I need help with Cowboy David please.

[BreenaDion]

ok I have seen David a couple times after Easter Sunday and there are no sparks. Thats not the problem and actually I like it better that way. Like today was foggy misty like ur literally in the clouds an wet but not raining but miserable to ride.

I got one of my spouces bikes fixed today cuz I got to many getting worked on and my Hybred which reminds me so much of myself is in the body shop getting a new paint job. I got a spair fixed an drove to the usual lot ,started to put my hair in a pony tail and David drives up. Right behind my van an window goes down and I approach. We stated talking about bikes then motorcycles which I have a vulcan 1500 and he seamed amazed of the size.

It seamed we was guy talking about our toys sorta speak. I dont mind that but my question is. How to I ask him if he knows im trans ? I really dont want to OUT myself unless I have to. I do that to some businesses and there cool with me presenting as a lady. I am totally decked out but no dresses or skirts I just wanna fit in not stand out.

How do I ask him if he knows already or should I wait in time an see how this evolves ? I really want to know one way or another so I know how I can aproach him in either fashion is ok. I dont tell people im trans unless I really have to but thats not a problem with me anymore. Like what the leader said at the last support meeting, was asking about what bathroom I use. The thing is she said was about Attitude, so I took it further and used that Attitude she was taking about and used it in life to every one and every where and It is paying much diividends.

I am less afraid now and anxiety is more in check after I adopted more attitude, feal more like a woman now than I ever did. How do I ask David or does he know already. He commented so much sunday on how much of a lady I am and I keep up the good work I would win a beauty contest. I said thanks but I aint no queen but I do present a alittle attitude being in that direction but im no in ur face bitch either.

Thanks, just want to know how to procede.
Breena.

[Melody Moore]

I don't know why you are even worrying about telling him you are trans because you said there was 'no sparks'.
So unless sex or some type of intimate relationship is possibly on the agenda why is this even an issue right now.

Just wait & let any relationship evolve first.

[CharleneT]

You've mentioned both a wife and SO (one in the same I assume), while what you describe seems pretty mild, don't you think are you playing around here a bit more than is wise ? Your descriptions do had a feeling of flirting with him ?

[Babeba]

How do I ask David or does he know already. He commented so much sunday on how much of a lady I am and I keep up the good work I would win a beauty contest.
Thanks, just want to know how to procede.
Breena.

Breena, if I (as a gg) were in your position I would think his comment (especially about how much of a lady you are) I would think it highly odd - so I'm going to deduce two things from your post: first, that he knows (or highly suspects) that you're trans and second, that he is okay with this and is trying to be encouraging of it. If you were to make your gender into a big deal between you two, I'm not sure how well it would go - especially since most of the cis world thinks of biological sex, sexuality and gender as being interconnected and dependent on each other to some extent. He may end up thinking you are trying to entice him, and that would either make him very uncomfortable to be around you or make him try to pursue the sort of relationship which would be toxic to your marriage.

[JohnH]

Just tell him that you are married. He does not need to know if your spouse is a woman or a man. End of discussion. :)

Johanna

[BreenaDion]

SIGH !!! First of all my wife, SO, an spouce are one in the same, I am just getting over that mixed up part on what to call her and we have been leaning towards spouce. One couple M2F and GG call it Momosexual, it works for them and I do understand them a little deeper in ways like us.

Guess you have to reread the post to better understand what Im asking an where I stand, I cant make it any simplier.
Thanks
Breena.

[BreenaDion]

God and I thought this was going to be simple.
Sorry!
Thanks.
Breena.

[BreenaDion]

I dont come out an tell every one im married, like in a respose to Reine, I have changed so much in 2 yrs I told my wife its torment and torcher for me to just hold breena back from becomening a woman.

If he precedes me as a Trans I dont care.
If he precedes me as a woman I dont care.
The point is how do I find out what he knows without asking him?
I can handel the rest from there just fine
Thanks
Breena.

[BreenaDion]

Maybe I should OUT myself and blatantly tell him....SIGH!!! not what I want to do im so stuck! I also am trying to establish myself to learn/lean into some resemblance od STEALTH. As for now im at the outing stage untile I get my name changed in a few months.
Breena.

[Babeba]

Breena,

I'm pretty sure he knows you're trans. You pretty much don't comment to a cis woman you've only recently met that she's 'such a lady' if she's over the age of nine.

[AllieSF]

I would not tell him, because as you have said, he really does not need to know. It sounds like you just want him to accept you as you are. So, I would not mention it and leave that topic alone. I also agree that he probably already knows and there is no reason to go further with your curiosity of whether he knows or not. So, just enjoy your riding friendship and let it develop however it does over time. If it seems like it is getting out of control for you, you can always just back off or tell him that you just enjoy the friendship side only. Good luck and let us know what happens.

[BreenaDion]

Yes Thanks. Patience is a vitue I just want ot toss out the window some times, but we are going to see eachother ALOT since the weather is improving. It is a passion of his for fitness and also I have noticed that he just comes to see if any one is around. I sence a lonelyness from watching him. Totally at face value a very friendly peson who loves the company of others. Thanks Allie.
Breena.

[BreenaDion]

To get deeper, I have burned to many bridges as a male for to many decades. I stoped that bad habit because i will need them again later and its not good for breena. She loves friends and are easy to come by but really hard to keep.

without getting to grafic, this awakening is in new ereas that are 180 degrees the other way and I have no wish to Surpress it. Read deeper into my response to Reine in where I met the cowboy. I opened the door for you and im not going to close any of them at least right not now.

I am totally aware of the consequences to my marriage and my life.
Breena.

[7sisters]

Keep mum about your trans status. Even if you suspect that he knows. Let him take the initiative. Honestly you can never predict how this interaction will end. Underneath everything, please be cautious.

[AKAMichelle]

If you must find out, then the only way is to tell him. Personally I think I would keep my mouth shut.

[Sally24]

I suspect you want to know whether he thinks you are pretty "for a transwoman" or if he honestly finds you attractive. Until your in a relationship with someone I find no reason to tell them of your trans status.

[BreenaDion]

Im not pretty by any means . Ive been told by many TS that I dont need FFS, thank god for that. I present as a lady very well, because of my age this transition suits me phyically , emointionally and psychologically very nicely. I am melding into this new rule with great ease.

Two pieces of advice I have recieved have helped me out immensely in the last month. One from my Gender specialist, as I was telling her how I have anxiety over men in some ways and the general population. She said just smile when meeting people for a second or so, I do understand the quirks behind that. Second and most important "Best advice I have had in my life" from my support group leader. I was asking about which bathroom I am suppose to use a month ago and her focus was about "Attitude". I understand what she meant but I took it one further and used that "Attitude" or self confidence in presenting myself as a woman. OMG this has been paying dividends for me. (sorry gots to go) Thanks
Breena

[Sejd]

If you don't want to be in a romantic relationship with this cowboy dude don't tell him anything, it's non of his business.

[ReineD]

True to form, I'll go against the grain. :)

I understand why you're dying to know if he knows or not. You're new at this and you wonder how others perceive you.

You could post a pic here to get feedback, but pictures can be deceiving because they're just so small compared to human proportions. It's up to you though.

If you think that the cowboy and you are becoming friends, meaning you get along well and have lots to talk about in a platonic sort of way (you did say there were no sparks, right?), then maybe at one point your friendship will develop enough to have coffee, lunch, or drinks after a ride sometime? If this should ever happen then you'll both naturally talk about your pasts, your families, jobs, etc, as things evolve naturally. Then after a while, it wouldn't be weird for you to ask him about his first impressions, if you explain why it's important for you to know.

If you don't see any friendship developing beyond the acquaintance stage, chances are that you'll run into one another for awhile but then you'll lose sight of one another as your lives diverge. If you think this is where it's going and you may or may not see this guy except just sporadically, I don't see any harm in telling him you are trans and asking him if he suspected it, while again telling him why it's important for you to know at this point in your transition. One of two things will happen: either he will be shocked and congratulate you on your looks, or he already suspects it and hopefully he will be honest enough to tell you.

That's what I would do, simply because I'm incorrigibly curious, plus I'm a strong believer in getting feedback from others. Sometimes our ability for self-assessment isn't entirely accurate, and I think this is true for most everyone.

Annecdote: my SO and I were out for dinner in a city a few hours away, a few years ago. There was a huge table of people next to us. It looked like they were all 30s ish coworkers. At one point I went to the ladies room, and a few minutes later, a young woman from the large table came in after me. I can't remember how the conversation got started, she had a husky voice like Rebecca Howe in Cheers and I told her how much I admired it. Then she hit me between the eyes with a 2 x 4 with the news that she was a birth male. I was shocked! And believe me, if any cisperson is good at picking up on gender cues, it is me especially after having hung around here for so long and having met so many transpersons. A very loud, "Get Out!" escaped from my lips, and she laughed. So I quickly told her, "What a coincidence, my SO is also a birth male, won't you come and join us?" (I also can sometimes be impulsive to a fault :p). Anyway, she did, and we had a great time for an hour or so, the three of us just talking. She told me that she's not in the habit of telling people though, and I think she was the first person who explained to me the concept of going stealth. I don't know why she chose to tell me, but she did and it was very well received. :)

I can't help but think that my reaction pleased her, and it was as honest a reaction as could be! :)