so ashamed/afraid

[Steph.TS]

I'm growing out my hair (hoping to get it to my shoulders) started lasering, have worn clear matte nail polish just about everywhere... I want to transition, but I haven't gone far enough, but I'm afraid I've gone too far, people could notice/might have already noticed... what happens when I laser my beard? with long hair and wearing nail polish? I want to just jump in but I'm not ready for the reactions I might get...

[Eryn]

If you laser your beard you will look clean-shaven, just like 95% of the males out there.

You haven't done anything permanent yet. You've made a few style changes that some may have noticed.

However, if you aren't prepared to deal with possible negative reactions then you are far from being ready to transition. You need to take more time to consider your options, discuss them with others if possible, and make more concrete plans.

Eryn

[AllieSF]

Hmmmm. Beard hair removal will not tip off anyone except those who you live with or go camping with when the other males' beards grow and yours doesn't. You will just be a clean shaved guy all the time. Long hair is another matter regarding comments and perhaps acceptance at work by your bosses depending on where you work and their policies. Matte nail polish probably will not be noticed. Since the nail polish is a temporary and easily removed cosmetic treatment, you can do without that until you are ready to face any comments. Maybe you just need to develop a thick skin so that comments do not really effect you. What I would be concerned about is you income earning capabilities. I would always recommend that you take that into consideration when dressing, grooming and decorating yourself. Lose a job, lose income and then you could become one of those bad statistics about the tgirl who has no work, no money and always seems to be struggling. If you are young, you have a lot of time to move forward at a cautious pace to define who you are and how you want to celebrate that in your actions and public lifestyle. If you are older or just plain old, then you may be in a situation where you may want to try to accelerate your development and possible future transition. Good luck.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Hey Steph, I am an old bloke and have long hair, down near my waist and try to keep my nails long but useless as they break and shave most of my body. Yep I used to get the odd remark and that did bother me for a while, now who cares. I remember I got a hard time from one guy a year or so ago, I saw him again this week and he made no comment. I usually pin it back into an updo and hide it under a cap for work. You may find most people do not care. The one person who is bothered is yourself because you know why you are changing your appearance and so may have a guilt feeling about the change. But best to tread wisely rather than believe everyone is accepting and understanding.

[AnnaCalliope]

These are small changes that unless someone is actively looking for them, I highly doubt they'll notice. Long hair on guys? Nothing new. Nail Polish? Also, nothing new. Especially since the stuff you're wearing is transparent and has no shine. Unless you live in a seriously conservative part of the country, I don't think you're going to get nearly the amount of negative reactions you're expecting.

I wear women's t-shirts and flared bottom jeans almost everyday. Since its summer now, I pair that with black studded flip-flops or leather slides, with my toe-nails painted emerald green. I'm wearing clear glossy nail polish on my fingernails right now, but a few days ago it was the same color as my toes, and sky blue the week before that. My hair is about 10 inches past my shoulders, my bra is slightly padded enough that you could tell if you were looking for it. I wear my padded girdle underneath to round out my butt and hips. I stay clean shaven at all times, usually wear light foundation, pale pink eye shadow, mascara and nude lipstick. Do I get the odd look or chuckle? Probably. Do I notice it? Rarely. Do I care? Not at all.

Its all about attitude. And until you're stopped caring what people think about your appearance, you're better off waiting to transition. For myself, I've been ready for almost a year now, its just a matter of getting out to a new city, where the odds of me running into someone I know who's never met Anna is much, much lower.

[Steph.TS]

These are small changes that unless someone is actively looking for them, I highly doubt they'll notice. Long hair on guys? Nothing new. Nail Polish? Also, nothing new. Especially since the stuff you're wearing is transparent and has no shine. Unless you live in a seriously conservative part of the country, I don't think you're going to get nearly the amount of negative reactions you're expecting.

I wear women's t-shirts and flared bottom jeans almost everyday. Since its summer now, I pair that with black studded flip-flops or leather slides, with my toe-nails painted emerald green. I'm wearing clear glossy nail polish on my fingernails right now, but a few days ago it was the same color as my toes, and sky blue the week before that. My hair is about 10 inches past my shoulders, my bra is slightly padded enough that you could tell if you were looking for it. I wear my padded girdle underneath to round out my butt and hips. I stay clean shaven at all times, usually wear light foundation, pale pink eye shadow, mascara and nude lipstick. Do I get the odd look or chuckle? Probably. Do I notice it? Rarely. Do I care? Not at all.

Its all about attitude. And until you're stopped caring what people think about your appearance, you're better off waiting to transition. For myself, I've been ready for almost a year now, its just a matter of getting out to a new city, where the odds of me running into someone I know who's never met Anna is much, much lower.
I'm in alberta, on the may 2nd election all but the tiniest slice of Alberta elected a conservative MP... around July every year everyone is gung ho for stampede, it's Texas of Canada...I try my best to fit everyone expectations of me but I want to be so much different from that image. I've one 1 occation wore only women's clothing to work (black long sleeve top, women's boot cut jeans, women's socks and of course underwear) the only thing that didn't fit the other clothes were my shoes (I have no women's shoes though I so badly wish I could go shopping for some).

how do I develop a think skin, I'm so gentle and apologize at the drop of a hat, and worry about everything from how people see me, to making sure I do a good job, to trying to make sure I live a healthier lifestyle. I want to continue caring as that' part of who I am, and I think it's why people like me, but if I can develop a thick skin, and take a new attitude towards becoming me, I think that would be beneficial. So many people live thier lives trying to fit in that they don't just be themselves, in this way society is a kind of prison, I want to break free and be my own person, dress how I like, wear whatever makeup I want, laser off my body hair that I don't want, grow my hair as long as I like... and if one day I'm lucky enough transition to become a beautiful woman.

[eluuzion]

'click,click'...
"Attention Shoppers"
"The transition store will be closing in 10 minutes. Please bring all of your purchases to the front check-out lanes"
:heehee:

hiya Steph...

I have some good news for you. CDing is not a race, not a competition,not a test and there is no "expiration date". You can approach it in any manner you like and at your own pace.

It appears you feel some sense of urgency. Is there a specific reason in your life that is creating that? Maybe it is being caused by the feeling you are "floating" in an indecisive state right now? Goal oriented people are used to defining the problem, generating options, picking the one with best potential, and ACTION.

But some things do not fit that problem-solving model, particularly personal issues, because they involve feelings/emotions. This CD issue does not seem to have a defined beginning, clearly mapped path and it certainly does not seem to have any specific destination point. Sometimes you just have to sit back and enjoy the ride.

If you do not have a map marking the start and finish, the best you can hope for is to deal with each stage individually, without trying to figure out where that piece fits into the whole puzzle. It might just be a box full of pieces...

just a thought.:love:

[Steph.TS]

I'm approaching my 30's, I started actively dressing in my early teens but when my parents found out I gave it up purged, and suppressed the urge. I thought it was gone completely it was out of my mind and I didn't give it another thought, then I last year I started working with a woman that wasn't only beautiful but also quite fashionable, and I wished I could be that beautiful, that I could wear clothes like that, I became envious tried to fight it but gave in as the desire to dress was so big, well as what happened in my early teens, dressing quickly grew into wanting to be a woman.

when I'm nervous or scared I take a planned approach to things, doing my best to execute it without messing up or drawing attention to myself. problem is the path isn't perfectly clear, there is so much I want to do and experience, I wish I could just be one of the girls you know? so this sense of urgency I have is both excitement/eagerness and trying to make up for lost time not to mention the big 3 0 is quite scary in and of itself...

[danielle.cd]

there are some of us that struggle with this alot being married doesnt help me either, any how you have to be you regaurdless of any body be who u want to be, who cares what others think is the mentality you have to have or your never going to get anywhere , ive been picked on for my skinny legs all my life but u know i could have ran an hid, but i accepted that i have skinny legs thats who i am , i still get laughs but they fade away after a few minutes and every things fine , you cant please every one all the time but u can make your self happy .

[Noortje]

I can only offer general advice, here... If you are not sure, either about wanting something or dealing with the consequences, do nothing that is permanent. Explore your feelings with the reversible stuff. Grow your hair out all you like, dye it all the colours of the rainbow. Paint your nails and your face. Wear whatever strikes your fancy. All of these things can quickly be reversed, and you will never regret them.

If you get your beard lasered without being sure about it, you may be sorry. It will never come back.

Do not fear the big 3 0, it's only a number. You are already making up for lost time by experimenting and finding out what you really want. Rushing in another wrong direction will not get you to your destination sooner. You want to do it right, right? Then don't rush it. A beautiful painting is not made in one go on a blank canvas. It takes years of practice and sketching. I'm sure it was the same for that beautiful, fashionable woman you mentioned.

We are here to help and support you.

[Tina B.]

I was reading a post awhile ago where the poster mentioned having transitioned, and then transitioned back. Take your time and be sure of what you do if it is permanent, your feelings may not be.

[diannecourtney]

Dear one, no need for fear, no need for shame. Just proceed to develop your femmine practices with great care and you might even like to have a voice.