Bathroom/Restroom Etiquet/State Laws

[Nigella]

Quite often the topics of:

Which Bathroom/Restroom do you use?
How should I act in the female bathroom/restroom?
Is it legal to use the femal bathroom/restroom?

amongst others of this nature, arise.

Well here is a sticky for those type of responses to help those who are starting on the journey of the big wide world and how to behave in those areas. Feel free to comment, adding your own experiences both good and bad.

[StaceyJane]

a sticky is a greatidea.

When out en femme I use the female bathroom. I couldn't imagine going into the male bathroom dressed as a female.
I have used the ladies room in many public places including Cowboys Stadium and the Texas State Capitol building and I've never had a problem.

[Loni]

as to which bathroom i use: i use the one as per how i am dressed.
how to act: act as you belong there. just going pee,and freshen up the makeup.
is it legal: yes it is at least here in California...but watch out for some girls they can make trouble (not as in the Mc D's thing).

so far no problems but then i have only used the loo, in trans friendly places. of if in a public place a one off locked door loo.
never heard more than one time and it was "the coast is clear" (one woman to another. another group of people.)
so i can say i have had no bad things happen.

Loni

.

[Michelle James]

I use the ladies room 100% of the time when dressed, which is nearly 100% of the time. It's all attitude, if you believe you belong there and act like you do then no problems. I do not think it's legal here but when ya gotta go, and with a 57 year old prostate I gotta go a lot. I have even had other ladies strike up conversations with me in the ladies room and all felt normal. Just girl talk kind of stuff.

[Wendy_Marie]

I use the restroom based upon what Gender I present at the moment. if enfemme, I do not hesitate to use the womens facilities...haven't had a bad expereience yet.

[Tricia Lee]

Which Bathroom/Restroom do you use?

In order of preference;

1) Neither
2) Family/Unisex
3) Women's



How should I act in the female bathroom/restroom?

Unless you are extremely passable and *confident*, act like the invisible woman.



Is it legal to use the femal bathroom/restroom?

Maybe/Maybe not. Check local laws. Even if it is legal, the more important question is whether it's a good idea? It's not always safe.


The best thing you can do is plan ahead, and avoid the need to use the restroom altogether. If that fails, the next best thing to do is plan ahead, and know where all the unisex/family restrooms are located. Use them if at all possible.

I've used the women's restroom often without any trouble. *But*, I do my best to make sure no one else is inside when I do. If someone else comes in while I'm there, I stay in the stall until they either a) enter a stall, or b) leave. I've managed to only encounter other women a few times.

[Anne2345]

Given that I do not go out in public dressed, it is a non-issue for me. However, in the short time I have been a member in the forum, I have read several bathroom threads out of curiousity as they have popped up here and there. I have to admit, I have mixed feelings on the issue. On the one hand, there is a reason why there are seperate bathrooms for males and females in society. Both men and women, in using the bathroom of their true gender, have an expectation of privacy that such bathrooms will be occupied only by people of the same gender. I would imagine that some may be upset, or somehow feel violated if they knew a member of the opposite sex was in the bathroom with them, no matter how innocent the intentions of that person of the opposite sex were. On the other hand, taking a MtF crossdresser, for example, it does not really seem to be a desirable option to use the men's bathroom, as that may present other problems in and of itself. I know that if I did go out dressed in public, I certainly would not want to use a men's bathroom. Obviously, a family or unisex bathroom seems to be an ideal solution, but such bathrooms are not always readily accessible. I am not saying that I am opposed to the idea, but I am not really sold on it, either. For a person transitioning to the oppostite sex, it is clear cut in my mind that it is acceptable. And just because something is legal, or not unlawful, does not necessarily mean it is acceptable. Of the posts I have seen, however, I have not really noticed any members that are in opposition to the proposition that it is acceptable to use such bathrooms when presenting as the opposite sex. There may be those that oppose, and I may simply have missed the posts, or there may be those in the past that have posted their opposition, and I am simply too lazy to research it, but I would be interested in reading more about the moral or ethical argument of should use versus should not use on this issue.

[Diane Smith]

I often feel creeped out and a little threatened in public men's rooms even when I'm dressed fully male. I do not feel more comfortable being around others of my same sex in there, and would be much happier to be able to use the women's room all the time. (Obviously, I don't when it is not appropriate.)

Single-stall, unisex or "family" bathrooms are far and away the best.

- Diane

[LaraCreaft]

As with any of the other 'females', I would much rather use the family restrooms, if accessible. What I try to do, is go scout out the store when I'm dressed fully male, and see what kind of bathrooms there are. That way you should be able to find out what kind of restroom service they have.

[Charise52]

When fully dressed with makeup on I have used the womens'... fortunatuely most of them were one room and I had the place to myself... and they were nice...

[Loni]

ran across this (http://safe2pee.org/new/)site could be of some help.

a listing of safe bathrooms. and a way to include ones you know about.
and a booklet put out by the transgendered law center. titled, peeing in peace. a couple years out of date but good info.

Loni

.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Well one thing is go to what ever loo you are dressed for. try not to use a male loo if your dressed as a woman tho some times its okay if the sign says men & woman as some do , over seas. we do have some here that are unisex. many of our large malls have male & womans , some shops have just one loo so ether can use them & most just have a toilet & wash hand basen .

For me im just another woman & use the womans & as to etiquet , what do many women do ...talk . so no proplems there,

... noeleena...

[Yolanda_Voils]

When dressed, I ALWAYS use the Ladies room, how would it look for a person wearing high heels, a dress, long hair and makeup to the 9's going into the Men's room ?

The only oddity I've encountered was 2 very Butch Females who glared at me HARD as I left. I'm not sure if they made me, or disliked me for the very "Straight Laced" and "Proper Southern Ladies" outfit that I was wearing, I'd like to think the former.

A note of caution, I never use the rest room where there are lots of children, this is asking for a confrontation with some redneck if I was made as a CD, so I avoid McD's and other fast food joints during Kiddies Play Time.

[Christina Horton]

I will only use the Ladies Restrooms. WHY?!
As stated above...
Plus Like you have read if you use the men's room dressed most likely people Whom have not clocked you just might say "Hey that looks like a guy in drag"! and who knows what would happen then.
I have never had any problems using a ladies room. I have at movie theaters with young people and kids too. Never had anyone say anything to me. I waited in line at the mall to get into a bathroom and talked to the women (and complained about the long lines and the fact that men never have to wait). Now that was a fun conversation LOL.

BUT THE BIGGEST PIECE'S OF ADVICE I can give is this....

1) If you don't have a female or close to or a good sounding voice.... Try not to speak to anyone.
I would guess that that would be something that would not sit well with the women in there. Why? Well I would think that if your dressed to the 9s and look ok (even if you don't pass at all) the women would think that you at least are trying hard to look your best. There are women that looks more like a man then I do when I'm dressed as a man . So there is a very huge range of women out there that you and and will see in the ladies room , I know I don't pass 100% of the time and have been clocked in the ladies room but because I looked like I was not skulking around or sleazing around they accepted me there.

2) If you have any doubt on whether its legal or not check it out on the web or call you local Non-emergency police and ask them about it.

Just act like it's an everyday thing....(Which it is) then most likely you'll not have any prob's.
Does that mean you should not be aware of your surroundings NO , but you should be fine. There is always a chance that you might have a prob but for the mist part you won't.
Just remember Attitude Attitude Attitude!!!!!!!!

Now go out there and be THE BEST DAM WOMEN YOU CAN BE!!!!!!!!!

[Cheryl T]

Always the ladies room when dressed.
I would prefer to deal with a woman being upset than with a couple of testosterone pumped homophobes in the men's room.

[Sophie86]

I did this for the first time last night (not counting being sent to the wrong restroom when I was 10). Yay! The biggest problem I had was being able to relax enough to actually pee. I have a shy bladder, which makes it difficult to go under normal circumstances. It took several minutes of zen-like meditation. Then there was the hassle of getting my layers back on right. Interacting with the young girl who came in as I was leaving was the least trouble I had. I just smiled and said 'hi', and she smiled back. Seeing as how she was only wearing a black corset, panties and a pair of fishnets, I didn't expect she would be very judgmental. :heehee:

[Janet Bern]

I am in agreement with Wendy
I use the restroom based upon what Gender I present at the moment. if enfemme,
I do not hesitate to use the womens facilities...haven't had a bad expereience yet.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I used to suffer from bashful bladder too. One technique that works for me and some others is to do some math problems in my head or some other analytical thinking, as it seems to "distract" the part of the brain that makes you want to hold it in.

It is not all that uncommon among male bodied persons, and one reason I believe it is considered bad etiquette to have a conversation in a mens' room. Maybe it is some sort of leftover survival instinct men once had, the need to be alert and ready to run or risk be eaten or something, who knows.

[DeeDeeB]

If available, use the bathroom labeled for both, very often labeled as wheelchair friendly. Otherwise, the room labeled for the sex you are expressing. NYC has a statuate protecting this right to gender identity. However, use the room as anyone else of that gender would. Don't stand at the women's toilet, sit as any lady would. Feet front is the rule. Don't hang around, do your business, check your makeup and be gone. If you use discretion and show consideration you should be fine. I have gotten some looks, but I just smile and move on.

Dee :fairy1:

[Fab Karen]

And for those who grew up in a cave, WASH YOUR HANDS.

[DeeDeeB]

And for those who grew up in a cave, WASH YOUR HANDS.

Amen to that!

[qaws123uk]

I know this is probably a stupid question but at this time of night, you think random things!!

When girls go to the toilet and are wearing a dress, do they just pull dress up around neck. Or do they pull it down to ankles (of course depends on dress if you can do this) or take it off completely and hang it up??

[Cherry Lynn]

We pull our dress up to the waist.

[Persephone]

We pull our dress up to the waist.

And make sure it stays out of the toilet!!!

[Cherry Lynn]

And make sure it stays out of the toilet!!!

Thanks, I forgot to add that little note and make sure not to get it caught in your panties when you pull them up.

[Christina Horton]

I pull it up to my wait as said above and some times I wrap part of it around my arm so I know it's not on the floor or in the toilet. Skirts are the same unless you have a very short skirt then it's easier. If you take of your dress that could be a prob. Plus of course you MUST sit and pee, But thats common sense lol.

[Claire Cook]

LIke others here, I always use the ladies' loo when dressed and have never had a problem. (Once I got this smile and wink from a butch type -- I think she was hitting on me!) It's funny, but like Diane I am uncomfortable in a men's room. I've always preferred to pee sitting down. I try to direct the stream so that the tinkle can be heard, and always use toilet paper ... just like the other ladies.


And make sure it stays out of the toilet!!!

.. and this takes practice with a long skirt!

[Yolanda_Voils]

Colorado (http://www.transgenderlaw.org/ndlaws/ColoradoFAQ.pdf)
transgender people are not required to “prove” they are transgender to use gender-segregated facilities

Maine
The Maine Human Rights Act prohibits discrimination in public accommodations, such as restaurants, based on, among other factors, gender identity or expressio (http://www.bilerico.com/2010/06/maine_court_favorable_ruling_on_trans_bathroom_use .php)

Iowa (http://www.transgenderlaw.org/ndlaws/IowaGuide.pdf)
trans people must be allowed to use the restrooms that match their gender identity

Rhode Island (http://www.rilin.state.ri.us/Billtext/BillText01/HouseText01/H5920A.htm)
11-24-2. Discriminatory practices prohibited:
No person,, of any place of public accommodation, resort, shall directly or indirectly refuse,, any of the accommodations, advantages, facilities, or privileges of that public place,, to any person on account of sex, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression,

Florida (http://archive.flsenate.gov/data/session/2009/Senate/bills/billtext/html/sb2012.html)
Discrimination in places of public accommodation.
All persons shall be entitled to the full and equal enjoyment of the goods, services, facilities, privileges, advantages, and
accommodations of any place of public accommodation, inn, hotel, motel, restaurant, bar, establishments serving food or drink, bakery, grocery store, clothing store, beauty shop, travel service, park, zoo, amusement park, etc, etc...
Private or Public enterprises may not refuse service based upon race, creed, color, sex, physical, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression


Washington State (http://www.hum.wa.gov/FAQ/FAQSexualOrientation3.html)
restroom access is to be afforded to individuals based on the gender a person asserts, or their gender identity

Washington DC (http://www.dcregs.org/Gateway/RuleHome.aspx?RuleNumber=4-802)
access should be based on a person’s gender identity or expression

Some cities, dated ordinances that ban people from using public restroom facilities “designated for the opposite sex.”
These ordinances are the exception rather than the rule, and — where they do exist — are rarely enforced.
While it is appropriate for transgender people to use restrooms that match their gender identity, remember to prioritize your own safety and be aware of the possibility of police harassment.
If you are arrested or cited due to public restroom usage, contact Lambda Legal right away.
http://www.lambdalegal.org/nhq


*Note*
Many states have pending legislation, scroll down and keep check on your state, many are not listed as this list is a year or so old. Click HERE (http://www.transgenderlaw.org/ndlaws/index.htm#restrooms)


I know there are many states that have similar codes, if it's ok, when someone finds one, I'll c&p it here at the top so folks won't have to search.

If we get a comprehensive list, maybe it'll get a "sticky" status

[Lizeth]

When en femme I use the Lady's room. I have been lucky enough to bring a few GG's into the fold and they've been more than supportive and helpful and helped me when I first started going out in public. But the first time I went out in public (to the movies, to be exact), the I was so excited/nervous the bathroom thing didn't even cross my mind, and I foolishly drank the movie theater's jumbozilla, bucket of soda during a three hour movie. I was completely terrified! And when I got to the rest room and saw it was actually fairly busy I started weighing my options. (Can I hold it for another hour and a half? Suuuure. Maybe I'll just stand in this corner and stare at this movie poster until it gets less busy). To make a long story short I sucked it up and went in, did my business and rejoined my friend with nary a second glance. Since then using the Lady's Room has been second nature.

[AlisonRenee]

Thanks, I forgot to add that little note and make sure not to get it caught in your panties when you pull them up.

.... done *that*. Did manage to catch it before exiting the ladies room, but felt like I should have had the "rookie" sign on my forehead.

[LisaDee]

Use the restroom for the gender your dressed. Don't make a big deal of it. Go in do your business and leave.

[ArleneRaquel]

Use the restroom for the gender your dressed. Don't make a big deal of it. Go in do your business and leave.

I agree, thats what I do.

[Sophie86]

.... done *that*. Did manage to catch it before exiting the ladies room, but felt like I should have had the "rookie" sign on my forehead.

I wore a black skirt and corset to a Halloween party last year. The corset had a tie in the front as well as the back. The strings were rather long, and I didn't think to cut them off shorter, so they hung down pretty far. I went to the bathroom, and somehow managed to get the strings caught in my panties but over the top of my skirt. I didn't realize it until I came out and noticed there was a problem with the skirt. I started pulling on the string, and that's when I realized where the other end of it was. There were three or four people standing around as I attempted to make the adjustment, each one trying to be more witty than the next in their remarks. :o

It's always good to be among friends. :straightface:

[docrobbysherry]

At the SCC in Atlanta:
Use the restroom of the gender u r presenting.:)

At Disneyland:
(By their staff). Do NOT get caught in a womens restroom!:Angry3:

At the DLV:
Use the restroom of the gender you're presenting. But also, USE COMMON SENSE! Because that mite NOT be a good idea! Depending on where u r and the circumstances!:eek:

[jodylynn113]

Legally, this question is complicated as there is no right answer, In arizona a few years back they arrested a cd for using the women's restroom in a hospital {there position was that is was a type of fraud. In reality you should try to go as the gender you are dressed but use the family restroom when you can. No that there is no universally correct answer

[shawnsheila]

The few times I went out in public en femme, I was at a business conference in LA and went en femme. First off, my heart was pounding like crazy because there was a 10 year gap between outings en femme and it was very exciting yet scary to be out in public en femme. I think I am passable but there were a few ladies that did double takes of me (I was dressed in a pencil skirt and blouse with pumps... nothing too loud) anyways, while I was at the Staples center I had to use the rest room a few times.

After the initial rush from being out in public, taking public transportation etc, using the women's restroom was even more intense. I know California law protects Gals like us but there is always a chance someone would cause problems. I steeled myself, I went in with a confident stroll. I used the bathroom (which btw had nicer facilities then the mens room) I freshened up my make up and none of the ladies in there even batted an eyelash at me. The only shocking instance is when a lady rushed in and bumped into me. She apologized and I said "Thats ok" in a not so good femme voice. I did get a double take from that one but everything else was fine and it was both a thrilling and freeing experience to be out in public, being able to use the ladies rest room and feel totally like a lady :)

[Debglam]

Here is a source for information in California: http://transgenderlawcenter.org/cms/content/safe-bathroom-access-campaign-sbac

[NathalieX66]

I can't find the right link, but I do know that the law regarding gender expression in regard to public restrooms in New Jersey has been on the books since 2006:
http://www.martindale.com/labor-employment-law/article_Duane-Morris-LLP_316840.htm

Cool! ...... Crossdressers can legally use the womens room, not just transitioned TS. :)

[Sally24]

City regulations in Boston, Cambridge, and North Hampton Massachusetts protect transgendered rights and allow bathroom use for the gender you are presenting. We are still pushing for a state wide law up on Beacon Hill.

[Laurie Ann]

What great information I wonder where the Tar Heel state is on this issue.

[Butterfly Bill]

Maybe I'm the only one here who does, but I always use the men's room and go into a stall with a closeable door. I've never got any grief for doing this in 17 years of being out. I don't want to run the risk of freaking any woman or child out.

[april_lynn]

I found this site that offers a nice comprehensive review of the topic
http://www.transgenderlaw.org/ndlaws/index.htm

I had not seen it before but found it helpful!

April

[Chrissy.Sexton]

As one who has only recently found the nerve to go out, I had wondered how I was going to handle this issue. Thank you, Forum, for some good, and timely, advice.

[prettytoes]

Here's a silly little question: How do you prefer to pee...sitting or standing? I really think that mini skirts are more suited to a man's anatomy. No zippers to get caught in; just lift it up a little and go. It's much easier to relieve yourself (standing) while wearing a skirt instead of pants. Anyhow, I was just wondering which most of us prefer. I still go while standing...one of the benefits of being a GM (and we get to write our names in the snow...lol!).

[bobbie sue]

Hi i always sit it is the womanly thing to do

[linda allen]

Here's a silly little question: How do you prefer to pee...sitting or standing? I really think that mini skirts are more suited to a man's anatomy. No zippers to get caught in; just lift it up a little and go. It's much easier to relieve yourself (standing) while wearing a skirt instead of pants. Anyhow, I was just wondering which most of us prefer. I still go while standing...one of the benefits of being a GM (and we get to write our names in the snow...lol!).

In many ways, it's hard for a male to appear as a female, but sitting to pee is about the simplest there is. I sit.

[KimMcNelis]

I use the restroom that matches the gender I'm presenting. When presenting en femme, I will ALWAYS sit to go potty. It's a lot about attitude; if you are calm and simply act like you are any other woman ready to go to the bathroom and then leave (after washing your hands, of course), then it's not likely to be a big deal. I've used restrooms (toilets, washrooms, water closets) all over the world while cross-dressed; mostly in the USA though. I imagine how 'passable' one is makes a difference, but again I think it's also attitude.

As someone else mentioned, the http://safe2pee.org/ site can be helpful I think. :)

[gerigirl]

So many public restrooms are just plain disgusting. Men's rooms creep me out. Always have. If I look too butch for the Ladies I usually just try and hold it until I get home or find a really clean unisex.

Do check out SitOrSquat.com

On the sit or stand question I say neither: hover!

[JodieGreen]

say neither: hover!

Think the girls would get mad if i walked in the gals bathroom, hiked up my skirt and pee'd in the sink while i fixed my eyeliner?

:P

[abigailf]

I usually use the one I am dressed as.

However, I have used the womans room before when dressed as a man; once by accident and a few times because there was no wait for the womans. I have never used the mens before when I was dressed. However, if there is a long line for the woman's and I have to go, rest assured I will use the mens (and visa versa).

[nikkijo]

At the SCC in Atlanta:
Use the restroom of the gender u r presenting.:)

At Disneyland:
(By their staff). Do NOT get caught in a womens restroom!:Angry3:

At the DLV:
Use the restroom of the gender you're presenting. But also, USE COMMON SENSE! Because that mite NOT be a good idea! Depending on where u r and the circumstances!:eek:

disney is very open... but the reason for their responce is safety of the other patrons and yourself not because they dont want you as a male who presents as female in a ladys room. think of it this way.... an un passable male entering the ladies room, lots of children..... many different classes of people..... the steriotypical responce in life that something wrong occured.... i would sugest you pass before you attempt that one, and thats what they are saying as well...

[Jean Ann S]

does any one know what the law is in the state of Texas

Jean Ann

[Intertwined]

Maybe I'm the only one here who does, but I always use the men's room and go into a stall with a closeable door. I've never got any grief for doing this in 17 years of being out. I don't want to run the risk of freaking any woman or child out.

Nope, your not the only one. But I am a bit different, I never dress fully feminine. I call it my 50/50, half feminine, half masculine.

Anyway, my belief is (and I can be just as wrong as the next person), restrooms are NOT designed for gender, they are designed for biological sex anatomy, if you have male equipment you use the Mens room, if you have female equipment you use the Ladies room.

I always used the Mens room, I have to admit, though I have never had a problem, I have cleared a mens room when they see me come in wearing a skirt and high heels, to the point, they don't even stop to wash they're hands on the way out (please don't blame me for that)

Of course, the simple solution to this problem is, 1 (one) restroom for everyone, equiped with stalls with doors, even around urinals if so equipped, No more debate then.

[ShelleyMarie55]

Excellent advice Tricia! I don't know if it's legal or illegal, but I emailed the Minneapolis Police and the Sgt told me it's OK to go out in public, but I cannot go into women's dressing rooms, restrooms or locker rooms where other women are. At the DressBarn or TJ MAXX, I nturally went into the women's dressing rooms. At K-Mart, I used the men's dressing room when I was dressed up; not a biggie, as it was next to the women's.
Being that my wife and kids don't know bout me, I would go into a Mall that isn't very busy and change in the men's stall. Primp myself, put my wig on and walk out when no man was in there. If a man was just going in, I just keep walking and if people see me in the Mall, just keep walking. Then just use the hand sanitizer I have instead of wasting time washing my hands.
I try to remember, in all liklihood, they will NEVER see me again, as a man or woman. If I make a comment, they will look at me longer & remember me more.
I do remember that in the 1980's, in the Gay 90's in Minneapolis, I would see the Bouncers escorting CD's out of the women's restroom to the front exit. I don't know if they were just "86'd" or if they had to call the police on them. I used the women's restroom there and nothing happened to me; embarrasingly, that gay bar only had one stall and I was holding up like 5-6 women. Oops. Then on in there, which was rarely, I used the men's restroom dressed up. During the summer, if I need to use the restroom or while driving, as I drink a lot of coffee, I use a Satellite portable bathroom.

Just email the Police department in the major city you are near, as I did. (Emailing, you don't have to talk face to face with a police officer and explain yourself, etc. It's easier explaining in an email. I've only checked Minneapolis, but didn't check with the surrounding suburbs and where I live. At one point in time, 1970's or early 1980's, it was actually illegal to CD in Minneapolis before they changed the ruling.

[joanna4]

On one occasion I used the womens room because I really had to pee when I wasn't dressed and when I proceeded to exit and employee walked in and said the it was the women's restroom I pretended to be very angry about the men's room being crowded. Nevertheless, I would use the one in which the gender i am representing

[LoriSue]

A while back, my wife and I started going to meetings of a TG/TS support group in N Charleston, SC. According to the information they were giving out In the state of South Carolina the law states that you are to use the restroom facilities of the Gender you are representing. I can't say I've seen it in print anywhere, but that is what we were told, and what we do.

[Yolanda_Voils]

does any one know what the law is in the state of Texas

So far it seems that Texas only has "Labor" laws.


A BILL TO BE ENTITLED
AN ACT
relating to the prohibition of employment discrimination on the
basis of sexual orientation or gender identity or expression.
BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF TEXAS:
SECTION 1. Section 21.002, Labor Code

Texas H.B. No. 538 SECTION 1. Section 21.002, Labor Code (http://www.legis.state.tx.us/tlodocs/81R/billtext/html/HB00538I.htm)

[CD Tammy]

Funny you mention Walt Disney World. I saw a very tall "woman" being escorted from the women's bathroom. I was pretty sure that she was actually a he.

[Tammygirl]

There has been time when so other Ladies have complained about me being in ladies Room! When the Cops or Security showed and they ask why didn't I use the Mens room? I say if you think you have trouble now! Just think of what would have happened if I went in the Mens room dressed like this! Course this was when I was frist starting out! Now it is secound nature to use the ladie room!
Loke one Ladie said act as if you belong there! And, if you think of it you do!

[Valerie1973]

I'd say look for a family single type restrooms where you and the SO could go in together. As for a ladies room, just be careful.

[Rianna Humble]

Unless you are certain that the local police inspcet what's between your legs before allowing you into the bathroom, I would suggest that you use the bathroom of the gender that you are presenting. If there are non-gender-specific facilities that are not for disabled people then no-one should complain if you use them, but if they are disabled facilities think about how a disabled person would feel being unable to use them because an able-bodied person was in there.

[Karren H]

Unisex/family restroom if its available else its what ever gender matches the way I'm dressed. And so far its not been a problem.

[Cynthia Anne]

About two weeks ago at the Walmart in Lebonon Missouri a kind lady held the door open to the ladies room 'til I got in! I smiled and thanked her!

[Vickie_CDTV]

I am curious, doesn't Walt Disney Land/World have single user or "family" restrooms? I would think they would have the latter given the number of small children there (I have never been to either, would like to someday.)

One thing people often don't mention in the restroom debate is the issue of children. For me at least, it is a game changer and the "use the restroom matching your presentation" goes out the window; I wait until they leave if possible or hold it until I can find a single user. It is a potential lightning rod I don't want to go near.

[Rianna Humble]

One thing people often don't mention in the restroom debate is the issue of children. For me at least, it is a game changer and the "use the restroom matching your presentation" goes out the window

To each their own, but I never stayed out of the men's facility just because there might be children there when I was presenting as a man, and I don't stay out of the women's facilities now that I am a woman even if there might be children present.

[Sarasometimes]

"One thing people often don't mention in the restroom debate is the issue of children."

I agree! To the misinformed we (non-passable CD) are perceived as threats and most will defend thier children from real or perceived threats, very aggressively, right or wrong! I go with Karren, avoidance is best then just use your head, get in, get out, move on.

[jenna_woods]

its all about the way I am dressed, if you are dressed as a female why would you use the men's bathroom, to me that's asking for problems,

[Carvery Carly]

For Midlands, UK Members. Re: Toilets In Kingfisher Shopping Centre.
If anyone in Midlands wants to visit the Kingfisher Shopping Centre in Redditch and needs to use the toilet while dressed, I received an email regarding which ones we can use.

"We have no such policy in policy you are welcome to use the toilets you
feel most comfortable using. I had better inform you though that using the disables toilets would be difficult because they are only accessible with a RADAR key (a key which is applied for by any registered disabled person from the council)

Kind Regards,

Beth"

"-----Original Message-----
I will be visiting the shopping centre soon and was wondering if you had a policy in place regarding TV's/TG using the female toilets. Thought I'd better ask before I went strolling in, just in case. Otherwise I'll use the disabled toilets.

Thanks for helping me know which toilets I will be able to use.
Carly."

Hope this is of some help, if anyone wants to visit.
Carly.

[xcdmargo]

The only time I've had a bad experience using the ladies room has been in Pennsylvannia where it is illegal. They get a little testy about the whole thing. One thing I always do is look for the "family" rest room expecially when I'm traveling. I'm the only one in there and no one bats an eye about it.
it is something that I truly plan for and is on my mind

margo

[CharleneT]

. . .

Iowa (http://www.transgenderlaw.org/ndlaws/IowaGuide.pdf)
trans people must be allowed to use the restrooms that match their gender identity



I can give some info about Iowa (where I live). The law actually protects TG folks in the use of all public facilities - not just bathrooms. BUT, and it is a big but... the local police where I live (the most progressive town in the state) have told me in very certain terms that they will prosecute anyone whose "biological sex doesn't match the bathroom they are using..." This was from the desk officer, and backed 'up by the Sgt in charge that day. I've gone in and asked twice - same answer. I then asked the woman in charge of HR/Public relations about it and she said she has tried to convince them that the law has changed - but the police do not listen. I then called the Iowa Civil Right's main office in Des Moines. Here is the short version of their explanation for this:

"... even though it is a law now (as of July 2007), it is untested. Due to that, local police simply do not believe it is a "solid" law and are unlikely to follow it. If you have a problem somewhere, we'd love to defend your rights and test this law... no one has challenged it and so it is in limbo."

Now the important part here is in the day to day, what will happen? I've never had trouble using the women facilities anywhere in the state of Iowa, over that last 4 years. Even when I was not "passing" all that well. It seems likely that no one in any of those places (many) knew about the new law either.

Your best option in terms of this issue is to act normal, be polite and don't worry about it. Chances are good no one will pay attention to you.

[Sarasometimes]

Today in Annie Sez I saw the same poster as in Nine West. Below is a link. It states that they need to accomodate gender identity needs.

http://www.nj.gov/oag/dcr/downloads/posters/8x11_pubaccposter.pdf
I'm thinking about having a copy in my purse. It may stave off any wackiness.

[NathalieX66]

New Jersey also allows for people to use the restroom of the gender they present in.....that includes CD/TG. ...the key wording in the law was "gender expression".
This law came before Fatso became governor, and I'm willing to bet he doesn't even know it exists.

[Alexiz]

I often feel creeped out and a little threatened in public men's rooms even when I'm dressed fully male. I do not feel more comfortable being around others of my same sex in there, and would be much happier to be able to use the women's room all the time. (Obviously, I don't when it is not appropriate.)

Single-stall, unisex or "family" bathrooms are far and away the best.

- Diane

I would have to say I feel the same way. I've never actually gone out dressed, yet... but I almost never use the bathrooms because of the discomfort. I never liked public bathrooms to begin with, and being around with other guys makes me feel even more uncomfortable. I would definitely prefer using unisex, single, or family bathrooms if I had the choice, dressed or not.

[Ally Anne]

Hi Cynthia Anne! First... I really like your middle name! As a fellow Missourian, I am glad to hear of your positive experience! Peace, Anne

[Stacey Summer]

I haven't actually gone out dressed yet, well other than late night strolls near my house anyway. However I would use the bathroom for the sex I'm expressing. As other have said, if you act like you belong then people take no notice of you, this is true in ANY situation. Still I plan on going over to spain with a couple of close friends who know about me. There I will be going out dressed for the first time and I think I'll use the usual female formula of all going to the toilet together!

[SamaraS]

Like most of the ladies have stated here, I go into the bathroom that is appropriate for the way I am dressed. I can't imagine going into the men's room pulling up my skirt and taking a pee in a urinal, although I do find the visual amusing. I have never been called out for being in the ladies room, and I do agree with the others that said it is a matter of attitude, not necessarily how passable you are.
In fact, I was out with some girlfriends one night and had to use the bathroom in the club we were at. The band was a TG band, so there were many t-girls there as well as our group. Since there were also drunk guys, I obviously needed to use the ladies room. Once inside the ladies room, I started chatting with a couple of younger GGs that had little exposure to TGs. We chatted for a few minutes, although one of the young ladies was already over the limit and she could not believe that I was not a GG. In fact, before exiting the bathroom, she loudly insisted I had to be a real woman and her friend had to quiet her down. I had to laugh, and I also thanked them for the chat and what I considered a compliment.

[daywalker1966]

Glad for the input here. This weekend is the first time in a long time I've gone out as my other self and I wanted to be that person, not half and half. Aside from that the club down town has antique furniture in the ladies room and the wife says I really need to check it out since I deal in antiques. It all sounds good.

[Sarah Grae]

I don't have the guts to go in either bathroom while en femme. Fortunately, I found a mall and a retail store in my area that have a private unisex bathroom in addition to the mens/womens. Most people use them for changing babies or feminine hygiene emergencies. But they are great for transgendered people who don't want to be hassled by either gender.

[Iztlacihuatl]

I've been out, not too much but I have had to use the bathrooms. I really do think its all about attitude. I am not very passable but when people see you in full wear dressed as a girl and you act confident then they won't bother you, because its understood that you identify(at that moment at least) as a girl and it would be discriminatory to prevent you from doing that.

That being said, I do live in California, so I'm assuming people here tend to be a bit more open, although as prop 8 against gay marriage demonstrated, not enough people are yet!

[Amanda Styles]

I have never been out dressed long enough to need a public bathroom, but I have been in the men's room at concert events when the women started coming in to use that facility
since it had a shorter waiting line.
That was totally overlooked by the security/police on hand, and for the short time I was there (with my former GF) there were no adverse events.
Everybody just wanted to relieve themselves and go back to the show.
This country, society, (the good old USA) is still way behind the times IMHO.
It really should not be an issue if you are there for that purpose.
I don't see many restroom facilities here in Atlanta for unisex/universal/handicapped.
At least the ones I have been to.

As for sitting or standing, If I did venture out in full girl mode I would hope the women's room looked better than the ones I have seen when I used to work as a sound engineer in lot's of Atlanta rock/disco/techno clubs.
I might want to hover over that seat, or stand.

[Maryband]

I have always was the women bathroom till I moved here. I just moved to Fresno and I was getting bored of being inside I walk to the local bar looking good. I looked in the full mirror and yea! looking good I thought, I had a chock on, forms, gorgeous white up town dress, markup look good, and was having a good time. Then I went to the restroom and this lady Katrina just looked at me with evil eyes WHAT are you doing in here your a man! OMG my tears just ran! (the move, It was a bad time) But mascara running down my face, I looked up, and meet her eyes! and I’ll never forget the compassion that I saw in her eyes. She felt horrible that she made me cry (I love women) We talked the rest of the night and I still talk to her Now if I would have gone in to the men's? In this town I try not to go I don’t know if I’ll meet another Katina,

[SamanthaCD1]

When dressed as a women, I always use the Ladies Room, I act like I belong. but I also try to find low usage restroom, places like Staples an Office Depot have low usage individual ladies rooms but I have also used dept store, movie theater, fast food restaurant etc. I also try to avoid restrooms with children, don't want issues with that. I feel using a Men's Room en femme is down right dangerous and think a woman would understand as long as we're respectful and private in our bathroom usage if discovered.

[Cheryl T]

My philosophy is "When in Rome....".
I'd rather risk the confrontation with a woman and some explanation..(never happened yet) than the wrath of some macho guy with his T level in outer space.

I have been in restrooms with women and children...one in particular had these air dryers that were like hurricanes on the wall. I heard the little girls giggling and the dryer going when I came out of the stall. One little lady was under it with her hair blowing everywhere having a great time while her sister watched. When I came over her mom said to her..."that's enough honey, let the lady dry her hands". That's mostly the attitude I've seen from women and it's nice to know that not everyone is cd-phobic.

[ArleneRaquel]

When enfemme I always use the ladies restromm, Ive been doing this for year and I havent had any complaints yet. I just do my business and leave - NO loitering !

[KylieA]

Iowa is a very friendly place. Being from Iowa, and returning regularly to visit relatives. I can attest to that friendliness. The hospitality I saw riding RAGBRAI four years ago was superb. So I would expect few problems in Iowa.

[NathalieX66]

OK, here's my story:
I was dining at a restaurant en femme in Morristown, NJ in January or february 2011, I can't exactly remember which month.
I had to attend the ladies room for obvious reasons. I'm a lady, so I use the appropriate door.
I was in a stall for close to five minute when a goup of real gg ladies decide to have a conversation for a verly long time by the vanity area, I would say there were about 4 or 5 of them........Yak yak yak.

I hesitated to get out of the stall for a very long time (didn't want to blow it) , but I decided to get out and powder up. I said like wo words in the conversation, put on lipstick in the mirror, and left.

They seemed way too involved in the conversation amongst themselves to notice me. ....I hope that was the case. I have no idea what happened after I slipped out of there, in terms of what they might have said about me. It doesn't matter.

I joke to my TG friends by saying "so now I know what women do when they go to the restroom".

[AllieSF]

I use the restroom for the gender that I am presenting. After more than 200 times out, I have never encountered a problem, with or without children present. That is not to say that it will not happen one day. When, and if it ever happens, I will deal with it as best possible and hope for a positive, non-scarring outcome.

[sputnik]

I use the restroom for the gender I'm presenting as well. So far, I've not had anyone say anything if they did notice.

Acting like you belong there is a great way to be invisible, which is to say, be confident. That said, I don't know that I'd recommend using a public restroom on your first time going out dressed in the world.

And, Loni, thanks for posting that site. Thanks a bunch, a great resource.

[Barbra P]

I haven’t been out in public a whole lot enfemme but last night I attended the Neutral Corner monthly meeting, Neutral Corner being a local transgender support organization. A few of us, including two other members from this forum decided to hold our own impromptu get together prior to the scheduled meeting. We meet in a private room at Coco’s. A couple of the girls ordered a beer and I decided I’d have a beer too, I rarely drink beer and don’t keep it around the house; well I keep some dark ale for cooking. My Daughter loves corned beef and I always add a couple of bottles to the pot. It wasn’t long before the beer made it presence known below the belt. I excused myself and said I had to go to the restroom, and I was told that being a woman to use the Women’s Room. Walking through the restaurant, of course the meeting room is at one end and the restrooms at the other, I was a bit self conscience being dressed enfemme and also thinking “Oh shoot, what if there is another woman in there?” There wasn’t and as it turned out I was in and out and no one even noticed that I had used the Women’s Room.

A couple hours later after dinner and another couple of beers, I had to go again. Walking through the restaurant one of the staff stepped out and said “Ma’am, watch out that you don’t step on that fork on the floor” and I couldn’t help smiling the rest of the way to the restrooms. Then a man coming out of the restroom area told his two small children to be careful and not run into the lady and the smile got even wider. This time after I came out of the stall and washed my hands, I noticed that my lipstick was just about gone and since I was alone I decided to freshen my lipstick and dab on a little pressed powder on my chin. Yep, a woman walked in, she glanced at me and we made eye contact in the mirror, she just smiled and nodded her head and went into one of the stalls. Walking back to the meeting room my confidence was considerably better and I wasn’t feeling so self-conscience, I actually noticed that several people, including a couple older men, smiled and nodded at me.

What are some experienced that you have had out enfemme when using a Women’s Room?

[Sarah Doepner]

Relief that I've been able to take care of my business and not get yelled at. That seems simple, but it's worked well for me.

[Eryn]

Considering that GGs don't consider visiting the restroom to be an "event" I try to take the same approach. I go in, take care of my business, make sure everything is in place, wash my hands, and leave. No real drama there.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I happy for you in gaining your self confidence in using the women's room. Keep working at it.

[Nikki A.]

When dressed I always use the ladies room. Wouldn't it be more noticable if you went to the men's room

[Leslie Langford]

I use the ladies' washroom all the time when out en femme, and while the first couple of times might have been a bit nerve-wracking for fear of what unknown problems might arise, this has since become a non-event for me. Never had a problem, an awkward look, or even been made to feel out of place.

I use the ladies' facilities mainly to fix my hair and make up, and when I do need to do my "business" there, I always make sure to sit so as not to attract any undue attention. I've actually had a couple of humorous incidents happen to me while in the ladies' room, one of which I highlighted in another post earlier this year:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?151964-An-interesting-quot-girly-quot-experience-women-s-washroom-edition...&highlight=

Here's the actual text:

"An interesting "girly" experience - women's washroom edition...

Here's one for all you ladies who fret about using the women's washrooms when out in public en femme :

After a fun day out shopping yesterday as "Leslie" and before heading home, I decided to grab a bite to eat at the mall's deli restaurant, which is part of a well-known Toronto-area chain. After I had finished my meal - and no one batted an eye all the while I was sitting there, nor gave any indication if I had been "read" - I went to use the ladies' washroom. After I had finished and was touching up my make up, I saw a lady walk in and occupy a nearby stall. I was just preparing to leave when I heard a faint "Excuse me, excuse me..." I didn't react at first, not realizing that this call was being directed at me. When she called out again, I turned around, and became aware that we were the only ones left in the washroom at that point, so I replied with a tentative "Yes...?"

It was then that she asked if I might be good enough to pass some toilet paper to her under the stall as she had found out too late that her dispenser was empty. This was a first for me, and not being familiar with the drill (apparently, this is a common occurrence in women's washrooms), I winged it, gamely unrolled a length of toilet paper, and passed it on to her. She was very grateful for my assistance, while at the same time venting about the overall poor condition of the facilities. That was actually a quite legitimate observation on her part, as I had noticed the same thing myself, and I commiserated with her accordingly in our brief conversation. I even alerted her to the fact that the air dryer by the sinks was out of commission as well, and that the adjacent paper towel dispenser was out of paper.

I then finished up and before leaving, I asked her if she was alright now as she was still in the stall at that point - it seemed like the "gentlemanly" thing to do :heehee: . She replied "Yes", thanked me again, and I was on my way.

This was an interesting "first" for me, and I'm willing to bet that here was at least one GG who was grateful to be sharing a washroom with a crossdresser - even if she didn't know it at the time. :eek: :doh: :heehee: "

[Intertwined]

When dressed I always use the ladies room. Wouldn't it be more noticable if you went to the men's room

Because I don't dress to pass as a GG, I always use the Men's room, let me tell ya, I have caused a stampeede out of the mens room when they see me come in, please don't blame me that because they were in such a rush to exit they did not wash their hands..

[PretzelGirl]

An interesting turn of events while in Vegas with some friends (names withheld to protect the innocent). We had a map of family restrooms and went into a casino as it hit all three of us at once. After waltzing around and having no luck, one of our group darted into the men's room stating she couldn't wait. I then decided I couldn't and went into the ladies room. The third went on and I believe found the unisex restroom. So we had every possibility covered it seems and no incidents.

[Christina Horton]

Ya before you use the ladys room the first few times it seems like your doing somethng wrong. It feel like everybody's looking at you going to and from the bathroom. But as said many times here it's just a normal thing to do. Like you do everyday using the mens room , that is what (if you have not done or not much) must try to think about if your nervous. Just go in , do what you need to , don't look like your doing something wrong and then leave like a lady and youll be just fine.

[AllieSF]

I go out a lot and always use the Lady's Room. I am very confident and comfortable doing that with no negative moments to report. That does not mean that sometimes I don't get a nervous twinge or two. That doesn't bother me and helps to keep me on my toes, whether in flats or heels, and hopefully keeps me safe and sound.

[chris80]

I always use the ladies' room when dressed and away for tranny weekends. Two weekends ago in Harrogate UK I used the facilities and was washing my hands when a lady who was just about to leave turned to me and said 'what a lovely dress'. I said 'thank you very much, I got it from Debenhams store'. I was not sure whether she was the wife of another tranny or with a dancing group who were also in the hotel that night, but she did not seem shocked at my slightly male voice.
The golden rule in the ladies' room is always to sit and not to stand and pee on the floor.

[Sarasometimes]

Three days last week as Sara and I used the ladies a few times. Twice in Starbucks, they seem to all have single sstall version for the timid here. i also went to a very large spa and used the restroom in the ladies locker room. Probably at the limit with this one since the shower and all is right on your way to the comode room. Uneventful trips al around. For those still afraid, most salons have restrooms and if you simple walk in ask a few questions and then ask to use the restroom they will let you and it will be a secure place for the other timid ones here. I now can do the public restrooms but it is still an "event" for me, but I'm getting better.

[Rianna Humble]

I had the opposite problem today. I have a 5 day pass for a local Gym and I was left to use the ladies' locker rooms. Two problems, they are open plan and I am pre-op :eek:

I took the safe solution and asked for permission to use the disabled facility which is for single occupancy.

[sissystephanie]

There are State laws for "Sticky Bathroom/Restrooms"?? Wish there had been when I was younger!!

[InLucidReverie]

I had a quick scan through, but didn't see a mention... does anyone know the laws for this in England? When I first came across this forum it was trying to find out just this... and I never did. I really want to know, as someone who will likely spend quite a bit of time out girlmode in times to come.

[Rianna Humble]

I don't believe that there are specific laws relating to which toilets you use, but I have always operated on the basis that I go to whichever facilities reflect my gender presentation. I have even had a female member of staff despatched to help me when I had difficulty getting into the ladies through a recalcitrant turnstile at a main-line station. This was when I was cross-dressing before I began my transition.

Funnily enough I have only had someone try to discourage me from using the ladies' loo once - that was roughly 10 months into my transition and they suggested that I might want to use the disabled facility in their shopping mall. Since I only wanted to sort out a wardrobe malfunction I didn't argue the toss.

If you are transitioning, then you are also protected by the Equalities Act 2010. For example where I work, when there was a discussion about which toilets I should use, the head of HR said that the law was quite clear that since I was becoming a woman, I must be allowed to use the same facilities as every other woman in the building. No-one has made even the tiniest fuss about it either.

[NathalieX66]

In New Jersey US, the state law says you can use the restroom of the gender you present yourself as.. the keyword in the books is gender expression. Transgender people are protected by law. I use the womens room and never had a problem.

[InLucidReverie]

My problem lies in that I'm not transitioning and it'd be a case of worrying about what might happen in a club- would I be dragged out of the girls' or get ripped on in the mens? Yeesh, that'd be a poor situation to be in even with martial arts at my disposal.

[Rianna Humble]

My problem lies in that I'm not transitioning and it'd be a case of worrying about what might happen in a club- would I be dragged out of the girls' or get ripped on in the mens?

My experience from before starting my transition (admittedly not in clubs) would tend to suggest that you would not be dragged out provided you go in there and act like any other woman in those circumstances - do the necessary sitting in the cubicle, wash your hands, maybe freshen your make-up ...

[Sarasometimes]

Another option stated above is to use single seaters when possible. I think nearly all Starbucks have single, just an FYI.

[sfwarbonnet]

ALWAYS sit; if you don't your feet are pointing the wrong way! A nice touch that mimics a female mannerism is to krinkle toilet paper before flushing.

[adriane]

Definately use the bathroom most appropriate to how you are dressed. I always have, and have never had a problem.

[Diana Bain]

I'm moving to Nevada soon (Reno). Is it now legal for me to use the woman bathroom when presenting as a woman? Thanks to all who respond.