Coming to terms...

[Christy_M]

I have been in therapy for a while now and I have recently had the epiphany that I am a better person as a woman than I ever could be as a man. My wife and I have talked recently and I have told her that I am goin g to start transition with HRT next month.

While it is sort of up in the air about where we land in our relationship, I am very curious how any of you have told your children. Mine are 5 and 6 and seem so impressionable. They already understand gender roles and I would hate to do anything to them that would cause them to feel out of place or abnormal regardless of what society puts on them. I realize I have said many time I would never want to burden my children with this load I have been carrying but know as sure as night is dark that I am making the right choice for me and my family in the long run.

Please help me with suggestions on when and how to tell these children so they understand that gender is not as important as the person within and also so that they don't hate the person I will become just becasue of societal pressures. My actions as the parent will drive a lot of their perceptions but people without vested interests tend to have heavier weight on our children no different than the external influences in our own lives when we were young.

Neither of them know about Christy. They do know their dad and all the "father" specific functions that I have participated in that will go away becasue of this will be an issue for them in terms of understanding why. These include "Father/Son lego car races," "Father/Daughter Dance at church" and "Cub Scouts" are all gender specific functions. Coaching sports is not as gender reliant but I know my kids will be hurt when I can not participate in these other events with them.

[TerryTerri]

I have a 13 year old daughter and 2 sons, ages 9 and 6 (almost 7). I'm kinda struggling with this issue myself. Here's what's up with me. First off, my daughter knows (she's fine with it), my sons do not. I've always been sort of 'weird' and that's set a tone in the family about being a bit different and that's okay. We try to teach the boys that it's okay to be themselves and not to compare themselves to others and it's more important for them to be themselves than what someone else thinks they should be, different folks for different strokes. That is the foundation they have been raised with and I think, coincedentally, it may help in the long run with all this.

I don't intend on informing the sons until fairly soon before I transition. Gonna give them some time to absorb it, but not too much time to fret excessively on it.
As I have come to believe the guiding principles are much the same as with a divorce. Getting through to them that it is not their fault, they are not being abandoned, etc. Gotta ensure their emotional security with all this.
Also, my ex and I divorced over this, but have remained best friends. She supports me and accepts this. But, she's still is struggling some aspects of this. It was suggested to us that she needs to be comfortable and okay with my presenting as Terri. If not, the boys could pick up on her struggles with this and internalize it. Kids are very intuitive and sensitive, even if they do not consciously realize it.
When it is time to have "the conversation" with them. I will be the ones to talk with them. But, their mother and sister will be present to show their support. With their mother and sister accepting it and all, it may make it easier for them to digest and accept this all.
Oh, yea, one other thing. I'm doing what I can, in little ways to prepare them. For example, they know their father's pretty girly for a guy and they see my Glamour, Allure and other such magazines out and I do not hesitate to read or peruse one in their presensce.
Okay, that's where I'm at and my tentative plans with all this. Good Luck to you!

PS. I do not intend on my boys quitting cub scouts over this. I am not a member (and do not officially qualify). But, there's no reasons the boys and I can't still participate, after all their den leader is female and is an awesome lady.

[Jennie1975]

Wow Christy! *jaw hanging open* I,um yes you are right, we have ALOT to talk about! I am so very happy for you. You know I am always here for you with whatever I can offer. God I can't wait to see you!

Jennifer

[Christy_M]

Wow Christy! *jaw hanging open* I,um yes you are right, we have ALOT to talk about! I am so very happy for you. You know I am always here for you with whatever I can offer. God I can't wait to see you!

Jennifer

I never thought my friends would find out this way but I needed to make some posts about transitioning so I can access resources in the other thread...we'll talk this week for sure.

[Katesback]

Your kids are really young and it will be quite easy to get this across to them. It's the older kids that post more problems.

[StaceyJane]

Christy, I'm so happy that you are able to make this decision. Transitioning can be very hard but living with the turmoil inside is much harder.

Your children will adapt. Kids are tougher than you think plus you will still be a part of their lives which is the most important thing.