Saoirse
05-08-2011, 08:18 AM
Hi again,
After re-reading my introductory post (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?153177-What-s-old-is-new-again&p=2486049#post2486049), I can't but help but think a little background might be needed. So rather than continue with replies on the original post, I thought I'd toss this out here in the general area.
This is offered of course, in hopes that it might help others along the way. Maybe not, I dunno. (Either way I'm chatty this AM.)
I flit from one obsession to another. Other than an apparently inborn taste for frilly clothing, that's the one constant in my life. My two hardwired behaviors, OCD and crossdressing. (Recipe for disaster?) :)
My crossdressing history reads like most every other CD bio I've read. I bought the clothes and had my purges, always believing at the time I was finally rid of it. And always, always, ALWAYS believing I was the only one in the whole wide world who had these urges.
Then came the late 90's and the Internet. I soon found out I wasn't alone. What a relief! But that knowledge triggered a crossdressing explosion. I worked hard to acquire the knowledge and "equipment" to present a moderately decent femme appearance.
Soon though, the house became a prison. I had to get out. And I did.
I pursued my new-found obsession with increasing recklessness. I didn't care anymore if anyone found out. What a trailblazer I was! (At least in my own mind.)
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my wife was increasingly distraught over my self-absorbed antics.
An uneasy truce was struck. We went to counseling. She went to SPICE conventions. I went to TG conventions.
Then, after a hard 3 year run, the thrill was gone for me. Had I found my answers? Was it a hormonal change? (early 40's at the time) Or was I simply bored with it?
To this day, I still don't know the answer.
Now this isn't to say that the urge to dress went away. I still had a few items up in the attic that I cherished and my dreams were still visited by my favorite redhead and her adventures, both good and bad.
But the urge to go full blown en femme with the make up and the hair and the nail polish and the shaving and the Nair to get the image just wasn't there and hasn't been for quite some time, probably since late 2000. In fact, I was beginning to believe that part of my life was gone, never to return.
And to be blunt, there are times when I look back at what some of what I did, I'm convinced I was insane.*
But at the same time, I had some very good times.
As Woody Allen once said, "If you want to hear God laugh, just tell him about your plans."
*For instance: Insanity is going in to a Glamour Shots at a mall in OKC and getting done with the session long after closing time. Then wandering through the mall, looking for a way out with an arm load of dresses. And then, after FINALLY getting out of the mall, looking for the car, which is on the other side of the building, in a very large and very dark parking lot, late at night, by your lonesome. (Yes, I was in girl mode the entire time.)
Two days later though, I was rewarded with some very nice pics. And I was further rewarded when I picked them up in boy mode, the clerk told me, "You have a very pretty sister." :)
After re-reading my introductory post (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?153177-What-s-old-is-new-again&p=2486049#post2486049), I can't but help but think a little background might be needed. So rather than continue with replies on the original post, I thought I'd toss this out here in the general area.
This is offered of course, in hopes that it might help others along the way. Maybe not, I dunno. (Either way I'm chatty this AM.)
I flit from one obsession to another. Other than an apparently inborn taste for frilly clothing, that's the one constant in my life. My two hardwired behaviors, OCD and crossdressing. (Recipe for disaster?) :)
My crossdressing history reads like most every other CD bio I've read. I bought the clothes and had my purges, always believing at the time I was finally rid of it. And always, always, ALWAYS believing I was the only one in the whole wide world who had these urges.
Then came the late 90's and the Internet. I soon found out I wasn't alone. What a relief! But that knowledge triggered a crossdressing explosion. I worked hard to acquire the knowledge and "equipment" to present a moderately decent femme appearance.
Soon though, the house became a prison. I had to get out. And I did.
I pursued my new-found obsession with increasing recklessness. I didn't care anymore if anyone found out. What a trailblazer I was! (At least in my own mind.)
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my wife was increasingly distraught over my self-absorbed antics.
An uneasy truce was struck. We went to counseling. She went to SPICE conventions. I went to TG conventions.
Then, after a hard 3 year run, the thrill was gone for me. Had I found my answers? Was it a hormonal change? (early 40's at the time) Or was I simply bored with it?
To this day, I still don't know the answer.
Now this isn't to say that the urge to dress went away. I still had a few items up in the attic that I cherished and my dreams were still visited by my favorite redhead and her adventures, both good and bad.
But the urge to go full blown en femme with the make up and the hair and the nail polish and the shaving and the Nair to get the image just wasn't there and hasn't been for quite some time, probably since late 2000. In fact, I was beginning to believe that part of my life was gone, never to return.
And to be blunt, there are times when I look back at what some of what I did, I'm convinced I was insane.*
But at the same time, I had some very good times.
As Woody Allen once said, "If you want to hear God laugh, just tell him about your plans."
*For instance: Insanity is going in to a Glamour Shots at a mall in OKC and getting done with the session long after closing time. Then wandering through the mall, looking for a way out with an arm load of dresses. And then, after FINALLY getting out of the mall, looking for the car, which is on the other side of the building, in a very large and very dark parking lot, late at night, by your lonesome. (Yes, I was in girl mode the entire time.)
Two days later though, I was rewarded with some very nice pics. And I was further rewarded when I picked them up in boy mode, the clerk told me, "You have a very pretty sister." :)