Too Late

[Kelsy]

Is it too late to consider transition through GRS and beyond when you in your
mid fifties? I kick myself constantly for not having had the courage to begin
this process much earlier in life and the older I have gotten the more difficult
it has become to get to where I need to be. I think the fear I am having now
is getting stuck in between with the result being diminishing resources to
to get the surgeries I need including GRS. I fear being transformed in to a
freakish individual living alone in this world! What is the reality of it?

Kelsy / Kelsey

[Gerrijerry]

Fact It is not the age of the person that counts but the health of the person to handle the surgery.
Fact The cost will continue to raise over time.
Comment : You must see a counselor no matter what you want to do. If only to deal with the fear of you transforming and how you will handle it in the real world. Based on what you have said I think it is time to seek professonal help "counselor" no matter what you do in the future. Please remember that wanting to be a full woman is not the clothes you wear or how others see you. It is about how you accept yourself and deal with others. I know many TS including myself, not one of then would say that it is not a very big turning point in your life. You can't walk the path alone so seeing a counselor is a must.

[Rianna Humble]

I am 55 and am in transition, but because of the way the Health Service works over here, it is likely to be another couple of years before I can get surgery.

From what I have read, the younger you are, the easier it is to overcome the ravages of testosterone, but I know a number of ladies older than myself who are only now in transition - one of them had surgery about 3 weeks ago.

Without knowing you, I cannot comment on what other surgery you may or may not desire, but I doubt that you would be transformed into any kind of freakish individual.

[Jorja]

We have several girls here that are 50+ and have started transition. In my support group we have a 93 year old in transition. Follow your needs and desires and go as far as you feel you need to. It's never too late!

[noeleena]

Hi,

Im 63 . H R T over 6 years ago surgery 4 years ago. my health no problems that would stop any sugerys & iv had a good few. no adverss effect to meds or surgery. & what that entails. & sane , well im not really tho they think i am.

Age is not the problem health can be .

...noeleena...

[Kelsy]

Thanks everyone,
I am in therapy and I am under the care of some very understanding doctors
I have begun HRT and will be having laser treatments beginning next week
I am battling fear and weighing coming out issues.

K

[Rianna Humble]

I am battling fear and weighing coming out issues.

It was an American president who said "We have nothing to fear but fear itself"

There is nothing wrong, however, in feeling a little uncertain about the future so long as you don't let that prevent you from doing what you know in your heart is the right thing for you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you are not too old...
but you need to be healthy...get in great shape, get to a good weight for you..get your cardio going...

As you consider your options, pls remember that you are trying to improve your quality of life, you can do this at any age!!! ...this feeling your are having is very common among us middle agers....i am sorry you are going through it because i felt the same way ...i'm sad to say that based on my own experience and the people i've met in our boat, this feeling of being trapped and having "missed your chance" is something that a.) a horrible feeling and b.) never goes away without you doing something about it.

the feeling is so bad, that it's the ignition point for middle age transitions that can be very tricky and difficult... this feeling is so bad, i traded my marraige, my career and risked everything to get rid of it..(and btw it worked..it's gone)..i still wish i did it earlier, but its more a longing like any middle age person has about the past

your biggest and first step kelsy is to get ALL OF THE BS out of your head...there is only one thing you need to do...fully and completely accept yourself in every way..perhaps you may decide to not transition, or perhaps you will try a middle path...but you need to take everything else off the table in your own mind...age, $$, self pity, coming out fears, lifestyle changes,etc.... once you can look at yourself and know what you want with no baggage, then you can go back and EFFECTIVELY work on all those real things to achieve your true objective..i highlight effectively because at our ages, transition is a different game

it's sad that many of us fought off what we knew to fit in and to feel good about ourselves, only to realize that it made us feel exactly the opposite

[RenneB]

Sure, I woulda coulda shoulda but this is where I am now and I just go with it. When Renne came back after a 15 year absence, she didn't like the body that I had left her, so time to lose the weight. Down 20 lbs so far and still going. Off to get eye lid surgery in a month to take off a few years and brighten the look. One step at a time is how I see it. I'm not considering a full transition as I'm still in the male job market and need to look the part.

Renne.....

[Areyan]

you sound like you're on the right track. i'm so sorry you waited so long too... your stories make me feel so damn sad that i do not have the courage to do the same. i dun have a marriage to lose and my children support who i am fully (probably because they are both pre-teens) but i have a 69 year old father and a 61 year old mother who absolutely cannot deal with trans stuff and almost disowned me for falling in love with my current partner and staying with her through her transition. although i dun give two sparrows what they think of me really, i dun want either of them going to their graves with hatred or intolerance for me in their hearts. it's just something i dun think i could bear the guilt of and old folks are assholes like that because ultimately they're going to die and it won't matter to them anymore, but it will hurt me forever more to know i can't rectify their feelings about it once they're gone.

if anyone knows how to come out to them for me without them hating me until their deathbeds i welcome suggestions. as you can tell by my parent's ages they have lived their lives at a time when gender was very pink or blue and there was nothing in between. they think my gf is a freak and dun talk to me much now, but they can live with it because it's HER and not me.

btw, waiting for them to die might take too long as well - my dad's ol' man hung on to his dear life until age 83, so hoping they die before i transition is a bit unrealistic, and kinda sick, lol. :straightface:

[Melody Moore]

Is it too late to consider transition through GRS and beyond when you in your mid fifties?
First of all the most common age I have found in transitioning is between the age of 45-55. Myself I started
on hormone therapy at the age of 47. But there is a new trans-girl in my local group who has just started on
hormone therapy & she is 78 years of age. So if this is any example to go by, you're really a 'spring chicken'.

As for GRS, age is a factor when it comes to surgery, but the biggest deciding factor is your personal health.
If you are overweight & a smoker then you have less chance of finding a surgeon who will preform SRS/GRS.

[Rianna Humble]

as you can tell by my parent's ages they have lived their lives at a time when gender was very pink or blue and there was nothing in between.

Might not help your particular situation, Areyan, but your parent's age is not the problem. My father can give yours 20 years and is supporting me all the way - even though there is a lot he doesn't understand.

I think you are going to have to take it gently with them and try to explain again that it is not their fault that you were born this way. Unfortunately it will be their fault if they prevent you from dealing with your gender dysphoria but you don't necessarily want to tell them that.

I'm really sorry that you are going through this rejection from your parents. :hugs:

[Teri Jean]

Kelsey, I am happy to say if you are healthy your age is not an issue. I am 62 yrs young and have a friend who is having her GRS next year at the tender age of 71. The issue before us all is what is it going take to become comfortable with ourselves and are we healthy enough to achieve our goals. BTW my surgery is in 7 days from today.

The rest is your decision. I wish you the best. Teri

[Kelsy]

Wow! thanks for the encouragement! I really needed a lift and you guys are wonderful!
I don't doubt who I am but the struggle is difficult sometimes. I'm trying to take it a day at time
I see my therapist Saturday - need this session! Thanks again luv you all!

ps I had a colonscopy last week that was perfect and my health is being monitered by
my doc and I am in good shape. I lost 14 lbs in a month
K

[Laurie Ann]

I am 58 HRT for over 2 years. Therapy for 5 and am looking forward to surgery within 2 years. I believe it is not a matter of age but finally being true to who you really are.

[Hope]

I kick myself constantly for not having had the courage to begin
this process much earlier in life and the older I have gotten the more difficult
it has become to get to where I need to be.

Yup. We all do that.

How do you suppose you will feel about this in 10 years?



I think the fear I am having now
is getting stuck in between with the result being diminishing resources to
to get the surgeries I need including GRS. I fear being transformed in to a
freakish individual living alone in this world! What is the reality of it?


What you need and what you can pay for are sometimes different things. But so are what we want and what we need. Transition isn't cheep, but it can be done on the cheep. Think about what you REALLY need.

I'm married, and I plan on remaining married. My wife is well aware of my birth defect. I have exactly 0 use for a vagina. I certainly would rather have SRS, but ... I will be getting an orchi and put the $20,000 in savings towards FFS. Everyone sees my face - no one (besides my wife and my doctor) sees my junk. If I come up with the money someday - I might get SRS... but the money is better spent other places.

A new wardrobe isn't cheep. But it can be inexpensive. With the exception of undergarments and shoes EVERY piece of clothing I own is from goodwill. And women compliment me on my outfits ALL THE TIME.

You can make the financial aspect happen if you try. Like everything else in life it is about priorities.

The part about living alone? Well that part is up to you. If you can't maintain relationships now, chances are a vagina won't change that. If you do alright now, you will likely do alright in your new role. The rules are different on this side of the divide, but the game is the same. But boy or girl, you can learn to play the game. That is a life skill, not a transition skill. I think transition makes it easier - because being trans is a HUGE idiot filter, it keeps the bigots away from you, or at least forces them to self-identify so that you don't unwittingly invest too much energy into relationships with them.

Here is the meat of your question:

You are afraid of being a freak. I think we all get that. We all have days where we look in the mirror and go "Really?" or "Who do you think you are fooling?" or worse yet "'Sup dude?"

When I started down this path I told my therapist I was afraid of becoming a "guy in a dress." We have all seen that guy. Some of us are that guy. I didn't want to be that guy. I don't want to be that guy. BUT... the truth is that I am... 10%? 20% passable maybe? I might pass in a room full of referees. I don't pass. I'm 6'2", I have a big forehead, and huge paws - hormones have not yet softened my features enough to make me more androgynous. I look like a dude in a dress, albeit a very well put together dude in a dress. I am SURE that there are people who call me a freak. I met some old friends at a sports bar last night and it was about like the record skipped when I walked in. I was accosted by a coward in a ladies room last week "Men belong in the mens room!" she shouted as she walked out the door after spying on me while I peed. I have for all intents and purposes become what I was afraid of. That is the reality of it.

But that is not ALL of the reality of it.

Because the truth is that it is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It is actually not at all like I thought it would be. It is, despite the garbage from the bigots SO MUCH BETTER than living the lie. It is not really possible to explain the liberation I feel to someone who hasn't experienced it. Because the truth is - living as guys, we don't know any better - we don't have anything else to compare it to. We don't know just how miserable it is making us. We know all about the longing, but we have no idea how angry and miserable we really are until the pain of that is lifted.

My friend last night told me "You are obviously in a much better place, much happier than I have ever seen you." And that is the reality of it as well.

[Jessinthesprings]

I don't think so. Aside from individual heath limitations there is no reason you should not. Do what makes you happy, and always keep an open mind.

[Sharon]

If you are now in your mid-fifties, actuarial tables likely predict you to live another thirty years or so. You will hopefully live even longer. Wouldn't you prefer to live those years happy and truthful to yourself? Thirty-plus years is a long time.

I was fifty when I transitioned and while it would have been much, much better if I did it thirty years earlier, I didn't. I'm happy beyond description that I didn't wait another thirty years. :)

[BreenaDion]

ITS NEVER TO LATE " GIRL FRIEND" I know we buzzed a bit but have to say it again. Never give up your dream because you will just die. Heard that in a movie but its real life Girl. Never Quit always look around, find a way, always move forward. Sounds so much like my poem. "Searching for a window to escape" God Girl Friend you really need to read my poem it would be so helpful for you. Even thou its about pain , its about finding a way to heal. Hell I did and you can. We can start there. Love You.
Breena.

[Aprilrain]

I'm 35 and a large part of what has driven me through the fear's that any reasonable person would have about changing their gender was yet another bigger fear, the fear that I would be 40, 50, 60 years old and my GID would still be there gnawing at my soul and the regrets would only be worse. As it is I too wistfully think about how great it would have been to have started much younger, like in my teens! Of course its never to late to be who you know you should be but then again it's never to early either!

[Kelsy]

Thanks everyone ,
I think your support is all I really needed. I have to agree when I look out to the future
I can't imagine having to continue to battle my dysphoria I am so tired of it! I've reached a place
where the rubber meets the road so to speak I know it and it has me freaked out a bit.
I know who I am, It's splainin it that gives me the jitters! One thing You have taught me
is that it is probably best to approach this with some humor !!

"You are afraid of being a freak. I think we all get that. We all have days where we look in the mirror and go "Really?" or "Who do you think you are fooling?" or worse yet "'Sup dude?"

" I might pass in a room full of referees." OMG Hope! funny lady!!

Kelsy

[Jorja]

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do - Benjamin Franklin

If you can't Laugh at Yourself, Your missing the best Jokes!

These are quotes to live by in my opinion.

[melissaK]

It's the battle within which most of us face. There's only one way to live and that's your own (with my apologies the the Levellors for stealing their lyrics).
I did the HRT thing and stopped there. The hormone change made the dysphoria I felt managable. Like most of us I cross dressed as a child and liked the firls better etc, but that awful dysphoria imbalance got worse at puberty, and by my 30's was disruptive to daily living, but I didn't want to transition. I tried full time cross dressing except at work, but heavily invested in a professional career I didn't want to reinvent my entire life. The stress of not transitioning about killed me in my late 40's (thank you all my counsellors - and a few tender voices on this site). So what to do. I read and theorized that because HRT made a big differnce for everyone, why not just do that. So at about age 50 I did. Anyway, taking E has offset my T levels, and the dyshoria has been manageable like it used to be for me in my 20's. It has allowed me to stay in my gender birth male role and not pay the social and economic price of a full transitition. It's not a perfect place though, if I cut back on the HRT the dysphoria is as bad as it ever was. And, I have A cup breasts with all the compliations that entails. If I cut back on HRT they shrink, but dont go away completely so its a "no returns" path even if you keep your receipts. ;^) Anyway, sounds like you are on a good path of your own.

[Jean Marie]

Its never TOO late, I have a good friend that just sailed thru full SRS she was 68yo at the time. of cure every individual can be differant regarding your over al health

[Kelsy]

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do - Benjamin Franklin

If you can't Laugh at Yourself, Your missing the best Jokes!

These are quotes to live by in my opinion.

I have another Jorja - "If you can't be yourself then who are you?"

[Jorja]

I have another Jorja - "If you can't be yourself then who are you?"

That is a very good one!

[Traci Elizabeth]

Age - any age, should not be a factor in starting transition. No one says which, if any surgeries, you should or need to have in order to be a woman. In fact, I would estimate that over 50% of the gals NEVER opt for BA, FFS or SRS.

[Sophora]

Age - any age, should not be a factor in starting transition. No one says which, if any surgeries, you should or need to have in order to be a woman. In fact, I would estimate that over 50% of the gals NEVER opt for BA, FFS or SRS.

I am sorry but I am still not good with abbrevaitions yet. I know FFS and SRS but what is BA?

[Melody Moore]

I am sorry but I am still not good with abbrevaitions yet. I know FFS and SRS but what is BA?
Breast Augmentation Surgery