Unusual Situations? I don't know the answer...

[AKAMichelle]

As many of you know, I go pretty much wherever I want. I am preparing to end my marriage on good terms. My wife and I have decided just to finish what we started and go on with our lives as friends.

For the last 2 weekends I have gone to karaoke at a club in downtown Denver. While it isn't a gay club, they accept the cd'ers with welcome arms. Most of the people there are neighborhood folk who are hetero. We are just accepted into the group. The first night there I had a GG ask for my phone #. The second night there I had another GG ask for my phone #. Both women were very aware that I was a guy dressed as a woman, but it didn't stop either of them from making the first move. I was hanging out with them, but I wouldn't have asked for their phone #. I can't really explain the why.

I just wonder why this happens. 5 of 6 of the women that I told I was a cd'er have gone out with me dressed. I just don't understand why. It just seems to happen a lot with me and I can't explain why. Does anybody else have this happen and know why?

[TxKimberly]

It's been my experience so far that women seemed to be fascinated by a cross dressing guy - as long as it isn't THEIR guy doing the cross dressing. LOL

[Stephanie47]

I think you are fortunate. My wife and I are probably going to live out our lives in a 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell" atmosphere. I am destined to live as a brother to a sister. At my age, that's OK. What is perplexing with your post is the fact that five total strangers are willing to go out with you, be your friend, whatever. In my case a forty year relationship is totally overshadowed by her perceptions of cross dressing, although I fully accept her sexual 'baggage.' Although a person fully accepts you every other way, cross dressing in private with absolutely no desire to have her engage in the activity in any manner, makes the relationship a deal breaker. I often wonder what would happen if I came across a woman interested in all facets of my personality, who accepted cross dressing as just another part of a person. I'm not looking, but, just wondering.

[Stephanie47]

It's been my experience so far that women seemed to be fascinated by a cross dressing guy - as long as it isn't THEIR guy doing the cross dressing. LOL

Maybe that's the answer!

[Cait]

I think its probably a combination of good fortune on your part that you have found what sounds like a very accepting community and a combination of them being attracted to your confidence and an underlying interest/fascination of theirs with CDing.
Either way, embrace it and enjoy it.
x

[jackielou]

i would love to find a woman that could love a person who likes the feminine side of life and be happy only dress at home but underdress all the time

[PretzelGirl]

I think it is all about the fact that you have accepted yourself and you are being yourself. There is no self-doubt they have to deal with. You are probably being open and happy and who doesn't want to hang around that? So the nutshell is that self-acceptance makes others around you more comfortable and accepting.

[Kate Simmons]

Simple Michelle it's safer for a woman to go out with another woman than it is to go out with a man. Strange I know but some women feel that way.:)

[SherriePall]

I think that I have said it before: it's all relative. The closer you are related to the person, the less desirable it is. I even read that one woman loved to be with her crossdressing boyfriend, but dropped him to marry someone else because she didn't want to be married to a crossdresser. Go figure.

[Being Paige]

I'm not sure, but good for you!! You are so lucky

[AKAMichelle]

It's been my experience so far that women seemed to be fascinated by a cross dressing guy - as long as it isn't THEIR guy doing the cross dressing. LOL

They may be fascinated, but I found them willing to accept me as their boyfriend.


Simple Michelle it's safer for a woman to go out with another woman than it is to go out with a man. Strange I know but some women feel that way.:)

The women I talked about here in this post are women that I dated at one point since I came out of the closet. I am still fascinated by the fact that I succeed where other fail. I just don't understand what it is that causes the different results.

The women on Friday was very accepting but she wanted to make sure that I went as a male. When I told her yes then she was happy. In fact I joked with her and told her that I wished I had kissed her at the bar. Then we could have sung Katy Perry's song - "I Kissed a Girl". She laughed and thought that was cute.

It must be my self-confidence because that seems to the only variable difference that I see.

[jenniferoonus]

My wife totally rejected me as 'the other person'. However, I have been living as Janet ,the other person, during the weekdays and have made many friends, mostly female. We have been going out many times a week for various activities, one catch though, none of them is aware that I am not a GG. I wish that my wife could be one of them, accepting me as her girl friend when I am Janet.

[Samantha W]

This is how several GG’s have put it to me. “You gotta really give it to a guy who knows how much work goes into looking this good”. And my favorite one of all was from a beautiful young woman at the Gay 90’s on my first time out “I like men and woman. But you’re even better cuz, your BOTH"!

Also, women tend not to have as much animosity toward homosexuality as men do. Women can publically flirt, dance and even kiss some and its all considered innocent. But if two guys did any of there would probably be a fight.

[Niya W]

It could be that they see confidence and happiness in you. There are alot of folks in this world who never accept them selfs .

[AKAMichelle]

I just got this email from a woman that I was talking to the internet. I think her comment was perfect for this discussion.

"NEVER apologize for who you are! Confidence is the most attractive pheramone to a woman. "

[pantyhoselover]

This is slightly off topic, but sometimes I think women relate to me better because they sense something different. I have not come out to any, but it does make me think. I have thought about coming out to some, but I'm afraid of the possible risks.

[ColleenCD]

Hi Michelle,

Clearly you have shown your confidence, and the girls are attracted to it. I think the other trait they see is your transparency. CDing at a karaoke bar is one of the most vulnerable, open things you can do, and in her eyes what else is left? Either way, I hope you find true joy in your adventures.

Hugs,

Colleen

[Marcia Polari]

There were probably much more women in the premises than the 5 or 6 who approached you. Those were the non-accepting and the 5 who talked to you and ask for your phone nb should account for some 30% of the total. Just as an estimate given the context, an open bar, late at night. But could be in the opposite way in another context. But I usually don't care about. I try to be as I am most of the time, no matter the acceptance.
Hugs hun,
Marcia

[Stephenie S]

Maybe it's because you are just so darned cute.

S

[Terricd48]

Maybe they liked what you were wearing.Thought you might have something in your closet that they could borrow. A girl luvs having more clothes that she can wear.

[AKAMichelle]

There were probably much more women in the premises than the 5 or 6 who approached you. Those were the non-accepting and the 5 who talked to you and ask for your phone nb should account for some 30% of the total. Just as an estimate given the context, an open bar, late at night. But could be in the opposite way in another context. But I usually don't care about. I try to be as I am most of the time, no matter the acceptance.
Hugs hun,
Marcia

The 6 women that I mention here were met on a dating site. Match / Yahoo / Eharmony. Places that represent the general population and these women violated the stereotype of what would be considered for accepting women. These were some of the most conservative and even one was a missionary.


Maybe they liked what you were wearing.Thought you might have something in your closet that they could borrow. A girl luvs having more
clothes that she can wear.

I was dressed as a male most of the time.

The only time I met a woman dressed as Michelle was at the karaoke bar in the last 2 weeks. Both times I got approached. I don't understand any of this at all. I wasn't looking, trying or expecting to meet any women to date. It just defies logic and I'm trying to see if anyone understands. I certainly don't

[Lorileah]

It must be my self-confidence because that seems to the only variable difference that I see.

I'll go with that one :) I am going to have to go on a Friday night (but I can't sing falsetto so they will have to hear my real voice)

[ReineD]

If you're suggesting that women aren't as turned off the CDing as many members here think they are, I agree.

I don't know how many women are open minded vs. not, but looking strictly at the women who are, I think they might see it initially as a pastime or a hobby and think it rather a lark. Few of us really understand what it is all about until we are in a relationship with a CDer. :)

Not all CDers behave the same way of course but if there will be objections, they might come later if the GG discovers her new bf lives for the CDing, for example if his life revolves around it daily in some form or another outside of working hours (to further clarify .. a lack of balance indicating the partner might perhaps be transsexual). Or, if there is a lot of secretive behavior associated with it. Or, as she gets to know her partner better, if she discovers that he prefers to take a very passive voice in their relationship, for example if he is overly "girly" and passive, in ways that are over the top even for most GGs. Or, if she suspects her partner might be more open to men than she had originally anticipated, if there are issues in the bedroom for example.

Another consideration is a person's basic personality outside of gender. Again, not all CDers are created equal and some CDers are more attractive than others, have more confidence, are more vivacious, have more charisma, intelligence, positive life attitudes, are comfortable in many different situations, are more worldly, perhaps successful in their fields, etc. What I'm saying is that a woman just doesn't look at the CDing. She sees everything else too. :) So, some CDers will find it easier to get dates than others. There is also the general "aura" or basic sexiness that people exude no matter how they dress that is more pronounced in some, more than others.

I think GGs are getting a bad rap because of the divorce stories we hear in the forum. But I suspect the reasons for divorce are more than just the CDing. Also, remember that a single woman in her 40s or 50s who is looking for a partner will be more open minded if she knows from the beginning, than a wife who discovers after so many years of marriage that her husband is fundamentally different than she thought he was.

And the CDers here who cannot find dates? Perhaps it is not the CDing that is the biggest culprit, but a combination of the considerations I mention above.

[joanna marie]

In my case a forty year relationship is totally overshadowed by her perceptions of cross dressing, although I fully accept her sexual 'baggage.' Although a person fully accepts you every other way, cross dressing in private with absolutely no desire to have her engage in the activity in any manner, makes the relationship a deal breaker.

Stephanie47 I am in the same place with the same amount of years invested with my wife.Not sure where it is going from here.
CDing isn't the only problem involed but it is the one that she called the deal breaker.

[erickka]

Simple Michelle it's safer for a woman to go out with another woman than it is to go out with a man. Strange I know but some women feel that way.:)

I agree. I have also seen women respond the same way to a gay male. I think that they may feel that it is a bit of a "safer" situation for them to be in.

[AKAMichelle]

I'll go with that one :) I am going to have to go on a Friday night (but I can't sing falsetto so they will have to hear my real voice)

I sing with my regular voice and nobody seems to care. I think the only time it matters is if the sound comes out like fingernails on a chalkboard. As long as you avoid that then you are good.


If you're suggesting that women aren't as turned off the CDing as many members here think they are, I agree.

I think GGs are getting a bad rap because of the divorce stories we hear in the forum. But I suspect the reasons for divorce are more than just the CDing. Also, remember that a single woman in her 40s or 50s who is looking for a partner will be more open minded if she knows from the beginning, than a wife who discovers after so many years of marriage that her husband is fundamentally different than she thought he was.

This is why I write up things like this. I don't see the rejection that so many find here. My wife even accepted eventually. It took her almost 3 years, but it did happen. But when you start fresh then the women have gone out with me dressed and had a great time. I think it goes back to one event.

Tell the women early in the relationship and be honest with her. The ones who will never accept will leave and the rest are the ones you want in the first place. Since the woman hasn't invested months of her life with you, then she feels free to choose. That freedom allows her to be more open with you. I think honesty so soon in the relationship and trusting her with your secret causes the relationship to start on solid footing and really take off.

[Tina B.]

First Michelle, what secret? You have been out way to much to think you still have a secret. While truth and confidence may play a part, maybe the reason is you seem to be a person that knows how to have fun, and not be embarrassed, wearing what you will, or singing Karaoke in a male voice while wearing a dress? Maybe it's because you are cute and seem like such a nice person, people seem to like that in a person.
Tina B.

[kimdl93]

It must be my self-confidence because that seems to the only variable difference that I see.

I think you nailed it - self confidence is attractive.