Coming Out

[Christy_M]

I came out to my sister today. I tell you that I have been so afraid of telling people about this part of me I had already assumed that they would instantly hate me. She was so cool and caring. I feel so bad that I have done this to my family by not giving them the opportunity to accept or reject me on their own...

3 down, 8 to go and that will complete my circle of people who I feel need to know. My wife loves me and wants me to be happy. She can't be married to a woman but will be my best friend forever. That is so sweet of her. She told her mom and her mom told me that she loves me and knows how much I am hurting over this. She realizes that her daughter is hurting too but she said she is proud of me for being who I am.

The 3rd person who was the 2nd to know, is also my friend who has helped me so much over the last couple months. My other friends will find out (if they haven't already read it here) in the next wek or so.

I hope the rest go this well.

[BreenaDion]

Chirsty it does get easier as the more you move forward. I am just a little bit ahead of you. I told her side of the family, her sister and brotherinlaw except me and their sister who is going to stay with me untile the very end. I so love my wife/spouce. I have told alot of businesses that I deal with to call me Breena not that B name and all is well there. I have to tell my side I supose but I really would love to leave them all behing. So much pain there I dont love them any more. I think I have to kids a son JR who I dont like any more over his BS with my mother and stealing 12,500 $ from her an being a coward not to repay her and took 2 yrs to see her in her death bed. My daughter who isnt mine because her mom told me 6 months after her birth that she isnt mine. Well that screwed that up. My brother I put in jail the first time over fire works can go to hell and is in jail under terrorism because of fireworks YAY YAY YAY!!!. My sister I hate who at on time didnt talk to her for 11 yrs over the hateful ordeal of the death of my first born. I LOVE YOU JERRY> so much pain. I have about 10 cousin which I dont even care about a 50/50 deal, except PAUL he IO dont mind kina feal sorry for him. No uncles and parents all dead. I have one grandson who wants to see us and we are doing this Sunday. Poor kid is going throught hell with his father "JR" and his gf who is an abuser and negletful. My grandson's DR did report a 51A and im so glad that those will get whats they need. So ((((G,son)))) hugs for you. His mom we are going to tell sunday is pretty level headed and we will see. Thanks for letting me vent. But it does get earsier the more you tell even if its negitive. Good Luck.
Breena.

[Jorja]

Congratulations Christy!!!

Doing what we know we must do isn't always easy. Be proud of yourself for coming out to those that matter to you. Some never do or just can't and it causes as much or more trouble for them in the long run. I am glad to see that everythng has gone well for you so far. Keep in mind that not all will be as accepting. That is just part of life. The funny thing is, you might be surprised by who does and who doesn't accept you.

You Go Girl!

[Rianna Humble]

I came out to my sister today. I tell you that I have been so afraid of telling people about this part of me I had already assumed that they would instantly hate me. She was so cool and caring. I feel so bad that I have done this to my family by not giving them the opportunity to accept or reject me on their own...

I'm glad that your sister has reacted so well to your news, but please don't feel bad about the timing of when you tell other members of your family. You haven't "done" anything to them and you can still give each member of yoru family the opportunity to get to know the real you as and when you feel that the time is right.

[Christy_M]

Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement. I know it is a tough road ahead and this forum has been a rock for me to lean on this past 9 months or so. Now as I continue to talk to others about who I am, my circle continue to get bigger...the emotions seem to be so common these days, sorry.

[Katesback]

Telling is a lot different than presenting to the people you are telling a female. It is like someone telling you they are a murderer and ACTUALLY seeling them murder someone. Big difference. Just keep that in mind because the people you tell can easily change thier level of support when the see they girl.

Finally dont assume anyone will understand trans. Technically virtully nobody will and that is one of the biggest reasons the wise girls learns really quick to keep her mouth shut and just be a woman.

Katie

[Christy_M]

Finally dont assume anyone will understand trans. Technically virtully nobody will and that is one of the biggest reasons the wise girls learns really quick to keep her mouth shut and just be a woman.

Katie

This sounds like sage advice...thank you

[Traci Elizabeth]

You did not mention if you were OK or not with your wife ending your marriage over this?

[Christy_M]

You did not mention if you were OK or not with your wife ending your marriage over this?

If the truth were told, I am not really OK with her ending the marriage. I love her and understand that she married a man and that she has no interest in being with a woman. She wants me to stay the way I am and keep our marriage or be who I am and be a part of the family from afar. She is OK with me having joint custody of our kids and is not trying to be difficult in any way but she is very clear on her expectations within her own marriage and a transsexual (and eventual woman) is not what she wants. She is not phobic or judgmental nor is she offended by homosexuality. She prefers men, married a man and wants to have a man in her life.

I think I "over" answered your question so to be clear, I am not OK with our marriage ending. I am understanding of her wants and needs as she is of mine and we will remain best friends hopefully for the rest of our lives.

[Katesback]

Your perspective is about the best you can hope for and is quite healthy. Your correct that your wife has every right to want a man and if your not a man well.... you get the point.

What is good to see is that you are not waivering on your plans. What I mean is you did not bring up the all too common cop-out (orchie). A lot of married trans girls often explore this avenue because at some point they feel it allows them to be a girl but stay married and they wife gets to hold onto someone with male parts.

Katie



If the truth were told, I am not really OK with her ending the marriage. I love her and understand that she married a man and that she has no interest in being with a woman. She wants me to stay the way I am and keep our marriage or be who I am and be a part of the family from afar. She is OK with me having joint custody of our kids and is not trying to be difficult in any way but she is very clear on her expectations within her own marriage and a transsexual (and eventual woman) is not what she wants. She is not phobic or judgmental nor is she offended by homosexuality. She prefers men, married a man and wants to have a man in her life.

I think I "over" answered your question so to be clear, I am not OK with our marriage ending. I am understanding of her wants and needs as she is of mine and we will remain best friends hopefully for the rest of our lives.

[Traci Elizabeth]

If the truth were told, I am not really OK with her ending the marriage. I love her and understand that she married a man and that she has no interest in being with a woman. She wants me to stay the way I am and keep our marriage or be who I am and be a part of the family from afar. She is OK with me having joint custody of our kids and is not trying to be difficult in any way but she is very clear on her expectations within her own marriage and a transsexual (and eventual woman) is not what she wants. She is not phobic or judgmental nor is she offended by homosexuality. She prefers men, married a man and wants to have a man in her life.

I think I "over" answered your question so to be clear, I am not OK with our marriage ending. I am understanding of her wants and needs as she is of mine and we will remain best friends hopefully for the rest of our lives.


Your situation is faced by all married TS. Some work and some don't. But either way it is sad that love and family have to divide over this. I commend you for understanding your wife's position and feelings. In your case, the choice is in your hands and which ever way you decide, there are going to be broken hearts. That is a reality we all face one way or another.

I wish you the best and hope that if it must end that you both remain freindly for the children's sake and for your own mental well being.

[Melody Moore]

Your perspective is about the best you can hope for and is quite healthy. Your correct that your wife has every right to want a man and if your not a man well.... you get the point.

What is good to see is that you are not waivering on your plans.
I really couldn't agree more with this comment, because it sounds like you are now in control of your life & living it for
yourself & not for other people. Selfish as it sounds, its for the best because then you can be truly happy. It's got to
be better this ways for those around you rather than you be sad & depressed because you can't just be yourself.
Goodluck with everything, stay focused, be the best person you can be, be positive & keep smiling. :hugs:

[Sejd]

You seem to be on your way, and just the way you want it. It sounds great ! good luck
Sejd

[Hope]

If the truth were told, I am not really OK with her ending the marriage.

I would make 2 suggestions:

1) Give her time. It is amazing what time and reflection can do. Particularly if you talk with her about how you feel, and about how she feels and about what this all means. You have had a life time to understand this, she has had, what, a few weeks? If you send her off with a shrug and let her find her answers from her friends or the internet, you are lost.

2) If she does indeed leave you - you are better off without her - and were not really married in the first place. Being in it for anything is what marriage is about. That is what that whole richer / poorer - sickness / health bit is about. It is reasonable for her to wish that you were not transgendered - I think we all wish we were not trans - but it is no more reasonable for her to leave you because of it, than it is reasonable for her to leave you if you got in a car accident and were paralyzed from the neck down. We can all understand why she would... but that doesn't make it ok.

[Rianna Humble]

Christy, I hope that you can talk about these feelings calmly with your wife and that she comes to understand the strength of your love for her. Most especially, if you do have to split, I hope that you do not have to be "part of the family from afar" and that you are able to continue to have an active involvement with your children on as close to a daily basis as is practical.


If she does indeed leave you - you are better off without her - and were not really married in the first place. Being in it for anything is what marriage is about. That is what that whole richer / poorer - sickness / health bit is about.

I'm sorry Hope, but I think you have got this sadly wrong. You missed out the bit about her taking this man. That too is part of the contract but that part is being broken. Christy has made it plain that her wife is not transphobic, but that she does not want a relationship with another woman. Both people involved in this marriage will be heart-broken if it does have to end, but Christy's wife cannot suddenly choose to change her sexual orientation.

[Laurie Ann]

Christy I hope all are accepting and open to your transition. I know the feeling of losing your best friend and soulmate.

[Jay Cee]

Wishing you all the best, Christy. You have tremendous courage in telling these people the truth in your heart.


... It is like someone telling you they are a murderer and ACTUALLY seeling them murder someone...

Wow, what a... delightful analogy. Kate, have you ever considered working for the diplomatic corp? I'm sure they'd be thrilled with your subtlety. :rolleyes:

[Inna]

Christy, your decision to finally open up Pandoras box of uncertainty takes guts. There is a funny saying that in order to tell the world you are a woman, takes big balls :) But all the funny aside, such decision saved my life. Not only did it save, but made it worth living. For the first time, no matter weather loosing all my earthly possessions or a wife of 24 years, I didn't want to die. I started to see the world through her eyes, Innas eyes. Many painful episodes later and I am getting more and more into life, we build upon the ruin of former life, the hurt we carried and pain we must concur to get to the truth. But once there, every day has a meaning, and every day gets us closer to whom we were all along.
From the bottom of my heart, I wish you strength, love, and acceptance. Love Inna.

[Aprilrain]

Good luck Christy, I told my sister, last Thanksgiving, as the old me and recently showed her the new me. We spent several days together and had at lot of fun. I know even a couple months ago I don't think she was yet ready to meet April but I made sure she was cool with it before I went. I guess had she not been I wouldn't have gone because frankly 5 months is enough time to digest and make a decision. I just told my parents. Of all the emotions that this has dredged up regret is not one of them.

[giuseppina]

Hello Christy

I am saddened to learn your marriage is ending. Life isn't always fair.


... If she does indeed leave you - you are better off without her - and were not really married in the first place. Being in it for anything is what marriage is about. That is what that whole richer / poorer - sickness / health bit is about. It is reasonable for her to wish that you were not transgendered - I think we all wish we were not trans - but it is no more reasonable for her to leave you because of it, than it is reasonable for her to leave you if you got in a car accident and were paralyzed from the neck down. We can all understand why she would... but that doesn't make it ok.

I don't agree with this at all. The fact that Christy's wife doesn't want to be with a TS has nothing to do with her marriage being a sham as you seem to indicate. People usually divorce for reasons that have nothing to do with sexuality. Sometimes, a family crisis is enough to end a relationship.

[Christy_M]

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you strength, love, and acceptance. Love Inna.

Inna, thank you so much for your thoughtful words. I agree with your post and I see that in myself everyday. as much as a door is closing behind me, it was a door to an inside place and it is opening up into a great big outside world. I am so looking forward to the rest of my life whereas before I was looking forward to the next event (weekend, vacation, etc.) The strength of so many here has helped me in ways I can't express.


Good luck Christy, I told my sister, last Thanksgiving, as the old me and recently showed her the new me. We spent several days together and had at lot of fun. I know even a couple months ago I don't think she was yet ready to meet April but I made sure she was cool with it before I went. I guess had she not been I wouldn't have gone because frankly 5 months is enough time to digest and make a decision. I just told my parents. Of all the emotions that this has dredged up regret is not one of them.

I am heading to Los Angeles on the first of June and will talk with everyone in my family over the first couple days of the month. That leaves my oldest son who I will try to see before I get to LA. I can only imagine the hard, painful conversations but once it is out there, healing and/or acknowledgement and/or acceptance can begin.

To everyone else who had posted, I really do cherish the input and advice (positive and negative) as it reminds me of how important it is to look at many perspectives before stepping too far away from the safety of the ledge.

[Jorja]

To everyone else who had posted, I really do cherish the input and advice (positive and negative) as it reminds me of how important it is to look at many perspectives before stepping too far away from the safety of the ledge.

Watch that first step, it's a doosy!!!