The rhetoric of cross-dressing

[Lainie]

In Oklahoma City today at a conference, I encountered a couple of women wearing very short hair--1" or less, shorter than many of the men--and slacks or jeans / sport coats /white shirts. What the fashionistas would call "mannish", perhaps actually menswear coats, I didn't think to look at which side the buttons were on. Pierced ears with stud earrings.

Then later in a local pub there was a man in jeans and a pink T-shirt, with long blond hair pulled up in pigtails sprouting from the top of his head, like a girl in kindergarten. Pierced ears with long dangly earrings.

So clearly the women were expressing seriousness; and the man, frivolity. The style of hair and dress was sufficiently unusual that one might question the gender orientation of each of these people. And each of them sent a message to everyone they met about how serious they were. Admittedly, the women were in more of a business setting than a social one, while the man was surrounded by people ordering beer and ice cream.

What message do we broadcast to those around us? Is it what we really want others to think of us?

[christina s]

Like you said it was probably due to different environments . I doubt many here would have their hair in pigtails and wear long earrings in business meeting .

[PretzelGirl]

It can be interesting what we project when we are not dressed. I once went to update my military ID and a family came in behind us. A husband and wife and 2 daughters. He had his hair up in a ponytail. No big deal you say? It was a high ponytail, his bangs were cut for it, the tail was crimped, and the tip of the tail was obviously shaped to be in a point when tied this way. Can't tell you if he was TG or not, he could have just liked his hair that way. But how many things do we do when not dressed that can have someone checking us out?

[NathalieX66]

Genderqueer?

Some of this terminology, methinks, is getting a bit unruly..... soon, I fear, we'll all be part of LGBTIGQLMNOPXYZ.

[RachelOKC]

Lainie, I'm just proud to see my hometown is doing just fine in the genderqueer department without me ;)

[Sophie86]

So clearly the women were expressing seriousness; and the man, frivolity.

Why call it frivolity? Why not playfulness, or lightheartedness?

[AllieSF]

Some want to broadcast a message that they are independent and don't give a rat's ass what others think. Some do not even know that they are sending a message. As to, "Is it what we really want others to think of us?", It may not be what you want others to think of us, but I personally applaud anyone's effort to dress like they want and express themselves through their own personalized presentation. That does not mean that I want to hang with them,. However, the more that do that the better it is for all of us. The weirder the better. That way when they see me, I look tame, innocent and almost normal in their eyes!

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes ya feel like a nut, sometimes ya don't , I guess.:)

[Tanya83]

I'm still wondering where I can get a beer and a cup of Haagen-Daz

[Inna]

The epiphany of one self is to ''be oneself", what ever your heart sings is the song to be sang, however bigotry of societal oppression through personal guilt of individuals makes the gender expression rigid. If one person is a loving and devoted parent, wearing a sun dress isn't going to disband his love for a child, in fact, it should strengthen his resolve of being him/her self.
The greatest gift I have received was a week ago when I came out to my 17 year old son, he was the last to know and my fears were astronomical due to fact I love him so much, the slightest thought of loosing his love would be a death sentence to my soul. I told him I am transgender, and he replied OK, fine. After long conversation he said, I love and shall love you back for your tremendous love, friendship and devotion you have shown me my entire life. I love you Dad, my friend and Moooooom, ha, ha, ha.
That's exactly how he said it.
So put on the dress, put on the slacks, heck, for that matter put on anything you want................or nothing at all :) and go into this world, and who ever you are, be your self!

[Briana90802]

There's been so much talk lately about the difference between the terms "crossdresser" , "drag queen" and "transvestite". I would have to say that the starting post is a good definition of all three of these terms. They really are one in the same. The difference being the degree to which one wants to be taken seriously.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

why does there have to be a "message" in what one wears??
are you saying lainie that the guy wearing super girlie stuff is sending a bad message? or is unserious?

be really careful as you think about this..
when somebody that "crossdresses" and feels like they are sending the "right" message then looks at a "drag queen" or a sissy dresser or anybody and judges that person (for sending the "wrong" message),
consider that this is exactly what other people are doing to you as a crossdresser...

what is the right message anyway.

[Fab Karen]

Kudos to them doing it in such a backward state.

[Lorileah]

Long story:

There was a car salesman early in his career who saw a young man walk onto the lot. The young man wore worn jeans a T-shirt and sandals along with a back pack and long blond hair in a pony tail. The other sales men ignored the young man thinking he could not possibly afford a car. The new sales guy decided to talk to the young man. After a while that young man drove off the lot in a brand new car having paid cash.

Moral to the story. Just because you dress one way doesn't make you anything but you. Too many make judgements on first impressions. I hear that Gorge Washington wore wigs, heels and make-up.

[Pythos]

Thumbs up to the above statement.

When will people get it through their thick skulls the lesson projected from this?

[Frédérique]

What message do we broadcast to those around us? Is it what we really want others to think of us?

Are the people actively broadcasting to those around them, or are they merely in the process of being as they wish to be? When I go out I never give a thought about what others may think of me, meaning I don’t dress to “say” something about myself. It’s a time/space situation, and, since time is short, I’m being the way I choose to be – it’s more about how I feel, or how I wish to feel, and less about how others may feel about me…
:straightface:

[Pythos]

Frederique,

This is much the same for me. I get perturbed when people say the way you dress transmits messages.

I for one do not dress to send out any kind of message other than, "be yourself", and "not be part of the crowd". That's it. That's all.

My Goth style though more extreme is still kinda the same. I wear what I like because I like it. There may be times it does not look all that good, but at least I tried., opposed to "going along, to get along".

I don't mean to "transmit" anything more than that.

[kendra_gurl]

Kudos to them doing it in such a backward state.

Karen just to enlighten you. Oklahoma City has a very large gay/lez/ trans community and even has one of the only Hotel Resorts exclusively for this community. Tulsa I have read is second only to San Francisco in the gay/lez/ trans percentage of it total population

[Fab Karen]

That may be, but I stand behind the comment about the state. You have only to look at its politicians words & actions.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

haters hate...but they are in every state....
if we boil it all down to red state bad, blue state good we lose..it's much more constructive to boil it down to person by person so that when we are not in the room, folks that have actually met us STICK UP FOR US

just by going out and being part of the community (especially in traditional RED states) folks like Kendra are proving that we can function as successful and normal people in every community...we need to change LOTS of hearts and minds in red and blue states

[Leslie Langford]

Long story:

There was a car salesman early in his career who saw a young man walk onto the lot. The young man wore worn jeans a T-shirt and sandals along with a back pack and long blond hair in a pony tail. The other sales men ignored the young man thinking he could not possibly afford a car. The new sales guy decided to talk to the young man. After a while that young man drove off the lot in a brand new car having paid cash.

Moral to the story. Just because you dress one way doesn't make you anything but you. Too many make judgements on first impressions. I hear that Gorge Washington wore wigs, heels and make-up.

Hmmm...a young man with a backpack and lots of money who bought a for car cash? Can you say "drug dealer", boys and girls?

Yeah, sure, he could have been a rock star, a dot.com millionaire, or a rich heir, but what are the odds? No wonder the other sales-persons were wary. The guy who actually sold the kid this car just got lucky, IMHO. I just hope he checked the bills for traces of white powder before he brought the loot bag to the bank to be laundered.

[Fractured]

Hmmm...a young man with a backpack and lots of money who bought a for car cash? Can you say "drug dealer", boys and girls?

Yeah, sure, he could have been a rock star, a dot.com millionaire, or a rich heir, but what are the odds? No wonder the other sales-persons were wary. The guy who actually sold the kid this car just got lucky, IMHO. I just hope he checked the bills for traces of white powder before he brought the loot bag to the bank to be laundered.

This story is old. I recall it being used by motivational speakers while I was in high school. Don't know if it is even true or not. Sounds like something from Dale Carnegie - if it is a true tale then I would put it more on the up and up than the illegal aspect.

[Pythos]

You would be surprised how many REALLY wealthy people dress and look. Some can look like outright bums. It is all a matter of perception.

Imediately thinking the gentleman as a drug dealer is pretty mean. My brother who is in the stock market has a VERY wealthy friend....there is no way you would know of the man's wealth. He drives a beater car, lives in a medium sized house, and looks like your average shabbily clad bloke. Why?

He doesn't care. He doesn't want the attentention because of his wealth, but because of him. People like that do exist...just not enough.

[Leslie Langford]

You would be surprised how many REALLY wealthy people dress and look. Some can look like outright bums. It is all a matter of perception.

Imediately thinking the gentleman as a drug dealer is pretty mean. My brother who is in the stock market has a VERY wealthy friend....there is no way you would know of the man's wealth. He drives a beater car, lives in a medium sized house, and looks like your average shabbily clad bloke. Why?

He doesn't care. He doesn't want the attentention because of his wealth, but because of him. People like that do exist...just not enough.

Very true, but the operative word here was "young", which begs the question of how a young man could have legitimately accumulated such wealth at such a young age unless he was in one of the aforementioned professions, a sports superstar, or else his name was "Justin Bieber".

[Pythos]

When working at my aircraft shop, a Mooney (type of airplane...essentially the porche of the air), comes taxiing up. The engine shut down and I kid you not the KID that got out of the plane had GREEN hair, dressed kinda slovenly, and just did not "match" the machine at all. He needed the landing light replaced. So I grab a new light, and proceed to replace the light. I asked him if this was his pop's plane. His response "oh no, this is mine, it is pretty cool what you can get when you sell a dot com".

This kid, with green hair, was a millionare due to his lucky selling of a freekin dot com!!!.

Yes I was a tad jealous, but now a days I am Meh. Have no idea where he is.

But this kid did not look wealthy at all. He looked frankly like a freak who was playing with his rich dad's airplane. But through other channels I learned what he said was true.

This was one of those moments when my beliefe of "never judge a book by its cover" was reinforced.

It is crazy, but quite possible for a young kid to have tons of moolah....supposedly legitimately.