Some people are against - warning! controversial [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

JainaCarpaccio

05-11-2011, 05:49 PM

You know I see these words used throughout this site (cd.com)..sometimes warranted..sometimes..maybe not so. In reference to the site on this thread topic, could you please give me some of your views as to why these 3 words come to your mind?

I would ask anyone for their feedback if so desire. Its more for my understanding of how the conclusion came to be.

Steli, I'm not trying to "hijack" your thread so please let me know if you feel that and I'll remove the question and start a new thread. I would hope that it gives you and others some understanding also.

Thanks,
Marissa

well from the initial read through,

"I created it because I have not seen very many places online (or offline for that matter) where there is help for crossdressers who want it."

How about a psychologist or a gender therapist to begin with? My mother kept pushing me to talk to a psychologist about it so i would stop. Given that she's a medical professional, i can follow a psychologist being a good choice.

"When I crossdress, nine times out of ten it leads to masturbation. What I have realized is that masturbating ultimately drains you of energy. And a loss of energy means a loss of production and less income. For someone who aspires to be wealthy, I have to choose between continuing down the crossdressing path, or stop it completely and focus strictly on my goals"

the apparent concern here a fetishistic attachment to transvestism. Rather than dealing with the issue properly, as i noted above by seeking professional help from a psychologist, he's just suppressing it and hoping it will stop. Futher he's blaming the crossdressing for his apparent lack of focus, giving me the impression of looking for an easy scapegoat.

then there's the whole post on the negative effects of crossdressing. It's so chock full of sexist and bigoted remarks i had to close the window. just a few for the record.

"If you think about it, this has some validity. I used to be sick at the thought of being a woman when I was a teenager. I used to think about how bad girls had it. Let’s face it, they have much more maintenance then men do, are more emotionally unstable, are more likely to be raped or taken advantage of, are discriminated against in the workforce much more than men, etc. I could go on and on, but the point is I never even entertained the thought."
....

"Every transsexual at some point started off just like you and me. Went down the same path. Most are heterosexual who only did it for awhile because of the sexual thrill (sound familiar?). They continued to go down the continuum until at some point they were convinced that they are a woman trapped in a man’s body and wanted a sex change."

Also to Steli, if you feel this is turned into a thread hijack, I will gladly delete this post from here to repost elsewhere.

TGMarla

05-11-2011, 05:49 PM

Well, he must think all that is true, at least of himself, anyway. He devoted a helluva lot of time and effort putting up a website that's all about himself and how he's dealing with crossdressing. He's in about...let's see.....five years now. Hmmm.....I was 17 when I was in five years, and I really had no clue at all what it was all about for me, why I did this, where it was leading. This is just where he's at with it at five years in. He can try and stop if he wants to. Good luck, kid.

deebra

05-11-2011, 05:56 PM

He's right, it's like an obsession and the cd wants more and more and to take it farther and farther, BUT I like doing it. It's fun, enjoyable, fulfills a need, is harmless and hurts no one, nothing gives the grea t feeling of wearing fem clothes and changing your gender to sexy and pretty. So at this very moment he has not convinced me to go take off my silky sexy string bikinni panties under my very short girl shorts, I love the feeling they are giving me, thinking about putting on a sexy bra with my D forms to make me feel even better.

Kaz

05-11-2011, 06:01 PM

We all have our own personal journeys and stories along the way, and I must admit I have struggled with this over the years. If you really want to stop this site (ie crossdressers.com) does not really support you. The prevailing view is that "it will come back"... so what do you do if you do really want to stop?

I have no problem... it isn't really promoting anti-CD propaganda that will hurt the community. It does offer the potential for debate which is always a good thing in a liberal democracy (hey do you have that over in the States? We thought we had that once...). It is marginal...

LilSissyStevie

05-11-2011, 06:01 PM

If someone wants to quit crossdressing because it interferes with their life then I give them my complete support. Other than being a huge time waster, crossdressing doesn't interfere much with my life. I'm retired, I have lots of time. I don't understand why CDs get so upset at someone who is trying to put CDing behind them. What's it to you? If you don't like the guy's blog, don't read it.

VanessaVW

05-11-2011, 06:05 PM

"When I crossdress, nine times out of ten it leads to masturbation. What I have realized is that masturbating ultimately drains you of energy. And a loss of energy means a loss of production and less income. For someone who aspires to be wealthy, I have to choose between continuing down the crossdressing path, or stop it completely and focus strictly on my goals"

the apparent concern here a fetishistic attachment to transvestism. Rather than dealing with the issue properly, as i noted above by seeking professional help from a psychologist, he's just suppressing it and hoping it will stop. Further he's blaming the crossdressing for his apparent lack of focus, giving me the impression of looking for an easy scapegoat.

The statement you cited here was the one that stood out the most for me. It's a vehicle for masturbation. For many of us, it is not. Like some of you mentioned in old posts, it's an escape or a part of our overall personality. I guess he feels guilty. I can't say I feel remotely the same way.

msginaadoll

05-11-2011, 06:09 PM

I find no problem with the site. I know some people may not want it or need it, but some folks really do want to stop. There is nothing wrong with that like there is nothing wrong with those who want to continue.

juno

05-11-2011, 06:26 PM

The problem is that for some people, it becomes an addiction. But, it seems to become an addiction mainly for people who are trying to hide their femininity instead of accepting it and learning what it means. Your feminine side wants attention. Ignore "her" and she will torment you. Make friends with her, and life is great.

I don't HAVE to crossdress. It is just one of many ways to express my female self, but crossdressing is the most fulfilling. I can think of no reason to stop.

Stelli

05-11-2011, 06:30 PM

wow, many answers and opinions!

I'm NOT afraid that someone will "steal my thread", its not about me, it is about us, it is about someone who cried out loud, it is about seeing things from a different angle.

So far i can tell you that this guy had a page about year ago, now he has blog, i already have emailed him with some explanations year ago, he has thanked me but he has choosen to go further. I'm wandering what this is all about.

I haven't been in this forum for long while - too much real life ;) i thought this would be interesting question to ponder.

Stephanie47

05-11-2011, 06:44 PM

If somebody wants to try to cease being a cross-dresser or an alcoholic or a drug user or a spouse abuser, so be it. From what I read the poster does not have a clue as to why I cross dress or the majority of the participants on our site. He states his cross dressing led to compulsive masturbation. Becoming a horny teenage male led me to excessive masturbation. I've progressed past that stage some five decades ago. It sounds as if that poster may not have progressed sexually. He states he has not cross dressed for four weeks and he feels better. I did not cross dress for two plus years, had a loving relationship with the woman I married, and, the urge of my youth came back in a more refined manner. More to continue later- got to pick up my wife-raining hard.

Back from running errands and dinner. I went and read the entire site. Nothing different from my original observations. I may add, anyone's productivity will increase if the person avoids all other activities. To what end do I ignore other aspects of life. Trying to avoid an issues will only create new issues and a disruption in other areas of life. He raises some valid issues which everyone on this site has expressed in one form or another.

Frankly, after reading all the statements and responses, they all have the same style and syntax of the blogger.

Momarie

05-11-2011, 06:46 PM

I think he is suffering....just in a different way from you.

I feel sorry for him not to have the support, kindness and confidence you all have.

Marissa

05-11-2011, 06:48 PM

well from the initial read through,

"I created it because I have not seen very many places online (or offline for that matter) where there is help for crossdressers who want it."

How about a psychologist or a gender therapist to begin with? My mother kept pushing me to talk to a psychologist about it so i would stop. Given that she's a medical professional, i can follow a psychologist being a good choice.

Even though your response is correct and valid..with internet so accessable to many, this is usually the first place that many go..just read all the intros for this website..now just change the site name to "stopcrossdressing.com" and would that be the same type of support as this one is for us? If you accept this site, then should you not give an understanding for a site such as that?

"When I crossdress, nine times out of ten it leads to masturbation. What I have realized is that masturbating ultimately drains you of energy. And a loss of energy means a loss of production and less income. For someone who aspires to be wealthy, I have to choose between continuing down the crossdressing path, or stop it completely and focus strictly on my goals"

the apparent concern here a fetishistic attachment to transvestism. Rather than dealing with the issue properly, as i noted above by seeking professional help from a psychologist, he's just suppressing it and hoping it will stop. Futher he's blaming the crossdressing for his apparent lack of focus, giving me the impression of looking for an easy scapegoat.

To some, crossdressing is a fetish (I'm still fumbling that one around when it comes to understanding my own reasons)..a fetish like BDSM as a comparison, get leathered and bounded up on those special weekends and then put it away for the 9-5 week.

Now in agreement with Vanessa, it can be a vehicle for masturbation..again..others have that reason too. Now I am speaking of those who are not 'born in wrong body' or 'desire to transition'..at least not at this stage.

How about a gamer or chat lover who spends 8-12 hrs playing or talking..sometimes with only a couple of hours of sleep..will that person lose focus? would a job or enterprise be affected? IF your not sure..well ask members on this site, since I have seen a thread or two on just that topic..and I have 'talked' to others who have a bad day at work due to extensive time here..and personnally, I have not focused on getting a job (until recently..yahhhh!!!!) honestly because I would be here instead of working on a resume.

then there's the whole post on the negative effects of crossdressing. It's so chock full of sexist and bigoted remarks i had to close the window. just a few for the record.

"If you think about it, this has some validity. I used to be sick at the thought of being a woman when I was a teenager. I used to think about how bad girls had it. Let’s face it, they have much more maintenance then men do, are more emotionally unstable, are more likely to be raped or taken advantage of, are discriminated against in the workforce much more than men, etc. I could go on and on, but the point is I never even entertained the thought."
....

"Every transsexual at some point started off just like you and me. Went down the same path. Most are heterosexual who only did it for awhile because of the sexual thrill (sound familiar?). They continued to go down the continuum until at some point they were convinced that they are a woman trapped in a man’s body and wanted a sex change."

Okay, now we are getting somewhere..uneducated? yes, in some aspects..especially when using 'Every' as a group term :D Some are just his personnal thoughts, like how he viewed how bad girls had it..its just his perception but its not cruel or degrating. And depending on experiences..the 'sexist' statements of high maintenance, rape, etc..well I will honestly tell you that I have seen ALL of that in my experiences in the military..so it could have been easy for me to have the same views. Only difference is that I could see the unfair hand that was dealt to make the outcome so. Hope you can understand that part.

Also to Steli, if you feel this is turned into a thread hijack, I will gladly delete this post from here to repost elsewhere.

Are the methods/reasons valid answers to stop crossdressing??? most likely not, but its his and other posters beliefs.. their right to express..

As others have said, its your right to continue as you wish.

Thank you for answering my inquiry.

Marissa

Detroit Molly

05-11-2011, 06:49 PM

well from the initial read through,
"When I crossdress, nine times out of ten it leads to masturbation. What I have realized is that masturbating ultimately drains you of energy. And a loss of energy means a loss of production and less income. For someone who aspires to be wealthy, I have to choose between continuing down the crossdressing path, or stop it completely and focus strictly on my goals"

Wait...that sounds mighty familiar...

http://content7.flixster.com/photo/11/93/21/11932145_gal.jpg

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh, Jack, Jack, listen... tell me, tell me, Jack. When did you first... become... well, develop this theory?
General Jack D. Ripper: [somewhat embarassed] Well, I, uh... I... I... first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue... a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I... I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No.
General Jack D. Ripper: But I... I do deny them my essence.

Bernadina

05-11-2011, 06:50 PM

While we at it why not go all the way??

Society for the Recapture of Virginity

http://www.rsub.com/thebluedot/srv/

Debglam

05-11-2011, 06:54 PM

Detroit Molly

You may owe me a new monitor because I just spit water all over it!!!!:Angry3:

LMFAO!!! My favorite movie BTW!

Thanks Molly!

Detroit Molly

05-11-2011, 07:00 PM

You may owe me a new monitor because I just spit water all over it!!!!:Angry3:

LMFAO!!! My favorite movie BTW!

Thanks Molly!

Hahahaha, no problem. We'll deny this guy our essence together.

Marissa

05-11-2011, 07:03 PM

I want to increase my income, so I'm going to stop exercising because it drains my energy.
It's all garbage.
Let's see how long that site lives.

Excessive energy in one area may come at the cost of another area..if you can not balance it all to the level that you desire..

I don't know the FULL history of this site, but what if it was born of a blog?

I think he is suffering....just in a different way from you.

I feel sorry for him not to have the support, kindness and confidence you all have.

Jamie, that is very kind of you to say about those of us here..I wonder how he/others on that blog would feel getting insight from us here???? Like "its not going to go away, but you can 'treat it'" or "I would seek out professional help as we have suggested to those with the same questions and trials that you have"

Or would that be against the agreement we made upon joining this site?????? :devil:

Jeanna

05-11-2011, 07:12 PM

I've read some of the bs on that site and I've come to the conclusion that they're mostly a bunch of ******s!!

Momarie

05-11-2011, 07:15 PM

Alice Torn

05-11-2011, 07:25 PM

What if the guy is a war veteran? He has every right to do what he's doing, whether we agree or not. This is still a free nation, according to the constitution and Bill of Rights. Live and let live!

Suzette Muguet de Mai

05-11-2011, 07:48 PM

Personally I think he/she has a right to post a web page and comment about Crossdressing issues too. After briefing through a few comments I think some of the people there have sexual desires that involve crossdressing. Sure, if that is your thing then talk about it there but some of us who crossdress, not for sexual gratification, but it is within our persona like crossdressing for fashion sense. As long as there is no condescending comments that critique us who do not do it for sexual gratification then it may help those who have a sexual need. I think we need to read all types of comments in order to realize that we do not reside in an ideal world and there will always be various people who disagree to some amount. How we handle this is up to ourselves to be above those who try to pull us down and label us all as sexual deviants.

Marissa

05-11-2011, 07:50 PM

MARISSA SAID:
"Jamie, that is very kind of you to say about those of us here..I wonder how he/others on that blog would feel getting insight from us here???? Like "its not going to go away, but you can 'treat it'" or "I would seek out professional help as we have suggested to those with the same questions and trials that you have"...."

YES, I think it would be nice to gently steer him into acceptance of himself....and to offer him support instead of his self loathing struggle.

I really don't get your last remark and the ~ mean ~ laughing at you ~ devil face.

What agreement??????????????
To bash a natural woman?????????????

Goddamn it, I give up.
I really don't understand how you could take my compassion for someone who STRUGGLES & doesn't accept himself and then BEAT ME OVER THE HEAD with it.

FOR ALL..PLEASE READ..

Jamie sent me a PM, along with this post about my response. I want to explain here so ALL will understand..and know.

JAMIE, ITS WITH MY DEEPEST APOLOGIES THAT YOU MISUNDERSTOOD ME.

I was being sincere in what I said about what we have to offer to his delima..how we have insight that it may not go away but could offer ways to minimize it..even for years. Or the part about seeking professional help. I really did mean that we can help him. In other words, I'm in agreement.

My mistake was including my response with the remark below which was intended as a joke or sarcastic..not to laugh at your idea. Such as that we joined in saying we support crossdressers, not anti-crossdressers...which I KNOW is not true.

Or would that be against the agreement we made upon joining this site?????? :TamaraCroft:

Again, I'm sorry if you took it in that manner.. I have never, nor will I provide such a response with that type of tone. ITS NOT ME.. I may not agree with everything said on this site, but I do wholeheartedly RESPECT the thoughts of others, unless they are dictating my beliefs.

Debglam

05-11-2011, 07:58 PM

I don't think anyone is saying that he can't have a blog about "curing" crossdressing, at least I'm not. If people want to go there and seek "help" that is fine. IMHO he is fooling himself. If having that blog gives him, or anyone else who visits that site peace, great. I think almost all of us here know the truth and that is you may be able to stop the act of crossdressing but you are never going to get it out of your head. It has taken me 46 years to see that it is better to face something head on and make peace with it and with myself (which is still a work in progress) than to try to suppress it. His words ARE pretty sexist though.

Please, no hard feelings, especially the GG's. We need you!

Alice Torn

05-11-2011, 08:02 PM

I agre Tania. It started out as a sexual turn on, but that goes away mostly. He does make it sound like its all about sexual release. I have almost no libido now, but dress yet.

Momarie

05-11-2011, 08:09 PM

Well then, I guess I should apologise to you for my being so stupid that "I misunderstood you".
I should also apologize to you for "my taking it in that manner".

Anything else?

docrobbysherry

05-11-2011, 08:31 PM

http://stopcrossdressing.com/
what do YOU think?

What a hoot after a LONG day! :heehee:
"If u have the urge to dress or masturbate, just excersize and wait until you're very tired and the feelings will pass!" Ha ha ha! GREAT STUFF!:devil:
What's the blog writer's name again? Cleopatra?:)

honestly just from what I've seen at the entrance it seems extremely biased, uneducated, and bigoted.

Uh, Jaina? Have u read some of the posts from a few members here? :eek:
Remember what they say about folks in GLASS HOUSES?:straightface:

Momarie

05-11-2011, 08:40 PM

Marissa,

I was a bitch to you and I am sorry.

Marissa

05-11-2011, 08:49 PM

Marissa,

I was a bitch to you and I am sorry.

So..uhhh may I offer a :bitchslap: okay..enough said on this..all is good.. :D

t-girlxsophie

05-11-2011, 08:51 PM

Seems to me the guys just venting,and feels the need to start a site to let everyone know his views on Crossdressing,am sure there is many out there who do want to stop,to me it seems he has just written a lot of assumptions and untruths about the subject though

But the thing is We don't have to read it,or go anywhere near it,or are some of us just looking to be offended

Sophie

Niya W

05-11-2011, 08:54 PM

. Looks like some has some deep seeded hatred of them self . I'm sure it's nothing Dr Phil couldn't work out.

Yes that's a joke , dr Laura Schlesinger would be much better suited for this job .

sterling12

05-11-2011, 09:06 PM

What The Heck! He/She has The Right to lay down whatever self-indulgent prattle that she wishes to write. Most Blogs are about self-indulgence and vanity, so this is nothing new; especially in one so obviously young!

I think it has The Wrong Title. I think it ought to be called "Stopmasturbating.com". That seems to be "The Focus" of most of The Writing. Little Boys tend to be fixated with Their "Junk." As she grows older and feels The Inexorable Pull of being transgendered, things will change.

I'm just confused why we all have put so much thought into this. To quote George Bernard Shaw: "Youth is wasted upon The Young."

Peace and Love, Joanie

Debglam

05-11-2011, 09:12 PM

What a hoot after a LONG day! :heehee:
"If u have the urge to dress or masturbate, just excersize and wait until you're very tired and the feelings will pass!" Ha ha ha! GREAT STUFF!:devil:

Can't believe I missed that line Doc! I think that is what our drill instructors had in mind back in boot camp. :heehee:

sissystephanie

05-11-2011, 09:41 PM

Just 2 points to be made!

First, if you are a crossdresser, YOU CAN STOP!! But only if YOU want to!! What someone else says is most likely not going to help at all. The crossdressing urge comes from within you, and only you can stop it.

Second, Abigail said it very well. We are all Individuals, and as such we are all different!! So live your own life and let others live theirs!!

JainaCarpaccio

05-11-2011, 10:39 PM

Uh, Jaina? Have u read some of the posts from a few members here? :eek:
Remember what they say about folks in GLASS HOUSES?:straightface:

that we shouldn't throw stones? I'm well aware, and I'm not saying he isn't allowed to say what he wants, that is merely my opinion of it. Hooray for the first amendment. He's allowed to voice his opinion, and I'm allowed mine.

RachelOKC

05-11-2011, 10:56 PM

Well that site is a more than a little sad, isn't it? Such self-loathing. I find it likely that this person will never find peace because they'll never find what they're looking for.

I suppose if you have enough willpower or self-control you could stop crossdressing, but that's just the physical manifestation, isn't it? It's not the stuff that's going on inside your head. Could be wrong...but I'm pretty sure you can never stop that. I take that back, we all stop eventually...well maybe not. I intend to be buried in a dress. ;)

suchacutie

05-11-2011, 10:57 PM

Everyone has the right to post whatever they want on their website. As I read some of the responses it did seem like it was acting as a lightening rod for the extreme. I loved the line, "there is only male and female....there is no such thing as trans". Now there's a person who has no knowledge of biology! wow...

I did notice how very few responses were present on that site. I doubt I'll return to it.

Lucy_Bella

05-11-2011, 10:59 PM

Hah!!

Its not that easy as most of us know who have tried countless times to stop.. The blog reminds me how I use to feel and ways to help me stop that failed. Crossdressing isn't like gambling, or drinkin ETC.. It is apart of us it's inside of us, not machines or addictive subtances that we feel we need to create pleasure.. I can stop gambling, I can stop ( if I did them ) drugs but I can not after try after try stop Crossdressing...I can do it ( stop) for a short time even a few years but as I have found out it never goes away..:straightface:

Tina B.

05-11-2011, 11:01 PM

Hey, I think the guy is wrong, I doubt he will succeed in the long run. But I do know, we all fight the demons in our own way. It took years for me to accept who and what I am, that and a few purges. Maybe he is just a tortured soul, looking to purge is mind of all of what he sees as evil. He might be right, I have dressed off and on all my life, and I didn't get wealthy. I feel sorry for anyone that has so much hatred of something that is such a large part of himself.
Tina B.

shesadvl

05-11-2011, 11:13 PM

I want to increase my income, so I'm going to stop exercising because it drains my energy.
It's all garbage.
Let's see how long that site lives.

:lol::lol2: thats so funnie nicole but one has to agree

Maddie22

05-11-2011, 11:28 PM

I have no problem with someone wanting to stop crossdressing at all, and there probably isn't a whole lot of online resources or forums that discuss the trials of going through the process of quitting. While I believe that most of us on this forum will agree that the feeling to crossdress never ceases, I also know that we don't have any scientific proof that says quitting can't be done either, and I think a site like that could be helpful if one chooses to follow that path.

I do think that there are some valid points that he brings up. Crossdressing can be very expensive. If you have the money to burn that is fine, but there have been times where I've spent more than I should, or I even decide to focus more of my money on clothes rather than skiing, which I also love to do. Now this is a choice that I do make to spend my money this way, however if I were to quit I would be saving a lot of money.

Like it or not there is also guilt involved with us crossdressing as well. Feeling guilty is one of the worse feelings that I feel. Now we shouldn't feel guilty, and I do believe that we only feel this way because of societal views, either way we do experience this emotion as a result of crossdressing.

I also know that crossdressing can interfere with family, friends, and spouses/SO's. We can look at all the threads that are started with similar themes relating to problems we often face with our SO's.

For whatever reasons, right or wrong, there are some negatives that come along with being a crossdresser, or using the umbrella term transgendered. I know life would be much simpler if I wasn't transgendered, I am very aware of that. I've always said if life was perfect for me I'd be a cisgender genetic female first, followed by a cisgender genetic male second. However life isn't perfect and I do realize this as well. With that said I knew from a pretty young age of around 4 that something wasn't right, and I can even remember thinking around that age that I wonder if I'll grow up to be like mommy.

This leads in me into the negatives I find with his site. While I have no problems with people trying to quit, I do have problems with people assuming or allowing to be posted the beliefs that being a transexual or gay is wrong. Under the transgendered umbrella falls a wide variety of people who they are. From drag queens and crossdressers to transexuals and transvesites, we all present and feel differently.

I believe from what he has posted he has really narrowed down gender to be overly simplistic which it isn't. That is very ignorant.

His views on masturbation are pretty skewed as well. While I have done that act while dressed, that act isn't the driving factor for why I dress. For me, as someone who plans on transitioning in the future, I do that act while dress because I feel most alive and myself when I dress (I would like to point out that this happened much more in my teenage years, and far less as I got older). I'm really not sure how he finds a correlation between masturbation and energy levels, that is pretty asinine.

Overall I understand the motivation to quit crossdressing. I'll support whoever chooses to do so as well. I won't support him because I feel like he has tried to box himself and the complexity of gender into a small simple box, which that is the biggest fault he has.

Lynn Marie

05-12-2011, 12:13 AM

This poor guy is only 26 years old and has never had a girlfriend! He's always felt shy around women. He feels guilty when he cross dresses and/or masterbates. Yikes, he's so young and inexperienced. He's got no real idea of who he is or why.

I'm sorry, but he's got nothing to say that will be of any relevance to me whatsoever. He hasn't had a life yet. The poor guy probably hasn't even gotten la1d yet! What he has to say means absolutely nothing. Everybody who can get on the internet can start writing anything they want. Does that mean they really know anything of what they are writing. Even folks with twice his years and experience are subject to writing nonsense.

Delila

05-12-2011, 12:23 AM

I could be wrong but what I see is a person with a failing business trying to find any excuse other than perhaps poor business skills to blame for it. The common theme on the site was loss of money loss of focus in the business causing loss of money. I don't know about most others here but I would think that for any that consider themselves more TG than TV the act of dressing does not culminate in masturbation 9 times out of 10. If that was the case I would have no free time as I underdress to some degree every single day. I do feel sorry for a person so insistant to blame the perhaps only variation in their life on their failing business but all that it really comes to is that if he manages to become rich as he dreams he will just be able to buy and purge more expensive clothing.

ReineD

05-12-2011, 02:30 AM

I think he has his right to try to stop. Like we have the right to continue.

Precisely.

He did say he is a transvectic fetishist. It is not about gender identity. And even if it were, why would it be wrong for him to make the choices he feels are appropriate for himself, whether they are short-lived or not?

We think there aren't many CDers who wish to stop, because when they do they don't come around here any more. There is no support in this forum for these CDers.

Cd.com forum members routinely ask other people to step outside their comfort box and accept the CDing. So why can't the CDers here step outside their own box and accept those who don't wish to do this anymore?

Edit

Food for thought: Drinking, eating, sex, shopping, and gambling do not cause issues for most people. These are all activities to be enjoyed and they do not negatively impact lives. Yet, they can be immensely addictive to others. Isn't it possible that dressing for fetish reasons can be addictive for some people, who then cannot function normally in other aspects of their lives?

We often say here that we cannot compare the CDing to an addiction and I agree, since for many people it is who they are, not what they do. But is this true for everyone, especially those who forgo their other responsibilities or who lose interest in their other activities?

Lizeth

05-12-2011, 04:28 AM

Okay.. So what I take away from this is Crossdressing = Masturbation.. Masturbation = loss of energy/'Distraction' from focusing on his 'business ventures'... Now is Masturbation more exhausting/draining than, oh, I don't know.. sex? So we can assume he'll be taking a vow a chastity along with his attempting to stop crossdressing? Frankly, I think the webpage falls somewhere between harmless and comical. He tries to sell his theory on 'success' like an Amway pusher. While I don't have any issues with anyone wishing to quit the lifestyle, I just don't see this particular venture going anywhere..

Jay Cee

05-12-2011, 05:18 AM

Crossdressing has lead some heterosexual men to getting a sex change

Wow, self loathing AND misinformed. :brolleyes:

Noortje

05-12-2011, 05:37 AM

I think that the guy who wrote the site is misguided, but he is trying to make his life better and examining his feelings. I cannot disapprove of that. I also strongly believe he has the right to express his ideas and feelings publicly. That is what the internet is for.

Rianna Humble

05-12-2011, 05:43 AM

I haven't read everything on the site, but I cannot condemn the person for writing it. How often have I read on cd.com that if it were possible to stop, why does no-one ever post about that?

What I did read seemed to be all from people who were fetishistic transvestites - whilst there is nothing wrong with someone being a fetishist, that does not give them insight into the world of transgender.

It seems that the young man who started the blog has a number of misunderstandings about gender, but if there are people like him who cross-dress as a fetish and can use his writings to help them follow their desire to stop, then why not?

It might be worth challenging some of his misunderstandings, but I doubt that the response would be published on the site.

I think he is suffering....just in a different way from you.

I feel sorry for him not to have the support, kindness and confidence you all have.

I think Momarie's comments are more eloquent that anything I have written.

noeleena

05-12-2011, 07:53 AM

Hi,

What i would pull from this is has he exprianced life, been married had children worked with 1000s of people ran your own buisness have 3 of your own kids with grandkids & being in the 60,s age bracket so who would know thier own mind ,
after exprancing life i think i would , in a few years time he'll change his mind that many times because he's not dealing with the root cause of his problem , he is just masking it so does he really know . no of cause not. & nore will so till he knows / understands him self. & who he really is, Theres a number of repressed issues ether he does not understand or does not wont to. tho i get the feeling hes looking at the does not get on with girls / women . i wonder why .

...noeleena...

Pythos

05-12-2011, 09:48 AM

The comments section in the "negative effects of crossdressing" starts off with the "wise" words of a real knuckle dragger.

I am seeing once again crossdressing being addressed like it is some kind of disease, that needs to be cured. This as I hope everyone here knows is BS.

I'll posit what I know is the real problem with crossdressing. IGNORANT, judgemental, and for the most part hateful people other than the crossdressers. Though we certainly do not help ourselves by hiding.

This guy is quite inexperienced as well as ill informed. He sounds like a young "go getter" that failed, and so he blames his hobby.

Silly person.

Kate Lynn

05-12-2011, 09:50 AM

From what I read,the people responsible for this," Stop Crossdressing",should be the test subjects in the trials of the cure for stupidity.

darla_g

05-12-2011, 10:16 AM

The site mentioned does not really bother me in the least. If I hadn't seen the link i would never have gone there. It just reminds me of these religious zealots that because they believe a certain way that everyone must share that conviction.

I did get a kick out of his line about masturbation zapping his energy. and of course that is CDing fault too. Why doesn't he just do a masturbation blog and be done with it.

I doubt this part is kept but here is what I posted on their blog:
How do we all know that the site isn’t from someone that just hates Crossdressing?
If you were truly a crossdresser why don’t you provide proof and publish some pictures of yourself? Right now you have zero credibility.

Staci G

05-12-2011, 10:49 AM

STOP!!!!!!!!!! OH PUULLLLEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZ,,, I am so loving dressing and yes I have energy after masturbating. Maybe he is doing it wrong to use up all that energy.

Jenny Beth

05-12-2011, 10:53 AM

I browsed the site a bit, if he wants to quit for whatever reason more power to him. I do feel though that it is another lightning rod for those who think we "need help" and are morally wrong. I'll live in sin thank you very much, as Billy Joel once wrote: Sinners have much more fun.

kimdl93

05-12-2011, 11:04 AM

ok, here's my 2 cents worth. I have no problem with people like this fellow, blogging thier opinions and ideas. Its a free country. Certainly he has every right to express his thoughts on why he CD'd, why he feels its detrimental, and how he proposes to quit.

That being said, I think he's a rather inadequate and misinformed source for anyone interested in or dealing with cross dressing or transgender issues. I hope he saves up enough energy to find some better use for his time.

luludoll

05-12-2011, 11:31 AM

actually the more this debate pushes on the more traffic that site gets...

glancing the post about negative effects of crossdressing it would appear that this "entrepreneur" *barf is an inept adult incapable of controlling his/her own emotions, leading to a life with no sense of direction & blaming crossdressing for his/her short comings unable to come to terms with himself/herself bitter & misguided. *phew

All in all a fake with a fetish only to satisfy a sexual urge for lack of (options?) He needs God or a shrink not the internet.

Ugh this is cramping up my style, have funs debating~

JulieK1980

05-12-2011, 12:35 PM

I say good luck to him, and hope he finds whatever on earth he is looking for. I doubt any success in stopping, but I think a lot of us went through a time where we actively tried to "cure" ourselves of this.

"When I crossdress, nine times out of ten it leads to masturbation. What I have realized is that masturbating ultimately drains you of energy. And a loss of energy means a loss of production and less income. For someone who aspires to be wealthy, I have to choose between continuing down the crossdressing path, or stop it completely and focus strictly on my goals."

-This is just simply uninformed. masturbation leads to a release of a number of neurotransmitters in the brain causing elation and more energy. Also note stopping, can lead to health risks. Particularly prostate issues later in life.

Niya W

05-12-2011, 12:49 PM

Personally I think he is looking for some thing he will never find. He wants to know why his life is a failure .He is blaming CD for that.

darla_g

05-12-2011, 01:32 PM

I think if i were to consider reasons i wished to stop CDing none would be ones that he has mentioned.

I know if I did it and couldn't derive any joy from looking into a mirror I would probably stop. If the compulsion to crossdress cost me a relationship or a job then I might consider stopping as well. Perhaps if like Niya suggests there are other problems then CDing becomes the scapegoat.

But seriously one of the things he mentions, cost doesn't have to be an issue, because just like GGs I might admire something, but know that it is too expensive or I have too many things similar so I don't get it.
and I have no serious gender issues & I know who i am and just happen to like to dress.... so what?

KarenCDFL

05-12-2011, 01:34 PM

Wow!
Talk about a guilt complex!

To have taken the time to have created a site like this, you have a lot more issues than just cross dressing. I highly recommend that this person starts seeing a therapist before they "go off the deep end".

I wish this person luck.

ReineD

05-12-2011, 01:44 PM

STOP!!!!!!!!!! OH PUULLLLEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZ,,, I am so loving dressing and yes I have energy after masturbating. Maybe he is doing it wrong to use up all that energy.

Staci, I'm quoting you, but my remarks are addressed to everyone else in this thread who feels the same as you, which I'm afraid is the majority: :Angry3:

I visited some of the other blogs the original blogger links to. Another blogger, also someone who no longer wishes to CD, identifies as a sex addict. For him, the dressing is a trigger.

I'm amazed that so many people in this thread can't see beyond their own situations and cannot acknowledge there are some people who dress purely for fetish and not ID, and furthermore for them it has become so compulsive that it impacts the rest of their lives negatively, such as preventing them to do their jobs as effectively as they might or making it difficult for them to have a healthy sexual and emotional relationship with a partner. I'm also shaking my head over our nay-sayers' unwillingness to even recognize the possibility of an addiction or a compulsion! I mean, there is such a thing as sexual addiction or even shopping compulsions and there are even 12-step groups for it! Is it such a stretch to imagine that some sex addicts might actually be triggered by crossdressing? :eek:

I know there is a bias in our society against addicts/compulsives, but I'm shocked that so many other CDers aren't more understanding than they are, given the difficulties they themselves face with people who are biased against the CDing. This is as inane as a person who suffers from racial prejudice, who in turn is racially prejudiced against others. :facepalm:

So, I'm beginning to wonder if it might not be a case of the "lady who doth protest too much" for some CDers here, in other words, the CDing for them might be more a non-gender-ID compulsion than they wish to admit, but they're not worried about it because they haven't reached a place in their lives where it prevents them from holding down a job of having a healthy relationship with a partner? Or perhaps they have reached that place but they're not willing to admit it? :facepalm:

Honestly, I am angered at many of the responses in this thread, and this is because in my past, I have struggled with an addiction. I am NOT tolerant of others who make fun of this or who refuse to admit that it is a serious and sometimes life-threatening issue. :Angry3: :Angry3: :Angry3:

EDIT And I am NOT referring to the TSs who need to give up everything in order to live as the woman they are. This is an entirely different matter.

Marissa

05-12-2011, 01:56 PM

THANK YOU!!!! Reine.. so much said in what I was thinking.. only part that I have some deep issues is with the statements posted in a somewhat manner as "come to terms with himself/herself and accept". I have some thinking on this before I respond to it.

Its great to see the notion that we may be the one's biased..becoming the accuser.

kimdl93

05-12-2011, 01:58 PM

....So, I'm beginning to wonder if it might not be a case of the "lady who doth protest too much" for some CDers here, in other words, the CDing for them might be more a non-gender-ID compulsion than they wish to admit, but they're not worried about it because they haven't reached a place in their lives where it prevents them from holding down a job of having a healthy relationship with a partner? Or perhaps they have reached that place but they're not willing to admit it?....

I think this is a fair criticism. I know that at times in my own life I've been guilty making or laughing at disparaging gays and trannies even though I knew what I hoped no one else would know. And I know that there are quite a few among us who have had difficulty living what I guess I'd characterize as full and complete lives - ie, maintaining social connections and long term relationships, finding meaningful and fulfilling work, etc.

LilSissyStevie

05-12-2011, 02:18 PM

It is interesting that many in this thread say that CDing is not an addiction or a compulsion but they sound *exactly* like a bunch of drunks sitting down at the bar lamenting the loss of a drinking buddy to the evil clutches of AA in order to rationalize their own failures.

"He'll be back, you'll see"
"It doesn't work. I've tried it a dozen times"
"He'll just be miserable until he comes back"

The lack of compassion for this individual is really kind of shameful, but expected.

JulieK1980

05-12-2011, 02:38 PM

I understand the frustration Reine feels at some of the responses here. I don't see any form of bigotry or bias, or any other negative reasons to jump down the persons throat about. Nor do I see it as particularly helpful to "demand to see pics" to prove they are a crossdresser. That seems rather trite.

There are a lot similarities between addiction and crossdressing. (I don't personally see it as an addiction in itself) However, much like an addiction to alcohol or other drug, quitting without professional help can be deadly. Withdrawal from alcohol and withdrawal from crossdressing share one very deadly similarity. Both can lead to death. Alcohol through the effects of "DT's" and crossdressing through suicide. One only has to look at the suicide rates at the christian "camps" that attempt to cure homosexuality and transgenderism. This person seems extremely determined when I read through his posts, and seems particularly misinformed with some of his ideas. Something that I find particularly troublesome. Maybe it's just an addiction and this person will successfully beat it. But, maybe this person is actually gender dysphoric and will end up committing suicide from repressing an urge to be who they actually are.

ReineD

05-12-2011, 02:39 PM

I do want to add of course the CDing is not an out of control compulsion for perhaps most members of this site (although, since no one adds just below their usernames whether it is fetish for them or not, or how they live, it's hard to come up with even ball park percentages). So for these CDrs, it does have more to do with gender ID. And there are also members here for whom it is strictly a matter of sexual fetish, or perhaps a combination of both, but it hasn't nor will it ever reach the point of compulsion (by this I mean an inability to hold down a job, an inability to have a healthy relationship with a partner, or having to live like a hermit, etc). Or, if it is compulsive for them but they are not bothered by this (i.e. they are independently wealthy and they don't care to be in a relationship with anyone else, nor do they care to have a rich social life), then all the power to them! :)

I just don't want people in this forum to believe that I'm saying all CDing is compulsive or an addiction. But, it is also true that it is for some people, obviously those who wrote those blogs, and they should be respected for wanting to change their lives if the CDing is a problem for them.

EDIT
Having said this, whether or not these bloggers are Christian and they believe it is morally wrong is entirely different. I also disagree with the Christian groups who try to cure people. Still, it is their choice to find answers for themselves and hopefully if the ONLY issue with the CDing is that it is against their religious beliefs, hopefully they will eventually learn they need to be true to themselves. But, this is a far cry from not being able to live healthy, productive lives while having healthy relationships with others.

NicoleScott

05-12-2011, 03:00 PM

I'm amazed that so many people in this thread can't see beyond their own situations and cannot acknowledge there are some people who dress purely for fetish and not ID, and furthermore for them it has become so compulsive that it impacts the rest of their lives negatively, such as preventing them to do their jobs as effectively as they might or making it difficult for them to have a healthy sexual and emotional relationship with a partner.

Reine, I too am amazed that some people have been on this forum for years and still think all cd's are identity dressers and on a path to finally unleash that "woman within". There are many of us who are fetish dressers, but not all of us have lost control of it where it affects other aspects of our lives negatively. Sometimes quite the contrary: with a willing partner, a fetish can enhance bedroom activities for both partners. (But unfortunately, not for me). And, crossdressing can become compulsive for identity dressers. We've read their posts.

Crossdressing can be the subject of an addiction, but it could just as well be golf, food, online poker, etc. etc. It's the addiction that's the problem.

Olivia2

05-12-2011, 03:30 PM

If one doesn't like the site, one doesn't have to read it. Seems like it is less about promoting an activity or lack thereof than it is about having a forum for those wanting to stop or even for himself to work through it. I'm amazed at all the attention it has received here. As far as I can see nothing there is being said to ward people off from coming to this site should they so desire. Just my 2 cents.

Taylor186

05-12-2011, 04:32 PM

<off topic>Gotta say, if Reine ran for President, I'd vote for her. Incredible insight.</off topic>

Marissa

05-12-2011, 04:34 PM

I am so enjoying how this thread is going :) Even though the link was originally the point of the discussion, I am happy to see that it has taken from that to lead us to another path. A path that I have been waiting a long time for but didn't know how to begin it without upsetting some.

Nicole, Reine, and those who share this new view..thank you. Sometimes we need to really look at ourselves as a group and individuals to see what we really are saying or how it is viewed.

I asked myself many times about why I do this..why do I crossdress? Yes, if putting on hose or panties is considered crossdressing, then the desire began halfway thru a 5yr marriage. And honestly, it was a sexual fetish..with intentions for role reverse play.

It would be about two years later that my wife was aware that I wanted to 'try' crossdressing to see how it felt and I looked. Since I was working in another state, she gave me some items to try out this fetish, without exposing her to it (she thought I would make an ugly woman :heehee:). Still I did not go all out with it.

After our divorce and I had my home to myself and two daughters, that I decided to take it further in 'passing' within the home. Later, I took those steps out to GLBT clubs. And that is basically how I am today.

It may be a fetish to me still..on another hand, it may be a means to 'hide'. Yes, the divorce knocked me to my knees and seeking a new relationship with a GG is desired but the approach is not. I"m not ready for that..

And yet, I go out dressed..expressing myself freely. Happier outlook when dressed as its easy behind the mask. I crave the responses for my appearance and yes, even hope for a GG to desire me. I have even gone as far as to unknowingly become the male 'pickup artist' and catch myself, laughingly.

I don't want or have the desire to transition (maybe just get some boobs :D). Since this is my first time to indulge this deep, I can't, nor can anyone else, say that I can't quit. Its not an addiction...unless I'm addicted to the attention :heehee:. I still see it as a fetish..sexual at times but more of an acceptance fullfillment. Acceptance by those around me..not acceptance of being 'who I am'.

There has been times that I asked myself 'what would it take to box it all away'.. the answer would be to fill my life back with what is missing... and that may come in time. But I don't kid myself...I would still try to add a part of the fetish into the bedroom.

Agan, thanks for all the discussion on both pros and cons.

kendra_gurl

05-12-2011, 04:40 PM

I've only been a member here a very short time. I do know some of the other members from other sites. CD's and TS's. As I have said before and always believed we are all at different places on the line between Alpha male at one end............................................... .................................................. .................................................. ..........................................SRS TS on the other end

Logic tells us most here are at least in the middle of that line and some of us over time move farther one way or another. I mention this so everyone might use it as a reference to consider that where you fall on this line COULD determine how you perceive this guys intentions who wants to stop.. Anyone who thinks that masturbation for a very large percentage of CLOSETED CD's is not an important "happy ending" to their dressing is just no accepting reality. Search any XXX rated video site and search crossdress. It will be filled with hundreds of clips of cd's in various forms of masturbation. Even Massage parlors and Hookers all around the world would have a difficult time keeping their doors open without the fetishist who can't satisfy their need to share their fetish with someone sexually in any other venue. The logic ( real or not) that there is less shame in crossdressing if your paying someone to satisfy your desires while dressed is shared by many CLOSETED men. If you are not in this group of crossdressing fetishist please don't feel offended its just that a very large number are. I've found most here on this site to be far more aware and accepting of who they are so perhaps it just the fetishist are a minority here.

As for his comment about fiancial burden. Its difficult to understand if your working for the other guy, but if your self employed, Oh yes. The Need to crossdress ( addiction or not) can take lots of time away from your work thus affecting your income. I know this because I have been there too. After finally getting my wife to the point of accepting that I needed to dress years ago but before she wanted to be a part of it, I would take every oppertunity to close up shop early so I could become Kendra and stay at the office late. Did I need more self control and decipline of course but my urges usually always won out. Times change circumstances change and thankfully I am not at that point anymore but I do see and understand how some could get to the point of finanical ruin from many addictions. Bankruptsy court judges have heard it all.

I posted just this week that I would gladly take a pill if it existed to elimiate my desire to dress. While I have accepted myself and feel comfortable with my dressing I still understand why anyone might want to totally stop. It comes down to the individual, their needs, their relationship, and their ultimate goal or desire.

Never ever would I have thought I'd use Rodney King's famous "Can't we all just get along" line. I'd suggest all of us just accept that ONE troubled CD posted how he was feeling that day and use what ever insight we learn from his pain to our advantage.

Huggs all around

Kendra

sometimes_miss

05-12-2011, 04:42 PM

Niya wrote: Personally I think he is looking for some thing he will never find. He wants to know why his life is a failure .He is blaming CD for that. Maybe it did. We can't know if crossdressing gradually took up so much of his time that he neglected other things.
I think maybe he started the site because there really isn't anything much like it out there; I mean, a crossdresser site aimed at stopping doing it? Now, we all know the sites that support our crossdressing; but how do you find all the people that will really help you stop instead of just saying to us 'just stop'. Where are the groups that get together because they want to stop (like AA)? I don't know of any; the CD support groups I was exposed to when going to a therapist are all for supporting DOING it, not stopping doing it. I wish him the best of luck if that's what he truly wants and can manage to do it.

kimdl93

05-12-2011, 04:53 PM

AKAMichelle

05-12-2011, 04:56 PM

Most of the posts which I read related to crossdressing = sexual release. In those cases I see where people would want to quit cd'ing. That is a part of cd'ing which many of us began with but didn't end with. I have no problem with the site and if it helps somebody then good. I guess is that most of the people who think they will quit don't.

I think the biggest issue with cd'ing is not accepting yourself. That causes a huge problem and will weigh you down.

christinac

05-12-2011, 05:01 PM

http://stopcrossdressing.com/

what do YOU think?

What the H-double tooth picks?:wtf::sw:

Where the H-double do they find these dip sticks?

ReineD

05-12-2011, 05:09 PM

Kendra, I agree with the sheer volume of CD fetish sites out there. It's enough to boggle your mind. But, in your case it might have been just having a difficult time trying to find the time to express yourself? Were you able to dress and do other things, like write a business letter or do your books for example?

I was thinking the blogger just couldn't focus on anything other than fetish CD porn and masturbation, not only to the point where he couldn't work effectively, but also to the point of being incapable of having a satisfying sex life with his wife, or being incapable of happily spending time with his kids or even his other activities since all he might want to do is to get back to his clothes and the computer. Or the TG nightclubs for that matter.

I know what it's like to be in the grips of something so powerful that it is impossible to be fully emotionally present in the rest of my life. This is not pretty and our loved ones do suffer. And it just leads to a very empty life, except those who are in the grips of their addictions/compulsions have no way of being able to see this until they are free.

Edit

Where the H-double do they find these dip sticks?
ChristinaC, did you even bother reading the other posts here?

kendra_gurl

05-12-2011, 05:34 PM

.

Reine That is eactly the way I interpreted what I read. As for myself, Dressing has also been an escape for the pressures of business so I never wanted to do business activities while staying late to dress up. Sad to say that in years past that is how I learned of all those sites I mentioned.

Best to just say Been there done that and so thankful I'm past it now

ReineD

05-12-2011, 05:39 PM

Kendra, I'm glad you were able to reach a point of balance without having to stop dressing entirely. :hugs:

Sadly, that's not the case for many compulsives, like the gambling or shopping addicts, or the alcohol/drug addicts. Except the overeaters. I know several people who go to OA and it is excruciatingly difficult to keep the food intake balanced, since you can't stop eating entirely. Most just simply have to do away with certain triggers permanently, like sugar and chocolate.

Alice Torn

05-12-2011, 06:17 PM

I read that he has no girlfriend, or wife. For some men, the clothes, and
"lady in the mirror" are a substitute. CDing can take over the cder's life. Any obsession can. There are 12 step groups for "Sexaholics Anonymous". "sex and love addicts anonymous","Sex addicts anonymous." I have been to a few, and mentioned dressing up. At the time, I was pathologically obsessed with a woman who died, and was putting her clothes on.

Marissa

05-12-2011, 07:01 PM

**Both Quotes modified**

I think the biggest issue with cd'ing is not accepting yourself. That causes a huge problem and will weigh you down.

Michelle, please read my previous post on what type of crossdresser that I may be..and please try to tell me, am I accepting myself?? Do I need to accept myself and really, what does that mean?? I ask this because I don't see myself having to accept anything. I am..what I am at the moment that I am. Questions are serious, not being sarcastic, okay?

I read that he has no girlfriend, or wife. For some men, the clothes, and "lady in the mirror" are a substitute.

Louise, I have no girlfriend or wife..which as explained on previous post is when I jump heels into doing when I desired. I rack my brain at times to see if this is really why I do it..and yes, that cute woman in the mirror could be seen as a substitute.

Lucy_Bella

05-12-2011, 07:25 PM

Staci, I'm quoting you, but my remarks are addressed to everyone else in this thread who feels the same as you, which I'm afraid is the majority: :Angry3:

I visited some of the other blogs the original blogger links to. Another blogger, also someone who no longer wishes to CD, identifies as a sex addict. For him, the dressing is a trigger.

I'm amazed that so many people in this thread can't see beyond their own situations and cannot acknowledge there are some people who dress purely for fetish and not ID, and furthermore for them it has become so compulsive that it impacts the rest of their lives negatively, such as preventing them to do their jobs as effectively as they might or making it difficult for them to have a healthy sexual and emotional relationship with a partner. I'm also shaking my head over our nay-sayers' unwillingness to even recognize the possibility of an addiction or a compulsion! I mean, there is such a thing as sexual addiction or even shopping compulsions and there are even 12-step groups for it! Is it such a stretch to imagine that some sex addicts might actually be triggered by crossdressing? :eek:

I know there is a bias in our society against addicts/compulsives, but I'm shocked that so many other CDers aren't more understanding than they are, given the difficulties they themselves face with people who are biased against the CDing. This is as inane as a person who suffers from racial prejudice, who in turn is racially prejudiced against others. :facepalm:

So, I'm beginning to wonder if it might not be a case of the "lady who doth protest too much" for some CDers here, in other words, the CDing for them might be more a non-gender-ID compulsion than they wish to admit, but they're not worried about it because they haven't reached a place in their lives where it prevents them from holding down a job of having a healthy relationship with a partner? Or perhaps they have reached that place but they're not willing to admit it? :facepalm:

Honestly, I am angered at many of the responses in this thread, and this is because in my past, I have struggled with an addiction. I am NOT tolerant of others who make fun of this or who refuse to admit that it is a serious and sometimes life-threatening issue. :Angry3: :Angry3: :Angry3:

EDIT And I am NOT referring to the TSs who need to give up everything in order to live as the woman they are. This is an entirely different matter.
Reine,

So true I have felt at least part of my behavior is driven by sexual desires not to get in depth with the subject.. One would also have to have a pinch of Femme in them to go through such extremes .. I can honestly say they go hand in hand or mine did since puberty ,can't explain the desires to present as Femme prior to puberty and thats the Cding feeling that doesn't go away..

My point is , we sometimes point the finger to a cause that really isn't the root but can be the fuel to enhance the desire.. Master B... isn't the cause of Cding but it does enhance the experiance ..

P.S. Yes I know my grammer sucks no need for PM'S

NathalieX66

05-12-2011, 07:51 PM

I thought the webpage from the original post was like a 12-step recovery process, or an ex-gay "reparative thing" like Love Wins Out. I was hoping to get a link to a Christian ministry, but I didn't see it. Not that I really want to.

It seems to frame crossdressers & transgender people as purely paraphilic and often affected with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). I'm sure there are cd'ers with OCD, but you might as well put gambling, and excessive handwashing or housecleaning in there too. I'd rather visit a licensed therapist who specialises in such things.

Society invented the concept of gender identity, and many people are too scared to venture out of the norm for fear of......... I don't know what? Fear?

Jessica S

05-12-2011, 08:34 PM

I have to agree with all the posters on page 4. The voices of reason finally prevailed.

CaitlynRenee

05-12-2011, 10:05 PM

Funny, Every well educated psychologist (they should ALL be well educated in gender variences) I've ever heard venture a comment on masturbation, stated it was Normal, Healthy, Tension Relieving, Creative and they all, to a person, male or female did it, most as far back as early childhood and they continue to do so today in their (sometimes MUCH) later, frustrating and busy lives.

I've always found that when one is less tense, for whatever reason or method, one is more productive.

I'm extremely happy with who I am, both drab and femme, quite productive in my life even though retired, and really consider myself a lucky girl. I don't question my sexuality, whether femme or drab, it isn't an issue.

Perhaps it's due to our having both 'X' and 'Y' chromosomes. Who knows. For what it's worth, I find a great number of our members to be absolutely beautiful en femme and see no reason why they shouldn't be proud of their femme side, just as I'm sure they're proud of their drab persona.

Fortunately, we have each other and this site for support. I just wish I could meet more of you, to share conversation, a good cup of coffee and friendship with.

Pythos

05-12-2011, 10:21 PM

I'm sorry. I have to speak up here. I do not in anyway like how cding is being compared to being drunk, or being addicted to drugs.

IT IS NOT!!! Drug addiction and alcoholism destroys the body, mind, and lives. I have a friend who is living with the results of their father's drunken behavior.

I will say it again. Cross dressing is NOT A DISEASE. It is not wrong. The ONLY thing that makes it wrong is the public's INCORRECT assumptions about it. If it was not for the hatred, or ignorance, or bigotry, or the combination thereof crossdressing would be a non issue.

Alcoholism results in some pretty horrendous actions BY THE DRUNK. Cross dressing rarely results in some pretty horrible actions by people OTHER THAN the crossdresser.

I agree that the maker of the "stop cross dressing" site has every right to make that site. But I also think the guy is barking up the wrong tree. He indeed sounds like Jack T. Ripper, when he says masturbation leads to a lowering of energy. From what I have seen so does sex. Some of the more highly strung and stressed out people I knew in my teenage years were those that were sexually active.

The fellow is misinformed, and in the process is dragging a group of people (us) through the mud.

I am astonished some HERE would actually compare cross dressing with alcoholism, or drug abuse.

Yes it can be an addiction...so what? As I said, if it was not for the ignorant and bigoted people out there, who gets hurt by what we and other do?

the CD support groups I was exposed to when going to a therapist are all for supporting DOING it, not stopping doing it. I wish him the best of luck if that's what he truly wants and can manage to do it.

The reason why there are so few sites that handle such is because for all intents and purposes, there is no need for it. We are doing nothing wrong.

CaitlynRenee

05-12-2011, 10:30 PM

Kendra, you are STUNNING to say the least. I'm glad you've come to accept who you are, dispite past difficulties in your CDing life. You've triumphed and that's what's important.

As for Mr. Rodney King, he had a great line that's been quoted often. I wish we all COULD just 'get along' and we CDers for the most part are more tolerant than the general public. The reality of Mr. King though is that as a Deputy Sheriff, I saw the full news clip of Mr. King's assault on a female deputy before he was subdued, not just the newsreels published account. He almost killed her. He had no tolerance at all then.

Still, you've made a great point with charm and gentility. Thanks.

ReineD

05-12-2011, 10:39 PM

It seems to frame crossdressers & transgender people as purely paraphilic and often affected with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). I'm sure there are cd'ers with OCD, but you might as well put gambling, and excessive handwashing or housecleaning in there too.

I don't think anyone is saying that TGs are purely paraphilic, least of all the blog author. Look at his blog titles. He is speaking for himself.

But obviously this person has issues with it, as do the other bloggers he links to. The CDing is a trigger for THEM. And as Kendra pointed out, judging by the sheer volume of TG porn sites out there, it may well be an issue for many others. In one of the blogs, the author describes a difficulty focusing at work because he was preoccupied with thoughts of what outfit to buy next and fantasies of himself wearing it. He simply felt that all the time spent thinking about it, plus doing all the online "research", diminished his productivity. Kudos to him for recognizing this. GGs don't spend their days day dreaming of the next outfits and picturing themselves in it.

If these men want to stop CDing, why would their decision not be respected, since they obviously have issues maintaining balance? Why should they not be entitled to support, just as members here receive support to CD?

The first three pages in this thread were less than kind in their judgments, and I wonder why this is. Why would anyone think it is OK to forgo work and/or relationships for the sake of fantasy, unless they are protecting their own fantasies? Just asking.

I do not in anyway like how cding is being compared to being drunk, or being addicted to drugs.

Since I'm the one who mentioned addictions and compulsions (it is the reason one of the bloggers linked to in the OP wishes to stop the CDing), I assume you mean me.

In no way do I say that CDing is an addiction or a disease. So please read my posts again, without taking anything out of context. :)

CaitlynRenee

05-12-2011, 10:47 PM

Marissa, You look fantastic. I like your healthy outlook on your CD activities and how you feel about yourself. Despite your divorce, for whatever reason (and I've been there too), You are handling your CD self very well. Take your time, endulge, enjoy life. As for boxing it all away, I think you would be incredibly unhappy. Marissa is a creative side of you that needs expression. That part of your life that you feel is 'missing' won't last forever. You WILL find the happiness you need. It will come in it's own time though.

BTW, if you ever get down San Antonio way, drop a line. I'll see if I can point out some good places for you to go. There's lots of good food and drink and sight seeing here.

kendra_gurl

05-12-2011, 11:13 PM

.

I will say it again. Cross dressing is NOT A DISEASE. It is not wrong. The ONLY thing that makes it wrong is the public's INCORRECT assumptions about it. If it was not for the hatred, or ignorance, or bigotry, or the combination thereof crossdressing would be a non issue.

.

Source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addiction

Addiction can also be viewed as a continued involvement with a substance or activity despite the negative consequences associated with it. Pleasure and enjoyment would have originally been sought, however over a period of time involvement with the substance or activity is needed to feel normal.[1] Some psychology professionals and many laymen now mean 'addiction' to include abnormal psychological dependency on such things as gambling, food, sex, pornography, computers, internet, work, exercise, idolizing, watching TV or certain types of non-pornographic videos, spiritual obsession, cutting and shopping.[2][3][4][5]

That pretty much sums it up for me I am addicted to crossdressing and freely admit it

Huge difference between addiction a Disease. Don't thing anyone is saying its a Disease in this thread

Caitlynn Thanks so much for the compliment

Loni

05-12-2011, 11:19 PM

ReineD

05-12-2011, 11:40 PM

that blog will be gone soon, no human can forget what they are, one can try and over come there short comings, but the way we are hard wired it would hurt other parts of your self.

Loni, not everyone who CDs is hard-wired like you. There are some people who do this for fetish reasons. And some of the fetish CDers don't know how to maintain balance. It turns into a compulsion for them especially if they can't focus on work, negatively impacting the rest of their lives.

If the person who wrote the blog feels there is no other choice for him now than to stop, then no one should condemn him. If, after a period of time he gets back to the CDing, maybe he will have learned enough to try to keep it in perspective so that it doesn't ruin his career, or his relationship if he is in one. This is not about a spouse who refuses to accept this. It is about a man who can't do his job (or possibly have sex with his wife), because of the CDing fantasies.

That's all.

Marissa

05-12-2011, 11:41 PM

it would be far easer for me to grow hair on a bowling ball than to denigh what and who I am.
that blog will be gone soon, no human can forget what they are, one can try and over come there short comings, but the way we are hard wired it would hurt other parts of your self.
for me I love the time spent as Loni and would not want to change a thing....

well except to be able to grow hair on my head.

Loni

Loni, some of us are not HARD WIRED...hope you understand that.. I do this because I feel more accepted..and yes, I look better then my drab self.. maybe its sexual only..who knows..but I'm not driven to accept that I'll transition or anything near that.. I won't go 24/7.. I do it when I feel like it..and for my own reasons.. I was not HARD WIRED... I was not born in the wrong body..

Marissa, You look fantastic. I like your healthy outlook on your CD activities and how you feel about yourself. Despite your divorce, for whatever reason (and I've been there too), You are handling your CD self very well. Take your time, endulge, enjoy life. As for boxing it all away, I think you would be incredibly unhappy. Marissa is a creative side of you that needs expression. That part of your life that you feel is 'missing' won't last forever. You WILL find the happiness you need. It will come in it's own time though.

BTW, if you ever get down San Antonio way, drop a line. I'll see if I can point out some good places for you to go. There's lots of good food and drink and sight seeing here.

Thank you..for the kind words..and that is my point..that I am more 'seen' when I'm dressed..then when I'm not..so if i want to mingle with the world..then I feel I have to dress to be accepted.. Not sure if that is what I want..but I will say this.. so much of Marissa that has been discovered, is something that is good to let cross over.. to understand..and see things in different light.. :)

JulieK1980

05-13-2011, 12:07 AM

Loni, not everyone who CDs is hard-wired like you. There are some people who do this for fetish reasons. And some of the fetish CDers don't know how to maintain balance. It turns into a compulsion for them especially if they can't focus on work, negatively impacting the rest of their lives.

Something many of us forget. Just because it's true for us, doesn't make it true for ALL of us.

Compulsion is simply defined as doing something that makes you feel more secure repeatedly to the point that it interferes with your daily life
Addiction is simply defined as an inherent need to do something repeatedly either psychologically or physically.

Both of those things can afflict a crossdresser as easily as a person who compulsively shops, or compulsively gambles. Or as easily as an addict repeatedly does drugs to the point of destroying their life due to them feeling it is a "need."

Ultimately what is at issue here is that crossdressing for this person has come to a point that they feel it is negatively impacting the rest of their life professionally and personally. While quitting is probably going to be unsuccessful, it IS imperative for this person to find a way to balance crossdressing with the rest of their life.

The problem is not the crossdressing, the problem is the way crossdressing has effected their life.

Pythos

05-13-2011, 12:45 AM

Nope Renie D. It was not about one of your posts. There was one where there was mention of some of the things typed here were like drunks in a bar talking about a fellow drunk quitting being a drunk. Though comical, it is also simply not what CDing is.

ReineD

05-13-2011, 01:04 AM

The problem is not the crossdressing, the problem is the way crossdressing has effected their life.

I know I'm out of my area here since I'm not TG, but I've often wondered about this. Perhaps someone can answer it for me, since it fits into the topic.

What is the difference between someone who has a fetish for any number of things (latex, angora, pony play, leather, BDSM, feathers, feet or any other body part, rape ... the list is expansive), and someone who has a fetish for being dressed in women's clothes, either in specific items, or a fetish about becoming a voluptuous, sexy woman?

I'm not talking about a person who wishes to get in touch with a feminine side in any way. Just the fetish, sexual aspect of it, even if it is imagining the self to be a sexy woman who is pleasing a man, which can be a valid fetish of its own that has nothing to do with gender ID.

Would you consider such a person to fall into the realm of transgender? I've tended not to think so in the past, since a fetish is a fetish is a fetish, no matter what form it takes. I mean, a person who has a fetish about looking like a cat is not a cat. A person who has a fetish about steel and chains is not a knight in shining armor. Likewise, a person who has a fetish about latex is not a rubber ball. lol

At any rate, if such a person carries this too far (for example a person who cannot stop thinking about being bound during work hours to the point of being unable to concentrate on work, or a person who cannot have sex with his wife unless he is bound, even if she's not into it), is it accurate to say, if the fetish is wearing women's clothing, that the problem isn't the crossdressing for this person? Would you even describe what this person does as crossdressing, even if he is wearing the clothes for entirely different reasons than most people here who do wish to get in touch with a feminine side?

Where is the fine line?

Pythos

05-13-2011, 09:49 AM

NicoleScott

05-13-2011, 10:24 AM

Well said, Pythos (#111, above). I, too, have observed that there seems to be an underlying notion here that crossdressing for pleasure, rather than identity, is not as acceptable, honorable, or legitimate. For example, there was a thread "What's your fetish?". Some peole just HAD to post that they didn't have any fetishes, that they dress because they feel all femmy inside. What was the point of responding? Except to elevate themselves above the sexual deviants with a fetish.

But I do not agree, Pythos, that everyone has a fetish. If they did, why not more understanding of those who do (or admit to it)?

I have a few fetishes, and there are certain things that excite me whether worn by me, a woman, or another cd. I may not be attracted to the woman, certainly not to the cd, but by the object. And it's all under control.

Annaliese

05-13-2011, 10:25 AM

For one thing I don't think it is an addiction for me it is who I am.

docrobbysherry

05-13-2011, 10:32 AM

I know I'm out of my area here since I'm not TG, but I've often wondered about this. Perhaps someone can answer it for me, since it fits into the topic.

What is the difference between someone who has a fetish for any number of things (latex, angora, pony play, leather, BDSM, feathers, feet or any other body part, rape ... the list is expansive), and someone who has a fetish for being dressed in women's clothes, either in specific items, or a fetish about becoming a voluptuous, sexy woman?

I'm not talking about a person who wishes to get in touch with a feminine side in any way. Just the fetish, sexual aspect of it, even if it is imagining the self to be a sexy woman who is pleasing a man, which can be a valid fetish of its own that has nothing to do with gender ID.

Would you consider such a person to fall into the realm of transgender? I've tended not to think so in the past, since a fetish is a fetish is a fetish, no matter what form it takes. I mean, a person who has a fetish about looking like a cat is not a cat. A person who has a fetish about steel and chains is not a knight in shining armor. Likewise, a person who has a fetish about latex is not a rubber ball. lol

At any rate, if such a person carries this too far (for example a person who cannot stop thinking about being bound during work hours to the point of being unable to concentrate on work, or a person who cannot have sex with his wife unless he is bound, even if she's not into it), is it accurate to say, if the fetish is wearing women's clothing, that the problem isn't the crossdressing for this person? Would you even describe what this person does as crossdressing, even if he is wearing the clothes for entirely different reasons than most people here who do wish to get in touch with a feminine side?

Where is the fine line?

I began dressing with fantasies of becoming female and feeling what a female feels. But, those fantasies disappeared long ago.
Now, I'm very satisfied to simply APPEAR to be an attractive female!:battingeyelashes:
It's exciting, challenging, creative, and I'm NOT aware of having a "female side" at all!

As some have mentioned, it HAS become an addictive compulsion for me! :doh:
Altho I function in my everyday life and complete my family and work requirements, there R some serious side affects!:sad:

My house, cars, garages, and office r a mess!
I keep SHOPPING for new fem things! Even tho I already have so many, I can't count them!
My social life has shrunk to nearly nothing. As I spend my spare time on line, or with/as Sherry!

R there pluses? Yes! I drink less, have lost weight, watch less TV, and haven't had this much fun since COLLEGE!:D

LilSissyStevie

05-13-2011, 01:02 PM

What is the difference between someone who has a fetish for any number of things (latex, angora, pony play, leather, BDSM, feathers, feet or any other body part, rape ... the list is expansive), and someone who has a fetish for being dressed in women's clothes, either in specific items, or a fetish about becoming a voluptuous, sexy woman?

The whole concept of fetish is, imo, bunk. God and Darwin got together some time ago and decided that any kind of sex that didn't potentially result in procreation was either immoral or unnatural. The idea of fetishes was an attempt to give religious objections to certain sexual practices "scientific" justification. But the justifications haven't worked too well and one "fetish" after another keeps falling of the list. Masturbation, homosexuality, oral sex, anal sex, and even certain aspects of BDSM were all once considered to be grave sexual perversions but are more or less mainstream today. This keeps people like Dr. Ray Blanchard up at night trying to think up new paraphillias (fetishes) to replace the ones that no one takes seriously anymore.

A man who compulsively masturbates all day long while wearing womens underwear is not that different from the one who washes their hands every five minutes. The problem is the compulsiveness, not the particular behavior. Yet one is considered fetishistic behavior and the other it not. The concept of fetish is nothing more than a disapproving moral judgment against someone else's sexual practices dressed up in psychobabble. Other than that, it's just a clothing style. By the way, practices like pedophilia, necrophilia, rape, bestiality are not fetishes either, they are crimes of aggression against victims who do not or cannot give their consent.

Marissa

05-13-2011, 01:23 PM

No Sherry, you are not alone in this :)

Reine, I do see my dressing as about 80% fetish..the remaining 20% is full of those feelings/thoughts that I'm not sure whether its fetish or something else. And I ACCEPT myself for that :) Thank you again for taking this on another path and hoping to enlighten more on crossdressing being just a fetish to some of us..until we choose to change that.

For those that say 'its part of you and you will be back'..of course if someone comes back here, that is a given that the person once again returned to dressing or transitioning. But how about those who did not return?????? What about that person who did it for 4 yrs and then went on to live without another stitch of fem (or male, if FtM) attire?

Maybe that needs to be one of those magazine questions so there can be some type of measure for those who left it all behind.. unless someone has a percentage available? I would think that SOME have given it all up...and never returned. Each time I see it stated that you can't run from it, I want to throw it all away and the day I'm on my death bed, I'll log in here and say "yes, I did give it up..now bury me in that floral print sundress..;)"...lol..just to prove a point.

Rianna Humble

05-13-2011, 01:31 PM

Each time I see it stated that you can't run from it, I want to throw it all away and the day I'm on my death bed, I'll log in here and say "yes, I did give it up..now bury me in that floral print sundress..;)"...lol..just to prove a point.

I think that those who repeat the mantra are only thinking of the Identity Dressers. Those who like SissieStephanie dress merely for the aesthetic appeal or those like you who are mainly fetish dressers probably could give it up if you had a strong enough reason to do so. OTOH, someone who dresses because they are TG (rather than someone who is TG because they dress) almost definitely cannot give up permanently no matter how often they purge.

ReineD

05-13-2011, 01:58 PM

Something that seems to creep in is the notion a fetish is bad. Now, there are some I truly think are bad (rape, insest, severe beatings, ect. I personally think this kind of thinking is bad in all situations, even in fantasy). But mostly fetishes are harmless, and yet they are treated again like some abnormality that must be cured.

No, of course there's nothing wrong with fetish or any sex play.

It is "bad" when they take over and they prevent a person from fully engaging in other aspects of their lives. Please don't say that something doesn't exist just because you have no first hand experience with it.

There are tons of people seeking help for sexual and other addictions because they have to masturbate constantly, or they can't stay away from the computer, or they can no longer be fully present in the rest of their lives (wife, kids, friends, job, etc), because the fetish has reached a point of compulsion.

In other words, the people affected don't want to have to masturbate so frequently, they just feel compelled to. Or they want to engage in emotional sex with their wives but they just can't. This can have a negative impact on the marriage. Or they reach a point where they prefer to have sex by themselves and this takes away a desire to look for partners if they are single. Or they want to be able to enjoy a day with their kids without having to look at their watch constantly and wishing they were out of there so they could engage in their fetish. Or they prefer to stay at home alone rather than have friends over or go out.

They become more and more recluse because of their fetish. Their worlds become increasingly small and revolve around their compulsion.

THAT'S when a fetish is bad. Not the idea that someone enjoys varied sex play.

The whole concept of fetish is, imo, bunk.

I don't think you understand what I'm getting at. You can call in what you want: fetish, paraphilia, addiction, compulsion, whatever.

It is when a certain behavior takes over to the point of excess and it damages relationships, it negatively impact jobs, it causes someone's world to shrink considerably. The person affected can no longer enjoy doing anything else and sadly this person can stay in denial over this for a long time, refusing to acknowledge that the "condition" (use any word you want) even exists.

Some people become voluntary recluses to accommodate their condition, even if they don't masturbate all day (just a few hours every day). So my question is, if it involves wearing women's clothes, does this make the crossdressing OK?

JulieK1980

05-13-2011, 02:46 PM

There is a confusion here that people aren't making a distinction with. The "ACT" of a fetish is not the issue. The issue is when that act interferes with a persons ability to function as a person. A "fetish" is just a term that encompasses a fixation on a particular item or clothing or other non-living object. It's not something that is a problem for most people that have them, (and almost every human being does have a fetish with something.) It is only a problem if it interferes with that persons life. It is extremely rare for a psychologist to recommend therapy or treatment for a fetish UNLESS the person with the fetish sees it as interfering with their everyday life. I.E. the person that feels they must compulsively masturbate 15 times a day. Or if the fetish happens to involve non-consensual acts that are prohibited by law such as exhibitionists that flash people.

More often than not a person with a fetish is able to control their fetish to allow them to function in the world. There is NOTHING wrong with that. This is also usually the goal of any "treatment." As it's usually the most attainable goal.

I personally don't crossdress for fetishistic reasons, but I have a feeling that if I did, I still wouldn't want it to go away, nor do I see anything wrong with the act of crossdressing for that reason. But, if I needed to do dress 24 hours a day, and it affected my family life and professional life, and I was NOT gender dysphoric, I would probably try to manage it and reduce the control the fetish had in my life.

Ultimately as I and others pointed out earlier, it's not the fetish that is a "problem," it is only a problem if it interferes with a persons ability to function at a level that satisfies them.

ReineD

05-13-2011, 03:22 PM

Ultimately as I and others pointed out earlier, it's not the fetish that is a "problem," it is only a problem if it interferes with a persons ability to function at a level that satisfies them.

Thank you. :) This is why the bloggers in the first post want to stop the CDing.

So the next question is, if the CDing becomes this "obsession/problem" for lack of a better word and it does NOT involve gender dysphoria, then what is the difference between it and any number of other sexual and non-sexual obsessions/problems?

I don't think there is any difference, and I think it's a shame to say that if it is the CDing that is causing issues and it does not involve gender dysphoria, then the CDing is OK simply because it's OK to CDress. I mean, it's also OK to enjoy internet porn or play with bondage on the weekends, but not if it takes over your life. So how do most people deal with an activity once it has reached the level of compulsion/addiction/obsession/whatever? Abstinence ... or at least this works with other things, such as gambling, smoking, alcohol, or staying away from certain food triggers if it is overeating, or certain shopping situations if it is the shopping.

The key word is IF the CDing does NOT involve gender dysphoria.

kendra_gurl

05-13-2011, 03:38 PM

[QUOTE=ReineD;2490732]Some people become voluntary recluses to accommodate their condition, even if they don't masturbate all day (just a few hours every day). So my question is, if it involves wearing women's clothes, does this make the crossdressing OK?[/QUOTE

A male wearing a bra and panties then doing anything he chooses to release sexual tension is his business. Only difference than doing it nude in the shower is the Stimulus he receives from the clothing. If he can't satisfy himself without that ( or any other specific stimulus) or "requires" his partner to participate as his only way of satisfaction then there is a problem.

Again I believe most of us started out this way at a very early age. Crossdressers that is not TG's, begin as a sexual fetish and over years of hiding and guilt over our fetish some of us told our wives and shared our desires with them. Did most of those wives accept us 100% by allowing us to wear lingerie while having sex with them every time? Of course not. they set limits. Where each of us are past that has been baby steps toward becoming a totally passable looking female.

All of this is fine between two consenting adults untill the line Reine asked about starts to become crossed. Where that line is in the relationship can easily be determined by either the husband or the wife as they set the limits with each other. That line most often changes over time as both become more comfortable with each other.

Reine is a very intelligent GG whom has no doubt over the years seen first hand how this line moves as has my own wife. What I can say from personal experience is that as my desires started to progress past the line we had set my wifes willingness to allow the line to move has made ME relize the line needed to reversed just a little. Had it not been for that acceptance and willingness on her part, allowing me to sample crossing that line, I might have just become more and more obsessed with my desires to the point of hiding from her what I really wanted.

We spent a weekend togeather en femme. It was great. I like so many otheres have fantisized about being en femme 24/7. Fantasy is great but living that fantasy it only took me 3 days to know I don't want to be en femme 24/7 365.
There comes a point when you have to not only accept yourself but also accept the reality of your limitations before truly feeling happy and content. Is dressing still a sexual thing for me? I'll put it this way. Rember that first girlfriend you had when you were young? How you enjoyed flirting and making out and feeling her up the first time and becomming excited without having sex with her? That is the same eurphoric feelings I can get when I transform into Kendra. Its no longer so much about the release as it is about the foreplay

How all this pertains to the OP blogger ,from what I am purely guessing, is that he never found his line untill it was too late. His fetish, addiction, obession what ever its called he was unable to control untill it lead to his ruin. Rather than retreating some he feels now his only option is to stop. If he can great if hes back to dressing in a month or 5 years its his life to do as he feels he needs.

Marissa

05-13-2011, 03:39 PM

I think that those who repeat the mantra are only thinking of the Identity Dressers. Those who like SissieStephanie dress merely for the aesthetic appeal or those like you who are mainly fetish dressers probably could give it up if you had a strong enough reason to do so. OTOH, someone who dresses because they are TG (rather than someone who is TG because they dress) almost definitely cannot give up permanently no matter how often they purge.

Thank you Rianna :) even though its been touched on in here on what your thoughts are and I KNEW that..I know who I am.. okay 80% of who I am..lol.. but I wanted someone else to make these statements so those make an overall comment of "accept yourself" will understand that if its not Identity Dressers, then don't push that onto all.

Sallee

05-13-2011, 03:52 PM

interesting site I need to pursue it more Not that I wan to stop but I often wonder why I dress It is expensive and a thrill but why? Fun?
I am guessing without reading much of it it is a pretty thoughtful site

NicoleScott

05-13-2011, 03:53 PM

I personally don't crossdress for fetishistic reasons, but I have a feeling that if I did, I still wouldn't want it to go away, nor do I see anything wrong with the act of crossdressing for that reason. But, if I needed to do dress 24 hours a day, and it affected my family life and professional life, and I was NOT gender dysphoric, I would probably try to manage it and reduce the control the fetish had in my life.

If you don't dress for fetishistic reasons, how can you know how you would handle it? You don't.
Both Jody and Rianna (post #117) imply that if you dress because of gender identity reasons, you have no control over your crossdressing desires, but if you dress for fetish reasons, you can stop if you want to. Again, how can you know this? Is this your way of legitimizing your situation while writing off us fetish dressers as being beaten by ours? I don't experience gender dysphoria, so I don't comment on it other than to recognize that it exists in some. I certainly wouldn't tell you how I'd handle it.

celeste26

05-13-2011, 03:55 PM

I didn't see any solutions that would stop the crossdressing just complaints about why it is not what that person wants for himself. He obviously spent so much time and energy in making that web site you'd think that maybe he could have actually done something instead of merely kvetching about it.

That web site offers nothing at all for me

Proteus

05-13-2011, 04:04 PM

Sounds like he's most of all afraid of growing hair on the palms of his hands.

kendra_gurl

05-13-2011, 04:05 PM

I don't experience gender dysphoria, so I don't comment on it other than to recognize that it exists in some. I certainly wouldn't tell you how I'd handle it.

Nicole I'm with you on this one. I try to only comment from what I personally have experienced as a way to share and allow others to understand me. But please re-read jodycd's entire post again and I hope you can understand what she is saying. Its about when relizing when anything becomes a problem

Kate's at home

05-13-2011, 04:31 PM

"Live and let live" and "To each their own" is what I might suggest to the varying strains of this thread. Generally, what I have most enjoyed about this site, and keeps bringing me back, is the openess and gentle understanding and tolerance for difference among it's members. I very much appreciate this set of qualities that generally are present. It has also given me a deep appreciation of the the range of motivations, ideas, and experiences of being a crossdresser in the "community".
Does it really matter where any of us falls in the spectrum of our self acceptance or intentions so long as we "do no harm" in any way? I really like the idea of this being a "safe place" to participate in an ongoing narrative sharing of what it means to be a crossdresser in all our experiences with mutual respect and support regardless of differences. In context, this site has helped significantly in better understanding my own experiences over the years, and consequently, with self acceptance. I believe the term is called "normalizing". I thank you all for that, regardless of your "position" on the spectrum.

Kate

Rianna Humble

05-13-2011, 04:59 PM

If you don't dress for fetishistic reasons, how can you know how you would handle it? You don't.
Both Jody and Rianna (post #117) imply that if you dress because of gender identity reasons, you have no control over your crossdressing desires, but if you dress for fetish reasons, you can stop if you want to. Again, how can you know this? Is this your way of legitimizing your situation while writing off us fetish dressers as being beaten by ours? I don't experience gender dysphoria, so I don't comment on it other than to recognize that it exists in some. I certainly wouldn't tell you how I'd handle it.

I'm sorry if I offended you by accepting what people like SissieStephanie have said and people like marissa have hinted.

Both of those people have stated that they do not believe the mantra that you cannot stop. I accept that they know themselves, so conclude from what they say that given sufficiently good reason they can do as they state and stop cross-dressing.

If that offends you, then your issue is with them for stating it, not with me for accepting that they know themselves well enough to know whether or not they are capable of stopping.

I can speak from first hand knowledge of people with gender identity reasons for dressing, as those of us who suffer from Gender Dysphoria dress by reason of our gender identity.

Please do not try to put words into my mouth, I have never tried to put them into yours.

On another score, I would suggest self-acceptance to anyone (not just those of us who have Gender Dysphoria), since it is my sincere belief that self-acceptance is important for growth.

ReineD

05-13-2011, 05:03 PM

Does it really matter where any of us falls in the spectrum of our self acceptance or intentions so long as we "do no harm" in any way?

No, it doesn't matter on CD.com whether someone is TS (MtF and FtM), fetish CD, non-fetish CD, or GG. We've even had some male & female admirers, and everyone here is welcome and supported! :)

The question in this thread is more about what to do when the sexual or beautiful-woman-fetish aspect of the CDing (that does NOT involve any gender dysphoria) gets to be too much for the person to handle when it encroaches on their ability to to their job or have a good relationships with a partner. And we are not talking about his partner's acceptance levels here, but the CDer's inability to be in a relationship in any meaningful way because all he wants to do is "research" the CDing online or perhaps have sex by himself, again, to a level that the CDer feels is out of control and excessive.

The OP posted links to bloggers who seek support for stopping the compulsion for themselves since they cannot find support on a site like this one, and most of the people who responded in the first three pages of this thread felt they were wrong to try to regain some level of normalcy in their lives.

LilSissyStevie

05-13-2011, 05:09 PM

I don't think you understand what I'm getting at. You can call in what you want: fetish, paraphilia, addiction, compulsion, whatever.

It is when a certain behavior takes over to the point of excess and it damages relationships, it negatively impact jobs, it causes someone's world to shrink considerably. The person affected can no longer enjoy doing anything else and sadly this person can stay in denial over this for a long time, refusing to acknowledge that the "condition" (use any word you want) even exists.

Then we agree. My point is merely that the so-called fetish is irrelevant. Let's say this person's obsession was collecting butterflies. He spends every waking moment working on his butterfly collection and neglecting his work, his family and even his own health. Let's say further that because he considers butterflies to be delicate and feminine, he likes to wear women's clothing when he locks himself in the basement all night with his collection. Would we say that his problem is Transvestic Lepidoptery? I hope not. His problem is self control. He may or may not need to give up butterflies and crossdressing in order to regain control but they are not the root problem, only symptoms.

Some people become voluntary recluses to accommodate their condition, even if they don't masturbate all day (just a few hours every day). So my question is, if it involves wearing women's clothes, does this make the crossdressing OK?

Sure, because crossdressing isn't the problem.

NicoleScott

05-13-2011, 05:22 PM

ReineD

05-13-2011, 05:41 PM

Sure, because crossdressing isn't the problem.

I understand what you're saying, in that CDing in itself is not a bad thing, even for those who use it for fetish reasons. I agree. In fact, my bf (one of the best people I know) is a CD too! :D

But, although the CDing is not a problem for many CDers, it most definitely IS a problem for this person and others like him. It serves no other purpose than to get him *high*. If you understand anything about compulsions and addictions, a *high* can be achieved without the use of drugs or alcohol. And, just like any other pleasurable thing, alcohol, food, and the occasional evening on a riverboat are not problematic for some people but they're huge problems for others.

It looks like most all of us are in agreement that it's a problem when anything gets out of control, whether it be gambling, alcohol, golf, or crossdressing. What I don't understand is why gender dysphoria issues are excluded. We've seen posts from folks who are consumed with living their lives as females but can't for various reasons, and it affects other areas of their lives to the point of not being able to function normally. If gender dysphoria causes interruption of a fairly normal life, isn't that a problem?

I guess you'd have to define the problems. If a TS can't work or be in a relationship because of gender dysphoria, and providing the other issues are ruled out such as depression, or the reason she is no longer attracted to her wife is because of a change in her sexual orientation, then it does indeed pose a problem as well. She should see a mental health professional. But, in this case the solution wouldn't be to stop presenting in her desired gender, as it might be for someone who just uses the CDing to engage in obtaining a sexual high.

Come to think of it, I don't know how they treat other sex addictions that don't involve the CDing. Do they tell people they can't have sex anymore? I wouldn't think so. It is likely they are told to stay clear of any triggers such as porn, pick-up bars, sex toy shops, etc, and join self-help groups with others like themselves they can call on if they feel tempted. And perhaps work closely with their partners on issues such as emotional honesty.

Lucy_Bella

05-13-2011, 06:03 PM

Reine,

I agree with you that it does interfere in some peoples lives ( CDING ) I am one of those whos life is affected by it..I do not wish to be female ,I am not Gay so BY CHOICE I stay in the closet . By staying in the closet ,I have no social life other than work ,again my choice ..Because since my divorce I have allowed Cding to consume me...I dressevery chance I get for a sexual relief in part but I also have a over whelming desire ..

I hate the fact that I do this , ashamed and embarrased if ever out.. I wasn't like this 3 years ago as my dressing desires where only once in awhile maybe 3-4 times a year..I never shaved I had a gote and I got out more often playing in pool leagues or going to a bar with friends ..Not sitting in my room trying to see how pretty I ccan look.. I have a problem and I would like to stop or slow it down anyways either would help..
I joined this forum thinking it was support for people like me NOT support for acceptance, not that there is anything wrong with that.. I have listen to many on how my negetive attitude toward my " curse with in " was the wrong way of looking at it and soaked in advice on how to live with and none of which helped me to do in why I joined here.. I see this place different than most and rarley reply to many post here because I am different than most ..I'm an outcast!! But after a few years I have settled down and with help here and support from people such as you Reine I have gotten a better understanding..

Rianna Humble

05-13-2011, 06:15 PM

The question in this thread is more about what to do when the sexual or beautiful-woman-fetish aspect of the CDing (that does NOT involve any gender dysphoria) gets to be too much for the person to handle when it encroaches on their ability to to their job or have a good relationships with a partner.

It looks like most all of us are in agreement that it's a problem when anything gets out of control, whether it be gambling, alcohol, golf, or crossdressing. What I don't understand is why gender dysphoria issues are excluded. We've seen posts from folks who are consumed with living their lives as females but can't for various reasons, and it affects other areas of their lives to the point of not being able to function normally. If gender dysphoria causes interruption of a fairly normal life, isn't that a problem?

I cannot speak for Reine's thoughts, but I would agree with her exception for Gender Dysphoria because in the circumstance that you describe, the problem is not the dressing but the dysphoria. Also, I would not describe Gender Dysphoria as a compulsion (which appeared to me to be the nub of what Reine was discussing).

Acute Gender Dysphoria generally does affect every aspect of a person's life that is why we seek treatment to relieve the dysphoria. Dressing as our true gender (whether as a male for an FtM or as a female for an MtF) is not the problem it is part of the cure.

ReineD

05-13-2011, 06:25 PM

Lucy, this is a problem. I'm sorry. :sad:

I've read your posts before and I always told myself you were consumed with this because you lacked self-acceptance, and if you could only just go to TG support meetings and start going out more as Lucy, you would slowly emerge from your closet and you would gain more confidence. And then if you could start making more friends as Lucy and go out in the mainstream, the sexual aspect of it all would diminish for you.

But, just as most everyone here, I tend to adopt a "one size fits all" approach too. I tend to see most everyone here, except the self-professed fetishists like Doc & Nicole, as needing to express their feminine side because it is an inherent part of their psyche, of who they are.

I forget sometimes there are tons of CDers for whom becoming more feminine in their day to day lives is not a viable solution, and the sheer volume of TG porn sites and chat rooms out there is a reminder of this. But I don't go to these places and the people who go to these places aren't interested in doing anything different than they already do. They certainly aren't interested in coming here.

At any rate, I can see why you'd feel frustrated with some of the advice you've gotten and I can also see why you'd like to be able to enjoy more of life than staying home alone to CD. The best I can recommend is to seek a therapist who is familiar with gender issues and talk to them. Don't rule out the gender dysphoria, but instead describe your situation and tell them you don't know if you have gender dysphoria or you are a transvectic fetishist. Ask them to help you figure it out, and also help you get back out into the sunshine. Tell them you want to be able to enjoy your other activities again, and perhaps get into another relationship, and also enjoy friendships with other people again.

:hugs:

Also, I would not describe Gender Dysphoria as a compulsion (which appeared to me to be the nub of what Reine was discussing).

Rianna, I'm saying the opposite. Gender dysphoria is most definitely NOT a compulsion.

Lucy_Bella

05-13-2011, 06:27 PM

Acute Gender Dysphoria generally does affect every aspect of a person's life that is why we seek treatment to relieve the dysphoria. Dressing as our true gender (whether as a male for an FtM or as a female for an MtF) is not the problem it is part of the cure.

This does not apply to everyone ...Some people go through stages on and off again some people skip years of dressing then fall back into it.. One can find peace with themself or relief while dressing true , but this does come at a price .. A non uderstanding family , co workers or peers and friends can make a persons life awful if ever outed..Its a double edged sword that I for one can do without ,life would be so much easier with out Cding .. If only the urge could be controlable or managed ,I believe it can be contained but never stopped ..

Thats what makes life hard on people like me, finding a woman who will accept me not fearing friends and co-workers taunting me, the odds of acceptance are very small in my life.. No there is no cure without a price in acceptance and even with some acceptance you will continue carrying a black cloud over your head..

Alice B

05-13-2011, 06:46 PM

That is one very sick person!

ReineD

05-13-2011, 06:53 PM

That is one very sick person!
Alice ... have you at all read any of the posts in the last few pages that discuss the person referred to in the OP? Of course you're entitled to your opinion, but to call him "one very sick person" is rather dismissive, IMO, especially when there are so many others like him, even in this forum.

Lucy_Bella

05-13-2011, 08:21 PM

Reine,
I take any advise from people as just that... Advice.. It's up to me to act on it and if I do I never hold any lyability to the giver..I joined a Meet Group in Oct 2010, I even went to an event dressed...Prior to that my urge to get out dressed was almost as bad as getting dressed .. Since the one outing I have little or no desires to go out dressed so there are some short term cures as I know that the urge to go out dressed again will soon come back ( its why I remain a member to the group ).. I do not want to hang around other Cders for one simple reason ..When dressed I do not act as a girl I still have a mostly male mind ( found that out when I was out away from my closet Mirror) I have nothing in common other than the pleasure of wearing Femme clothing..

That's why I do not understand the majority of thinking on this forum over Lables.. To me having no lables in like driving in a large city with no street names.. You have Main Streets , Side Streets and dead ends!! I am a dead end with the average way of thinking on this Forum.. The Main Stream rules this Forum and thier way of thinking..That's fine I have learned that in time and have no problem with it.

Jorja

05-13-2011, 10:57 PM

As many of you know, I transitioned over 20 years ago. During that time I have had the opportunity to work with many CD/TV/ TG/TS. Not as a therapist or a counselor. More of a big sister you might say. I lend my own experience and knowledge to those that might gain some insight or help from it. I try to point them in the right direction to find the answers they are seeking.

I have just sat here and viewed the website that was linked in the very first post in this thread, stop crossdressing.com and have read the 6 pages of comments that followed. Very interesting ideology. Such a wide view of the topic. That is why I like it here at CD.com we can talk about almost anything. Sure, we have our disagreements because we don't always see eye to eye and sometimes things really get out of hand but that shows passion.

The person that posted the website is not mearly a CD. This person, by their own discription has Transvestic Fetishism . One who dresses for sexual gratification. I believe this person will not be able to stop dressing for any extended length of time. What he seeks when he dresses is sexual release. He wants to quit because it is causing significant distress or impairment, socially, at work, or elsewhere. When cross-dressing occurs for erotic purposes over a period of at least six months and when it causes significant distress or impairment, the behavior is considered a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

After all the changes that took place during the 70s, a large group was left without a word to describe themselves. Heterosexual males who wear traditionally feminine clothing. This group was not particularly happy with the term
"transvestism". Therefore, the term "cross-dresser" was coined. Self-identified cross-dressers generally do not have fetishistic intentions, but are instead men who wear female clothing and often both admire and imitate women. You see there is a difference.

It would be my hope the the guy that posted stop crossdresing.com will get the professional help needed. He will not be able to do it on his own.

Rianna Humble

05-14-2011, 12:56 AM

I would not describe Gender Dysphoria as a compulsion (which appeared to me to be the nub of what Reine was discussing).

Rianna, I'm saying the opposite. Gender dysphoria is most definitely NOT a compulsion.

I'm sorry that I was not clear enough with what I said in the quote above. I did not intend to imply that you thought Gender Id was a compulsion, but I did think that the nub of your discussion was what happens to someone who does have a compulsion.

Rereading my words, I realise that they were capable of the wrong interpretation and for this I apologise.

JulieK1980

05-14-2011, 01:04 AM

Olivia2

05-14-2011, 02:59 AM

I have a problem and I would like to stop or slow it down anyways either would help..
I joined this forum thinking it was support for people like me NOT support for acceptance, not that there is anything wrong with that.. I have listen to many on how my negetive attitude toward my " curse with in " was the wrong way of looking at it and soaked in advice on how to live with and none of which helped me to do in why I joined here.. I see this place different than most and rarley reply to many post here because I am different than most ..I'm an outcast!! But after a few years I have settled down and with help here and support from people such as you Reine I have gotten a better understanding..

Lucy,

You are not an outcast and you are not alone. From many posts I have read over time and Reine has also shared about in some of her posts on this thread, there are people on this site who share similar feelings to you. If you have a sexual compulsion, you can see a therapist as Reine suggested. You might also consider a 12 step group for sexual compulsions-there are a few different ones you can find on the web. Even after gaining some control or balance, you may still determine at some point that you have both male and female personality characteristics and if you have obtained some support, you can feel free to choose how to manifest these characteristics. Perhaps dressing from time to time, perhaps not. But hopefully, you will be in a place to choose these and feel more in control, which you do not by your own admission. Good luck.

RebeccaLynne

05-14-2011, 03:01 AM

Crossdressers who would like to discontinue doing so would probably benefit from a support site, much as those of us who enjoy CD'ing appreciate the opportunity to communicate with like-minded individuals. We're all social animals, IMO.

My suggestion to the "stopcrossdressing.com" creator is to consider renaming the site; i.e., "quittingcrossdressing.com", or "quitcrossdressing.com".

I say this because my initial reaction to the site's name evoked thoughts of hostility, and possibly violence, towards crossdressers. Immediately, I was offended and threatened. Yeah, I got incensed; chalk it up to testosterone. You wanna fight? Better pack a lunch, bi-otch!

After following the link to the aforementioned site, I was relieved to discover the site's creator was not advocating eradicating CD'ers from the face of the earth, but, rather, providing an avenue to explore the possibilities of eliminating a behavior they were uncomfortable with for themselves.

So, to each their own. I have no desire to quit crossdressing, as I enjoy it immensely; and, to those who feel compelled to shed themselves of their perceived "affliction', don't throw those clothes away... send them to me!:heehee:

Taylor186

05-14-2011, 08:49 AM

Self-identified cross-dressers generally do not have fetishistic intentions, but are instead men who wear female clothing and often both admire and imitate women. You see there is a difference.

Jorja, I appreciate your reasoned view but I wonder if it is really that clean and simple.

I have read post after post here on cd.com where someone talks about how their CDing started in their early teens (or slightly before) and their dressing mostly/always culminated with a sexual release. Then as they got older the dressing became much less about sexual release and much more about presenting their femme self or comfort or other non-sexual reason. I put myself in this camp, and I self-identify as a crossdresser, 100%

So while some here may cleanly fall 100% on one pole or the other (and stay there), I think also that some of us sit on a continuum between those poles. And, where we sit changes as our journey though life progresses.

Bootsiegalore

05-14-2011, 08:54 AM

That is TOO Funny!..... Oh, juss=t masterbate or go for a jog! Thanks for the laugh! So has anyone tried the antidote?

Rachel

TxKimberly

05-14-2011, 09:01 AM

From time to time I have seen posts here complaining that they had thought a "support" forum would offer help to quite cross dressing, and they were disappointed to find that this is not what we are about. I think it's great if someone wants to start something that DOES offer those people a place to go. More power to them and I wish them the very best of luck in finding happiness. :D

Shiny

05-14-2011, 09:54 AM

The individual who started the Blog on wanting to stop cross-dressing sounds sincere. He's absolutely right in the fact that thinking about or actually dressing takes time away from your "real" life. And, on the money issue? Forgetaboutit! I could have a new car if I'd used every penney I've spent on my little "hobby" over the years---and I don't mean an econony car either, if you know what I mean.

And, as you progress through this "disorder" your dressing becomes more and more complete and yes, many contemplate that it would have been easier to just have been born a genuine woman. The process also isolates one too and does take time away from other more important things. Many books have been written on this subject but no matter if it's an opinion from a novice or a man of letters it's all just speculation because nobody knows why this occurrs and by the way, there "IS" no cure! The smart ones on this site, and there are many, have learned how to deal with their condition to find the best balance in their lives. That is the only way.

He said he's in his mid 20's and has only dressed for 4 years!?!? Sorry, that isn't classical transvestism. It manefests itself during your earliest memories whether you believe so or not. That's the first stage and the first sure sign. I have heard of folks repressing that urge until their 20's or beyond but it's so rare it isn't worth noting.

Classical transvestism, or cross-dressing has occurred throughout recorded time, throughout every known culture and with almost the same incidence (i.e percentage of male population) in every study ever done. Since that is the case, I suspect that the condition by this measure alone is beyond culture or even sociatal mores---it's more a specific facet of human nature, albiet a quirky one.

This guy did seem sincere but he lacks education and he's not old enough, not by a long shot to make as many of the conclusive statements that he has. I'm twice as far down that road as he is and I am a man of "letters." I have read every book and lived most of the experience, felt the guilt, the excitement, the guilt again and then the lonliness and isolation that comes bag and baggage with this "hobby." That's just the way it is.

It was a nice try, and as I mentioned, sincere. But most of you will agree with me that there is no cure---and we all just have to deal with this condition at whatever level we each find ourselves at any given time. Peace-

Shiny

JulieK1980

05-14-2011, 11:38 AM

Thank you. :) This is why the bloggers in the first post want to stop the CDing.

So the next question is, if the CDing becomes this "obsession/problem" for lack of a better word and it does NOT involve gender dysphoria, then what is the difference between it and any number of other sexual and non-sexual obsessions/problems?

I don't think there is any difference, and I think it's a shame to say that if it is the CDing that is causing issues and it does not involve gender dysphoria, then the CDing is OK simply because it's OK to CDress. I mean, it's also OK to enjoy internet porn or play with bondage on the weekends, but not if it takes over your life. So how do most people deal with an activity once it has reached the level of compulsion/addiction/obsession/whatever? Abstinence ... or at least this works with other things, such as gambling, smoking, alcohol, or staying away from certain food triggers if it is overeating, or certain shopping situations if it is the shopping.

The key word is IF the CDing does NOT involve gender dysphoria.

In my opinion, there is no difference between any other fetish and crossdressing if that IS the reason the person crossdresses. (This DOES exclude gender dysphoric reasons for crossdressing) I'm not a psychiatrist so I am definitely not an expert, but from everything I've read there is a split on the preferred treatment, whether it be complete abstinence with 12 step programs like narcotic or alcohol addictions, or if it is preferred to try to control and limit the behavior to a level that is acceptable to the individual. Because crossdressing is considered benign in the fetish realm, (i.e. it isn't criminal behavior) it seems most therapies revolve around limiting the behavior vs. abstaining entirely.

The real question seems to me, is whether crossdressing as a fetish stems from the same route as someone that is TS, or if it really is a fetish no different than someone that enjoys bondage or other fetishes. As we all know the preferred treatment for someone that identifies as TS is NOT focused on stopping the behavior, it is focused on accepting and often times embracing the behavior. This is the part where attempting to abstain from the behavior can be more dangerous, as attempts by a TS to stop can ultimately lead to severe depression and all to often suicide.

Rianna Humble

05-14-2011, 11:56 AM

The real question seems to me, is whether crossdressing as a fetish stems from the same route as someone that is TS, or if it really is a fetish no different than someone that enjoys bondage or other fetishes.

I think that we ought to accept what people inthis thread (and elsewhere on cd.com) who self-identify as fetish dressers have said. They have largely said that unlike identity dressers and TS folk, they don't dress because they "want to be a woman" and that they don't self-identify as a woman.

I cannot say whether this is true of all fetish dressers, but it does seem to be the prevailing sentiment on cd.com amongst this section of our community.

I can, however, say with a reasonable amount of certainty that there is no sexual stimulation element in a TS person's need to express their brain gender. Speaking purely personally, I know that my need for sexual release is much lower when I am presenting as my brain gender than when I was trying to portray a man.

JulieK1980

05-14-2011, 12:04 PM

I think that we ought to accept what people inthis thread (and elsewhere on cd.com) who self-identify as fetish dressers have said. They have largely said that unlike identity dressers and TS folk, they don't dress because they "want to be a woman" and that they don't self-identify as a woman.

I cannot say whether this is true of all fetish dressers, but it does seem to be the prevailing sentiment on cd.com amongst this section of our community.

I can, however, say with a reasonable amount of certainty that there is no sexual stimulation element in a TS person's need to express their brain gender. Speaking purely personally, I know that my need for sexual release is much lower when I am presenting as my brain gender than when I was trying to portray a man.

I agree 100% with that.

Lucy_Bella

05-14-2011, 12:05 PM

Like many have said " There is no cure " I have to believe that a form of treatment does exisits .. As one reply above mentioned a " Pole to Pole " Theory. if true would make any treatment hard to treat.. Treatment wouldn't be as easy as grabbing a bottle of asprin.. Many of us have our own reasons as to why we dress some justify and accept while others still struggle. My point here is after 40 plus years of denying I have a Gender issue or having a form of sexual frustration, I have learned more about my self by being here and reading other post here.. Sometimes reading replies of my own post helps me figure out just who I am and what direction I am going..
With out Support negative or positive ,I would not be as equipt to enter any kind of theropy ( I don't trust Doctors) ..Being a member of Forums like this helps me become more secure about who I am and educates me. Which is why seeing another " Blog " descibing Cding as negative behavior that he believes only hendors ones Social abilities , can only enhances my thoughts of who I am and where I am going in my day to day life.. It doesn't make me feel sorry for myself in way that I can only relate to with the OP of the "Blog" .. Because I think I have myself figured out to as why I live such a lifestyle doesn't mean I have everybody else figured out to as why they live a simular lifestyle.. I've been there, I've done that I know what this Blogger is going through .I wish him the best of luck through out the rest of his journey and if this blogger ever becomes a member here.. I can only do for him what many have done for me here , offer support the only way I know how..

Olivia2

05-14-2011, 02:31 PM

I say this because my initial reaction to the site's name evoked thoughts of hostility, and possibly violence, towards crossdressers. Immediately, I was offended and threatened. Yeah, I got incensed; chalk it up to testosterone. You wanna fight? Better pack a lunch, bi-otch!

After following the link to the aforementioned site, I was relieved to discover the site's creator was not advocating eradicating CD'ers from the face of the earth, but, rather, providing an avenue to explore the possibilities of eliminating a behavior they were uncomfortable with for themselves. :

If the blogger were asking my advice, I would have softened up the headings and symbols used because they are a bit charged and send out a somewhat judgmental tone before one even reads the blog. For people desiring to curb their behavior or who may feel some shame about it, it may turn them off before they even read the blog. Others may form an opinion of the blogger before reading his posts and react from the gut as some here have. Clearly, he is computer savvy and wanted to get the blog attention, which it has.

If you look at the links to the other blogs, they are a bit softer in their initial approach. And in all the linked blogs, including his, these bloggers show a real understanding of the issues as to how they manifest in their own lives, and seem to take an empathetic stance toward crossdressing in general.

This guy did seem sincere but he lacks education and he's not old enough, not by a long shot to make as many of the conclusive statements that he has. I'm twice as far down that road as he is and I am a man of "letters." I have read every book and lived most of the experience, felt the guilt, the excitement, the guilt again and then the lonliness and isolation that comes bag and baggage with this "hobby." That's just the way it is.

It was a nice try, and as I mentioned, sincere. But most of you will agree with me that there is no cure---and we all just have to deal with this condition at whatever level we each find ourselves at any given time. Peace-

Shiny

My initial thoughts were similar to yours given the blogger's age. I won't make any assumptions about his ecuation. However, I think his credibility can only go so far, until he has learned to live with CDing for several more years. Like you, I have 2+ decades more experience with it. He does seem to recognize where it has been a problem in his life and I will not in any way make any judgments on his motivations or chances of maintaining his abstinence. I wish him success and happiness, no matter how it manifests for him.

I also think it is more fair to say there is no "known" cure and perhaps some who stopped their dressing may never light on this or any other CDing site. I don't even think the term "cure" is appropriate and probably is not an accurate description to be used in any compulsive behavior, in any case.

When it comes to sexual compulsions, be it fetishes, pornography, or any number of other behaviors, managing the behavior in some fashion seems to be the method that has been used in treatment centers. There is certainly some evidence that the power of sexually motivated urges can become less powerful in individuals and in some cases become almost absent from a person's life or their thoughts but it takes time and support for that to occur. In some cases a prolonged period of depression or emotional pain may result until things start to improve. I've seen it in my own life. The real issue then is to decide whether there is a benefit in some way to controlling one's urges. Only then can one decide whether it is worth going through the pain to get there.

Taylor186

05-14-2011, 05:40 PM

I don't even think the term "cure" is appropriate and probably is not an accurate description to be used in any compulsive behavior, in any case.

Agreed.

I'm not even sure why we're using the term "cure." The blogger in question never uses the term "cure." He wants to "stop" his crossdressing fetish because it controls his life. Just like an alcoholic may reach the point where he/she wants to "stop" drinking because it controls his/her life. He/she can "stop" drinking, there is no question about that, but he/she is never "cured." The alcoholic knows this distinction and from what I've read, this blogger knows it too.

Stelli

05-26-2011, 07:37 PM

A burst of messages between 11th and 14th and then a long silence. To me it says: The thread is over, whatever needed to be said has been said. But somehow it ends abruptly, almost with no conclusion. Maybe it is to me to make it.

First, my intention was not really about that particular person who blogged. This thread is about YOU and it is about me as well. About what you think and consequently what are you. Your posts reveal something about each of you and you know the best what makes you tick.

Only couple of posters here, touched my intention, and provided me material I wished to read and thus I will thank several reasoning posts of kendra_gurl, confident calming ReineD posts, surprising internet understanding from luludoll, many wake-ups from Pythos and most interesting and unique only post from Jorja.

Now, I am somehow disappointed with the reaction, and what bothers me is the almost constant obsession with issue of sex, and sex related issues connected with CD, addictions, cures, obsessions and transitions. I hoped, that my post would possibly trigger more empathic reaction to what has been published on blog. And possibly detect emotional outcry shown there. Only few posts touched that, but did not elaborate, it comes easier to wash hands of the subject. I somehow always thought females are more empathic....

Save initial negation, later reasoning has lead to re-assessing of self. And this was closer to my intention, to seek into selves and see where we can be empathic. As it looks to me, CDing still lingers in sexual waters (for me, same old, same old).

Again, for me, and in my understanding, CD has been for a long time an emotional confort zone. I even talked to professionals about it. And they have very little to say, they wash their hands too. I did trigger many emotions here, and I stand behind that huge part of CD is about our emotions and not about sex. Yet, It is easier to discuss sex than emotions.

I must admit that my initial reaction not to participate on this forum for quite a while, actually comes from this misunderstanding. I wanted to learn what is the cause of that misunderstanding and that took me several years. Very few members here, possibly, noticed that I belong to group of people that discovered this forum at very early stages and participated heavily then. Yet again I am starting to see why I do not come more often. I am starting to ask different kind of questions.

I am afraid that if I continue I may bring more controversial subjects, and at some point possibly step on someone's toes (which apply specially to passionate moderators)

In virtue of that, Wish you all to be well and prosperous, and thank you all for the participation and opinions. B happy, nothing else matters.

yours Stelli.

Sue101

05-27-2011, 04:04 AM

I thought the blogger was honest and sincere and more importantly he thought about what it all meant to him and he recognised many of the common reasons used by crossdressers to explain what they do don't stack up. There are big holes in the reasoning which he recognized and understood and made him question what he was doing.

I dont think his solution of absolute cessation will work in the long run nor does it have to. Being able to control your behavior is the key to a balanced life. You cannot undue being a crossdresser and the urge will build up over time and he will give in sooner or later. He was just in the middle of the compulsive pink fog and never reached the other side of the river to get things into perspective.

There is plenty of discussion about fetishism and sexual addiction. While most crossdressers do develop a sexual habit, this is something which again is down to self-control and is a distinct issue from the crossdressing behavior.

The label fetishism I believe is wrong. If you compare crossdressing to actual fetishes then there are obvious differences. Crossdressing only looks superficially like a fetish but it is something quite different. I believe what is going on is once a crossdresser develops a female image of himself as a response to gender dysphoria then this gives him an alternative route to satisfy the sexual urge to date women. It is a secondary dating mechanism bypassing the need for another person by becoming that person.