If you caught your kids???

[Briana90802]

I keep reading posts about people being caught cding when they were younger and being punished for it. I guess that was the mentality back in the day. However, if you were to catch your son or daughter crossdressing what would you do? Encourage? Punish? Warn? What? Knowing how the world looks upon differences and norms what kind of things would you do? Or have done?

This question goes out everyone, kids or no kids! Everyone's thoughts and opinions are valid. :)

[Anna B]

I keep reading posts about people being caught cding when they were younger and being punished for it. I guess that was the mentality back in the day. However, if you were to catch your son or daughter crossdressing what would you do? Encourage? Punish? Warn? What? Knowing how the world looks upon differences and norms what kind of things would you do? Or have done?

Interesting, because I caught one of my kids dressed in female underwear once, and my reaction was something like "Oh", and I left. I suppose I should have been more supportive...

However, he still seems to have turned out OK (i.e. Non CD happily living with his partner (As far as I know) No further embarassing discoveries were found after that one incident. (But who knows...?)

Anna x

[tiffanyfisher]

I remember being caught wearing my sisters heels when I was about 5 or 6. I couldn't understand why she and my mom were mocking me. They were mocking me and calling me a sissy. I couldn't understand what I had done wrong. I just wanted to see what it felt like to wear heels because they were so different. It was an experiement more than anything. I only started my CD when I reached puberty because it had become sexual for me. I still remember to this day how I felt. I was confused and it didn't bother me at all. I laugh about it now.

As a new parent, I'm going to try to be very accepting. When they are young I'm going to try to steer them to what socitey deems they should wear. However, if I catch them crossdressing in their teens, I will be much more supportive. I'm sick of how our society has no tolerance for anything.

[Anna B]

I remember being caught wearing my sisters heels when I was about 5 or 6. I couldn't understand why she and my mom were mocking me. They were mocking me and calling me a sissy. I couldn't understand what I had done wrong. I just wanted to see what it felt like to wear heels because they were so different. It was an experiement more than anything. I only started my CD when I reached puberty because it had become sexual for me. I still remember to this day how I felt. I was confused and it didn't bother me at all. I laugh about it now.

As a new parent, I'm going to try to be very accepting. When they are young I'm going to try to steer them to what socitey deems they should wear. However, if I catch them crossdressing in their teens, I will be much more supportive. I'm sick of how our society has no tolerance for anything.

I think I agree with that sentiment.

Anna x

[christinac]

I'm not really sure how I would have handled that situation. Jennifer was a little tom boy when she was little, but she quickly became quite a lady early on in her teenage years.

[Eryn]

As a new parent, I'm going to try to be very accepting. When they are young I'm going to try to steer them to what socitey deems they should wear. However, if I catch them crossdressing in their teens, I will be much more supportive. I'm sick of how our society has no tolerance for anything.

I was going to post on this topic and you've already pretty much said what I was planning to say.

The one thing that I would definitely do is to let them know that I don't think of CDing as bad or odd. If I just let it go with no comment then whatever was in their head (likely, guilt) would become the dominant emotion.

[tiffanyfisher]

I was going to post on this topic and you've already pretty much said what I was planning to say.

The one thing that I would definitely do is to let them know that I don't think of CDing as bad or odd. If I just let it go with no comment then whatever was in their head (likely, guilt) would become the dominant emotion.

That's a great statement. I wished I could do that for myself. I still struggle with it.

[Stephenie S]

I would not "catch" my child crossdressing because I would encourage any child of mine to wear whatever he or she wanted to wear. We need to recognize that there is no shame in ANY gender specific clothing. Wear whatever you want. Isn't that what everyone on this forum wants for themselves? Why deny your child the same privilege?

Guilt and shame are social constructs placed there only by ourselves.

S

[Danielle.N]

Not really sure about everything I would do, but I would at least try to make them less afraid to talk than I was toward my parents. They were not mean at all, trust me....I was just terrified of talking about that.

[andrea69j]

I would not "catch" my child crossdressing

I agree; 'catch' and 'caught' seem to imply there is something wrong or shameful in it. There is nothing wrong with being true to yourself, or just being curious. If we would all take some time to walk in other people's high heals, the world would be a better place.

Kisses,

Andrea

[LeeAnnRose]

It's funny, I would have an easier time discussing the situation with them than explaining myself! It is definitely not a mainstream thing to do and seeing that recent McDonald's video really shows why you need to be careful when you venture past your known safe-zones. (However big or small they may be.) We want to protect our kids, but I also want them to make their choices with confidence knowing who and what is out there. My safe-zone is really just my house. The small town talks too much and can be too immature to accept this. The kid(s) would ultimately face the same prejudices and they need to know the effects of their choice(s). Of course this goes far beyond dressing...

[Briana90802]

I would not "catch" my child crossdressing because I would encourage any child of mine to wear whatever he or she wanted to wear. We need to recognize that there is no shame in ANY gender specific clothing. Wear whatever you want. Isn't that what everyone on this forum wants for themselves? Why deny your child the same privilege?

Guilt and shame are social constructs placed there only by ourselves.

S


I agree; 'catch' and 'caught' seem to imply there is something wrong or shameful in it. There is nothing wrong with being true to yourself, or just being curious. If we would all take some time to walk in other people's high heals, the world would be a better place.

Kisses,

Andrea



"caught" is a non issue in this instance. Being caught doesn't necessarily mean something bad. In this instance it just means "to see" e.g. I caught the show. Sometimes we add feelings to words which make them seem positive or negative. e.g. "smell" doesnt always mean to smell bad, it's just an action word, it's in the way we use it.

So if you think that being caught has some sort of negative or shameful feeling attached to it, I think that really means that you felt that way(or were made to feel that).

When I was 7 my sister and I played dressup and I put on here leggings and a leotard. I went downstairs, without shame, and ran around. My dad sat me down and told me something that day that I'll never forget. He said,"that I was his son and that no matter what I did in life that I'd always be his son. And as long as I do my best and don't go around hurting people, that he would be proud of me." what he said didn't make much sense at the time, but it stuck with me. He neither encouraged or discouraged me and just told me he loved me.

That's what I plan to do.

[tiffanyfisher]

"caught" is a non issue in this instance. Being caught doesn't necessarily mean something bad. In this instance it just means "to see" e.g. I caught the show. Sometimes we add feelings to words which make them seem positive or negative. e.g. "smell" doesnt always mean to smell bad, it's just an action word, it's in the way we use it.

So if you think that being caught has some sort of negative or shameful feeling attached to it, I think that really means that you felt that way(or were made to feel that).

When I was 7 my sister and I played dressup and I put on here leggings and a leotard. I went downstairs, without shame, and ran around. My dad sat me down and told me something that day that I'll never forget. He said,"that I was his son and that no matter what I did in life that I'd always be his son. And as long as I do my best and don't go around hurting people, that he would be proud of me." what he said didn't make much sense at the time, but it stuck with me. He neither encouraged or discouraged me and just told me he loved me.

That's what I plan to do.

Awesome post! I agree with you completely and that story about your father was pretty cool. "caught" is just describing a moment in time. There is no need to read into the language. This is not a Shakespere class. :)

[AKAMichelle]

I think this would be the hardest thing to do because I know what that life will bring. My wife has a friend with a daughter who was born male. That child is extremely feminine. I met the child a few weeks ago and I was blown away. That child seems so happy and I told the mother how lucky the child was to have her.

[Joanne f]

I would do nothing and just accept it but if i could see a possible awkward situation coming from it at any time i would try to advise them of a possible situation just the same as i do about anything with them .

[the_me]

If I caught my kids crossdressing... I'd have to first ask myself where I got these kids from! Would probably stop drinking entirely too. Haha.

I am serious that I don't want to have kids at all, however, should I change my mind or an 'oopsy!' happens, I like to think I would be as open and supportive as possible toward any of my child's choices. I like how Briana90802's father put it. Of course things like sexism, racism, and any form of intolerance would not be... tolerated.

That said, still don't want children at all. Really not for me, and the planet's too crowded as is.

[Kerigirl2009]

I would not be mad at them and I would not encourage them. I would let them know that this is hard and confusing but it is ok of they do it just to be careful about who they tell about it for their safety and happiness.

[Jilmac]

My children are all adults now and I'm an empty nester, but as I was raising them along with my wife we tried to show them unconditional love and understanding, no matter the the situation. Even if I had never chosen the crossdressing lifestyle I would not have punished, chastized, or in any way degraded a son or daughter for doing so.

[Pythos]

If I lost my mind and decided to procreate, and my off spring, boy or girl (or inter-sexed, lets forget they happen too), decided they wanted to live as the other gender, I would support them. Depending on how the social atmosphere was at the time, I would certainly give them the needed warnings, and such, but I would balance those out with my feelings towards those things I am warning against.

My dad many years ago said pretty much the same as one of the posters here. He mentioned how he did not understand why my mom could not get off me about my attire and hair, he just wanted me to be a decent person, and to succeed at that I wish to succeed at. I would always be his son. That meant a lot.

I certainly would not do what my parents did to me the first time I was found wearing a slip. That was humiliating and did some damage to my trust of my parents.

[BillieJoEllen]

Having been caught when fifteen I know what I would NOT do. I would talk to the child and let him/her know that I'm not angry. I would give comfort and understanding and explain all that he could possibly be in store for. After a period of time I would again have another talk and perhaps reveal myself. I would let the child be completely in charge of this aspect of their life.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Here's a little memory of mine.
I remember once, while cleaning my teenage son's room (Parents are required to do that from time to time because teenage boys have no idea what the words "Clean Your Room" means.), I found a pair of his sister's underwear hidden under the mattress of his bed. When I motioned it to him, in private as to not embarrass him, he flatly denied any knowledge of the panties or how they might have come to be deposited there. I would have left it at that had this been the only time it had happened. I'd caught him before going through the laundry basket and hiding ladies undergarments under his shirt to conceal them as he went back to his room.
I told him the truth. "Son, Just because you might like the way that they feel on you doesn't mean that you are going to become like me. The fabric arouses you. It is perfectly natural and doesn't mean that you are any less a man than you think you are."
He breathed a great sigh of relief and smiled as he admitted that "Yes, Dad, I have been wearing them."
"It's OK, Son." I said.
I suggested that, if he wanted me to, I would buy him some panties from the store so that he didn't have to sneak his sister's underwear anymore.(I was thinking it would be more sanitary.) He agreed.
That was many years ago. It was, from what I've seen, just a phase that he eventually grew out of. Had it not been? I would had dealt with it. no big deal. Why make mountains out of piles of dirty laundry when a quick trip to Wally World for a package of pretty pink panties will save the day?

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

I was sure I didn't want kids. It kept me from pursuing girlfriends because it seemed all the women wanted to be mommies. I let my best friend move in with me because she was having roommate problems. We lived together for a couple of years, and I was trying to figure out how to get her to move out. I knew she wanted to be a mom. She's a natural. But I didn't want kids. And I didn't want to hold her back from finding a guy she could marry.

Then the neighbors got pregnant. It was a great time. Their son, Max, was a great baby and I could see the love he brought to the world. It didn't take long for me to realize I'd changed my mind. I married my best friend and we have 3 great kids. She is the natural mom I knew she'd be.

With 2 girls in their early teens, I don't sense any gender uncertainty.

My son, the youngest is 11. He's a total sports guy. He'll video game a little, which I do try to discourage. It's hard to say what will happen in the next few years. For now, I don't see any indications. Lord knows there are a lot of girl clothes in the house if he finds himself alone and curious. As my wife knows about me but isn't really supportive, she wouldn't buy him anything remotely feminine. The few times he's been subjected to "dress up" games, he seems to take it in stride, but without innate desire.

With that as background, of course I'd support him. Keeping his self worth without guilt is critical.

And for those of you who don't want kids. I understand the feelings, but I'd urge you keep the option open. When you are ready and they are yours, it's an amazing level of love.

Kathleen Ann

[RachelOKC]

Since I don't hide my TG nature from my son, I would hope he wouldn't hide such things from me and I would also hope I don't say or do anything to repress his identity. I want to give him the freedom to be - something that I did not feel I had.

I want him to know he should respect other people's lives, be tolerant of things he doesn't understand or relate to, and that he shouldn't fear being true to his self. All so easy to say, but much harder to execute...

[Frédérique]

However, if you were to catch your son or daughter crossdressing what would you do? Encourage? Punish? Warn? What? Knowing how the world looks upon differences and norms what kind of things would you do? Or have done?

I don’t have any children, so pardon me if I chime in on this topic…:thinking:

If I had a son, and I caught him crossdressing, I probably wouldn’t do anything. Now, let’s assume the boy’s mother is my wife, and she’s living in the same house – what would her reaction be? And what could I say in the boy’s defense, since I would most likely have to spill the beans about my own crossdressing? Assume, for the moment, that I have kept my secret intact throughout our relationship, but I am secretly crossing the gender line in regards to appearance behind her back. I would visibly ignore my son’s crossdressing, but if my wife voiced her opinion on the matter, calling it sissified behavior that had to be stopped, I would have to do something. I would NOT admonish the child, nor would I go along with his mother’s protestations. Most likely I would be forced to come out of the closet, reinforce my son’s expression, and likely ruin my marital status in the process…

I could never pretend to hate crossdressing or sissified behavior, as exemplified in any child, whether it was my own or not. To do so would be tantamount to self-inflicted injury of the most heinous kind. With this in mind, and knowing how the world operates within extremes of accepted behavior (in regards to gender), I would avoid a relationship with a woman at this point in my life – I’m not equipped to steer a boy or girl in the right direction, since nobody can agree on what the word “right” constitutes or signifies. I can only observe from afar and shake my head when the situation causes me to do so. If the situation was close at hand, meaning a young person experimenting with crossdressing, I would offer support, along with a hug, and encourage that child to keep expressing or experimenting, no matter what others had to say about it…
:straightface:

[Lorileah]

Probably the same way I would react if I caught them in a firefighter suit, or dressed as a chipmunk, or eating broccoli. I would say, just be careful and have fun.

If they were dressed as a politician now...that would require some therapy (especially if they had on a bad red wig and kept saying "You're fired")

[Maria in heels]

I would be the parent who would sit down and quietly talk with my children, as I have in the past and explain to them that everyone is a person, no matter what they do or choose to be with, and to be accepting and open of this is the most important thing. I would also tell them that it is ok, nothing to worry about, and come to me if you need help or need anything

[Jorja]

Probably the same way I would react if I caught them in a firefighter suit, or dressed as a chipmunk, or eating broccoli. I would say, just be careful and have fun.

If they were dressed as a politician now...that would require some therapy (especially if they had on a bad red wig and kept saying "You're fired")

OMG!!!! Not a broccoli eating chipmunk!!!! We cannot have that!!! If they were dressed as a polititian I might disown them.:D

[Marissa]

My two daughters are now grown up as adults to make up their own minds as long as it respects my boundaries..just like I respect theirs :) Being as closed minded as I am, I would have took a belt to either of my girls in younger years to ensure they understood not to cross the lines of gender seperation as dictated by the majority of society... :D ;)

Okay..so I'm kidding... but I am a bit close minded which is true.. so if one wanted or tried to express herself as FtM..I would not yell or make her feel foolish, etc..but I would give her a reality check..and then ensure her that I would love and support her for being who she is..

That is how I would be even if I was not a crossdresser.. I support my kids..but I have my 'limits'..which is really stated as mores and beliefs... and no..no one has to agree with them..but they are mine and its what I 'dictate' under my roof. :)

But gender identity or sexual expression is not one in which I find fault in. Now I will say that when one daughter came out as being bisexual..I did not have a problem with it..what I had a problem with is that she made it a point to state it every few moments..like it was a protest rally..finally I had to let her know that I and her sister were tired of hearing it..we got it..we knew it..so let it go :)

I'm stating that part, because for any reason that I would have an issue with a lifestyle, its just that..don't throw it in my face to convince me on what I have accepted. Hope that makes sense.

[Mary Morgan]

I remember wanting my kids to fit in, to be accepted and to be part of the group, to feel that they belong. I also wanted them to be free from prejudice and scorn, to be happy and able to be uninhibited. I know what I would want to do but I'm not sure, in my role as a young parent what I would have done. Too many times I acted as my father and that was wrong. My heart and soul say let them do as they please. My practical society-deminished brain says, "sit still and be quiet".

[noeleena]

Hi,

As to our kids i dought it . 33 34 36,

& coming up in about 3 / 4 weeks 9 grandkids, so ill work with that in mind ,

for me ill know & they would or will come to me as they all know im a woman who is allso male , with out the hard words they know im different & do spend time with me ,

Dejarn who is now 8 y 4 m lived with us ,oh yes we are very very close even closer than our kids, Jos & i , & knows all there is about me from start till now, Casimir is just over 2 y calls me grandma tho Jos & his Mum keep saying im grand dad. he he , love it, hes sussed me out so there you go,

the other grand kids , its noeleena , well so far tho i do put grandad on thier birthday cards ,
& i have had said oh your daughter is lovely hmmmm yes just not Dejarn well , she is really ....just i could not give birth to her that sucks big time ,

We have 15 members in our family as of now 16 coming up . for me it.ll be very interesting if we have any who are different , at this stage i dont detect any , Casimir is just a normal little boy who loves my tools & follows me around ready to grab them & off playing tho sticks close , & the other boys no difference there one is very rough & tumble , any way time will tell.

what would i say. be your self & who you are & no strings attached,

& as a thought should one be different . then i belive it would bring our family closer to gether . tho i would no dought be blamed , so that could be an issue that would need to be seen as it is.

...noeleena...

[Jill Devine]

The first thing I would think is, "oh no, my wife is gonna blame me!"

My wife sometimes teases me and says if any of our 3 boys turn out funny it will be because of my DNA. But seriously, we would handle it in stride.

[Briana90802]

The first thing I would think is, "oh no, my wife is gonna blame me!"

My wife sometimes teases me and says if any of our 3 boys turn out funny it will be because of my DNA. But seriously, we would handle it in stride.

Funny yet true! I've often wonder just howmuch of behavior and person preferences are transmitted through our 13 disfunctional chromosomes. I guess if you keep your cding from your kids and they cd too then it would seem more genetically transferable.

[Stephanie Miller]

Having fun EATING BROCCOLI Lorileah ? !! Ewwwww. :phbbt:

(Chocolate........ now were talkin' :heehee:)

[Pinky188]

I have two boys. 4 and 7. I will support them no matter what!!

[suchacutie]

It's a great question. My answer is that I would want to ensure there was no guilt or other negative emotions associated with the transgenderism. I skipped all that guilt stuff, luckily, and I think that would be the most important thing I could do. Secondly I hope that I could be a sounding board for any thoughts or discussions to be had about the issue. I do have that closeness on most issues now (as far as I know) and would hope this issue would just continue that situation. Support, support, support.

tina

[anonymousinmaryland]

A lot of great answers here. I would treat mine the same way I would want to be treated: accepted and loved.

[Claire Cook]

Funny yet true! I've often wonder just howmuch of behavior and person preferences are transmitted through our 13 disfunctional chromosomes. I guess if you keep your cding from your kids and they cd too then it would seem more genetically transferable.

Maybe it's that dysfunctional Y-chromosome? Seriously, I read somewhere that TG tendencies could be in part the result of hormones or other interactions while in the womb. Who knows?

So: suppose we kept our CD'ing from our sons, at and the same time they were keeping it from us? Coming out to each other would be interesting.

[PretzelGirl]

If it was my son I would say:
Don't purge. Jeans are okay. Go to the make-up counter and tell them what you want so you get the right product the first time. Take care of your skin from a young age. Get laser while you are young. Don't tell anyone the color of your undies.

If it was my daughter, I would hug her and help her find resources so she can be herself (insert him if it applies).

And for both, above all, enjoy life as yourself.

[jodylynn113]

I was caught by my mom overall she took it well, she wanted to talk to me about it, so I guess that would be my first inclination is to talk to them and ask open ended questions instead of closed ones

[Samantha_Smile]

I havent read what others have put, I'll just clarify.

If I found my son... or daughter crossdressing, I'd probably just ask why theyre doing it. How does it make them feel. Are they attracted to the same sex.
You know, all the stuff our wives, fiances and girlfriends asked us when we came clean or got 'caught'... I'll say found out.
These questions get asked because they are valid, so why is it any different when its a son/daughter as opposed to an SO?
If they were doing it regularly, then I would definately warn them about potential reaction from their peers, and if neccessary, ask them if they wanted a professional to talk to.

You can rest assured that if you frequent these forums, then youre probably already armed with enough knowledge to steer your child down the right path... THEIR path, not yours.

[JulieK1980]

I was caught once by my father when I was about 15. Probably the most frightening and embarrassing moments of my youth. His response was one of disapproving silence. (Sort of his reaction to everything in my life.) Also the only time in my life when I purged.

I think if I caught my son crossdressing, (I hope at least) despite the uncomfortable topic, I would talk to him and support him. Something I lacked entirely when I was young. In the meantime I just do my best to teach both of my kids to be understanding of people that are different. My hope is a positive upbringing, will make anything life throws at them bearable.

[Jessica S]

If I caught one of my sons I would be okay with (or I would be a hypocrite) I would let him know how things will be procieved in public and/or maybe what his friends would think. I would let him know it was alright and there are others like him. I would let him dress at home if he needed. I don't know if I would tell him I did yet since, my kids are still young and don't have the proper filters as to what to say and not to say to their friends.

[shawnsheila]

Now that I think of it, when i was around 5 I used to put my moms make up on and walk around in her heels until she started locking her bedroom door but she never mocked me, she just told me not to touch her stuff. It didn't become sexual until I was 14 and I would wear my moms pantyhose or put on one of her dresses while she was out shopping.

I have talked to my wife about this but, if we noticed any of our sons with feminine garments, I would talk to them and be very supportive of them. Now my daughter... she can crossdress and i don't think society would bat an eye because i believe it is more acceptable for a woman to dress up in masculine wear then it is for men to dress in feminine wear. I could be wrong on that but not too many people do double takes when a woman is dress in construction worker boots, jeans and a t-shirt (unless she is a hottie of course ;) )

[Briana90802]

All the responses here are well and good, but say and doing are two different things. Anyone actually have this experience?

[manemami]

there are lots of good answers here, but i want to express my feelings cdying is a ventout of your feelings about opposite sex and it increases plesure to do it in secret and without being caught. when will caught them first we must tell them it is okey and if like enjoy it they may become free in mind and able to do ther work easily without tension and flurish them, as a adult we must tell them the hardship to be faced being a crossdresser after all it is everybodies right to express themselves

[katesometimes]

Hrm, what would I do...I've put this off until I have time to consider it fully, so I guess I'll chime in now.

I think that I would neither encourage or discourage it. I would probably let them continue experimenting on their own and see where it goes. If they were going to be out in public, depending on the age, I would have to figure out if they were ready to deal with what happened.