The hardest part of having an accepting SO is....

[betty1253]

Accepting the fact you have an accepting SO.
This journey we have been on has taken years to complete. The freedom I have is sometimes overwhelming.
The love I feel for her can still grow after all these years. When she tells me I look pretty I just melt.
It seems there is often a thread started by a GG who states my boyfriend told me he is a CD. They are confused by his reactions when they are cool with it. I understand,
it is a case of be careful of what you ask for, you just might get it.
Hugs,
Betty

[Kathi Lake]

The hardest part of having an accepting SO is....Wait, there's a hard part?

:)

Kathi

[betty1253]

Yes there is. Knowing that the one who said "I do" really meant it.

[Eryn]

Betty, you're absolutely right, and thanks for pointing out that rather amazing fact. Rejection is simple to deal with. Acceptance, OTOH produces a myriad of possibilities, each with its own questions and responsibilities.

[erica12b]

some dreams may come true, others dreams are just dreams , love when you can and try and make the best of what you have every day, ----someday-- lucky lady's

[Schatten Lupus]

I don't see anything hard about it. It is actually one of the few things in my life that isn't bad.

[Rachel Morley]

The hardest part of having an accepting SO is....
In my case (and I think for most CDers too) there is no hard part. Having an accepting SO is the most totally awesome thing in the whole world. In fact, having not just an "accepting" (as that implies passivity and also carries a connotation that there is something negative about having a transgender spouse) but rather a term like "supportive" SO is ... well ... taking things into the stratosphere in my view. It can't be underestimated just how wonderful and validating it feels to have an SO like that in one's life.

[betty1253]

I know how lucky I am, or is it luck?
I don't know.

[Noortje]

The hardest part for me is truly opening up to her and telling her everything. I notice that I still censure myself when talking about Noortje and all the things I feel and would like to do. I'm always scared that I will cross some invisible threshold where she will stop seeing me as 'her man' and lose interest. So far, though, that hasn't happened. I can't get over how lucky I am. I was sure my crossdressing would destroy my life, but it actually enriched it.

[Shari]

I think I know where you're coming from Betty.
I've been out to my wife for over 2- 1/2 years now and lately I've been the one censoring my dressing time around her.
It is exactly like I'm afraid that I will do something to change the good thing that's happened.

It's turned into a catch 22. I feel a fragility in the situation. I'm sure it's self inflicted but I force myself to walk on eggshells.

Wow, it IS hard to explain, isn't it?

[Jocelyn Quivers]

For me it's learning not to take my wife's acceptance for granted. Perhaps the years of being able to dress whenever I want, go on shopping trips and buy whatever I want, and basically having very few restrictions can at times cause me to forget those dark, horrible, and somber days before I met my wife and had no idea how to handle bringing up this side of me while in any dating situations.

Another thing is when the wife can be brutally honest about how I look, like when she mentioned to me a few weeks ago, "Jocelyn are you bloated? It's something about that dress your wearing.:eek:"

[Tina B.]

I came out to my wife around 35 years ago, and to this day I still don't take her acceptance for granted. It was a hard job to learn to share this side of myself with another person, I never really had planned to do so, but found I just could not live with a thing like that between us, so I told her, and got immediate acceptance, much to my surprise. But even with that it took some years before I felt really safe in that fact that she really did accept both sides of me, just the way I am, after I came to realize that, it got easy, and life just started getting better and better. Now that I'm retired, I dress pretty much as often as I please, and I have a large wardrobe, as big as the average women. And after 30 years as a mover, I know what the average women has in her closet, I've moved enough of them.
I am what I call a home dresser, it sounds more spacious than a closet dresser, and since I'm out at home, less stressful. I don't do public, by choice, to paranoid and live in a small town, so it works well for the two of us anyway.
Tina B.

[t-girlxsophie]

My wife is the most wonderful and caring person I know,and thats why I vowed never to take her for granted,to be the best partner possible and to let her know every day how much I love her.My Crosdressing hasn't ever caused friction between us,if theres anything bothering either of us that may need to be resolved we know to talk about it.There's no hard part for us

Sophie

[Kathryn Philips]

...to make her join the club of accepting partners.

[JaneCrow]

Guilt is what hits me the hardest. I am one of the very lucky ones or should I say that over time and struggle I became lucky. Getting back to guit, my SO and I discussed my CDÃ*ng drawing up boundries and she said to me, I really don't mind and will support you any way I can but please be my man sometimes. Know when ever I am dressed in front of her that voice "please be my man sometimes" hits home along with it's good friend guilt and there it sits.

[Sophie86]

Yes there is. Knowing that the one who said "I do" really meant it.

I get that. The walking on eggshells, wondering if you're going to hit a tipping point, lay on the last straw, etc. Being zoomed in on her looking for any signs that she's unhappy with the situation. Always ready to drop it all and scoot back into the shell.

I've gone through a period of feeling that way, and I think/hope that I'm coming out of it now. She's had to reassure me on a number of occasions, and I'm beginning to believe. :)

[docrobbysherry]

Brer Rabbit: "Oh please, Brer Fox. Do ANYTHING U want with me, but DON'T throw my into that brier patch!"

[BobbieCrescent]

acceptance is great, and I do feel lucky, but sometime I wish I wasn't more "girly" than her. who am I supposed to get all my makeup and fashion tips from???

[Alicia Ryanne]

Accepting the fact you have an accepting SO.
This journey we have been on has taken years to complete. The freedom I have is sometimes overwhelming.
The love I feel for her can still grow after all these years. When she tells me I look pretty I just melt.
It seems there is often a thread started by a GG who states my boyfriend told me he is a CD. They are confused by his reactions when they are cool with it. I understand,
it is a case of be careful of what you ask for, you just might get it.
Hugs,
Betty

Trust me I can relate fully. My SO says she accepts me fully for who I am.....and...unlike some in this particular thread, I am more then just a CD. I am a 100% transexual woman and my wife knows this now.
I constantly need reassurance from her, because it really is hard to believe someone so special to me could actually accept the fact that I am a woman. She calls me her wife, calls me her girl, etc, but like a few mentioned, I worry that somehow, I will push a line to far or move too quickly towards transition for her to be able to tolerate or deal with.
In the back of mind there is always the "wonder and fear"....is she staying with me and telling me she loves me just to keep the peace while she's secretly making plans for divorce? Is she only staying with me cuz our kid hasnt graduated high school yet and when he does, will she hastly exit this marriage?
So yeah...I need constant reassurance from her that her love is real. Something so small as not txting a reply to something i send for several hours starts the gears moving in my head and those pesky pessimistic ideas invade my mind all over again. Im constanty told by her Im as needy enotionally as a GG woman, yet, considering the circumstances, I feel I kinda have to be in order to quiet my fears that she's secretly planning something.
She never ceases to amaze me with her love but sometimes I do think I push too much then get scared maybe her "gears" start turning.

[Delila]

The hardest part for me is truly opening up to her and telling her everything. I notice that I still censure myself when talking about Noortje and all the things I feel and would like to do. I'm always scared that I will cross some invisible threshold where she will stop seeing me as 'her man' and lose interest. So far, though, that hasn't happened. I can't get over how lucky I am. I was sure my crossdressing would destroy my life, but it actually enriched it.


I have had the same issue. Where is the line what is safe to tell her? I often stress that I will cross some line that I will break the trust forever. I constantly ask myself day to day am I going to push this rare gift away by asking more of her than she is comfortable giving. I feel as though telling her my secret thoughts and feelings would push her away and make her hate or resent me I know I am amazingly lucky to have such and accepting wife but with my constant evolution with self acceptance I always wonder if I will evolve to a point where she can no longer accept me.

[manemami]

in my opinion womens are very complex to understand, there love is in there head not in physical contact, but if your behaviour found to be damaging her social position she will not like it & she will get hurted. you must care of this and your rest of life with her will be great enjoyment and if you have become 100% transwomen your personality will also like her so take care to avoid jealousy have happy life

[Myojine]

Im glad i found a guy thats not only accepting, but is kinda into the whole gender bender thing.
I mean i guiess its somewhat selfish of him becuase he gets to litterally see his fantasy come to life in me and THEN after that he gets a wife out of it...
hehe

[shesadvl]

my take on this betty is why is it hard to have an accepting SO,........ all of you that have accepting wives/SO's... is kool...and yes you are very lucky,... I think communication in & on all facets of your relationship and including your dressing or not dressing...is the one thing that shouldnt be ignored.....commiunication and talking on all aspects of things if you want to know something you ask and vice versa....:battingeyelashes:

I accept my SO as to who he is how he is no matter what he does, dressed or not.

[jodylynn113]

The hardest part i have found about having an accepting SO is I am used to people making rude comments to me, however when they say rude stuff to her, especially as nice and open hearted as she is, I really use self control to keep from punching them in the mouth. I think the hardest part about having an accepting SO is the other people who give them no respect and treat the SOs poorly

[Gillian Gigs]

The most difficult part is probably me occasionally seeking reassurance from her about some of my activities. We do have a couple of compromises, but even I admit that I would like a push the envelope sometimes. Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to hurt my relationship and my love for her. I know that I am a lucky gal to have someone so accepting.

[betty1253]

Thanks to all of you for insightful comments on what was on my mind. Many expressed this better than I did. Saying "the hardest part" was probably not the best way of phrasing this concept.
But as many replied you do worry about crossing a line. Or, as I sometimes wonder, why do I feel guilty for being so happy?

[Pythos]

I think the point the op was making is that maybe it is hard to fathom that there is indeed someone so trustworthy, and loving in this world. Someone that really and truly loves most everything about them.

I know when after this wonderful (read horrible) batting average of mine with SOs, it may prove challenging when I do find that someone who meshes so well with me. For a long while thee will be the thought "okay, when is the other shoe going to drop. When is that dagger entering my back?" It is a grim outlook and one I hope I could shed fast.

I thought I had someone great in the GG, but look at that horrid mess. LOL

[kimdl93]

its been over ten years now, so the hard part is really behind us. My SO made it so easy because she's just inherently open-minded and accepting. In that sense, my challenge was to keep up with her!

[ReineD]

... what might have seemed like her acceptance and support was the ideal, eventually it will become humdrum and doing things with your SO dressed won't be any more special than being in drab.

So then it will be time to raise the bar again, and seek other GGs (perhaps the kind who gush all over you) from whom to get renewed, more exciting validation.

[kimdl93]

Reine, maybe I'm getting old, but what I enjoy is that I can dress as a routine part of our lives. Is it fair to speculate that, if one feels the need to seek other GGs (to gush and fuss), maybe its something of an "acceptance" fetish, for lack of another term?

[ReineD]

I don't know, Kim. It just is what it is. Sadly. :sad:

[BRANDYJ]

I don't find it hard to have an accepting SO. My current relationship is one of 3 accepting SO's I've loved and had that loved returned in kind. I have had that acceptance from both my marriages and now my present life partner. One wife died in 1984 and then I remarried 3 years later to another very accepting wife. That marriage lasted almost 20 years. So for me, it would be impossible to NOT have an accepting partner. I honestly would not know how to hide this part of me from someone I love. then to have to hide clothes, makeup and everything it takes to be me, is not fathomable to me. I don't know how any CD's do it. I am thankful for not only the acceptance, but for the love I have had from my past wives and now from my present partner. At my age, with my present partner, I now see that appreciation of your partner is as important as loving them. I try to let her know how very much I appreciate her every day. I never take her for granted in any way.
It's amazing what love can do for two people drawn together when there is empathy, compassion, understanding, honesty and open communication. But also the desire to give as much or more of yourself as you receive from your partner.

[kendra_gurl]

Most of us (perhaps because of our feminine traits) adore and worship our wives. The way in which we have protected and treated them put us on a pedestal in their eyes. Since crossdressing for such a lone time in our lives was something hidden or taboo its difficult to accept that a wifes acceptance of it still will not KNOCK us off the top of that pedestal we have tried so hard and long to maintain.

I've read so many post of ACCEPTING wives, that word alone begs for definition. My wife is very accepting, understanding and even helpful but that in no way should be taken as she Likes or enjoys that I have this hobby of crossdressing.

I know there are females out ther who are really into feminine men crossdressing men sissyfication and all sorts of other things so I am certainly not saying every accepting wife is like mine. What I do want to make clear is that in all the years my wife has known, the only times which She is the one to suggest it may be time for some Kendra time is when she knows its an unusal stressfull time for me in my business or she is wanting to get my approval for something she is wanting out of ordinary

[Joanne f]

If you do not have an accepting wife to a certain extent your wife is in control of the dressing and where it might lead , now if you have a completely accepting wife the emphasis is on you to take control of what you do as far as the dressing go`s , it can feel like the responsibility of what might happen is all yours now as in theory there is nothing to hold you back whereas before acceptance the situation was holding you back so having that responsibility can at times seam like a hard thing .