Why?

[prettytoes]

I'm sure I'm not the first to pose this question. Why is something that makes me feel so good, is more widespread than even I thought, and is not illegal, frowned upon so much by society?
It makes me feel so good to put on a skirt and some satin panties, paint my toes, and sleep in soft, comfy satin and silk. Since my wife discovered my other side, and I am able to show my femme side, I have been so much happier, and sleeping better at night. I don't do drugs (been there done that), I don't cheat, I am a devoted and careing husband and father of 2 wonderful adult daughters, and I am self employed and doing pretty well. I enjoy wearing all things feminine...this hurts no-one. It is not self destructive, and does no physical harm to anyone.
Why the F#%K (sorry...how I feel) must I do what I enjoy in hiding? I love the look and feel of a mini skirt, my toenails look much better with a nice color on them, and I get a general feeling of well being when I can be myself. Why must we be so afraid to show who we really are? :sad:

[StacyCD]

First you have to be comfortable with yourself, then you can stop worrying what others think. No politician thinks that everyone will vote for them so I wonder why we expect everyone to accept our dressing? If people treat you with respect don't worry what they say behind your back. We are doing nothing wrong. I remember when it was quite shocking to see a man wearing earrings. Now no one even notices! If my SO can accept my dressing that shows me that most everyone can at least tolerate it!

[VioletJourney]

Society likes to play cruel jokes on everyone and force us to follow these stupid, arbitrary rules we call "norms".

[Stephanie Miller]

I do understand where you are coming from Stacy, but I do feel that because of the "stupid, arbitrary rules" (as Violet calls them - or better known as societal acceptance), then it's up to each and every one of use to pick the mountains we want to climb. I too own my own business and therefore set the dress code guidelines. And for the same reason I don't put my "I'm a hunter" bumper sticker on my work truck, I don't wear a dress to work. It's because that is the place I feel can stay neutral for the general population and to not piss off potential customers because of my political choices, "blood sport" choices or dress options. But it just might loose me a customer. With that said - I have no problem out of my work environment voicing my opinion on each and every one of these :devil:. And I do it quite often and quite loud. I guess what I'm saying is - there is a right time and place to gain the most mileage out of our openness. And we each have to choose our own mountain we feel we want to conquer.

[Kate Lynn]

Society likes to play cruel jokes on everyone and force us to follow these stupid, arbitrary rules we call "norms".

I don't think society plays cruel jokes,I think society is just cruel towards anything thats different.

Case in point,a tiny spider,1/8 inch across,gets stepped on if caught in the house,why?

Because it's mouth moves sideways,or because it has multiple eyes,because that tiny spider 1/8 inch across can't harm you,yet it must be stepped on,society mostly made up of humans,is cruel.

[katrinakat]

I know what u mean! When I get home from work, (if i'm not already in drab), i take a shower and get GIRLY!!!! I feel so relieved!!!!! Nothing makes me feel so, electric!!!! Love the post!!! xoxo

[docrobbysherry]

Yeah, it really really sucks!

[sissystephanie]

Stacy answered your question pretty well. You are hiding from yourself, not the rest of the world!! I started crossdressing at age 6, and am now 78 y/o!! My dear late wife used to always do my makeup and fix my wig so I could go out and be passable. she has been gone for over 6 years, but I still go out dressed. But there is a major difference now. I dress enfemme from the neck down, but wear no wig or makeup. In other words, I go out as a guy in a skirt or dress!! In over 6 years I have not heard one single negative comment!! I have had a lot of compliments on my feminine outfits, from both men and women!!

As long as you are decently covered, most people don't care what you are wearing or whether your toes are painted! BTW, both my toes and fingers are always painted! Fingers pale pink and toes very bright red!! Your own attitude is the only thing that matters. If you act like you belong, than so be it!! When I said I go out as a guy in a skirt, I meant that I go everywhere! Except of course, since I am a guy I use the mens room!!

[Vickie_CDTV]

Society may condemn crossdressing, but at the same time why does society condone and even endorse some really horrible things? Got me :(

[Maria 60]

So true and those are the hard times of a cder. I love my legs shaved. there's no feeling in the world like putting on pantyhose when there shaved. But then i have to worry that i might get hurt at work or something like that. I hate that i have to wait three days to dress when i want to dress today.

[Gillian Gigs]

Prejudice has its root in ignorance. We change the world one person at a time, Look how long it took the blacks to get real emancipation. Your SO was the first person, now how much farther it goes is up to you. It does not have to be something blatant, every in bit helps. We hide because we fear the prejudice.

[prettytoes]

Stephanie, I do have the "I'm a hunter" (so to speak) sticker on my truck. Most animal rights people don't realize that hunters are some of the best conservationists. Do you think we can get society to realize that crossdressers make the best spouses, lovers, friends, etc., etc., etc.? Maybe a "I'm a crossdresser" sticker?...haha Maybe it's just the fear...by the "manly men" that are afraid to show their feminie side, that we will steal their "trophy wives"? Ever since my wife discovered my secret desires, our relationship has gotten exponentially stronger. We have been married for 28 years, and I have never been more in love with her!

[eluuzion]

"You've Got To Hide Your Love Away"

Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall
If she's gone I can't go on
Feeling two foot small
Everywhere people stare
each and every day
I can see them laugh at me
And I hear them say

Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away

How can I even try?
I can never win
Hearing them, seeing them
In the state I'm in
How could she say to me
"Love will find a way?"
Gather round all you clowns
Let me hear you say

Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away

--John Lennon

Lyrics about the alienation and frustration Brian Epstein suffered, having to conceal his homosexuality in a place and time where it was an “illegal” activity.

Earth...what a planet, eh?
Always more questions than answers...:sad:

:love:

[sometimes_miss]

O.K., in a nutshell: Historically, a man with feminine inclinations was considered a risk to the society he was in. Feminine is considered generally submissive, and not aggressive. A feminine male would be suspect in being able to hold up his responsibility in warfare, making his comrades at risk of death. A feminine male would also be considered by women to be less likely to defend her when in danger. So, societies in general consider feminine males as less reliable than traditionally masculine males. People also have the fear that behavior can be 'catching'; that by doing something, you encourage others to do the same, and in this case, it's something they don't want men doing. You can read more about it in my bio, but in general, that's it. Why must we be afraid to show our feminine behavior? Two reasons: 1. to avoid getting beaten and perhaps killed just because we like being 'girly' occasionally, and 2. because most find people who dress or behave as the opposite sex to be upsetting to them; and that can affect who hires us, who rents housing to us, who befriends us, etc. etc.. No, it's not right, but that's the world we have to live in.

[Vivian Best]

The answer is because we are different! Society in general doesn't like anything outside the "norm"! I happen to have red hair. (I'm one of the real seniors here) When I was in grade school and Jr high I was teased unmercifully about the color of my hair. Red hair represents about 4% of the population so it is also outside the "norm". Some of the posts to this thread have it right, until we as a group are able to present ourselves so that we become part of the norm as our gay/lesbian brother and sisters have we will always be banished to the closet by society.

Why? Why does society cast us where they do? My belief is ignorance! Most, not all, fear us. They don't really know what we are. They assume we are dangerous, that we are perverts, that we are going to harm them or their children or some other completely rediculous thing. Education, over time, is the only way we will ever be accepted. We can't cram it down their throats but just keep plugging away with sensible presentation of our selves.

[Kate Simmons]

If we have confidence in who we are, we don't have to be.:)

[Stephenie S]

I'm sure I'm not the first to pose this question. Why is something that makes me feel so good, is more widespread than even I thought, and is not illegal, frowned upon so much by society?
It makes me feel so good to put on a skirt and some satin panties, paint my toes, and sleep in soft, comfy satin and silk. Since my wife discovered my other side, and I am able to show my femme side, I have been so much happier, and sleeping better at night. I don't do drugs (been there done that), I don't cheat, I am a devoted and careing husband and father of 2 wonderful adult daughters, and I am self employed and doing pretty well. I enjoy wearing all things feminine...this hurts no-one. It is not self destructive, and does no physical harm to anyone.
Why the F#%K (sorry...how I feel) must I do what I enjoy in hiding? I love the look and feel of a mini skirt, my toenails look much better with a nice color on them, and I get a general feeling of well being when I can be myself. Why must we be so afraid to show who we really are? :sad:

Dear Pretty,

Ypu don't HAVE to hide. You hide your behaviour because you want to hide it. You believe it to be shameful. As long as you feel guilty and ashamed about your behavior others will sense this.

Self acceptance is the first step. If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to?

S

[TGMarla]

Learned behavior passed down from one generation to the next. Imagine what things would be like if we all were truly a blank slate when we first encounter things like crossdressing. People abhor crossdressing because they are taught to do so. Why are they taught this? Because their parents were taught this, and their parents before them. Slowly, people see that this whole thing harms no one. It just takes time.....a whole lot of time.

[Jilmac]

I think fear pretty much answers your question. The public perception of anything out of the ordinary is fear of the unknown. Many of us have experienced fear in facing the public because we don't want to be ridiculed or harassed. However I have been seeing much more acceptance (or just plain apathy) of our lifestyle in everyday happenings, so perhaps there is no longer a need to fear.

[BillieJoEllen]

Interesting thing happened to me today. I recently had some surgery done to my leg. After PT this morning I decided to pick up some groceries. I was going to go home and exchange my workout shorts for my pants but decided to stop at the store first. I was wearing a sweat shirt, black trunks and what they call T.E.D.D. hose. Its a white stocking that reaches well up over the knee. Had on a pair of white socks and white jogging shoes. Wasn't the coolest outfit in the world. I was curious if anybody was going to look at me funny. If anybody did look they proceeded to promptly ignore me with one exception. An elderly lady spotted me and quickly laid in to me for appearing in public the way I was. She wanted to know what the h*** I was up to, questioned how I behaved at home behind closed doors and wanted to know what other 'perversions' I was involved in. I tried treating her nice at first but soon began to ignore her. She said a lot more but you get my point. Others looking on had questioning looks but turned away soon after they saw what was going on.
I'm glad I wasn't wearing a dress at the time.
The point I'm trying to make is that I was dressed functionally for the activities I was recently involved in and I didn't fit this ladie's comfort zone and she reacted to it. I learned a big lesson this morning about peoples attitudes. When I thought about it I just wonder what other problems this woman had.

[prettytoes]

My wife is a nurse, and I have an old ankle injury, so I am well aware of TEDD hose. That was a funny story, and it shows how intolerant the older generation can be. I could imagine what my wife's father would say if he ever saw my pink or purple toenails!
I have also noticed that the new "style" in women's underwear is to look like men's underwear, including buttons in the front, fly holes, etc. They even call them "boy shorts", yet if a man wears these "boy shorts", he is either gay or a pervert...I just don't get it! Also, it is much easier for a man to "empty his bladder" in a skirt than in pants, and why do women need fly holes in their underwear?...haha. Are there going to be "girl shorts" for men? After all, that is sexual discrimination! lol. OK, I'll get off my soap box now...

[Frédérique]

Welcome to the contradictory world...:doh:


I'm sure I'm not the first to pose this question. Why is something that makes me feel so good, is more widespread than even I thought, and is not illegal, frowned upon so much by society?

Because it’s a crime against masculinity, and masculinity is, at present, so revered that any thought or action to the contrary will be automatically censured by males and females alike. How dare you even think about wearing the “wrong” clothes? Don’t you know what you’re expected to be here in society, a carefully laid-out presentation for efficient use of human resources? You’re fortunate that being frowned upon is the least of your worries! I think many people believe MtF crossdressing should be illegal, since it undermines the fictitious fabric of society that everybody counts on. The pursuit of happiness, along with the enjoyment of pleasure, are OK as long as they fall within societal guidelines, but when you crossdress you are stepping away from it all and discovering new forms of joy that are at odds with most citizens. The pleasure of blazing a new trail or finding hitherto unknown pleasures is just not in the societal equation that has been decided upon, but, fortunately, this constriction creates experimentation…


Why must we be so afraid to show who we really are?

I don’t wish to hear what others, namely non-believers, non-expressionists, or non-experimenters have to say, so I stay hidden and preserve the magic I hold dear. To be tempted to adopt the very masculine behavior I’m trying to avoid, and confront those who don’t understand me would be extremely counter-productive, to say the least. The males who have not discovered what they’re missing, or censure me out of hand without thinking, can stay in the dark for all I care – why reveal yourself to someone who has pre-conceived notions of what human behavior should be? I mean, the ones who would do me harm are responsible for harboring these anti-thoughts, and I, for one, do not wish to lower myself to their level – I am responsible for my own safety, after all…

[Elena Ornamental]

Even though most people feel they know the difference between Masculinity and Femininity when you try to pin it down you find lots of confusion and exceptions. Like Men do this and Women do this but some women do "masculine" things and some men do "womanly" things (as we all know). I think most people just operate in terms of their own image without thinking about it. If a Male has a masculine image of himself, he expects other men are just like him and vice versa. We as a group are especially sensitive to gender differences more than average because of where we're coming from. I recommend "Triton" by Samuel Delany if you want to see a society where gender is mutable.

[Yolanda_Voils]

Acceptance varies greatly from city to city and even in parts of them..

I find that Atlanta in general seems OK dealing with people who enjoy CD'ing
Chattanooga has been good to me, though one woman stared at me for an inordinately long time at Riverfest one morning.
This may have been due to my makeup was worn and a 5 O'clock shadow appearing a bit.

I do avoid Country & Western Bars as well as "Beer Joints" and stick to clubs that accept us.
Wal-Mart and other chain stores pose no problem for me as I frequent them while dressed.

To answer directly, I think we scare straight people, men and women somewhat, making them uncomfortable with themselves.

[Vanessa Storrs]

I have been out dressed several times in the past few months and have gone to museums, dined, used public transportation and have had absolutely no problems. I come no where close to passing as a woman and fool no one. I am still accepted by those I am in contact with. Waiters serve me politely, store clerks accept my money, cab drivers respond when I hail them, strangers engage me in conversation. The villagers have not surrounded my house while carrying those torches. Very few people stare, I get no rude comments, in short if I am not accepted I am at least tolerated.
While what we do is not what most members of society would do we are not the social outcasts that many of our closeted members think us to be.

[Maria Blackwood]

Society is stupid. It is *not* an authority to be respected. You want proof? Look at our ritual every two years where the collective wisdom of society is actually measured by the ballot box. It's catastrophe after catastrophe after catastrophe. Worry about what that lot thinks? No thanks. Cheer up, sister. It makes you feel good, and that's what matters.

I just had a really crappy week at work, and had a number of other stressors. I got home this evening and put on the sexiest and ****tiest thing I had available, and all the tension and tightness just flowed away into the void. This is power. We're tapping into a neglected side of our beings that hungers for expression and rewards well. Someone doesn't like that? Well, that's their loss and it lessens *their* lives.

[Maria Blackwood]

I recommend "Triton" by Samuel Delany if you want to see a society where gender is mutable.


There's a John Varley SF novel- "Steel Beach"- where the main character starts out male, but become female half way through the novel. Turns out she was born female and became male at some point. The future medical science is awesome. It's a true, complete transformation, centuries beyond what we have today, and it's done in a few hours at a medical boutique type of shop.

[CaitlynRenee]

Funny (in a serious way) question.

My Mom's Dad was a 'carrot top' red head. My Dad's Mom had the prettiest auburn hair you've ever seen and my kid sister is another 'carrot top'. All were picked on by bullies..........for about ten seconds. At the end of those ten seconds, the bullies usually decided it was the better part of valor (if they wanted to keep their teeth intact) to leave the family alone.

As far as dressing is concerned, I recall my Cherokee Dad telling me about the local 'two-spirit' personality where he grew up. This particular 'two-spirit' was a respected part of the community, highly thought of and listened to when they spoke.

Who knows why society reacts to our current class of 'two-spirit' individuals as they do. I for one would welcome a whole lot more of 'US' in the world.

[CaitlynRenee]

Society is stupid. It is *not* an authority to be respected. You want proof? Look at our ritual every two years where the collective wisdom of society is actually measured by the ballot box. It's catastrophe after catastrophe after catastrophe. Worry about what that lot thinks? No thanks. Cheer up, sister. It makes you feel good, and that's what matters.

I just had a really crappy week at work, and had a number of other stressors. I got home this evening and put on the sexiest and ****tiest thing I had available, and all the tension and tightness just flowed away into the void. This is power. We're tapping into a neglected side of our beings that hungers for expression and rewards well. Someone doesn't like that? Well, that's their loss and it lessens *their* lives.

Ditto! Nothing like silks, satins and nylon 'naughtys' to put you in a better mood.

[2SpeedTranny]

Historically, a man with feminine inclinations was considered a risk to the society he was in. Feminine is considered generally submissive, and not aggressive. A feminine male would be suspect in being able to hold up his responsibility in warfare, making his comrades at risk of death. .


Because it’s a crime against masculinity, and masculinity is, at present, so revered that any thought or action to the contrary will be automatically censured by males and females alike.


I'm still at a complete loss as to why a man who wears women's clothing must automatically be feminine, effeminate, submissive. That's every bit the erroneous presupposition as the one this thread is whining about among "society."

Judging by the number of military personnel, firefighters, mechanics, construction workers, hunters, firearms enthusiasts, etc., on this forum, it should be thought absurd to equate transvestism with effeminacy. And if anyone should know that best, it's us... yet here we are. Yes, weak or effeminate males don't have the same status, and for very good reason. But crossdressers certainly do not make up the majority of them. Nor could the reverse be said.





As far as dressing is concerned, I recall my Cherokee Dad telling me about the local 'two-spirit' personality where he grew up. This particular 'two-spirit' was a respected part of the community, highly thought of and listened to when they spoke.


The "two-spirit" concept is pretty well known to pagans. It's not limited to American Indians, either... as I understand it, pretty much every culture outside of Judaic, Christian, or Islamic has some version of it.