My first little baby step

[Sophora]

Hello everyone. My name is Sophora. I have been going through a lot the past weekend and wanted a place to talk about what is happening. I stumbled onto this forum and there seems to be like-minded people here so here goes nothing.


I guess I will start with a little backstory. I was born male(yeah I know), however I never that I was. My entire life I thought I should have been the opposite sex. I would hide this fact from everyone and not talk about. When I was in High School, I would sneak into my mom's lingerie and wear it. It felt right to be wearing that stuff. My mom found out, yelled at me, and I felt ashamed. I became indulgent in drugs and alcohol(I quit when I turned 18). I tried to do a lot of the stuff that boys were supposed to do. It didn't feel right and I would stop.

I felt ashamed most of my life. I would keep wearing panties, tights, and pantyhose but I would make sure no one would see me. I started dating this girl and told her about my urgings(the first person I ever told) and my secret desire to be a girl. She encouraged in the beginning and then broke my heart and has been using that information to say some mean things. However, I decided to look at my life and see why I was so depressed.

I started to girl's clothes. I would wear the underwear and socks to work. I would wear nighties to bed, however I am afraid to go out looking a girl. I haven't told my parents yet. My mom said to me a couple months that I was a miracle to her(as they thought I was going to be female and she wanted a boy, but I was born a boy). However I am looking at my 32nd birthday and going you know what I am a girl!!!

ok so this is my first little baby step. I am nervous because this a step I never thought I would take at all. I would like to go out somewhere and to be able to wear a dress or a short skirt, but I am a chicken. I am happy that I am embracing my femimine nature now, however I am scared at the future(in fact I cried all weekend over what people would think about).

I have been doing research into SRS and am fascinated into becoming a women both on the inside(where I am at now) and on the outside. I am looking into getting a therapist. Other than that, I have no idea how to proceed. I have no idea what to say to the therapist, let alone how to express my feelings to my family, friends(one does know I like women's underwear but not that I am girl inside), or even coworkers. I have gotten over the ackwardness of buying underwear, socks, shaving cream, nail polish, and other girl related stuff(well ok almost).

so hi. Any help would be considerate. I hope to be able to show my feelings and communicate with you all in the coming months. I am just so scared right now.

[Anna B]

Hmm, I'm no expert at this, but talk to the one family friend who knows you like to wear feminine ligerie, and explain fully to them. They may be willing to help you over the next step.

I don't think anyone knows about my hobby except a neighbour's daughter who saw me one day, but she was great about it.

Hope this helps!

Anna x

[Jay Cee]

You are far from being alone in your situation - there are lots of folks here who know what it is like to have a mismatch between mind and body.

Make very sure that you seek out a therapist who deals with gender issues on a regular basis.

I don't know your friends or family, so I couldn't tell you who you should tell, or when, or even if. You don't need to tell anyone right off the hop. Get yourself some therapy first, so that you can accept yourself for who you are. From there, you can decide which path to take.

Wishing you success in your journey.

[Teri Jean]

Sophora, this small "baby" step is probably one of the biggest steps in your quest to find out who you are and how you identify your gender. Some the journey comes earlier in their lives and for some as myself much later in life. The thing is you have started to question your gender and with the help of a gender therapist you will find your place. Until then remember this small but profound point, being transgendered runs through out the human race as well as the animal kingdom as well as our ocean and fresh water kingdoms. You are not alone and it is as normal as being male or female.

I want to wish you the best and if you like to pm please do so. Teri

[Stephenie S]

You just told us what the problem is, and you did it quite well. Say exactly the same thing to your therapist.

S

[Hope]

Welcome.

No need to be scared, you are among friends.

EVERY last one of us has been where you are now. It is something of a magical time really, though you won't probably begin to understand that for several years.

Here are a few easy practical things you can do to make life a bit easier right away:

1) See that therapist. Google can help you find some one in your area who deals with gender related issues. If you tell us what part of the world you are from we can recommend therapists to use and the ones to avoid. When you see the therapist, you don't have to have the answers - and there are no right or wrong answers - they are there to help you find your own. Tell the therapist what you told us and you will be off to the races.

2) SRS is a big step. It is not a decision you have to make today, tomorrow, or ever. Honestly, you probably shouldn't even consider it right now. Just be open to the possibilities of what it means to be you.

3) De-stress. You can do as little or as much of this as you want. You do not have to make ANY permanent decisions right now, or even soon if you do not want to. You do not have to come-out to anyone, particularly your family right now.

4) You do not have to start out in public with a dress or a skirt (particularly a short one)! Dresses and skirts are pro-level garments - don't go out in one until you are ready! You will know when you are ready - because you will still want to go out in it, but it won't make you completely freaked out to think about it. Honestly, you are not ready to go out in a dress until you are ready to be seen by the world as a woman. You don't have to present yourself to the world as a woman to wear girl clothes.

5) Do go out in "girl" clothes, but ease into it slowly and comfortably. Get a pair of girl jeans. It will still scare you (though not nearly the way a dress does) to contemplate wearing them out your front door the first time, but NO ONE will notice you are wearing girl-jeans. Pretty soon you won't even give it a second thought. Get a girl top of some sort, a T-shirt, or a button-up blouse. Something that would be seen as androgynous or perhaps "metro," but something that will fit in with your regular wardrobe. Wear it out. You won't get funny looks, or rude comments, but you will be testing the water in a VERY safe way.

6) Paint your nails. Pink. When you are ready.

7) Carry a purse. Call it a man-bag if you must. When you are ready. The timbuk2 EULA is a nice androgynous bag, particularly if you get one with a floral print. It is the bag I used to carry when I was where you are.

8) Tweeze those eyebrows! NOW!

There are a thousand other things... but the thing to do is to start throwing on some of the more easily explained away gender clues. You are peaking out into the world in a very safe way. Do the small things and see how it goes. Experiment safely. Save the big things for when you are ready. All the while trying on girl-life in a manner that is completely reversible if you decide that it isn't for you - AND learning and practicing the skills essential to living the girl life. I assure you - the first time you put on eyeliner will not be the most beautiful you will ever look.

Don't take ANYONE'S word as gospel. EVERY girl goes about this differently, in the manner that is right for her, at the pace that is right for her. We are ALL right about the way we do this - and you are too. You should do something right now, because you are clearly ready to do SOMETHING and it sounds like you could use the stress relief.

There is however one thing you simply MUST do. Right now. CALL the therapist. NOW. Everything else is optional.

Welcome!

[Sophora]

I live in Wisconsin about 45 minutes away from the twin cities in Minnesota.

Thank you all for the advice. I will be calling the therapist as soon as possible. oh and I am wearing pink nail polish right now. I have been wearing nail polish(on and off for 11 years now although I have just started to paint my toes).

[Nicki S]

And in addition to what Hope said, start laser or electrolysis treatments now.

[AnonyMouse]

Hope has given you excellent advice, and I recommend taking all of it. Especially the part about taking time. It's normal not to know exactly what you want when you're coming into this, or even months down the line, and you might not even want the same things in a few years that you do now. It's better to do the bare minimum - what you know will make you comfortable - and amp it up as you're ready for it than to dive in too far and make a mess of things. That doesn't mean you can't ever do something you're not entirely comfortable with but think you might want to do - in fact, I would encourage you to do exactly that in the privacy of your own home. That way, you're safe, a lot of the pressure will be gone, and if anything makes you uncomfortable you can quit instantaneously without any fuss. Or you might find that you really like what you've done and you want to keep doing it. That can be a head trip, so make sure you're secure before you dive in.

As for SRS, my advice based on personal experience has to be this: give yourself time, think about the pros, think about the cons, think about how you feel about your own body - and whatever you do, don't think that you're stuck with the first decision you make. You can change your mind a million times if you want; at this point in your life you're still years away from it being a reality, so there's no pressure. On that note, regarding telling family: you might want to hold off on that until you feel like you've got a good idea of and can articulate with reasonable accuracy who you are and what you want. People can take any kind of uncertainty, or even difficulty expressing yourself, as evidence that you don't really mean what you're saying to them, or that your experiences aren't as strong as you're making them out to be.

One other thing you might do, when you're ready and if you're not already doing so, is start growing out your hair. You don't have to grow it long - you can accomplish some very nice feminine styles with short hair - just long enough that you can work with it and see how it changes the way you see your face. The right hairstyle can do amazing things for your self-confidence, even if it is so subtle that you are the only one who can tell (or, if it's less subtle, if you only wear it in private).

And if you're having any problems, hesitations, etc., be sure to come here and talk them out. Even when you don't need advice, it can give you a great platform to express everything that's going on (and makes a decent practice session for the therapist, at that).

[JohnH]

4) You do not have to start out in public with a dress or a skirt (particularly a short one)! Dresses and skirts are pro-level garments - don't go out in one until you are ready! You will know when you are ready - because you will still want to go out in it, but it won't make you completely freaked out to think about it. Honestly, you are not ready to go out in a dress until you are ready to be seen by the world as a woman. You don't have to present yourself to the world as a woman to wear girl clothes.

I agree - around the Dallas, Texas area in Walmarts you don't see very many women wearing skirts or dresses. So don't sweat that out. On the other hand, I wear denim skirts instead of shorts and most people don't really seem to notice

I have worn denim skirts to auto parts stores. I would never wear a business suit to such as establishment since I would really stick out.

Last night I wore a denim skirt, a Hawaiian shirt, and sandals along with lipstick and rouge, clear nail polish on my fingernails, and black nail polish on my toenails to the community chorus rehearsal. Nobody said anything about my appearance and the only comment I got was a tenor who wished he could sing bass as I do so he could hit the low notes.

Sophora, I would like to send you a private message about my experiences to reassure you that you are not taking your life into your hands if you venture out wearing feminine clothes. I guess you have to post 10 messages before I can send you one.

Concerning SRS: That is something that is not even on my radar. I am seriously considering HRT, but NOT SRS. So in my opinion I say at this point in time don't think much about it.

Take care,

Johanna

[Sophora]

And if you're having any problems, hesitations, etc., be sure to come here and talk them out. Even when you don't need advice, it can give you a great platform to express everything that's going on (and makes a decent practice session for the therapist, at that).

Thank you all. I have been thinking and rethinking about everything. It is going to the point that I am making myself cry. When one of the reasons I sought out and post here was for that reason alone.

I didn't know what to say to a therapist(when I finally find one as I have had bad experiences in the past with them). I have started growing my hair out. I don't know how to style my hair among other things.

Another reason I wanted to post was because I was feeling lonely and wanted to get some of my thoughts down to people with similar thoughts/feelings. Except for the past weekend, I have been in a best place in my life. My thoughts since I have been doing research about this have been erratic at best.

This is still a lot I still not sure and am trying to deal with the best I can. Most of it dealing with stuff I may or may not be ready for. I wear girl's clothes(at least nightgowns and pajamas) when I am at home and girl's underwear and socks in every day life.

Thanks Hope for the advice. I will instituting it into my life and see what happens. Teasing my eyebrow tho? How the heck do I do that? Would a backpack that I carry with me all the time and have almost everything in it count as a handbag?

Also, one more thing, What is the between laser and electrolysis? Is there a price difference? How about a results difference?

I am going to continue to ask questions so I hope I don't bug you all too much.

[Jessinthesprings]

I can only tell you what I have done... I started slowly. At first it was late night drives. Then I got the courage to go shopping late night at Wal-Mart. Every step I felt more confident and more comfortable willing to go to the next level. I'd told my ex in the early stages and she helped me with makeup. It was something I had always experimented with, but it was self taught. Look for a support group. I never poured my feelings out on the carpet but it was such a wonderful release to just be me and know I am not getting jugded.

[RenneB]

And then there are those of us still stuck in the closet all these many years. You see, each of us girls has had it differently through life. I've wished I was born GG since about the age of 4. Later it was sneaking into mom's closet when the folks were out.... skip ahead to the current stage of the story, and I have a much better wardrobe, albeit in boxes in the basement and I get to dress in the comfy clothes from 9-2 M-F when I get the house to myself.

Yes, I too thought I was the only one in the world with this desire, but I have found many friends here and lots, I mean lots of advise. Good group of girls here to help. Just remember, whatever you deciede, once you let the cat out of the bag there is no putting it back in.

Renne.....

[Hope]

I live in Wisconsin about 45 minutes away from the twin cities in Minnesota.

Thank you all for the advice. I will be calling the therapist as soon as possible. oh and I am wearing pink nail polish right now. I have been wearing nail polish(on and off for 11 years now although I have just started to paint my toes).

Awesome for you. As I am sure you already know twin cities has some hard-core trans resources. You couldn't hope to be in a much better place.

On the other hand if you want to come down here for therapy I can recommend my therapist to you - she is made of pure awesome.

We are in the same age group, and basically the same area. I live basically in Madison, so once you get the required 10 posts and can send a PM - drop me a note, and if you ever get down this way we can set up a time for lunch or dinner or whatever if you want. Building a community and network of friends is critical in this process.

It sounds like you are in a good place, and doing good work. Keep it up.

[Aprilrain]

You do not have to start out in public with a dress or a skirt.
I guess I blew that one right away!

Get a pair of girl jeans. It will still scare you (though not nearly the way a dress does)
So true.

Paint your nails. Pink.
You will know they are painted but others probably wont even notice, however don't be surprised if women notice!

Carry a purse.
Really Hope? Thats a bit bold don't you think. lots of women don't carry purses though I'm trying to figure out how I managed for 30+ years without one!

Tweeze those eyebrows! NOW!
I agree however, again, don't be surprised if people notice. A friend of mine noticed but couldn't quite figure out what it was he thought was different, his wife knew exactly what it was but was to polite to say anything until latter when I came out to them. Thats when she told me she noticed I'd shaped my eyebrows

I assure you - the first time you put on eyeliner will not be the most beautiful you will ever look.
Amen sister! eyeliner is an art. I suggest pencils, liquid is a bitch! Don't forget the makeup remover (for when you F up and you will F up) and eye drops (a couple rounds with eyeliner and makeup remover and you will feel like tearing your eyes out!)



just get a therapist that is the main thing for many reasons

[Sophora]

A few updates. I am the middle of trying to get a therapist. I will be calling on Monday and getting prices and such. I don't know what I should look in a therapist other then that person needs to have experience with GID.

I also found out how much I didn't know about being a girl tonight(I know I know I am just starting). I was going to get some pants and maybe a shirt(depending on how much I have left over). However I stood there in the women's dept trying to make sense on what size I should wear. I mean I was stuff like 8, 14, 12. huh? At least when I start wearing panties they had a waist conversion chart. so instead I got blush, lipstick, and make-up remover. I need foundation first don't I?

I think I may a little help here.

[Aprilrain]

A few updates. I am the middle of trying to get a therapist. I will be calling on Monday and getting prices and such. I don't know what I should look in a therapist other then that person needs to have experience with GID.

I also found out how much I didn't know about being a girl tonight(I know I know I am just starting). I was going to get some pants and maybe a shirt(depending on how much I have left over). However I stood there in the women's dept trying to make sense on what size I should wear. I mean I was stuff like 8, 14, 12. huh? At least when I start wearing panties they had a waist conversion chart. so instead I got blush, lipstick, and make-up remover. I need foundation first don't I?

I think I may a little help here.

Is there a local support group? This is where I would ask about therapist.

You are in the process of demystifying femininity and femaleness (similar but different). You see as males we are raised to disregard things feminine and female, your very manhood could be called in to question for simply knowing to much about "girl stuff" I got a small glimpse of this mentality a couple of years ago when I was telling some male friends about an episode of Oprah I had watched with my wife. I don't remember what the show was about now but It wasn't anything girly. Anyway they didn't really say anything to me other than to look at me like "why would you watch Oprah?" and of course Darren the perpetually sarcastic one made some comment about how I was whipped (by my wife), what ever I told them was dismissed as unimportant and the topic quickly changed because it was associated with something female, Oprah. There is a steep learning curve which is a good thing, that means you will learn a lot in a short period of time

Oh sweetie, you need to try clothes on this is why shopping as a woman is such a chore. Woman Make a day of shopping because they HAVE to! It takes time to find the right fit and of course what looks good on a rack doesn't necessarily look good on you. If I try on 10 things I might buy 1. Anyway there is no rhyme or reason to women's clothing sizes. The numbers correspond to no known system of measure any where on planet earth. I have a skirt thats a 2 that fits perfect and one thats a 10 thats a little tight. I have tried on women's clothing in guy mode many times No one cares if they even notice you at all but if your scared buy them, if they don't fit return them.

Make up is perhaps the most mysterious of feminine trappings. Make up is EXPENSIVE, even the cheap stuff, unfortunately there is going to be a period of trial and error you will undoubtedly buy the wrong shade of foundation probably more than once. Good luck trying to find anything that actually says foundation on it. It will likely just say make up. You will probably want powder to finnish the foundation especially liquid which tends to be shiny the powder will tone that down. for the most part I'd stay away from pressed powder and stick with loose, though I recently switched to MAC and their pressed powder is good but EXPENSIVE everything MAC is $$. I had decent results with Cover Girl, and Almay. Almay had a chart for picking out eyeshadow, liner and mascara based on your eye color since I knew nothing I went with that. CG had something similar but CG eyeshadow burns my eyes. If you can afford it get Lancome Shadow and liner WAY better than the groccery store stuff but $$. when your ready to start going out dressed than you can go to the department stores or other make up stores and have a make up tech do your make up for you and pick out what you need, better take $$$ with you though. the other day I went to Macy's to buy 2 eye liners and 1 mascara Lancome of course $78 but I got a little make up bag and a free tube of lip stick!
Good luck honey, happy shopping!

P.S. find a girlfriend (female sense of the term not the male) and have her help you with clothes and make up but remember everyone is different and woman especially have their own sense of style (or not) based on taste and level of comfort with their bodies so take everything anyone tells you with a grain of salt.

[Sophora]

I had the ultimate compliment today at work. I was called Ma'am by a customer. However it was over the drive-thru speaker but I felt a little excited every time he said ma'am. I don't know but it is a small victory at least for me.

[Sophora]

Some updates:

I am trying to another job so I can start therapy. As I don't have insurance I have to pay and pay a lot. I have told 2 people now about wanting to start transistioning and they have both been supportive. Yay! I have worn some female clothes out in public. no one seemed to noticed and I was even saying hi to people and almost ran into this cute guy. I am also going to this saturdate thing that walgreens is having near my house. I believe there will be makeup experts there to help me. I can't wait for it.

[Beth-Lock]

This blossoming of your inner woman is a sweet time. Enjoy it!

When it happened to me I compared it to a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. I bought several butterfly pendants and broaches as a result and adopted the butterfly as my emblem.

[JohnH]

Think of wearing a dress and makeup as a rebellion against the masculine establishment! You will get the guts to go outside the narrow constraints of clothing and grooming imposed on men.

Tomorrow I am going to keep working on my fence, and I am going to wear a long floral dress with makeup, meanwhile taking a 2 meter (6 foot) crowbar to remove the concrete anchor for a broken off fence post. Today I wore a denim skirt to the building supply store to get some supplies.

Johanna

[Hope]

You need foundation if you are going to wear blush. On the other hand if you don't wear foundation, you don't need blush. Blush exists to return some of the color that gets washed out with foundation. And you WILL need powder. Powder first, then blush. Well, serum (if you use one) moisturizer, concealer, foundation, powder, then blush.

But that is the full kit. Don't start there.

Start with the eyes. Get a pallet of three colors - I think the Lorea'l ones even have a diagram on the back that show you how / where to apply each color. Experiment - play. Make-up should be fun. Once you have your shadow in place, get a liner, liquid is best, but everyone seems to think it is too hard to use (it is not) Use a pencil if you have to, but big girls use liquid - for a variety of reasons. Then mascara. Don't poke your eye out - though it will feel like you did the first time the brush hits your eye. Eyes alone are a great start.

Mind your brows. They almost certainly need tweezing and shaping and trimming. Get a pair of tweezerman tweezers. Trust me on this. Start from the bottom - pluck out about 1/2 of the brow to make a nice arch. Get a good pair of nail scissors and trim your brows going the "wrong" way. Trim them shorter than you think you should, but not too short. It is easy to experiment... trim off too little the first time. Much easier to go back and trim them a second time. Then you will want an eyebrow pencil. Small strokes, starting at the inside edge of the brow and working out. Not too dark.

When you are ready to kick off the training-wheels get some lipstick. But remember that you are making a statement the instant you put color on your lips. There is such a thing as guy-liner. There is no such thing as guy-stick.

THEN maybe think about foundation and blush. At that point you will want to be hiding your beard shadow. Tricks abound for doing that.

You can spend a lot of money on cheap make-up at the dug store, and never find something that works well, or that makes you look good, and never learn to apply it properly. OR you can man-up and go to the cosmetics counter at a department store (I currently prefer Macy's) tell the girls what you want, and have them help you. The will help with colors and products and show you how to apply it. They do work on commission, and WILL try to up-sell you, so be a bit on your guard - but they will also spend time with you and show you what you need. You will spend more for the make up itself (probably double what you would spend at the drug store $14 instead of $7 for lipstick) but you will buy less than half of it, and it will all work for you. AND the stuff that doesn't work - you can return. Even after you have used it. No questions asked. The better lines at the department stores are great, Clinique, Estee Lauder, Lancombe, MAC, Bobby Brown... Chanel is nice but over priced. Arden is nice if you are over 65. Avoid Dior. Stand-alone stores from any of the above are even better. MAC has a great reputation in our community, and for good reason, - but be wary of wearing colors that are too garish. You want to look like a woman, not Hedwig.

[Sophora]

ok I now have told 4 people(all close friends). they are being supportive. One is a girl I met on okcupid last year and we are a "girl's" day when we both have money. The funny thing is that I told my friend that I told about wearing women's clothing and he said "I knew you were hiding something but I didn't think it was this." Odd, I didn't think I was that transparent.

[Aprilrain]

ok I now have told 4 people(all close friends). they are being supportive. One is a girl I met on okcupid last year and we are a "girl's" day when we both have money. The funny thing is that I told my friend that I told about wearing women's clothing and he said "I knew you were hiding something but I didn't think it was this." Odd, I didn't think I was that transparent.

EVERYONE has told me that there was a wall before and now that is gone. People are way more intuitive then they are conscious of. Often we sense something about a person but ignore it until something comes up then we say "I knew there was something!" No one I've told would have guessed in a million years that I was TS but that doesn't mean they didn't sense the barrier I had unconsciously erected around me to make sure no one would find out my "little" secret.

[Sophora]

ok I am posting in this thread as it makes sense.

I bought my first girly clothes(besides panties today). I got a shirt 2 pairs of pants, and a bra. I also got foundation, eye liner and finishing powder. The lady at the counter helped me out all of the make-up even telling how to put it in.

The lady at Wal-mart where I got my bra seemed to be more embarrassed than I was when she was helping me.

I spent about an hour an half at the second hand store(basically closed the place). I must have tried on at least 50 clothes items. it wasn't until my next to last load tho that made me glad that I started on this ride. I put on a shirt and it looked very good on(I will post pics when I can). Then I put on a dress and it brought out curves that I didn't know I had(I couldn't afford the dress although I was i had).

but yeah, this day of shopping reaafirmed my belief that I definitely was born the wrong gender. I hope I can get another job soon so I can start the process.

ok here is the link to the picture. or the picture itself:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/kimano/Picture0004.jpg

although I do need to explain that it is the crappy laptop webcam and I have yet to attempt to do my makeup. and I still don't know how to do my hair.

[Melody Moore]

Congratulations Sophora for finding the real strength & courage to finally embrace your true self & take complete
control of your life. However I must warn you not to rush into this too quickly with trying to find a new job. Right
now I am in the same position as you in that I don't have a job, but I am also aware how important it is to keep
taking small 'baby steps'. I don't want to blow my chances of getting back into the workforce & into a career where
I am most happiest, so for me the key is making sure that every step I take has been thought out very carefully.

Don't get me wrong, I am keen to get back into the workforce ASAP so I can start putting money away for my GRS,
but I also have the cosmetic issue of having some masculine tattoos that limit the types of clothes I can wear. It
came to my attention recently that some jobs might have a dress code or require me to wear a uniform which might
leave some of my tattoos exposed. But recently I was asked by my doctor if I wanted my tattoos removed for free,
I was like "Hell Yeah!". Also I realised that all my certificate, references & qualifications are also in my male name, so
going to a job interview with these documents would most likely be the only give-away that I am a transsexual female.

After some heavy thinking I come up with a new plan for the next 6-12 months of my life to help me get new
qualifications in my new name by studying while also undergoing laser treatment to get my tattoos removed.

So I discussed these issues the other day with my caseworker at my employment agency & we decided to use my old
documents as 'Recognition of Prior Learning' and to enrol in a study course that would give me new documentation in
my new female identity. So this was the way we decided that I would get around any issues that could lead to some
type of discrimination. So for now the idea about getting a job has been postponed for now, but I think that going slow
& steady will see me reap greater rewards at the end of the day. So please just bear this in mind for your own journey.
Good luck & I hope that everything continues to go as smoothly as possible for you :hugs:

[Hope]

I spent about an hour an half at the second hand store(basically closed the place). I must have tried on at least 50 clothes items. it wasn't until my next to last load tho that made me glad that I started on this ride. I put on a shirt and it looked very good on(I will post pics when I can). Then I put on a dress and it brought out curves that I didn't know I had(I couldn't afford the dress although I was i had).

It is nice when you finally find something that fits isn't it? Much less something that makes you say "Oh - YOU are coming home with me..."

I think the key is to pick out clothes that are big enough. Don't feel bad about picking up the XL top... big clothes that fit look better, and feel better than small clothes that do not. Trust me.

I have a rule - even at goodwill: If I can't wear it today - it doesn't come home with me. None of this "I will shrink into it" or "It's a cute skirt, but I don't know if I am comfortable wearing a skirt out" business. It is perfect or it stays in the store.

If you are ever in Madison, I will help you with your makeup.

[JulietteLeblanc]

I must warn you not to rush into this too quickly.

I have to agree with this. My advice is, add stuff in your life before you remove anything (for instance, get a new job before you quit the one you have), in all things keep a safety net.

Every step you take needs to be "grounded", secured into your life, otherwise you can't use it to build on top. Honey, you're building something wonderful for yourself, so take the time to enjoy the ride fully.

[Sophora]

I want to thank you everyone here. I found my inner strength it is because of you all. Reading the post and getting encouragement is great steps.

I am attempting to keep it slow. however it seems like everytime I do something that is more feminine my heart and body wants to speed things up.

Hope- I just attempted make-up and think I did a great job. I have the pic which will be at the end of the post and will be my avatar shortly. As for the clothes, I had about 5 shirts and 2 dresses that if I had the money would have been coming home with me. in fact, I had to put one shirt and dress back at the register. stupid money.

here is my first attempt at make-up:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/kimano/Picture0006.jpg

again thank you everyone for helping find my strength.

[JulietteLeblanc]

...seems like everytime I do something that is more feminine my heart and body wants to speed things up.

Shows you're on the right track. Congratulations, keep it up! :)

[Eileen]

Sophora you have received a lot of great advise here. As has been said, you can try a lot of clothes, hair styles, makeup and more in the privacy of your home. This will a fun time for you. You will learn what works for you and what does not. Smile at what works and learn from what does not work. From the picture it looks like you are off to a good start. Another thing that has not been touched on is you will need to eliminate the hair on the back of your hands. It is also good to eliminate or reduce the hair on your arms. Later when you wear dresses and skirts you will want to have smooth legs. Since you are young you can start with Laser and then switch to Electrolysis. You are, as has been said, going to want to find a therapist that is well versed in trans issues. The will guide you as you learn more about your self and what it is that will right for you.

[Melody Moore]

Another thing that has not been touched on is you will need to eliminate the hair on the back of your hands. It is also good to eliminate or reduce the hair on your arms. Later when you wear dresses and skirts you will want to have smooth legs. Since you are young you can start with Laser and then switch to Electrolysis.

Don't waste your money on electrolysis or laser treatment on body hair if you are going on hormone therapy,
your body hair will naturally thin down & get lighter. I have less body hair than a lot of natal females now &
the reason is because I use an epilator (An Emjoi, the 'Gently Gold Caress' Model) to get rid of my body hair.

Also I recommend you thin down your eyebrows - http://www.ehow.com/how_4451512_thin-out-eyebrows.html

[Sophora]

YAY I got a job interview tomorrow. Tho I am scared as hell. Do I go in "boy mode?" Do I let them know that I am transgender(I would assume that I wouldn't have to unless they ask....but what if they ask why I want the job...do I tell them that I want to start therapy so I can become a girl.....gah)?

I am keeping a positive attitude about this because if I get it I can continue to transition.