Need A Little Advice

[Raynefall]

Hi. I'm brand new to these forums or any forums like this for that matter. I have decided to ask some people who know from past experience a question. So let me start off by saying I have been crossdressing since I was a little kid. I was one boy in a family of predominantly females and that includes cousins and so on. I am not gay or even bi for that matter. I have tried being with a guy and it's just not my cup of tea. Lol. I have tried stopping but eventually just keep coming back to it. Now on to the actual question.

I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now. Known her for 7. We are both into fetishy things. We are really being completely honest with each other and telling each other everything. This started after a bad fight where she finally realized that she was in the wrong. Lol. So I have come to the dilemma of do I tell her or not. I have done one or two small things like put on her panties and just be standing there in them when she walks in the room. As a joke but also testing her response. It's usually somewhere along the lines of "Oh god now I can't ever wear those again" in what sounds to me like a serious tone. We are also pretty comfortable with trying new things. I could go on with much more detail and explain all the reasons why I am confused but I won't. I have read the guide on here, and though helpful, I think I need others opinions.

So after a very long-winded jumble of words (I apologize for btw) I get right to it... Do I tell her or not? Please be specific with your answer... I am wracking my brain about this.

[JenniferR771]

You know her best. 7 years! If she is liberal-minded, that is good sign. Does she have any gay or lesbian friends? Belong to any hate groups? Get sick if she watches "Tootsie"? But it might be wise to test the waters. If she comes home and you are wearing both her panties and bra--what would she say? Hide some of your own panties in you drawer where she finds them.
If she goes berserky on you--that is your answer.

Let us know how it goes.

[sissystephanie]

My guess is that sooner or later she will find out, even if you do not tell her. So my advice would be to tell her, but let her set some rules if she wants to!! Rules that you can live with, but rules you can keep. I told my late wife that I was a CD before we married, and she was O.K. with as long as I always remembered that I was her MAN!! Even if I was wearing pink silk panties and a bra!! That was not a hard rule to follow, and I still follow it even though she is gone!! Good Luck to you both!!

[cassandra.932]

Raynefall,

You have known her for 7 years already and have shared many experiences together. I think you should tell her. From what you have described it seems like she would be open to new things. The question here is how you should tell her. You either continue to give her hints as you have been doing step by step or completely tell her all the whole truth. Make sure you have done your homework by gathering all the facts from this website and other sites before you do that. She may have many questions for you.

Having said that, most importantly every woman is different in her response to having a crossdressing SO. You actually know her best, what ever advise you get here, you have to decide what is best for both of you.

In your case, base on what you describe, I think you would get a favourable outcome eventually. If she does not respond well initially, you have to be patient and work harder at it. I wish you all the best.

[Miranda09]

Hi Raynefal. Well, having never been in this situation, all I can advise is to be open and honest with her. After 7 years, either you trust her or not. I wouldn't play games like testing her responses to certain dressing situations. Now is the time to talk to her about it. She'll respect you more for it. :)

[AlannahNorth]

Hiding your CDing will not help your relationship. Only you really know what you want, and that is what I suggest you pursue. Hopefully all will be well. You're not just hiding 'something special' you are hiding a key component of yourself.

All the best...

[Nikita]

speaking from a womans point of view, i think yes you should tell her. Its never good to hide anything in a relationship. If she finds out some other way she may feel hurt and betrayed even more. My boyfriend told me very soon after we started seeing each other. It did not phase me one bit, i could care less if he liked to cross dress, in fact made life even that much more exciting!! I think if she loves you and is open minded like i think she is then you will not have a problem telling her. Good luck in what ever you decide to do!!

[Stephanie Miller]

Another vote here in the "tell her" column.
Also, you might not want to put a lot of weight in the wearing her panties thing - as a sign against CDing. Chances are if you had mentioned the idea while in a store where you could get your own - you may have received a much different reaction. For some reason, ladies tend to think of their panties as an untouchable personal item whereas any other item of clothing they may not like you wearing ( "don't wear that, you'll stretch it out so I can't wear it anymore!") but don't feel like you've contaminated them.
Am I off base Gg's?

[NyssaF]

I told my now-wife just a few months into our relationship. She wasn't happy about the news, but she decided to accept me anyway. Each time I hide away the dressing desires she breathes a sigh of relief, and every time those desires return, we have to have the discussion again.

It can be tiring, but I absolutely positively believe that things are better and she is more accepting because I've been honest about this, almost from the very start.

I recommend telling her, and the sooner the better.

[Mimi]

Another vote here in the "tell her" column.
Also, you might not want to put a lot of weight in the wearing her panties thing - as a sign against CDing. Chances are if you had mentioned the idea while in a store where you could get your own - you may have received a much different reaction. For some reason, ladies tend to think of their panties as an untouchable personal item whereas any other item of clothing they may not like you wearing ( "don't wear that, you'll stretch it out so I can't wear it anymore!") but don't feel like you've contaminated them.
Am I off base Gg's?

Stephanie--I do agree with you about the panties--they are a very personal item, and I would prefer not to share them with anybody. However, I'm fine with sharing anything else in my closet, and I was okay with the fact that Eryn was borrowing my clothes before I knew about the CDing.

Raynefall--I also think the girl friend should be told, especially since you mention that you are being honest with each other, and telling each other everything. Speaking for myself, I am happy that my SO chose to tell me up front, rather than hiding it from me until one day I discovered it on my own. Telling her at the time of your choosing is much better than having to come clean when she starts questioning you.

[steph1964]

Tell her but do some research first so you are able to address her fears and answer her questions. I told my wife 17 years ago but hadn't accepted it myself and wasn't able to answer her questions. It quickly stopped being discussed and for the next 17 years I dressed in secret. I just found this forum a couple of weeks ago, educated myself (see the how to tell your wife sticky) and even met with a local member. Last week I sat down with my wife but this time I was prepared and it went a lot better.

[Deanna B]

hi . the girls have told you a lot of thing to think about . i dress when i was a kid like you. than i got married and stoped but after 7 years it hit me like a truck .ihad to dress so i told my wife well lets not go there. but i think you need to tell her because you love to dress and if you stop you will dress again . i hope this help so good luck and take care . love deanna b xx

[Patty B.]

I also agree with the tell her group. It may or may not turn ugly, but eventually it will come out, do the research on this forum, but the sooner she knows the better. I've so many regrets not telling my wife years ago.

[noeleena]

Hi,
There are some things you both can do , wearing of knickers that are not yours is a no no as a woman thats very much a total no no. ill burn them if some one else had mine on.

Thats ,,,,over the line ,

do tell her .

...noeleena...

[Tina B.]

No advice here, I don't know either, so I couldn't know how she would react. But you said you are both into fetishy things, so she sounds liberal, so maybe she would be more receptive than you think, The ladies have already explained about how they feel about their underwear, but that doesn't necessary say she against the gender play. As for should you tell, well for me it did turn out best. I knew I could never spend the rest of my life living a lie in my own home, I'm no good at keeping secrets, or keeping my feelings hidden for that matter. I told her 5 years into the marriage, and she accepted it day one, life has been great for 35 years because I told her.
Tina B.

[prettytoes]

My wife (of 28 yrs) found out "the hard way". She discovered a sports bra and began a search, thinking it belonged to another woman. She ultimately discovered all the satin panties, skirts, bras, etc. There were lots of tears and accusations. This only occurred a few weeks ago. We talked about it, and although it is still new to her, she is very understanding. Our relationship is now stronger than ever! I am much happier and sleep much better at night. She is very understanding and I explained to her that this has been a desire since childhood. I have assured her over and over that I am still her MAN, and will always be. She is OK with the satin panties, satin and silk women's PJ's, and painted toenails. She does not want to see me strutting around the house in panties, and does not want to see me in a skirt; and I respect those wishes. I would have to say to go ahead and tell her! Life has been much better these past few weeks (after the initial shock) for both of us. Oh yeah, the sex is mind-blowing while wearing satin panties!

[Sandra]

All I will say is it is better to be told than to let her find out by herself.

[larry]

"Need A Litle Advice " hahaha--as you will see "A (Little ) Advice" never happens in this forum.

[docrobbysherry]

U really have NOTHING TO LOSE!:thumbsup:

Since you're not engaged, have practically grown up with this woman, and SHOULDN'T be considering marriage for AT LEAST another 9 years, TELL HER!:brolleyes:

U can USE her reaction to measure against telling OTHER females u may be more serious about, LATER IN YOUR LIFE!:straightface:

If u were more mature and experienced, I WOULD have advised telling someone you're dating on a, "need to know", basis only!:devil:

[Raynefall]

All of your answers have helped me out a lot. I think I will tell her very soon. But then I have one more question. Whenever she first moved in with me she found a pair of my pantyhose. She thinks they belonged to some girl to this day. In my head using that to start the conversation about this might be a good idea. Just telling her the truth about how those were actually mine.

So is that really as good of an idea as I think it is or do you think it will make it worse?

I truly do appreciate all the advice.

[docrobbysherry]

If u plan to tell her, that MITE be a good place to start! It depends on what she thinks now!

My ex found a strange bra I left lying around in our bedroom. When she confronted me about it, she wanted to know who I had brought into our bedroom! Telling her it was mine, was a BIG relief for her!

[Jilmac]

I would say go for it, tell her everything. It's part of you and something that will never go away. I think she will appreciate you more and maybe even help feminize you. Good luck and let us know the outcome.

[Shelly Preston]

Telling her would seem to be the best option as Sandra says its better to be told than suddenly find out

I know how difficult that can be so please read the link in my signature

It has lots of good advice

[Stephanie Miller]

"Honey, have you seen my pantyhose you had a couple of years ago? Oh, and while we're on that subject, there's a little something I forgot to mention........." :heehee:

[AKAMichelle]

You know her best but my vote is tell her. Remember this: A relationship built on deceit or hiding is not going to have the foundation it will need in the really tough times. Either build it strong in the begining or accept what comes if you have shoddy construction of your foundation.

[Shelly67]

Consider this .
Every single crossdresser on this site - REALLY take this on board - if you share your life with a partner :

I bet they already know or have an inkling that " something " is occurring .

EVERY single one of us ..................

[Raynefall]

So I still haven't told her yet. I don't know. It just seems like every time I think I might something goes wrong to disrupt the mood or I start over thinking it. She works Wed. - Sun. so I am sure I need to tell her either a Sunday night or a Monday that way she doesn't have to ponder while she is at work and we would have a couple days to talk about it. But now it's just waiting for the right moment. If there really is going to be one. Lol.

[Tammy V]

By all means tell her!! I told my wife about 6 months ago and it is a saga no doubt, I am gonna do a blog about it I think. But my wife is almost to the point of acceptance now and has seen me en femme and I started with a 50 something southern lady who was raised Baptist and is very prudish. If your wife is open minded and into fetishy things I think your coming out to her will not only be a success but might open the door dooe for new avenues of exploration....
Good Luck!!