Therapy

[christina s]

Hey everyone .

Lately I’ve been considering therapy so I can have someone to talk about my dressing in person. I was just wondering if anyone has had any experience with therapist in the past and could give any advice on what I need to look for in a therapist and what I can expect. While I may be over thinking it, being in Oklahoma I’m very nervous I might encounter a close minded therapist who really can’t help me out and will just tell me to be a real man .

[Steph.TS]

I found a therapist by googling the nearest major city and "gender therapist" found one that is helping me out, I've had 2 sessions. She seems very accepting I'm still nervous going but I also am eager to go, to learn about myself and move towards my goal.

[Sarah_Jane]

I've been thinking the same thing lately, I don't really have any issues and I'm well adjusted but it would be nice to find out what the medical profession thinks of our behavior. Is there a chemical or hormonal imbalance that drives us to do the things we do? If so then who is the real me, one that is produced by an imbalanced body or the natural balance my body resides in? If it's ok to take hormones to exemplify your inner female then by proxy is it not also acceptable to seek a balance that conforms to society? I mean really let's face it, it would be easier for us all to operate in the world if we could be "fixed" and I say that with no disrespect to anyone.

[Nia Hush]

I've been pondering where I really stand of late and looked around some other CD/transgender sites. Laura's Playground actually does have a listing for gender therapists by state. Its something I've also been thinking about, thinking this might be more than just crossdressing (and it probably is) but I have to wait it out since I need to establish myself at a new job to get any kind of insurance right now. Let's see where that link was...

Here we go:

http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

[Sophie86]

I went when I was in my late twenties. I did not specifically look for a gender therapist, as that was only one of a number of issues I was dealing with at the time. I was very fortunate to get a super guy who was very understanding and very accepting. I can't think of any particular thing he ever told me that helped me find the answer to life, the universe and everything. He just sat and listened to me talk, and treated me like a normal person. It was very reassuring. His acceptance helped me accept myself.

[JamieTG]

I went through 3 therapists before I found someone that I was really comfortable with and was really helping me. Don't think that the first one you try is the one your stuck with. I wouldn't worry about a close minded therapist. They have heard it all before. Just look for someone who has experience dealing with our issues.

[suzy1]

I have been cross-dressing since I was 5 years old.
But I have never needed to talk to someone about it. It’s just a wonderful part of my life.
So what’s the problem?


SUZY

[Darlene-VA]

My ex and I went to one to try to help our relationship and for the most part it was good to have our thoughts out in the open. For I always had a hard time really talking about this part of my life. The woman we seen was very helpful and after about six months I went dressed and my ex came to view this as positive for she seen it was still me just wearing different clothes. We finally did go our separate ways and not because of me being female as much as possible. Actually a few years after the split I worked in her office in the evenings doing all of the files and entering client info into the computer, so my dream of being a secretary came true. So if you can find someone that you are comfortable with and talk things through it can really make a difference.

[Being Paige]

Yes definately been thinking about it, have tried to find one. I just have not had any luck yet.

[Stephenie S]

If you don't like or get along with your therapist, drop him/her. There are no rules about staying with the first one you meet.

S

[gretchen2]

One way to find a therapist is to contact your local TLGB center. They sometimes have a few names for therapists for T-people.

[Michelle.M]

I've been pondering where I really stand of late and looked around some other CD/transgender sites. Laura's Playground actually does have a listing for gender therapists by state. Its something I've also been thinking about, thinking this might be more than just crossdressing (and it probably is) but I have to wait it out since I need to establish myself at a new job to get any kind of insurance right now. Let's see where that link was...

Here we go:

http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

That's how I found mine, and it has been wonderful!

[tabithavalentine]

I've been having the same feelings. I want to go to therapy but worry about cost and potential treatment. My dressing is very much connected to my bisexuality, so things could get complicated fast.

[Jaydee]

I agree with the other responses. It is important to find someone who understands the in and outs of TG and CDing. I have seen a therapist about four times over the last year. As a vanilla Hetero CDer, he has helped me get past the guilt and shame. We are now working at better acceptance by my wife. Since my wife doesn't want to discuss my CDing, it is good to have someone else to discuss it with. Good Luck.

Jaydee

[Nia Hush]

That's how I found mine, and it has been wonderful!

Since I'm still looking into it and we're in the same state, who did you try? You can just PM me the answer if you don't to say it here. I'm just doing some research before i make contacts.

[kendra_gurl]

Christina:

Hello from a fellow okie

I would first ask you to do some soul searching, asking yourself why you want to seek a therapist? Be honest with yourself. Are you just seeking another live body to talk to and confess your desires? Are you needing advice on how to deal with your wife finding out? Are you thinking you might be transgendered ? Do you have bisexual thoughts?

You question was "Lately I’ve been considering therapy so I can have someone to talk about my dressing in person." To me that indicated you are simply a male who love to sometimes dress up and you are either feeling guilt about it or you are thinking in your own mind that "If I can find someone to talk to who will accept me it will make it okay". Or even as I thought years ago " If I could find a nice female therapist who I could go talk too while dressed en femme that would be so cool and erotic".

Untill you honestly decide what you want help with it will do you no good to seek counciling. I may be totally out in left field on this but I just for some reason get the feeling you are me 15 years ago and I feel like before you seek therapy you should just dress up some friday or saturday night and spend some time at the clubs there in the Habanna area of OKC. You will meet a few others like yourself along with a few GG's who are accepting and willing to have a few drinks and talk about things.

If I am off the mark on this and you truly want therapy then by all means seek it out. If what your really after is just anyone one to accept you and talk to you while you are dressed the clubs are a far better place than having Documantation exist that you sought therapy on your medical records

[Roxi Loh]

I have to agree with Kendra on this, even though I have never been to therapy. I think you get out of it what you put into it and if you don't have clear goals, it probably won't have value. I always tell friends who are considering transitioning to reach out to a therapist but if you are just wanting reassurance about dressing, I am not sure its the best course. My two cents.

[tiffanyfisher]

I'm currently in therapy, originally for depression and it has been quite pleasant. After the first 7 or 8 meetings, I realized that I trusted her enough to reveal that I am in fact a crossdresser and that I struggle with it.

I love the advice mentioned earlier about being honest. You will get nothing out of therapy if you are not honest. There is nothing to fear. These people are trained and are kept to strict confidentiality requirments.

We just finished our 1st CD discussion. Imagine talking about it for nearly an hour when you hate to even think about it. When I first told her that I crossdress and fantasize about being a woman, she mentioned that she had a "cowboy" back in Texas that struggled with the same thing. It helped me to open up more. She even asked me if I wanted to meet some other crossdressers.

I do have to mention that I am a student and counseling is free for me. Money would certainly be an issue if it was not free.

[Kerigirl2009]

Look for a sex therapist, they are not just about sex but also work with issues about gender as well, I saw a therapist for about 6 months until the insurance ran out and I really enjoyed talking with him Usually.

[BillieJoEllen]

I've been forced to see three different therapists. Two when I was in my teens and once while I was married. All three were useless to me because I didn't want to be there. First, my parents wanted me 'cured' and then my wife wanted me 'cured'. I wanted no part of their wishes for me. I, for the most part refused to cooperate with any of them. The last therapist I had was the most useless. We just spent the hour we had together just chit-chatting about this or that. After about two years of that I told him I wasn't coming back any more. He told me that I shouldn't drop out now because we were making such great progress. I think he was going to miss the insurance money he was getting.
My advice Christina is go only if you want to go and only go on your terms and expectations.

[Fractured]

Past therapy has been directed by parents or others. Not very productive - I was close lipped and not very communicative (hence the attendance at therapy).

As others have said, decide why you want the counseling/therapy. I am having my first appointment next month, which is supposed to last half the day. The goal is the important thing - if I didn't have a distinct goal in mind for the visit I wouldn't be going. (Now, whether or not that goal is achieved is another question.) I can be all wishy-washy on my own time and money. I view the therapist as someone who should have the education and experience to provide guidance and new perspectives on an issue to help me to resolve the questions and uncertainties for myself. They should have access to more tools more quickly in their toolbox than I can find/get from my own toolbox to help direct my personal investigation into who I am.

I can appreciate you being nervous in OK. After living in the Hugo area for years I have no desire to be searching for help with such issues from the local populace.

[Celeste Aileen]

I think KendraGurl has the best view on this. I tried a therapist for a short time. With some other pressures, I decided to quite CDing. But that decision was rescinded shortly thereafter. The clubs seem to be the only good answer. Wish there were more, & better clubs.

[prettytoes]

I just got home to a message on the answering machine for my wife. Seems she sees fit to schedule an appointment for therapy for me. I have been very happy lately; loveing, careing, and helping around the house more. I have had little or no stress, and life has been good; even she has said that. I realize that my behavior is out of the norm that society has created, but as long as all is well and I am happy, why would I need therapy? This is not something that I feel I need, nor would I be willing to participate in. I had a hard enough time talking to my wife of 28 years about it, let alone a perfect stranger. I am very happy and at ease when I am able to dress, I do not take it to extremes, and I keep it in the house. When I an not able to show my feminine side, I am stressed, anxious, and short tempered, as well as I do not sleep well at night. I love my wife, don't cheat, and have no interest in men, nor do I have a desire to become a woman...I just like dressing up. I really don't get the problem! BTW, I deleted the message!
I didn't mean to hijack your thread, Christina, and I apoligize if I did. I just didn't want to start another thread with the same heading and thoughts.

[kendra_gurl]

prettytoes

your post may be something christina can use to see the differances in the amount of acceptance wives of Cd's may have. I'd very much like to hear what your wifes explination is for making an appoitment for you without your knowledge. If you both have been comfortable when your dress around the house then there has to be more going on than you are aware of.
I'd suggest from what you have said so far to just calmly ask her about it. She may be having fears you want to take it farther than she is willing to go. By your admission that you are a different person at home depending on if your able to dress or not that seems to be cause for concern. You have to have a balance between being her girlfriend and the husband she married. But you also have to always be the same basic person she fell in love with. Look at this from her point of view. Would you want her becomming totally different in her actions toward you and life in general just because of the clothing she chose to wear? You just need to comminucate with her honestly and find out what her intentions are.


Christina

I got your message and I really think there is probably as much help right here as any you might get from a single therapist. I hope you will post here what you told me in private so others with similuar experience can advise you. As for clubs in OKC The Habanna Inn on Penn has 2 clubs inside of it and within a block there are 4 more that are all accepting including one for 18 and up but I don't remember the name as I am not in OKC myself

[christina s]

Sure thing Kendra

First of all , it's great to see someone else from Oklahoma . I had a couple of questions . You mentioned clubs in your post , I really don't have any experience with night clubs . I was just wondering what clubs in the OKC ,Edmond area are good to go to also being 19 can i even get into them ?

Also the reason I was looking into therapy is because my crossdressing is just something i'm really starting to accept . For the past couple of years I've been competing in power lifting very seriously . So it's very difficult to transition from this guy to who i thought i was suppose to be ,to the guy that i really am .


Thank you everyone for your answers. I think kendra might be right though ,posting here or going to clubs might be more beneficial then going to a therapist.

[Nia Hush]

Eh, I dunno, shirking the idea of therapy entirely isn't exactly the best idea.
Yes, I've had some therapy before and I was misdiagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, but not all the treatment was off-the-mark - just the particualr prescription drugs.

I went to this therapist initially with family and while they were there corroborate some of what I was experience externally, they did inject Aspergers into the conversation and the shrink just went with it without any real tests, just talking with me after talking with them for a couple sessions.

If your therapist isn't going to put you through some tests, that's a red flag. They should be issuing some tests before prescribing or advising anything and they should also be considering the things that worked for you and the things you say that didn't. I wouldn't say shut the family or SO out, but don't let them drop flavor-of-the-week pop psychology into the conversation, either.

You can go meet with other CDs and have a good time of it, but keep in mind friends also have a habit of telling people what they want to hear and that might make you happy for a while, but perhaps not forever. Personally, I don't go out seeking the approval of other people or have a need for that to be happy, but I know when I'm not happy.

Do some soul-searching before deciding what you do.

[Tina B.]

Never did therapy myself, don't have anything against it, just never felt the need. But For Sara Jane, from what I've heard from those that have gone to a therapist, they don't "fix you", they teach you to accept yourself for what you are. Last I heard they have nothing but theory on what even causes this phenomenon much less how to "cure it", but of course, most of us don't feel broken anyway. If therapy has any practical benefit it has to be in teaching you how to deal with the world, and how to accept yourself for who you are, just ask any women that's tried, men are hard to change, even when their trying to be women. Acceptance, of one self, what other goal can be more important.
Tina B.

[kristinacd55]

My very awesome friend Jenn went to her first session yesterday and loved it! She did a lot of research before picking hers out, I know that. I joined a couple of meetup groups myself and have been to support group meetings and also to clubs and that has been my therapy. It's been such a breath of fresh air!

[vikki2020]

This is something that I have been seriously considering. Thanks to all, for the great info!

[darla_g]

i was curious as to what everyone's motivation is for therapy. I have gone for therapy for a number of other reasons yet none of them every concerned my desire to dress occasionally. For those who decided to go to therapy what is it that you hoped to accomplish:

stop dressing?
personal acceptance?
getting a partner to accept their dressing or worse stop dressing?
to move along the continuum towards being a ts?
or just to tell somebody?

[tiffanyfisher]

i was curious as to what everyone's motivation is for therapy. I have gone for therapy for a number of other reasons yet none of them every concerned my desire to dress occasionally. For those who decided to go to therapy what is it that you hoped to accomplish:

stop dressing?
personal acceptance?
getting a partner to accept their dressing or worse stop dressing?
to move along the continuum towards being a ts?
or just to tell somebody?

I originally started going on the advice from my psychiatrist. I have been on an off anti depressants for about 3 years and never felt therapy would benefit me. After our first 2 visits I felt terrible and vunerable. I felt that this lady made me feel like crap. After a while, I realized that it helped me to get issues out because I did feel better after revealing them. It wasn't until after our 7 or 8th session that I mentioned I was a CD. She really likes the topic because her clinical interest are sexual topics. We spent our most recent session talking about it for nearly an hour.

To answer your questions, I revealed it because I struggle with it. I have a wife that comepletly supports my CD antics, but I don't share it with her. I guess at the moment my therapist seems to be getting me to accept it and to include my wife. This is not something that's going to happen quickly, but I feel that we are moving in the right direction. Plus, sometimes it feels good to just tell someone about all the crap that bothers you.

[Detroit Molly]

I've been in therapy for six years now, the past four in intensive, five-day-a-week analysis. I started voluntarily for non-CD reasons, to get help for my wicked depression, anxiety, and a host of other issues and baggage. It was actually through my therapy that I came to know myself better and found Molly in there. I go to my sessions dressed maybe once or twice a week, and my shrink is very welcoming and accepting and comforting. Now we're talking not so much about who is Molly, but why is Molly, and that's a hard conversation to have because it's all mixed up with my gender identity and my mommy and daddy issues. Seriously, ladies. I've got more issues than National Geographic. My therapy has helped an enormous amount, and I wouldn't be the (less broken) man I am today without it. Or woman for that matter.

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

I think Kendra is right on - you need to know what your goals are in seeing a therapist... I don't know if a gender focused therapist can help you determine those goals if you don't know what they are.

I've been to 3 therapists
1. I was 26 and seriously depressed. In the mid 1980's CDing was even less accepted than now and I couldn't even tell him why I was there. After 5 or 6 sessions of helping with stress management he said he couldn't help me anymore unless I could give him more to work with. (Don't know what he knew or suspected) I quit.
2. At 45, after telling my wife (11 years) I went to a therapist to help me stop. He took 4 or 5 sessions to get to know me and understand me. He gave me some thoughts on behaviour modification and told me it would be a process to stop and to control my behaviors, and not give in to urges. At the time I was going through an "I want to quit, purge." It didn't last. I didn't follow his advise.
3. At 47, I decided I wanted to find a female therapist and have someone I could be real and openly talk with. I'm not sure what more I wanted. Maybe to have a place to go dressed up. Someone to talk with who knew how women thought, and maybe even give fashion advise. (I can still see the cutest brown skirt and boots she wore!) At the 2nd session she said, "Do you think this will ever go away? Do you really see yourself stopping?" I said, no. She said, that's right. So accept it. She didn't want to take any more of my money. (Funny thing is, I pulled her name out of the phonebook and thought I'd never see her again. Then her son and my son joined the same baseball team. After 3 years we've never addressed it in any way.)

As I read the advise other girls offered here, I was pretty much in agreement and shaking my head yes. But then I saw that you are still quite young. I'd suggest staying with this forum for a while. Read and ask your questions. The girls here are fantastic and you will get as good of advise here that you will at $100 bucks an hour from any professional.

Good luck
Kathleen Ann

[Fractured]

I was curious as to what everyone's motivation is for therapy.

After impulse buying my first pair of panties just before Valentine's Day and stressing out over the issue to the extent that it seemed my hair started to fall out, I went to my primary care physician and was referred to a clinic. First appointment is about six weeks away. I am hoping to learn more about the possible causes of these feelings and how to address them in a way that will not harm me, my wife, or my kids. Not too ambitious of a goal, I hope. :)

[Valerie]

I was depressed and stuck, not knowing how to move on. I wanted to have someone to help me understand my life and live it fully fully, not at all to "cure" me. I called several in town and none felt competent on this issue. The first was so ignorant that I interrupted our conversation after ten minutes and left (an expensive ten minutes). The second was well meaning, but had no real understanding to offer. I stuck with her for ten sessions, and it did help somehow, but little. Then I discovered someone in a different town who specializes in CD/TG and has written extensively about this, and he has proven to be superb. My SO and I meet with him regularly and our life has improved tremendously. My recommendation, as others have said, is to keep looking until you find the right one! It is worth it. And for me therapy has been invaluable.

[Paula_56]

What city are you. Number find a therapist who works with TG peeople on regular basis. My is Dr. Stan Durcharne in Boston . I love him.