Same problem, different view.

[Lawren]

Well ladies, This time it's Lawren's turn to ask for advice/encouragement.

I have recently met the sweetest GG. Sort of met anyway. We are very close chat friends on the net. Our relationship seems to get better daily. In fact we are to the point, (I think,) of discussing moving in together. She is wonderfully open-minded toward alternate life styles. Now, the crux of the matter. I am planning on opening a dialogue about her moving in with me and to tell her that I am a crossdresser. I feel that it is only fair that she know beforehand so it doesn't come as a traumatic shock after she has moved in. Is that the right thing to do? I don't know but I plan to do it anyway. I would rather risk not getting her into my life than to make the commitment and have it blow up in our faces. I would also be willing to stop and/or subdue mr xdressing if it meant keeping her in my life. If she feels the need to learn about xdressing I will refer her to this forum. I know she will find plenty of support and advice here. Well anyway, wish me luck. I'm hoping for the best.

[Lauren_T]

I agree with you; seems like the thing to do... :thumbsup:

[Phoebe Reece]

"Sort of met" sounds like you have yet to see each other face to face. I would suggest you actually meet in person and get to know each other better before rushing into proposing moving in together. You might scare her off if things seem to move too fast. I wouldn't bring up the crossdressing until I was really sure about a long term relationship developing.
Best of luck with however you decide to handle it.

[Jenny Beth]

I think it is wise to be upfront with her. Whether or not she can accept this part of you she will always know you are honest. I wish you the best.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Lawren,

Congratulations on your happiness, I hope it continues for you. What to do? I feel that you can't go wrong with being honest. You sure don't want a new relationship to start out based on lies. I know you'd be taking a big chance, but that's what life is all about.

I kept my secret from my wife for years and years, but I finally got to the point where I couldn't deceive her anymore. She was always honest and open with me, and there I was sneaking around, living a double life as Karen. Anyway, I told her everything, and she accepts me as I am. Don't underestimate the power of love, it does work wonders. I wish I had the courage way back when we first got together and told her then. Anyway, lies always come back to haunt you, one way or the other. I say go for it.

GypsyKaren

[Dixie Darling]

Two pieces of advice here.
(1) As Phoebe suggested MEET her first - face to face then decide if you think you should move in together. If you DO decide to do so then by all means tell her that you are a crossdresser. It might change the plans, but it would be better to do so now than to keep that part of yourself from her and tell her later. Women see such actions as being deceptive and she would wonder what ELSE you might not be telling her.

You said:

"I would also be willing to stop and/or subdue mr xdressing if it meant keeping her in my life."

(2) Don't make the mistake of making promises that you can't keep. You COULD probably subdue it for a while, but stopping it is a whole different ball game. Ask most any CD here in the forum and they will tell you like it is - it's a PART of you that refuses to be denied or ignored so it's best not to make any agreement to stop doing something that's so much a part of your personality. Doing so would only be denying yourself and attempting to hide a NEED that you have.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Melissa Ryan]

The truth seems to be the best way to go! Starts things off on the right foot dont you know!! Best of luck! Keep us posted :)


Melissa.....

[Bernadina]

I told my wife 3 months after we met and were dating. I kind of slipped it into our relationship.

There was a local GNO dinner coming up so I said we were going out for dinner on Saturday night and everyone was girl. When she asked what that mean't I told her. She thought it was bit odd, as she told me later, but OK. She went along with it, helped me dress and did my makeup. It was actually the first time I went out dressed.

My advice. Tell her as soon as it seems appropriate and before the relationship has progressed to a point that it would be traumatic to either one of you if she found your dressing unacceptable.

[Billijo49504]

Honesty is still the best thing to do. I hope she will except you as a cd'er. Tis better to find out first, before you really have a commitment and then feelings are really hurt. Good luck.

[LaceLuvr's GG]

I was in this VERY situation. I met my fiance on the internet. We talked for a while online, and met once. He then told me about his dressing, before things got serious between us. That way it spared us both a lot of heart ache of going on if I didn't like the situation.

I took a great class the other day that talked about "empowering" people by giving them options. By telling this girl upfront, you are giving her the "option" of continuing on with the relationship. If you wait, and then spring it on her after you guys move in with her, you're kind of forcing it on her.. thus taking away her options.. which will make her run.

I had no experience with Cding before meeting my SO, but I had the option to run away screaming when he told me... but I "chose" not to. I decided I would give it a try, and in a way found the whole thing exciting.

Even if this girl does run for the hills, at least you're saving both of you heartache.

Hopes this helps ;)

[Lawren]

Thank you very much for your replies and support. I really do appreciate it.

Phoebe made a good point. We really should meet face to face. However, I should clear up something. Her and I are not "in love" yet. I think we are both hoping that that will be the end result. This is more of an arrangement to get her out of a deplorable housing situation. Guess I've always been a sucker for a damsel in distress. Now I have a genuine opportunity to help and I don't want to screw it up. That does not change my mind about telling her that I xdress. I still believe that is the best way. I will keep you all up to date on how it goes.

[Lawren]

News Flash!!!!!

I just told her. Her preliminary reaction was acceptance. Her point of view is that there are a lot of worse things that I could be into and that at least I'm not hurting anyone. Needless to say, I am much relieved but it was one of the most stressfull things I've ever done. Now I can get settled down into a groove and work out all the details of tolerances, i. e. what she will accept or reject. I'm sure there will be limits but I am willing to compromise some to make things go smoothly and not become a battle.

[Lauren_T]

I suspect you're now over the hump...:) :thumbsup:

[Jenny Beth]

Great news Lawren, that turned out rather well, didn't it? So now comes the communication part, just be yourself and try not to put too much on her all at once, give her time to let it sink in. I hope this is the start of a great relationship, congrats.

[Holly]

Lawren, you did the right thing... and it looks as if it is working out to your benefit. Keep the dialogue open and honest, and allow the relationship to mature in it's own time. Best wishes!

[Billijo49504]

Super fantastic News!!!! It looks like you may have found one of the good ones. The ones that are willing to go along with your xdressing. Just for the fun of it, ask her if she would like to see you dressed. She might just surprise you. Believe me, the first time you dress for her, you will be just as nervious. Good luck.

[Lawren]

Yes, over the hump! That mountian turned out to be a mole hill but what a climb it was to the top. :) Now that she knows it will be sooooo much easier for me to talk to her about it and to answer all of her questions. From here on it is a matter of open, honest, two way communication wjich I believe is a fundamental building block of any relationship.

"Oh, what a relief it is." :D

[Marla GG]

Congratulations, Lawren! I really have to commend you for being honest with this girl and letting her decide whether she wants this in her life or not. I really hope this relationship will be the one for you.

In a way I hate to bring this up, but your comment that you and she are not "in love" yet, coupled with her seemingly nonchalant attitude toward your news, raised an issue in my mind that you may or may not be aware of. As unfair as this may seem, a lot of women can accept the idea of crossdressing as long as the crossdresser is not their husband or boyfriend. So if the two of you are really just friends at this point, with romance being a future possibility rather than an existing state of affairs, her acceptance may not mean as much as you think it means. That is why the prevailing wisdom is that you should tell a woman after she knows you well and has some romantic feelings for you, but before there is any serious commitment. Telling her before those feelings are there can unfortunately mean that she will place you permenently in the "friend" category and look for love elsewhere.

Whatever happens, at the very least you will still have something cool -- a close GG friend who knows about your dressing. And maybe this will even grow into the relationship of your dreams. I wish you all the best.

[paulaN]

I wish you the very best of luck. It sounds as if things are going in your favor. I don't know how far away your friend is but I hope it is not to far. Distance can make simple things hard to manage. good luck.

[Lawren]

That is a very good and relevant point. One that I did not consider. I am notoriusly bad at beginning relationships because I have to be honest. Sadly, I do have a tendency to be too open and honest too quickly and that has, in the past, caused ladies to reject me. However, in this case, I "feel" a bond that goes far beyond mere physical appearance and/or clothing. At any rate, at this point in my life I am searching more for a soulmate than wife and I believe that "soulmate" does not necessarily mandate romantic involvement. I certainly do hope that it works out that way but if it doesn't at least I have a GG that accepts my crossdressing. I believe that most CDs would consider that an accomplishment in itself and an enviable position to be in. I'm thankfull for what I have now and will worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Yes, I'm a hopelessly philosophical character. LOL