Question about people knowing you cross dress

[shawnsheila]

Hey guys/gals/SOs,
I was wondering what your thoughts were on other people knowing you cross dress.
For me, after my wife found out I like to cross dress (and the hell that broke loose in the aftermath), I felt "braver" and/or less concerned about others knowing about it. For instance, I told two of my trusted friends and out in California (maybe its the distance now) but they were totally cool and accepting, my brother and mother know and they are totally accepting. I could care less if a stranger knew (other then if they are threatening violence towards me) but if my wife were to be comfortable with it, I would be comfortable letting my friends know that i cross dress. Most would probably have no issues with it but i do know some would stop being friends with me and I am ok with that.

This is just something I have been thinking about lately and was wondering if any of you have thought about this and what your level of comfort was?

Sheila

[Fiona Prigent]

For my part, I spend over 7 years with a girlfriend and that is where my desire is apparent, I wanted to be a woman to me, and she was willing, but tired with the time, I'm alone and show myself to my family in March, they congratulated me and found myself very beautiful. (I enjoy a fashion show that my sister made to see my fault to show me a woman).

I understand that you agree with yourself, you already accept you as you are. My friends know this and find it very well that I found myself.

I started at the age of 10 ~ 12 years with my mother's clothes (just like everyone else) and it continued until now.

[Noortje]

After I had told my girlfriend, I did not really feel that it would be a problem if others knew or found out. After all, the only person in the world whose opinion I care about already knew! Still, I haven't told anyone. When I go outside, I try not to be seen too much, especially by people I know (such as the neighbours). Once information is out, it's out. This irreversibility scares me a lot.

[kimdl93]

For me, my SO's acceptance has made it easier to live w/o fear of being exposed. I guess I feel that if she's OK with me, and I"m OK with me, then I am less concerned about what others might think.

[Sophie86]

It goes in cycles for me. I'm already out with my wife and kids, a few close friends, and one of my four sisters, but I'm not ready to be out with everyone.

Last week, though, I was ready to walk down main street wearing a dress and a name tag. I'm usually careful about not showing off nail polish in public, but I was flashing it all over the place. I talked to my sister's bf, went to the store with it, and even visited my parents for Mother's Day with the black glittery fingernail polish showing. (I covered the pink glittery polish on the toes though.)

This week, for some reason, I'm feeling more withdrawn... scared... vulnerable... I have a TG support group meeting tonight, and instead of feeling excited and energized about going out, I'm feeling queasy and reluctant. :sad:

[BillieJoEllen]

Many people know that I CD. No one has ever talked to me about it or confronted me about it except for my wife. That is fine with me! It wasn't my desire to ever let anyone know about me. Life goes on and I for the most part still try to keep everything 'secret'.

[RachelOKC]

Recently I came to a realization: I'm not doing anything wrong so why am I hiding from people that I care about?

To be clear, I've been out to my family for years and have friends who know because of the circles we ran in. It's the others in my life that I feel the need to open up to now.

The older I get, the more I feel a need to be open and honest - to be me. I've felt the need to not fear who I am going to run into or associate with. To not guard my words or edit my narratives. To not exclude TG friends from a gathering because straight friends are coming. Stuff like that made me feel shameful and not the person I want to be.

So I've been coming out.

Some of my best friends and neighbors know now and I'm more comfortable and definitely happier. I've had nothing but kind words and people telling me they're honored I came out to them. Several of them want to me to come out with them in girl mode. And just right now, my neighbor brought me a pair of sandals that are too big for her. Go fig.

I see no reason to explain myself to everyone. The neighbors I say no more than "hi" to or the Facebook friends from three jobs ago. If they see me coming or going from the house or posting some TG article then they can deal with it as they will. They are always free to ask me.

Other people I'm still not sure how to deal with. I'm thinking of bigoted, blank-phobic, religious in-laws. I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. If they can't deal with me, then that's their problem.

It comes down to that I've got a right to be me, I've got a right to be open about it, and I'm doing it.

[Sandra]

After we had discussed about Nigella going 24/7 before she came out as TS, we decided to tell friends, our daughter and my mum knew. Daughter was fine, mum yeah was a different matter.

We told friends and all accept one couple and the husband of a friend accepted Nigella. The friends who we told were close ones and all I'll say is that those who are your real friends will stay your friends, others who may not want to know.....well IMHO they weren't really friends in the first place.

[WildLotus29]

I went for several years with only two people knowing I crossdress. This past January I decided to tell more people about my little hobby. I've told 10 people so far with only a few select friends and my family not knowing about it. The more I talked about it to people, the easier it was to tell others. Luckily, everyone I've told has been accepting of it.

At this point I don't feel the need to tell anyone else about it but if they knew I probably wouldn't care too much. What others think of me is none of my business! ;)

[Patrice_CD]

I've told a few of my girl friends about Patrice after my wife was told. There were lots of questions as this came as a bit of a surprise to them but they were all fine with it. I'm sure some friends just wouldn't understand so I do tend to keep it from some but I always have a bit of makeup on and a few girlie items on. My wife just last week said she saw my lace panties sticking out while working in the yard and commented how girlie I've become.

[ReginaWelch]

At this stage, I can't imagine other people knowing. My wife knows, she is ok, but I am not ready for people to know. Too many potential bad reactions there, I would be afraid of the fallout from that.

[sissystephanie]

My late wife knew that I was a CD when we married, and now my whole family knows! A few friends know, and could care less. As I have said before, I dress to please myself not anybody else! If some one doesn't like the way I dress, that is their problem, not mine!! See the previous statement!!

[VanessaVW]

The older you get, the less you care about what others think. In high school, we were trying hard to "fit in". Not now!!

[sandra-leigh]

Great response, Rachel -- I understand completely.

Until last week, I would have said that I'm pretty much at the point where I don't care who sees me when I'm not at work: dressing is part of who I am, and I'm not about to apologize for it.

Late last week, though, someone dropped me off a couple of blocks from work while I had on a skirt, and when I glanced up and saw who was waiting to cross the road about 100 feet ahead, I had an immediate reaction of "I don't want him to see me like this!" and I dodged in to the nearby store and buttoned my coat and wiped off my lipstick. I went to a side door and stood and watched where the pair of them were going; if they had gone in to the cafe I was heading too, I would have gone somewhere else rather than stand around right behind them in the cafe covering myself with my coat (but with black opaque pantyhose obvious beneath that.) Maybe the person I was concerned about wouldn't have said anything, maybe he would have -- I didn't need the hassle and I didn't need my blood pressure rising waiting to see what would happen.

If it had been just about anyone else, even our local boss, I probably would have been fine with just buttoning my coat and letting whatever happened happen. Just that one particular person. (I hadn't realized I still felt so strongly about some things he did years ago.)

[NathalieX66]

Well, on my guy facebook page, it's plainly obvious from a photo I posted of me a while back. I've gotten nothing but positive comments, funny comments, and likes. A couple of my ex-gf's are on there, and although they haven't said much about it, they still communicate with me.
After the FB experience, I had a couple of my closest friends tell me just outright, that they support & accept me. One female friend said "I love your coming out photo" even though I said nothing about actually coming out, but that's exactly what it was.
The reality is I got tired of living a lie, and I was willing to accept the negative effects of doing so....and so far, no regrets. The only skeleton I have in my closet is a replica skeleton I keep in the attic for Halloween decorations.

[t-girlxsophie]

Having an understanding wife and in turn having friends that are fine with my dressing has led me to think if you dont like it get stuffed.The only ones I would worry about is family thats a whole different ball game,but anyone who doesnt like this part of my life,dont expect to be my friend,or for me to have any time for you cause it is a BIG part of my life,and of who I am,you either take me the way I am or walk away

[shawnsheila]

I do remember it took me a whole hour of walking around in down town chicago with my brother before I could tell him this secrete that I held for all these years. The funny thing I remember is when he said "Thats it? Oh man you're fine don't worry" and how much of a relief it was to hear that. My wife is still not accepting, aside from a few jokes here and there its basically a subject we don't discuss and she doesn't want to know that i dress. I'm not planning to tell the whole world now, but I would feel comfortable telling someone i could trust though. It is good to hear how everyone feels about this as it does help shape how i think about this myself.

Thank you all :)

[suchacutie]

My wife and I have a little shared secret called Tina. There is something very romantic about sharing a secret only with your wife. Very romantic!