how to get my wife to talk about cd ing

[janec]

i have been subtly trying to get my wife to talk about my being a cd. but although she kind of accepts as long as she does not see or take part then its ok for me to do but i just wish that she would talk about her feelings other than its not right i said to her last night that if she ever wanted talk then i would be more than happy to talk about things but she just said never any thoughts i know that maybe i better be careful what i wish for.

[sissystephanie]

Jane, what you need to do first is decide just how far you wish to go with your crossdressing! If you have any desire to transition into a woman, you are talking about a whole new thing, which may break up your marriage. On the other hand, if you are like me, who dresses simply because I like to, than you really need to have sitdown converation with your wife and lay out some ground rules that both of you can abide by. I told my late wife that I was a CD before we married and we agreed on some ground rules as to when and where I could dress. We had almost 50 years together before cancer took her, and never had any problems with my crossdressing. In fact my wife grew to love Stephanie!!

[Mimi]

Would she be open to reading articles about it on the computer? Even something as simple as an article in Wikipedia (please don't blast me if the article isn't the best source--it was just an example) that she read privately could break the ice. If she uses the computer, could you send her an e-mail with a link, or leave her a note with a link? That way she could read the article when she felt ready, either alone or in your company.

[juno]

As sissystephanie says, it depends on your final intent. For most people, it is hard to grasp the idea of someone being mentally part female and part male. For most women, having their man turn into a woman is a total turn off. It is important to stress that you are still going to be a man, just not all of the time. Try to encourage the idea that you will offer the best of being male and female, and not the worst of each. I try to do housework when dressed. Sell your female side as an asset, but also try to emphasize your masculine side when not dressed.

[susand262]

I am in the same boat. We have been married for 30 years but she has only known for the last 2. She says she is okay with it but does not want to see. I have been attending meetings with a Tri-es group and finally went out dress this year. She knows and says its okay but at this point she does not wish to attend. I think if we could talk more about it, she could be more comfortable with it and see how important it is for me.

[Susy GG]

Reading this makes me feel better about the future with my CD-hubby, because we were talking a lot about it.

I think it could help if she read and know a bit more about it. Maybe it is a good idea to give her a private email address and show her some forum, so she can become a member and get in touch with other GG and SO of CD. And she had the possibility to get some information about it, without you in the first step. I think if she know more she has a lot she wants to know from you.

[Eryn]

One thing that I discovered is that subtlety isn't the best way to go. You can drop hints until the cows come home and if your SO isn't receptive they won't be received.

I think that the best approach is "Dear, there is something that is bothering me and I'd like to talk with you about it."

Take it from there, but remember that you said "talk with you" That means you talk and listen to what she has to say. She has needs and concerns just as you do and they deserve your attention.

Unrealistic expectations help nobody, so don't expect to hear "Gee, I didn't know you felt that way, let's going shopping tomorrow for new wardrobes and stop off for pedicures!" Go into the discussion with an open mind and you won't be disappointed.

[Stephenie S]

And remember, she doesn't have to talk about it just because YOU want her to.

You say she accepts but doesn't want to see it. Compared to many others here, that's a lot hon. You may have to be satisfied with that.

I often try to relate this to other hobbies. If you were a hunter or fisherman would she have to talk about that too? She may just not want to talk about it. It may be just that simple.

S

[sweetjan]

My first wife did not talk about my crossdressing, and she knew. We are no longer married for many years but it was not
the crossdressing that caused the divorce. My wife now supports my cd-ing and things are so much better. Our relationship is so much stronger
and my cd-ing is so much more relaxing and enjoyable.:cheer:

[tabithavalentine]

I"m having the same issue. Every time we talk about it, I say one or two things and then she takes 20 minutes to "process" them. I feel like I'm the one doing all of the talking. Hopefully yours and mine will come around.

[Mimi]

I"m having the same issue. Every time we talk about it, I say one or two things and then she takes 20 minutes to "process" them. I feel like I'm the one doing all of the talking. Hopefully yours and mine will come around.

I remember that when I first found out, I talked a lot about needing time to "process" the information. It wasn't a negative thing, or a stalling technique, but a true fact--I really did need the time to think about what we talked about and come to my own conclusions. It has been several months, and I am much more comfortable about everything, and I'm glad my SO gave me the time to process the information so that I could absorb it and understand it. Remember, you've probably had years to process the information--she's still learning!

[eluuzion]

Just an observation.

It appears that you feel that crossdressing is causing communication problems in your relationship. After reading your recap of events, I came to a different conclusion. I see a couple that is using communication strategies that are not working, which alienates both parties.

Crossdressing is just the current issue being affected by the communication problems you have as a couple. I would expect that you would end up in the same frustrating state when attempting to discuss other issues. It just happens to be crossdressing right now.

Approaching your SO with a broader focus of improving your communication as a couple might be met with her willingness to open up to each other. Right now, she has to deal with the crossdressing issue for that to happen. Taking out that requirement could make a big difference in her mind, and improving communication as a couple might improve the quality of your life as a couple..

just a thought...

:love:

[Joanne f]

People deal with things in different ways , some like to talk it out or even in some case`s argue it out , some just accept it is there but do not want to talk about it , so you really have to respect you wife`s viewpoint on not wanting to talk about it .
But (always that but):D i do realise that it is an awkward situation when one wants to talk and the other will not as it is though talking that we get to understand where the boundaries lie , i would not suggest that anyone does this , but if i really wanted to get something talked about if only briefly i would do something small in the way of forcing it out into the open .

[Melissa52uk]

Jane, I so hope your wife learns to understand.

I am very lucky, we work from home and I dress 24/7 (unless we have people round). My wife even buys my clothes for me, combs my hair etc. We sleep separately in different rooms but apart from that we are the best friends and soul mates.

I am so lucky.

Melissa x

[janec]

Thanks for all the comments i think that i have to agree with most that if she does not wish to talk a the that is how she handles it but i am happy for that as i know that she will say something when she is ready as we do have a excellent relationship so i am really happy with the situation i have and know that some here would love to have a wife/partner as that is willing to let them do this as mine is .
It was just i did not want her to sit thinking about and not knowing whether to brig it up or not so i guess that she knows that it would be ok to approach the subject when she is ready. as i love her to bits and i do not wish to fully transform which she knows from our disscion when came out to her