Forrest Gump. :)

When you started, did you have a goal? How did it change over time? Was it a kind of, "OK, I'll do this for awhile and see where it goes" or more like, "By December, 2008 I will be able to . . ."

Kathi

[docrobbysherry]

I'm hoping you'll get some interesting replies, Sarah. Altho I'm a CD newbie, (14 years), I've found my CD goals/directions r STILL very unclear!

I'm wondering about HOW LONG it takes before a dresser can expect to settle into a distinct and satisfied pattern?

[Mikaela]

My only goal was to get out in 2010 before Halloween, which I did. Personal feminizing in day-to-day boy mode is limited to some basic eyebrow shaping, slightly longer nails, and some body hair shaving. If I did any more, it would be lasering that away, but I doubt that will happen.

[TGMarla]

My "goals" for this whole thing already shifted a long time ago, when I decided my future would be one that included remaining my wife's husband, and forgoing transition. I get to dress rather frequently, and I'm going to be satisfied with that. My desire to go out and be Marla in the real world isn't that strong any more, and I'll venture out and about when the opportunity presents itself and my desire to do so demands it, that's all. I resolved a while back to not let this thing dictate my life any more, and I try to stick to that. Some days it's more difficult than others, but for the most part, I've reached my goals, and I'm satisfied with that.

[Sarah Doepner]

Okay, maybe the word goal is a little strong. I'm not looking to see if you have a 5-year plan in place but trying to see how our self perception changes. What are your personal expectations when you dress? Are you ever satisfied with what you see? And if not, how has your willingness to try new things changed? Are you doing things now that a year ago you thought were only for others? How have your perceptions changed of what you are willing to do to achieve the look you want to see in the mirror?

[Debra Russell]

My goal is to keep on satisfying "Debra" and at the present we are doing ok -- she would like more -- but don't all women ?

[Mikaela]

OK, I can see where this is going now.

In the early days, I was "guy in a dress." I tried full transformations a few time, but it was few and far between. It wasn't until last year that I got serious enough for things like going out, getting forms, getting a nice wig, working on makeup, etc. So i guess that was a set of goals.

So i do have an expectation now of looking better when i do it. And I suppose I'd like to go to a non-TG club or venue (maybe just gay friendly) to expand my boundaries a little, but I don't foresee a need to go to the mall or something during the day.

I'm about 6"1" and although there are tall women, I know that although the height doesn't stop me from passing, it does mean I'll get more attention and scrutiny. So, for me, passing has more to do with being invisible than how good I look, and I know that's not really a plausible goal.

I have no medical goals for this, other than healthy weight loss.

There are some pictures in which I am satisfied and pleased with what I see to the point that I think if I showed it to someone, like my mom, it would be enough for them to not realize what they were seeing. Still, I wish I had more shopping and style acumen.

I suspect that in the coming year, I'll do more refining. I'll try longer hair again. Not sure what clothing style I'd gravitate towards, either.

[msniki48]

I think at one point i had goals, i would have liked to transition, but life got in the way family and financially, so then i said i would like to go about as niki as much as i could, but life got in the way, family and financially [ although i did get laser treatment done so as to change back and forth easily] . Now i'm at a place where i am truly just trying to find a comfortable place here in the middle. [ something i realized at the Keystone Conference]
I dress at home and have a supportive wife. we occasionally go to dinner or i go to meetings...but i'd like to be out more i wonder if i will have to curtail that to as life gets in th way. hopefully with therapy i will. So as for me goals change all the time.

[Sally810]

No goals other than to wear Lingerie. That quickly changed to buying a skirt and blouse and going out for the weekend. Now I have a budget and go out to shop for more clothes and eat out as Sally. Still no goals except to enjoy myself. I try to dress like an older lady on Social Security. I'm too old to make too many plans. Sally810

[Kate Simmons]

My original goal was to be a good looking woman. Over the years it has morphed into being the best person I can possibly be. CDing was my main vehicle to accomplish that and now I can honestly express myself and my feelings regardless of outward appearance. That seems to work for me Hon.:)

[sweetjan]

I see something I like I get it. My wife is a hugh help. If she sees something she feels would look good on me she gets it. Been crossdressing for over 20 years and I really don't have any quota on what is enough. Those darn female clothes just look to good to stop buying.:)

[Kathi Lake]

OK, I see now what you were getting at. Here are my answers:


What are your personal expectations when you dress?Basically to have fun and to let Kathi have a little time in the fresh air. She's a part of me that gets repressed due to society, time, family obligations. etc.

Are you ever satisfied with what you see? And if not, how has your willingness to try new things changed?Hmmmmm. Satisfied may be a bit strong of a word. How about Content or resigned? As for my willingness to try new things. I will always try something new. Like I tell my kids, if you don't try something new, you'll never find your new favorite.

Are you doing things now that a year ago you thought were only for others?Oh heck yeah!! A year ago, I thought that flying was for Kimberly and the bold ones, not for me. Now I've flown. I keep stretching the envelope, while trying not to stretch it too far. I still have my wife and family to consider. Yesterday, Smashbox's district representative was in from Denver. I went in to say hi (and to see pictures from her wedding) and meet her national manager. She said she wanted to do my makeup and we all could go out on a girl's night out. Lovely to think about, but most likely a non-starter with my wife. So, yes I am bolder, but I'm not stupider, so to speak. :)

How have your perceptions changed of what you are willing to do to achieve the look you want to see in the mirror?I guess I've loosened what I thought I would ever do with what I've done. A few years back, I couldn't even pronounce epilation, now I do it all over. I never guessed that I would get laser, and now I'm almost done with it. I always thought I'd be plucking my brows until the cows came home, but now I'm getting them done permanently through electrolysis. So, my appearance seems to be getting more and more feminine over time. I don't necessarily have a plan or a goal in mind. I just want to be prettier, I guess.

Kathi

[sissystephanie]

I guess my answers to the major question(s?) would be pretty much what Kathi said. The main difference between Kathi and I is that Kathi wants to be prettier. I don't know how she could be any prettier than she already is, and at my age there is no way that I could be considered pretty at all. That is, considering my late wife is no longer available to do my makeup!! I just dress to look reasonably good and off I go!! A guy in a skirt or dress!!

[Kathryn Philips]

I'm not sure if I have a goal as such. I would like to live a substantial proportion of time as a woman feminising myself as much as possible but without loosing the ability to pass completely as a male. I don't view this as a goal because it is unlikely I'll ever get there because of a huge obstacle in the way. My wife's attitude/acceptance towards my CDing.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Huuummmm My goal is to be the best Lisa I can be. I've been working on my voice, with some success. Next year I'll pick something else.

[PretzelGirl]

This is a difficult question to say you are giving the final answer. For many, our perception of where we want to be shifts from time to time.

I know this is true for me. Right now I have grown my hair out, pierced my ears, and now am lasering my face. I want to go out regularly and I don't mind being out to some. But there are some that might have a problem, so I won't even test them. I won't transition at work.

So will my goals change a year from now? Don't know. It could go forward or backwards. For now, I will enjoy what I have.