Too many sad days

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Lately I have had to many sad days. Saturday was a very sad day my SO bought me new mens underwear hoping it would make me not want to wear womens cloths it just made me cry all day and feel bad about myself for longing too be a woman. I just can't seem to say what I need to properly any thoughts? I

[Kelsy]

Hi Trisha,

Do you have or have you given any thought to talking to a therapist? I find that exploring these kinds feelings with someone who is impartial and trained to help us deal with these issues is very helpful.

Kelsy

[noeleena]

Hi,

Im not sure as to how you think, or your age if you have kids or not so i'll say open up & let us in to your life that helps us & gives us an idear of where your coming from , & a little about your S O. ,

Im very open & known quite well not just on our forums & thers a few others here like me.

What i would suggest is write down your thoughts dont rush it take your time & as you do that things will come to you ,
One of the things of being different is we can & need to is accept who we are, no matter what we look like or feel. .

when we wont or need acceptance then we must accept our selfs .
it looks like you'v talked to your So a bit okay go back to the writeing & do that first , then ask us ,

As then youll have a clearer idear of what you need to ask. .

If you need help just ask or email me any time .

noeleena@clear.net.nz

theres allso a place for your S O if & when needed, & theres quite a few of us who are women.

hope this helps ,


...noeleena...

[Aprilrain]

I'm so sorry dear this is such a hard thing for people to deal with. I don't know what your personal situation is so I hesitate to say much or give advice. I can say that for me the torment of hiding who I was and what I knew I wanted was killing me on the inside. It simply became necessary for me to do something about my gender issue. I sought help from a therapist versed in gender issues. I do hope you can take this step as I believe it will greatly help you to figure out what you may need.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I feel for you hon.... My SO is similar in thinking. She doesn't like to shop so I don't have to worry about her buying me mens clothes. But, I did bring home some mens shirts that someone was throwing away. I figured to give them to her son since he was in need of them. she asked me which ones I wanted to keep. (OUCH....) Hurt my feelings.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

we are not sure what you are trying to say! It should be safe to say what's on your mind here... If you are saying that you are transsexual and you are sad and/or ashamed then join the club! Regardless of how you choose to live, one of our biggest shared hurdles is dealing with our own feelings about ourselves, and how those feelings grind us down in our daily lives no matter how well we repress them......

[Katesback]

I hate to say this but you can only help yourself. We can only encourage you to do whatever it takes to be happy...........but. See in all walks of life people are for 10,000 reasons not willing or able to do whatever it takes to be happy. Instead they wallow in sadness. So the question I ask you is are you going to do what it takes to be happy? If not then you are actually making a decision and that is to stick with the status quo.

The fact is that the overwelming majority of trans people hide thier entire life. You are not unique. Is it sad? Yeppers but hey transition is only for a very small few that are dead serious because otherwise they would likely be dead!

[Melody Moore]

I can only endorse what Kate & Kaitlyn have said here - but if I could add anything, then the
only thing I want to really say is that if you want to be happy, then take charge of your life!

If you can't do that, then you are already 'dead' because you certainly are not living your life
to the fullest & only existing for someone else's sake. I know it's hard when you have a partner
but there comes a time where we also need our own cup filled back up, so we also need to do
things for ourselves or we might end up where we are no good & no help to anyone else in life.

So by the sounds of things you need to sit your wife down & lay all your cards on the table &
maybe you might need to be really staunch about what you want in life. But you also need to
be prepared for the fact that she might reject everything & this means the end of your marriage,
but the thing is you can't sit around feeling sorry for yourself & keep wallowing in self-pity. One
danger you risk right now is that your wife might find you boring, negative & no fun to be around
if you just sit around & sulk.

Many of us have been in serious long term relationships & have also been married & know that it's
hard to maintain a relationship when your partner does not understand or accept who you really
are. I have been accused of many other things by my partners because they never understood
that I had a typical female psychology where my behavioural patterns were not like a typical male.

In the end I realised that I couldn't keep going around & around on this merry-go-round of failed
relationships. I was better off on my own because then it would give me the opportunity to start
my transitioning without feeling any responsibility to anyone else. I also reaffirmed to myself that
I'm a strong independent person who wasn't emotionally dependant or needy of anyone in my life
which is one thing I was often accused of by partners because I was too much of a 'home-body'.

But the real bonus for me personally is now I do feeling a lot happier & free to express myself how I feel without
any questions or need to feel guilty about anything. For the first time ever I feel really free. Also I have a lot more
friends now in my life. Because of this I have the faith to believe that one day someone will come along who fully
accepts me for the person I truly am. This is something I am already quite confident about because I already have
a number of people now who I know now are genuinely interested in me. The funny part is I am so darn happy now
that I don't want to risk anything I have to a bad relationship, so I am not jumping into anything new any time soon. :)

[Stephenie S]

I second (third?) all the above advice.

S

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Hi Ladies!

Today started off very sad. My wife and I had a long teary eyed talk about my feelings about being a women and her feelings. We cried for hours during and after until there were no more tears. She kept bring up Sy Rogers and how God saved him from being a woman. I told her that I was not like him. I have always wanted to be a woman I was not abused, I had a descent relationship with my dad. Yes I was babied by my mother because I was sick all the time. That had nothing to do with it I was happiest in womens clothes inside and out. She brings up her abuse and how after 12 years God helped her deal with it. I told her I have been crying out to God for 42 years suffering with the battle of being a woman in a male body. Will keep you posted.

Hugs

[abigailf]

Hi Trisha,

I'm sorry I can't be of much help except if you would like to talk or vent more privately you can always reach out to me.

All I can say for now is that I feel your pain and only hope that you find some answers soon (I too am looking for those answers).

Abigail

[Jay Cee]

Sy Rogers' case is somewhat unique (although certain elements are not uncommon, sadly). It can't be brought in to every discussion in an attempt to "cure" a transexual. Sy Rogers may never have been gay - he may have just followed that path because it seemed right to him, given his abusive history. Had he received counselling at a very early time in his life, things may have been very different for him.

As for your SO bringing you men's underwear to keep you from wanting to wear women's underwear... that's kind of like someone bringing you a Lada in hopes that you wouldn't want to drive your Land Rover. :)

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Hi Ladies!

Day started off real bad since my wife left again. I was so sad and upset I made chocolate chip cookies and eat half the dough along with a ton of other things not good for my weight. It did improve during my therapist visit when she asked my wife about my Transgender. She asked "if God says no and does not heal your husband of his gender identity disorder would God love him any less than he loves him now". My wife said no He would still love him just as much. Nice point would you say. God's Answer is sometimes no regardless of what we want. My wife even said I had a peace come over me when I were womens clothes and a happiness she does not see very often any more. It is something she is having a very difficult time with right now. So I am happier tonight someone is listening.

Hugs and Kisses

[Sejd]

I feel for you Trisha, I can just imagine what you are going through. But the problem for me is, that when you throw in a concept like "God" it freaks me out, because it can be anything. I mean, there are so many directions to this idea that it can go whatever way!!!! I think for you, the safest thing is to keep on talking with your SO, try to find solutions and find out if you cannot live without her. If however, you want to be a woman no matter what, then you need to think about a new life going solo. Welcome to reality, this is not an easy ride. Good luck.
Sejd

[TerryTerri]

Trisha, I wish you and your wife the best in sorting this all out. It is not easy and it is difficult to see what the outcomes of much of these things will be. I truly understand, as many here also understand, that the emergence of your true self is not really an option and that once we truthfully connect with that big inner truth we ran from, it is impossible (at least it seems that for me), to run away from it ever again.

Anyway, not too long ago I was in need of new underwear and decided I was gonna get a package of male undies. Just cause. Anyway, when I got to the store (I was in drab) I just couldn't force myself to do it. It just felt so wrong and guilty to try and pick out manly chonies. lol I had to laugh at myself and then tongue in cheek try to ascertain if I wanted to consider it progress.

Anyway, good luck to you!