Happy but, feel stuck and dreppressed

[Steph.TS]

in most ways my life is good, my family treats me well I have a fantastic job, co-workers that generally get me (they don't know about this side of me though) a great friend I drive to and from work with, and my lifestyle is comfortable (I'm not bragging just explaining where I am) but I feel depressed and stuck, because I'm in the closet, I'm glad I'm going to therapy and getting laser hair removal, but that's preventing me from saving, thus putting off any chance of getting FFS or SRS down the road.

I see beautiful women, and am envious wishing I could be that short, have those curves, have skin that looked as soft etc... but every time I look in the mirror in fem clothes it reminds me how far I am from reaching my goal, my mom (last year) and my family (appox. 13 years ago) told me that getting a sex change means going to hell but I can't find mention of that in the Bible per say, but it has me worried in the back of my head...

Sometimes I wish I knew this was impossible and just gave up, then this feeling of hope wouldn't hurt so much when I see how far away I am...

[Charlena]

Hi Steph, my daughters name is Stephanie, I call her Stephie. She is thirty years old.

I think the Great Spirit wants us to be who we really are...from our hearts. May you have peace for you and all you love. Lena Gayle

[Teri Jean]

Steph,
On Easter eve I dare to say this but here it is. God created man in his image, correct? Okay God's image is what, he has none as he is a spirit and thus he created our spirit or soul and places them in our bodies. The body is just the receptical for the spirit he gives us. Hense we can have tall, short, thin , plump, and any ethnic group on this earth. Does God hate the person for being short or tall? Or how about if they are blind, crippled and cannot walk? No, he loves us all and it is not the body but what is in the body.
So tomorrow on the day we celebrate his son's resurrection and assention for our sins be assured he is more interested in your soul than the body.

JMO Teri

[Aprilrain]

Hi Steph, I know how you feel. The closet was a physically safe place for me, pretending that my identity and my obviously male body were alined was safe. Fulfilling other peoples expectations was safe. Dressing in private safe but ultimately my truth trumped all of that and I had leave the safety of my closet. An overwhelming urge to do so coupled with the insanity of hiding made it possible for me.
If it is meant to be you will get there but don't think it will just happen to you you must be an active participant in your life and it sounds like you are. Laser will really help you to feel better and get you that much closer to where you want to be.
don't even get me started on religion! Or politics for that matter (same thing?)

[Sara Jessica]

You don't seem as stuck as you think you are. Therapy and laser hair removal are essential steps to take along the road towards your dream.

[Rianna Humble]

my mom (last year) and my family (appox. 13 years ago) told me that getting a sex change means going to hell

Well! She got it nearly right. GRS is what you do on the journey back from the personal hell that is living in the wrong body.

If I understand it right, christians think that god doesn't make mistakes, right? So in that case god knew what (s)he was doing by giving you a body that doesn't match your gender then by giving surgeons the ability to correct that mismatch.

[Jay Cee]

Amazing how some folks can interpret the bible, isn't it? :rolleyes:

I sincerely doubt you are going to hell if you get SRS, or work in other ways towards becoming a woman. You are working toward correcting a mistake. Would the same people who say you are a sinner for wanting to be a woman hold back in getting surgery for correcting a different "defect"? Say their child was born with a hair lip, or some repairable condition that caused blindness? Would they not do everything in their power to get surgery for their offspring? Same thing holds true here.

I understand where you are coming from, Stephanie. A lot of people here do. I wish you all the best, and I'm sure that it will all come together for you. :hugs:

[Jorja]

Steph, if having SRS is a qualification for going to hell, then I am going to be in some pretty darn good company when I get there. As for now in the present, I am happy and I feel like I am in the body I belong in which makes life worth living to the fullest. Just because it is not right for your family or friends doesn't mean it is not right for you. If gender change is what YOU want, stand up and take charge of your life. Do what YOU need to do to be the best person YOU want/need to be.

[AKAMichelle]

Life in general may feel like hell. Sometimes our problems seem to get the best of us. It's hard to go through unscaved. If wasn't worth while then it would be easy. This is a test to make sure that this the right thing for your life and so far you are passing. Hang in there you will get through it in the end. Good Luck to you.

[Eryn]

Steph, every day is a step. Sometimes it is a big step, sometimes a small one. As long as most of your steps are in the direction you wish you are closer to your goal.

Eryn

[Steph.TS]

today was interesting, I just stepped out to go to the local grocery store, only to find it closed early for easter, well while I was walking up to the store some rednecks driving this beatup looking pickup truck yelled at me "faggot" I looked up a bit confused, and one of them flipped me off, and another told me to go F*** myself. what surprised me the most was my immediate reaction, I felt little to no ill will against them, instead I was trying to figure out what prompted this, I can only assume it's because I'm growing my hair out, but if that's the case, they were seriously homophobic to pick up on 1 thing and give such a reaction. I should point out I was in DRAB mode (as always).

[Alicia Ryanne]

Strange....ive had long hair a good portion of my life and I dont recall ever getting that type of reaction from people(and I havent nor do i live in a big city). Just consider it this way...those 'rednecks" in that beat up old pickup.....they are just jealous of you and have no other way to express that then to attempt to call you names to make themselves feel better.
Not that it matters though. Im sure you look great even in drab mode and they just cant get over your better looking then they are.

[LeannL]

Steph,
Your reaction to the bigots was right on and it is another step down the path of coming to terms with who we are and how we are going to get through life as best we can. Part of accepting yourself is to not care what others believe. They don't know what is right for you. As others have said, God made you and hence, your transgendersim is part of his plan even if we don't understand why. Some of us just have different challenges in life than others. Rest assured (as any human can be that is) that simply being born will not cause you to go to hell.

I have spent a considerable amount of time in conversation with God asking why I am the way I am. I don't yet know the answer. Maybe it is just to answer questions like yours. I don't know but through that conversation, I have realized that God loves me as I am and nothing is going to change either His love or me. So if God loves me, then I need to love myself. Having gotten to this spot, I am no longer conflicted by being TG. I just do what I need to do in order to carry on as best as possible.

So, Steph, love yourself. Don't worry about what others think. Stay in a loving conversation with God and you will be OK.

Leann

[Sejd]

To change is always hard, mostly on our family. No one wants the fabric torn. If you decide to "come out" and live as a woman you must prepare yourself for a lot of difficult moments ahead. Personally, I don't agree that being Trans is a "mistake". If we talk about finding out we are trans gender is to realize there is a mistake, well I believe that means that something went terribly wrong and I don't buy that theory. I believe that we are just the way we should be, and when some of us later in life discover to our amazement that we really belong to the other side, well, maybe it's a mistake that we didn't see it earlier. My Mantra is : I am not a mistake, I am a beautiful human being who finds completeness being female. As to your family theory about going to Hell, well, that's just their misunderstanding of anything holy. I don't believe for a second that God cares about our gender, only our hearts. Happy Easter :0)

[Danni Renee]

Steph - all I can say is I feel for you and I hope you can find your happiness. It is a tough place in life - being caught between who you are on the inside versus what people see on the outside. I hope you can take each day as it comes and can make a little progress towards your goals every day. There will always be setbacks, we jsut have to accept them and then move forward again.