Coming out to friends.

[Delila]

It seems I am full of questions this week. Must be age finally catching up to me :P.

How have you come out to friends if you have done so? My current question while far from the actual holiday is related to halloween. Last year I crossdressed as lady gaga for halloween it was fun and a great excuse to go out in public. My question is really if I were to go out again dressed what are people going to think? I can't help but think that most people would start wondering if I went out dressed two years in a row. I would even wonder myself though not in the negative way that I am worried about. Most if not all of my friends are pretty progressive (one came dressed as a french maid last year) but progressive though they may be I can't help but question how many times I can dress as a girl for a costume before they start to question the theme. Have any of you encountered a similar situation? How did you handle it? Do you think that my own propensity for crossdressing is making me read more into other peoples thoughts than are actually there? Thanks in advance for any thoughts that you have.

[Ami]

This might sound like a cliche, but I'm a big fan of coming out, and screw what other people think, as long as you're safe. If this is who you are, it's who you are. I'm 3* years old, and except for work, I pretty much have come to the terms that Ami is who I am. I know that I have to be careful in the redneck town that I'm in, but I have told everyone at work about Ami and I've been living my life (outside of work) mostly as such. As far as your coming out to 'friends' - Let me ask you this. If they are truly your friends, would they/shouldn't they be accepting of Delila? Regarding other people's thoughts, If you've gone out even one time as Delila then people are already coming to their own conclusions. I was 'read' the 2nd week I was here (just moved to NC 12 weeks ago.)

[Rianna Humble]

Although the tradition is relatively new to me (remember I am ancient), as I understand it, Halloween is becoming an occasion where cross-dresssed costumes are bcoming the norm. Why then should people draw any conclusions about you entering into the spirit of the occasion?

[RachelOKC]

I can't help but question how many times I can dress as a girl for a costume before they start to question the theme.

Something a friend used to say: "The first time we laugh, the second time we suspect, the third time...we KNOW."


How did you handle it? Do you think that my own propensity for crossdressing is making me read more into other peoples thoughts than are actually there? Thanks in advance for any thoughts that you have.

We often get worked up over nothing. I think TG's tend to overanalyze what other people might be thinking about us when in reality they probably aren't thinking much about us at all. That's been my experience a number of times where I was sure someone knew and in actuality they didn't have a clue.

I've handled coming out a number of different ways; there's no set pattern other than to use opportunity when it strikes. For me that makes it easier to break the ice rather than some stilted "let's sit down and talk" sort of thing. Sometimes it's been completely unplanned, other times I waited a while for a good moment.

[stellatoo]

I've "come out" to a few people during the last year or so. Mainly my family but a couple of friends as well. They've all been talks where drink has "loosened" my tongue but where I've wanted to tell people (especially my family). With all but one exception the outcome has been positive (my sis giving me a great pair of white trousers was a bonus-and she received a couple of tops as well!). The exception was a girl who I thought would be much more accepting but, despite her lifestyle and other friends, wasn't. It may be something else of course and I'm just trying to find a reason...
On the home front I tend to wear women's clothes most of the time, even wearing a bra into work-tho' removing it when at work. I've worn a camisole under my clothes on a "dress down" day but the straps of a bra would probably show too much. I'm probably overdue being "caught" doing this but will cross that bridge when I come to it. Staff where I work know I used to work in the entertainment industry and have dressed in shows before so it might not be too shocking for them!
I tend to wear girls trousers in the garden and have started to hang out my women's clothes to dry. Even had a chat with the next door neighbour wearing women's jogging bottoms and a top a few days ago!

What will be will be and whilst honesty is the best policy not everyone needs (or wants) to know everything about you (or me)

[AnnaCalliope]

I've been out to most of my friends since high school. Almost all my friends now have either met or at least seen pictures of me as Anna. I started wearing entirely femme clothing out everyday back in January. Tops, slacks, jeans, shoes. Nail polish, pale eyeshadow and mascara. Most people figured me for an eccentric even before I started publicly crossdressing, so I've yet to receive any negative feedback from my peers. Of course, it took me close to 10 years to achieve the level of confidence necessary to pull it off. Eventually I just got tired of living a double life, and once I realized that transition was the only way to go, I just stopped caring about the opinions of people who aren't my friends and started living my own damn life.

[Ami]

I just stopped caring about the opinions of people who aren't my friends and started living my own damn life.

Nice. I have done the same, also.

[david]

hi delila the first time i went out en femme was to a christmas day party full makeup false eye lashes stilleto heels and a witch costume split up the leg fishnet stockings.Ifelt on top of the world but wondered how i woud be recieved by my inlaws it turned out all i was asked was how i felt as a woman as they knew me as a man all my life.Now coming out was a bit of a shock to them but what i found out was i did not care anymore as this is what i am and i am now very comfortable as a trans woman so to hell with what they think as this is my life and i am happy at last.my only regret is i shoud have done all this years ago. good luck girl yours davina x

[kimdl93]

I kinda wonder if by now, Halloween isn't pretty much viewed by others as coming out. I mean, honestly, so many CDers look forward to dressing on Halloween, that its a safe bet that a large % of those dressing up are CD.

Many years ago a male acquaintance of ours was at a Halloween party in full drag. My ex-wife immediately presumed he was a CD. This reinforced her presumption that he was also gay, the fact that he was single and an airline steward. Of course, she knew and was ok with the fact that I also was a CD, although I hadn't dressed in public.

[Ash Leland]

It...is definitely a mixed bag. Like everyone has said so far, the two things that really matter are your needs and the safety level.

It is good to be able to say 'this is what I'm doing and who cares what anyone else thinks'. I spent a lot of my last week at university en femme in public, I even took an algebra final while dressed up (in that case it was a matter of necessity...I needed control over my emotions). Naturally people take notice but if you're not dependant on any of them, then...you're good.

I would like to continue doing that where I am now, but I'm rather certain that my mother would round up the villagers and sacrifice me to the fertility gods for the sake of a good harvest next spring if I came out to her. My dad...might not be much better. So I do what I can in private and I feel isolated from the people who, in spite of their feelings regarding gender expression, love me as much as someone can be loved. I've come out to a few close friends, and they were surprised and they needed time to process the information, but they've been pretty accepting since then.

I'm sure there's someone you're close to who would be okay to come out to...you said you have fairly progressive friends. Convoluted emotional dynamics of parent-child relationships aside, if they really care about you, they'll be okay with it.

[Jess Marie]

I wrote a letter to a friend and she took it very well. She was more excited than I, I think. She has already made plans with Jess for the next coming weeks. I think if you approach the subject positively you will get a good turn out. If you act like you are ashamed of it or have a hint of negativity, then the other person won't respond as well. I told her I enjoy dressing up and do it every chance I get and that I want to go out in public someday to do girl things. She was happy I was comfortable enough to tell her and that she wanted to help me do it, now we have weekly sessions to be passable. Last week was making an outfit and picking accessories, tonight is make up, next week is going to be voice and walk.

[breannahenderson]

I want to go out with my wife shopping this halloween.

[breannahenderson]

Do you wear skirts and dresses too?

[breannahenderson]

My wife knows I like to wear womens clothes