A male-to-female crossdresser is...

[Frédérique]

I have an old Boy Scout manual my father once gave me, so I thought I would appropriate Scout Law and make my own list of MtF crossdresser attributes – you know, something to do while I wait for the latest round of tornados to close in on my little house on the prairie...
:worried:

A male-to-female crossdresser is loyal. I would say we must be loyal to other crossdressers and loyal to crossdressing itself – speaking from “inside the bubble,” I cannot seriously deride any form of crossdressing, even those I abhor (like drag). I automatically like all crossdressers, because I know how difficult this whatever-it-is can be. In my case, I’m just trying to be less male via effeminacy – whether you are or not makes no difference to me, since we all have something in common that transcends definitions or distinctions. Loyalty implies a certain stability of purpose, which is perfectly true...

A male-to-female crossdresser is trustworthy. You can certainly trust me, as many of my friends have learned. Years ago, one of my ex-girlfriends told someone about my crossdressing (out of anger, she later explained). This taught me a valuable lesson, and I become very aware of the need for trust and/or secrecy in our little corner of this alternative world. Vulnerability has many faces. One of my friends on this site once asked if I could be trusted, and I was amazed by that question! I mean, if you can’t trust a fellow crossdresser, who CAN you trust? BTW, did you know that a synonym for "trustworthy" is Boy Scout?

A male-to-female crossdresser is helpful. I’m trying to help, as much as I can, within the limited experience I have, but I HAVE done a lot of things dressed as a woman. I’ve also thought a lot about the origins, whys, and wherefores of crossdressing. We MtF crossdressers need to support each other, in a benign manner, because I get the feeling we are completely misunderstood by everyone. What we do is impossible to explain, and it will not go away (thankfully). If only I was married, with children, and had a much harder time hiding my passion from those around me, then I could REALLY dole out the help! Meanwhile, I speak, or write, from the closet, which has a nice view...

A male-to-female crossdresser is friendly. To other crossdressers, in my case – out in the world I’m trying to pass undetected, living in my mobile enclosure of femininity, so pardon me if I don’t say “Hello.” Here in this once-removed, or twice-removed, reality, I can be ultra-friendly to those individuals who mirror my own yearnings and desires; in fact this may explain why I keep coming around. At heart I bear the burden of my family’s reclusive-ness, but I strive to overcome it every day. Of course, I am somewhat attractive, delightful, and engaging in a mysterious way, going against this inherent familial nature, but you knew that (I hope)...

A male-to-female crossdresser is courteous. Have you ever been courteous to your own clothing? I have, in fact an over-riding fear of insulting my femme clothes in behavioral terms (acting in a certain MALE way), constantly alters how I do things. Of course, I admire courteous behavior and try to emulate it as often as possible. Sympathy is at the heart of this virtue. If I am conspicuously absent, I’m probably trying to NOT say something via submission, being courteous (and polite) in the process. As Harper Lee once said, “...it’s better to be silent that to be a fool.” That being said, walking in someone else’s shoes teaches courtesy by proxy...

A male-to-female crossdresser is kind. There’s no doubt I’ve said things I shouldn’t have said, or written things that should’ve never been written, but I assure you that kindness is behind most of my crossdressing activity, including posting on this site. I get carried away at times, but you may be surprised how much I hold back. Thoughtfulness leads to lack of visibility, or participation, out of kindness for all concerned. It’s all meaningless, I suppose, but I insist there is some form of behavioral modification going on as a result of wearing the “wrong” clothes. Kindness is already there, but it seems to come out more efficiently as I dress – maybe the vulnerability I feel just naturally leads to displaying compassion for others, either immediately or eventually...

A male-to-female crossdresser is obedient. To myself, in my case, since I’m unattached, but I AM obedient to the path I’ve been following all these years. You have to believe in yourself to dress this way, squaring it in your mind and realizing that everyone is responsible for whatever point of view they may harbor about this thing called crossdressing. There is nobody to follow other than yourself, but I am conscious of those around me – I just want to crossdress in peace. I wish to announce my compliance at all times, since I am submissive to a fault, and I shall not protest...

A male-to-female crossdresser is cheerful. You must be optimistic about crossdressing, since it is a beautiful, magical thing. Well, I think so. I try to entertain (myself, at least) when I wear something, or write something about it – its fun, relaxing, and I cheer myself up at the same time. I am awake in the world. Of course, I take MtF crossdressing very seriously. The whole idea is to be happy, but I’m no longer pursuing happiness – I caught up to it years ago. Beyond the closet, cheerfulness translates into tolerance, gentleness, tenderness, and the other characteristics outlined in this post...

A male-to-female crossdresser is brave. It takes a LOT of courage to do this, as my friend Anne2345 recently pointed out so eloquently, even though the majority of souls would not recognize it as courage. It is brave to overcome the male expectations that have been injected into one’s psyche over the years, and willingly accept an incorporation of the genders. It takes bravery to be LESS than a male can be, even though the meaning of the word less, along with everything the word more implies, could be debated endlessly. Confidence requires bravery – did you know that GAY can mean brave?

A male-to-female crossdresser is clean in thought, word, and deed. Well, not quite, I’m afraid, in my case, but the aforementioned kindness, courteousness, and cheerfulness do tend to influence the proceedings now and then. To be sure, I’m highly contaminated with everything I’ve heard or seen during my lifetime; in fact I’m as pure as the driven slush (thanks, Tallulah). However, a certain amount of cleanliness is still there, against all the odds, driving me along. Of course, a CD is physically clean – you can’t insult your beautiful clothes, you know...

A male-to-female crossdresser is thrifty. I have to be, by necessity, while others can afford certain luxuries. To this end, I’ve never posted a shopping story, but I’ve never purged either (in an attempt to stop), so I have plenty of things to wear. Thriftiness keeps me in the closet, no doubt about it, but my conscience has a lot to do with it – my mother was ultra-thrifty by necessity, something she passed along to me (along with latent anti-masculine genes). I usually have a quarter in my pocket, if I have a pocket to put it in, but that’s all...

A male-to-female crossdresser is reverent. Could be – I’m not reverent in the traditional sense, even though I’m praying in the avatar. See it as nothing more than a beautiful gesture. What am I trying to say, anyway? Well, I found this oasis of peace, away from the masculinity that once unconsciously fueled my waking life, and I dearly hope I can remain here forever. So far, so good, and I am very appreciative (and thus reverential) of this precious gift...
:battingeyelashes:

I was just wondering – what if the Boy Scouts had a merit badge for crossdressing? What would you have to do to earn it – pass successfully? Make you own dress? Improve your posture? Walk, talk, and behave like a girl, whatever that entails? Publicly denounce your masculinity, or, in this case, your boyishness? How about the obvious – join the Girl Scouts!? Ah, the mind boggles...

Feel free to add anything to my makeshift list of desirable MtF attributes – I KNOW I don’t speak for everyone. Thanks for reading my little (albeit lengthy) exercise...

[makin' it real]

Thank you, Frédérique. I revel in the warmth and beauty you bring into our discussions.

I would like to add two more characteristics that arose in response to yours.

A male-to-female crossdresser is well-tempered. Like Bach’s compositions for the clavier, we too can be simple and complex, and like the well-tempered tuning system for which it is named, we too can sound “in tune” playing a variety of keys. We learn to harden the edges and bulk the body when playing a man, and soften the stance and melt with a glance when serving as a woman.

A male-to-female crossdresser is vast. We are vast in the manner Walt Whitman described in his “Song of Myself”:

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

By embracing both our masculine and feminine natures we dare explore more of who we can be; we strive to contain and express the opposite sides of a balancing nature. What a delicious contrast. One of our challenges as humans, I think, is to become ever more capable of containing opposites without seeking relief from the ensuing tension. If we can sit in that dissonance, and embrace the tension it creates, the forces begin to work on us, shaping and changing us. As the battle of opposites beats internally against the walls of our limitations, it expands our soul and makes of us a vast container capable of holding the world, or a single moment’s sigh.

~Rachel :love: :hugs:

[Anne2345]

Ah, the Boy Scouts . . . . That conjures up memories long forgotten and dusty with age. Long ago, in an entirely different life, I joined the Boy Scouts when I was 11 years old, and in the 6th grade. Before my third Scout meeting, I had been playing around with my mother's mascara. Evidently I did not properly wash it all off, because at that meeting, another scout asked me if I was wearing mascara. Of course, I said I was not, but he did not believe me, and disdainfully let me know he did not believe me. The scout, otherwise a good kid, went out of his way to embarrass and shame me. That was the first and last time I have been "busted" in public. Reflecting on it now, although I could not have understood it at the time, it does not seem unreasonable to me that that one moment in time may have set the foundation for a life time in the closet. Of course, now there are other considerations, more "complex" and "adult" considerations, but I digress . . . .


I AM obedient to the path I’ve been following all these years. You have to believe in yourself to dress this way, squaring it in your mind and realizing that everyone is responsible for whatever point of view they may harbor about this thing called crossdressing. There is nobody to follow other than yourself, but I am conscious of those around me – I just want to crossdress in peace

The beauty of crossdressing, and the attendant peace and comfort found within, adds immeasurable quality to life. As you said, our crossdressing, or the desire to crossdress, will not go away, and thankfully so. True acceptance of this deceptively simple truth of crossdressing paves the path for self-acceptance in the pursuit of inner harmony. Until such time a crossdresser comes to terms with one's crossdressing, the soul may be disjointed and fractured. We are all responsible for ourselves. We owe it to ourselves to follow, within reason, what our heart tells us is true, despite any misgivings argued by the mind (in this regard, the mind lacks credibility given a lifetime of exposure to the tainting effects of social conditioning). I, too, just want crossdress in peace.


You must be optimistic about crossdressing, since it is a beautiful, magical thing.

Despite society's overall misperceptions about crossdressing, crossdressing is relatively harmless and innocuous. Who are we hurting? Why should anyone care whether we need to present ourselves as the opposite gender from time to time? Clearly, society does not understand the magic and beauty of crossdressing. The essence of magic is transformation. By our very nature, we transform ourselves, both inwardly and out. Although it is not true transformation - we are simply acknowledging that which is already within us - it is transformation nonetheless. And that we can so transform ourselves, and satisfy a fundamental need within ourselves, the beauty of this is unmistakable. My closet, although lonely at times, is a sanctuaty of magic and beauty. Although I need not the blessings of society to enjoy my crossdressing, as long as I am true to myself, I am optimistic that my relationship with Anne, who is me, will continue to thrive and provide the magic and beauty I so covet, desire, and need.


what if the Boy Scouts had a merit badge for crossdressing?

It is unfortunate that the Boy Scouts do not offer a crossdressing merit badge. Perhaps if such organizations opened up, practiced a little understanding, and offered relevant education, we would all be better off. In such an ideal and understanding world, however, I am certain that had a crossdressing badge existed, I would have earned it! :)

[Frédérique]

By embracing both our masculine and feminine natures we dare explore more of who we can be; we strive to contain and express the opposite sides of a balancing nature. What a delicious contrast.

I appreciate your contribution very much! :)

I’m beginning to get the feeling that my OP has a major flaw. Rather than hijack Scout Law and apply it to crossdressing, stretching a premise to the breaking point, I could have come up with an original list of crossdresser attributes inspired by the aforementioned list, along the lines of what you have done. As it is, the OP is nothing more than visible evidence of my struggles to be a certain way, meaning a crossdresser who can somehow embrace morality and turn society on its ear. I’m not sure if it works, or if it CAN work, but it is an interesting, ongoing exercise all the same...

I just feel that crossdressing can influence behavior unconsciously, although it may be different for everyone, and I admit I’m writing about that idea in a somewhat roundabout manner. The problem is, I didn’t leave any room for discussion, which may betray a lack of courtesy on my part. Like I said, I struggle to be as I wish to be, but I may contradict that declaration in another lengthy post, all part of my policy of cheerful, loyal, reverent obedience. Trust me...
;)

[Ash Leland]

I appreciate that you add a balance of self-acceptance and most forms of responsibility (self-reliance, social responsibility, courtesy) since, like nearly everything anyone chooses to act on, crossdressing is a harmony of innate feelings and initiative and naturally involves a dialogue between our internal selves and external selves.

You mentioned, briefly, that you are interested in the why, wherefore, etc of crossdressing. You came to the conclusion that it can't be explained and won't go away. So did I, and I imagine most of us have to. Although acceptance of this drive, apparently self-sustaining, is necessary and has no special explanation, it naturally draws attention to how you reconcile your private identity with the social one.

I'm trying not to sound redundant. First off- this "whatever it is" can overlap into how we classify our gender. This involves a private conviction. reading the literature on gender identity could possibly suggest a helpful direction, but I think it's mostly a matter of making sense of your own feelings, kind of like how reading all the theology \ philosophy in the world won't provide you with a spiritual \ moral identity- only give you idea of what was inside of you to begin with.

As harmless as crossdressing is, the knowledge of how different it is (very appropriate of you to include bravery) constantly draws attention to how other people experience \ percieve identity, and also draws attention to how our conception of it may be different. With that in mind, maybe it would be helpful to add Inquisitiveness to the list? Just a thought. Maybe openness? I kinda think openness was touched on implicitly...