moral dilemma?

[Jodie_Lynn]

Due to the distance from my home and my job, I stay with a friend during the week.

He has graciously allowed me to use his home as my own, including the computer.

I have known him since HS, for about 20 years.

OK here is the issue: While using his comp, I hit the on the history tab to get to one of my sites, and lo and behold, there were dozens of she-male and tranny porn sites. I know I didn't visit them.

Since I found this out < still waters run very deep...> about a month ago, I have had an urge (not overwhelming) to come out to him, but I am concerned about the possible consequences.

So I am appealing to my sisters to slap some sense into my head.

This would be a bad thing, right?

[Sophie_A]

Only you can truly answer this, but if you fancy him, it might be a good thing. But by the comment slap some sense, you dont want to for some reason.

Follow your heart not logic and common sense, it doesnt work.

[celeste26]

You could be sure to leave this website on his history list and then maybe he will add two plus two.

You dont really know whether or not your friend just likes to look, or is thinking about participate in the activities

[Jodie_Lynn]

I thought about leaving this site in the history, in fact, I have now for the last 2 weeks :wink: And made sure to visit here every day.

I also thought of 'accidently' leaving my panties in the bath after my morning shower.

Except for my wife, no one in RL knows about Jodie, and I guess I'm scared pissless.

[Wendy me]

or a nouther possablity your freind "gets off on ********" do you want him to think abought you like that???????just a thought................

[Natalie x]

Scared of telling him, or scared he might be attracted, or scared that you might want him to be? Sorry if that's too personal, I don't mean it to be. Ignore if you prefer.

[Natalie x]

(coincided with Wendy)

[Phoebe Reece]

There is another possibility here. Your friend could have accidentally gone to one of those sites and (assuming no pop-up blocker was active) he got connected to the dozens of sites you see in the history before stopping the cascade of pop-up sites. That happened to me more than once.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Have you evey considered that that his interest in She Males, may be of the "Freak show" type?

Hey, I've looked at she males, but in the same way I look at the two headed calf at the county fair, and the bearded fat lady.---They are awe-inspiring and interesting,and also fun to see, but I certianly would not want to have a physical relationship with any of them.

Many of us have a curiosity about medical "oddities" I have the book "very special people" and another book on the "curiosities of medicine". With "human prodigy" shows falling out of favor with the "politically correct" , She males often are todays "modern freaks" (excuse my terminology I am trying to make a point) Many of us look at them and say "wow", "gee whiz" "they look just like real girls --except for. . ."

My point being you dont know if the guy's interest in she males is erotic or curious (in the "golly look at THAT") sense. He just might LOTHE having anything in RL to do with them or related types of individuals.(like trannies or CDs) --Something to think about.

[Jenny Beth]

You know your friend best but if it were me I'd try to forget what I saw on his computer, it's no different than going through someone's filing cabinet or personal letters. If you choose to come out to him I wouldn't mention anything about this.

[Maddie Knight]

I've seen some of the she-males web sites and I don't think its the kind of image most of us would like to put across.
If your friend is into this kind of porn I doubt he is the understanding type.
My advice, keep quiet about your cd'ing unlesss you think he will be underestanding.
I may be wrong, but I've learned the hard way that honesty is not always the best policy.

[Dixie Darling]

Jodie,

Why not visit a few reputable crossdressing sites and leave them in the history files for your friend to find. Make a note of the date and time when YOU visit these sites, then check the history files again later and see if he's also visited them. If he has, there's a pretty good possibility that he just might be a CD also (I'm guessing that's what you're curious about).

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Jonien]

You say it was on his history not his favorites so it means nothing he may have just been redirected well that is how I found this site

honour his privacy:naughty

[Kelly_TGirl]

There is another possibility here. Your friend could have accidentally gone to one of those sites and (assuming no pop-up blocker was active) he got connected to the dozens of sites you see in the history before stopping the cascade of pop-up sites. That happened to me more than once.

Very Good point.

[Lou]

Hi, I think say nothing, one day you may be pleasantly surprised.

Louxx

[Lindahexi]

I agree with Jenny Beth, say nothing; you have in a sense invaded his privacy, albeit by chance, but I say let it go.

[kathy gg]

This very nice friend has let you borrow his home and his computer, what a nice guy......and you repay him how?

Even if he is into ******** or is a cd.....why confront him? Maybe he is not ready to talk with anyone yet. I say unless he confronts you, best to let him to his privacy.

Also, alot of 'straight' guysare not looking to be 'outed' by their sexual desires.

Really a good loyal friend would leave him alone.

Also, yes, he may not be very smart or computer literate if he let this stuff stay on his hsitory without deleting it before you used it, but still that is no reason to confront him.

I think even if you do confront him he will denigh it....

[racquel]

Say nothing about the computer.Try to engage him in a conversation about cross-dressers or drag shows in your area,suggest you and him attend. ;)

[cd_isabelle]

hi there,

i would agree with kathy in that you should let it come from him as he has to be comfortable with the situation, obviously from the sounds of it you are not worried either way whether he is interested in the tg community or not, so in this case i would say just play it cool, be yourself and let him bring it up if he so wishes.

all the best,

kisses,

cd-isabelle

[Jodie_Lynn]

Thank you all for the input.

I just want to make it clear that I wasn't prying, and I don't want to upset him.

I think I was feeling a bit selfish, and was thinking of my needs and wants rather than his.

I have decided to leave it alone, and not pursue the issue.

<sigh> But a girl can dream, can't she?

Anyway, thanks for the support. I really appreciate it.

[Ellaine]

Hi Jodie This is one scenario that I have dealt with. A friend of 20+yrs and a very dear easy going soul he is. Well my wife and I moved away (300miles) and a few months later he came with his then wife for a week to stay. After much deliberation, I made up my mind that I would have to let them meet Ellaine before they left.
On their last morning I waited untill we were all 4 sat together over a cup of morning tea, and nervously got around to the announcement together with showing just one of my best, full length photos. After the initial reassurances, I dissappeared upstairs without explanation. ;) This was the real nervy bit, with lots of changing my mind what I would wear time and time again...eventualy I was ready, and in timely fashion, my wife came upstairs to see what I was up to. So I asked her to go down and ask our friends if they were ready to see Ellaine in the flesh. After a few seconds I hear them rouse into a chorus...COME ON DOWN..COME ON DOWN... Well I allways knew these folks were lovely. I made my clip-clop way down the stairs in my heels, and bust into the room ( to overcome the nerves) with a falsly confident sounding Hi-Yaa....they gaped with due surprise and some delicious compliments ( dont compliments just make you glow?).

There was always a part of me that thought, bugger them anyway, I have to live here and have to be free in my own house. They can go their own way ( though I'd be sad) if they dont like it, and as they live so far away it's not such a big deal to live down.
However, they have been back a couple of times since and recently he came for a week after splitting up with his wife after all this time. He says that because he has known me for so long, he had no concerns about my mentality or thought of me as a pervert. He has read a little on the subject and would even be happy in the future, for us to go out to a TG club!!
Of course, I understand that you feel a little selfish wanting to "out" yourself, but it really can be worth it. Having to relate to a true friend (or partner for that matter) knowing you have this hidden part of you, is terribly difficult, and a fear well worth overcoming.
You should not concern yourself with guessing his motivation for visiting those sites. Why not just mention that you saw his links and it gives you a opportunity to unburden yourself with a small load you have been carrying. Something that you could only tell to someone of his standing in your life.

You are not doing anything that needs hiding...it's THEM...lol

I have only told those I really care about..and my fears have been proved unjustified. Some folks, you just know are not going to be able to deal with it, but the acceptance of a dear friend is such a big reward for a little honesty and bravery. And they often love the trust you've shown.

Good luck babes.

Hugs Ellaine

[RachelDenise]

A good friend is very hard to find and keep. You may want to wait and bit and test the waters a little before opening up and bearing your most well-kept secret. A discussion or casual conversation might lead to a CD topic. Look for openings to interject and see how he reacts. Many of us fear the history button and many don't even know it exists. Don't rush headlong into this, you may eventually be sorry.

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Interesting remarks Marina. I find myself thinking, well even '********' need love too. And what about the intersexed and pre-op TS's--I doubt they'd want to be likened to "two headed calf at the county fair, and the bearded fat lady." :(:(

Just a thought.

And how is it, that any of you grrlz fall outside the "two headed calf at the county fair, and the bearded fat lady" category (this is NOT my take or belief but if one of our own can see a fellow sister in this light, how is it any of us/you are not seen in this light by another?).

Wow, you REALLY need to rethink what you said.

[Sara Kat]

Get dressed to the nines and wait for him to come home from work. :D

[Lauren_T]

Interesting remarks Marina. I find myself thinking, well even '********' need love too. And what about the intersexed and pre-op TS's--I doubt they'd want to be likened to "two headed calf at the county fair, and the bearded fat lady." :(:(

Just a thought.

And how is it, that any of you grrlz fall outside the "two headed calf at the county fair, and the bearded fat lady" category (this is NOT my take or belief but if one of our own can see a fellow sister in this light, how is it any of us/you are not seen in this light by another?).

Wow, you REALLY need to rethink what you said....Spot on, Kew!
:thumbsup:

[Lady Jayne]

Interesting remarks Marina. I find myself thinking, well even '********' need love too. And what about the intersexed and pre-op TS's--I doubt they'd want to be likened to "two headed calf at the county fair, and the bearded fat lady." :(:(


Kew I agree with what your saying above completly however as for the second part




And how is it, that any of you grrlz fall outside the "two headed calf at the county fair, and the bearded fat lady" category (this is NOT my take or belief but if one of our own can see a fellow sister in this light, how is it any of us/you are not seen in this light by another?).

Wow, you REALLY need to rethink what you said.

Unfortunalty to many people we don't, thats just a fact of life. I may be wrong but I think thats the point Marina was trying to make.

[Tamara Croft]

Have you evey considered that that his interest in She Males, may be of the "Freak show" type?Just what is this thing you have about calling people 'FREAKS'??? That's twice this week you have done that and quite frankly it's becoming annoying. Just because someone doesn't look perfect or does things that some would consider abnormal, does NOT automatically make them FREAKS!!! How would you like me to start calling YOU a freak because YOU are different?? You wouldn't like it would you? :angry:

[Lauren_T]

As members of a minority subculture marginalised by the dominant culture, we tread on the quicksand of hypocrisy when we don't recognise that we are morally obligated to extend to the minority sub-subcultures within our own subculture the tolerance that we complain that society at large denies us. :confused:

[MsEva]

This very nice friend has let you borrow his home and his computer, what a nice guy......and you repay him how?

Even if he is into ******** or is a cd.....why confront him? Maybe he is not ready to talk with anyone yet. I say unless he confronts you, best to let him to his privacy.

Also, alot of 'straight' guysare not looking to be 'outed' by their sexual desires.

Really a good loyal friend would leave him alone.

Also, yes, he may not be very smart or computer literate if he let this stuff stay on his hsitory without deleting it before you used it, but still that is no reason to confront him.

I think even if you do confront him he will denigh it....

:iagree: Very sound judgement! Walk away from this one..it is his business alone!