The Lines are Blurring?

[Leyna]

A lot of you know that I purged all my femme stuff not too long ago. Few of you know that I've had a long battle with depression, and that I'm currently off my meds whilst I am between doctors. (I have an appointment Saturday to get that straightened out, so that's not what this topic is about.)

Anyway, in the interim I've been having a really hard time dealing with things. We're going thru a reorg at work, people are getting laid off, I'm moving to a new department away from the folks I've worked with for ten years...it's just really hard.

Well, today I sort of hit all wall. It was overwhelming me, so I went for a walk, for a walk, for a cry, and to CVS. I looked at the sparse collection of panties they have there, and thought about picking some up just to make feel better. But I decided not to. Instead, I opted for...ice cream.

I bought a pint, sat down, ate my icre cream and cried. And I didn't cry like I do when I'm a guy. I cried like Leyna cries. Instead of feeling ashamed, I felt...release. And after about 15 minutes (and half a pint of haagen dazs), I felt better. I went back to work, and I've been able to muddle though.

There was another thread not long ago about these 'alter-egos.' I have always been firmly in the 'compartmentalized' camp. But today I was completely Leyna, sitting there crying and eating my ice cream, even though I was in the drabbest of clothes. I was so...freeing.

Sorry this is so long, but here is the question: does anyone else ever engage in traditional 'girl' behaviors as a release even when you aren't CDing? And how did it feel? I feel like I've had a bit of breakthrough, and I'd like to hear about any experiences the rest of you might have had.

[Holly]

All the time, sweetie. To me, it was confirmation that I had finally accepted that I am TG. I felt relief that I no longer had to surpress those feelings. As you observed, it is very freeing.

[Staci G]

Yep, I cry like a girl sometimes when Staci has been put away for too long. Some times a good dress shoppng trip makes me feel better sometime it is worse those times are when I want to wear the dress and can't. BUT Staci will always shine through and so will Leyna. xoxoxo Have a girlie day sweetie.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I found myself crying while watching the movie "Tangled" when the hero died. I was in femme mode, but that is the first time I ever did that. It was VERY different for me.

[Christie ann]

I am another one that exhibits many "traditional girl behaviors" whether dressed or not. This of course leads people to say I am such a girl and to that I most heartily agree.

[kimdl93]

I am not in the compartmentalized camp, to the extent that I hope I'm able to be true to myself and my emotions regardless of how I dress. However, that wasn't always the case. When I hid myself (even from myself) then it was much harder to express emotions and deal with the stresses of live in an effective manner. And quess what - I suffered from deep depression for much of that time. Self denial is a really difficult thing.