Do we want to get caught?

[Cindy_Act]

I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that many (not all) crossdressers really have a deep desire to be "caught" or at least get a huge kick out of flirting with possibility. I this right? Any comments

[Katesback]

Seems reasonable. When a person resigns themselves to living a life of secrecy it weights heavy upon them. They often feel that being caught will ease some of strain. They also think that being caught will open the door to living a life that they really want to lead.

[Jess Marie]

I would like to be caught again. I was caught at work once, my SO warned me "girls are going to spot your panty lines easily" and about a week later, I was called out by a female manager. She didn't actually say to everyone, she just asked me if I was wearing womens underwear, and I said yes. We haven't talked about it since, but it didn't stop me from wearing panties to work.

I think deep down we all want to get caught. I couldn't tell you why, as it will differ from person to person. I personally liked it when she asked, made me feel noticed, you know?

[Steph.TS]

I think kate is right, I'd like to be open to people I trust problem is I have no one to trust, sometimes I wish women I'm around alot would figure it out and be accepting of me, and keep it under their hats, I would love to be just one of the girls, but while it's a nice dream the only person I'm open with is my therapist, I don't know how to push myself to be open to others about who I am...

[abbykins]

I think I do, kind of. I posted a picture of my bathroom on Facebook and knowingly showed my makeup and other girlie things. :o

[Maria Blackwood]

Not for me. Maybe because I'm a more casual crossdresser for relaxation, but I'm fine with it being a secret. I do have a CD friends to share with, though, so maybe that helps.

[sometimes_miss]

Everyone want's to be loved for who they really are; for those of us who have to hide part of ourselves, there's a desire to 'let' others discover what it is we're hiding, in the hopes that they will still like us. Unfortunately, that's not the usual reaction to crossdressing. Good luck with your flirtation with potential disaster. I hope you get lucky.

[danielletorresani]

It's obvious that some on this forum want to get caught, but I definitely do not number myself among them.

If I ever told anyone, which I never really plan on doing, I'd want it to be on my own terms.

My brother found a video tape of me dressing up that I made when I was still in junior high.... It was hands down one of the worst experiences of my life.

[ReineD]

I guess it all depends on the point of view. If it is a CDer who is doing this for kicks and who has no feelings of being transgender, might there be a touch of exhibitionism involved?

But if the CDer identifies with feeling feminine even if it is just sometimes, then it could be a repressed desire to be recognized and validated for who she is.

[pernille d]

Interesting question. I think all of us would like the respect and acceptance we deserve. But we all
Know that's not 100% there in the real world so that keeps us in hiding. It's all hard for us in the closset and I am sure many of us would like to get caught end all the problems associated with it. The fear of getting caught is probably worse than getting caught but is different for us all.. I remember getting caught by my wife and as one problem ends another begins. So yes we all wonder about getting caught but are frightened by it.

Has anyone ever wondered if the hiding in the closset is part of the cd thing for many of us as its a secret thing we do on our own. Does getting caught change the way you feel about it . Does the bubble burst

[VioletJourney]

No. I want people to find out, but on my own terms rather than having to get defensive about it.

[Noortje]

I definitely tempt fate a little more than I would if I really wanted it to be a secret. Why? I do not know yet. Perhaps I'll find out in the future.

Maybe there are also people who like the thrill of almost being found out? Like having sex in a public place, the fact that you might get caught enhances the experience? Even if the actual getting caught is not what you want?

[eluuzion]

I can relate a bit to the wanting to be "seen", as in people in cars next to me or other stranger scenarios. But "caught" ??
No, being "caught", particularly by somebody I know is definitely not on my wish list!
:love:

[Patrice_CD]

Interesting question. I haven't been CDing very long. One thing I knew though was that I did want my SO to know about me as that would not of been good for her to find out otherwise. That went fairly well with all the questions and everything. Today it's not a big deal to her. Since then I have told a few other gf's of mine and they have been very accommodating after all the questions again.

Do I want to get caught, probably, I think it is the excitement of getting caught that makes it so fun. But the only way I can get caught, it seems, is to be partially dress in drab as I seem to blend in when dressed unless I speak, Can't get my fem voice going yet. And I look nothing like my make counterpart when I'm dressed so it's very hard to tell it's me when I'm dressed.

And if I were caught or outed I really wouldn't care. I'm at a point in my life where it really wouldn't matter. If my friends aren't accepting then are the really my friends. Everyone seems to think that I'm different already so it more than likely puts everything into place :-)

[SheriM]

I agree with Sometimes Miss. Most of us do want to be loved for who we are.
As for getting caught? Eluuzion says we want to be seen, but not necessarily caught. I would agree with that. I like for my bra straps to be seen in a distant place or maybe a panty peek. I do not however want to be caught in my home town.

[Tina B.]

Well I guess I'm the exception, I do identify as transgender, but I am happy in my little closeted world, and have no desire to be found out by the world at large. I'm out to my wife, and can wear what I want when I want at home, and it seems to satisfy my needs. I've never been an exhibitionist, I have always tended to dull colors, so that I just blend in with life, and not stand out.
Tina B.

[Amy Lynn3]

I know what the OP means, but caught implies wrong doing and for the life of me I don't see that I am doing anything wrong. For the most part I must keep what I do under wraps, because I don't need the hassle if I walk around dressed like I want. I would enjoy the opportunity to dress like I want and not be looked down on or made fun of. Just my two cents.

[Stephenie S]

I would like to be caught again. I was caught at work once, my SO warned me "girls are going to spot your panty lines easily" and about a week later, I was called out by a female manager. She didn't actually say to everyone, she just asked me if I was wearing womens underwear, and I said yes. We haven't talked about it since, but it didn't stop me from wearing panties to work.

I think deep down we all want to get caught. I couldn't tell you why, as it will differ from person to person. I personally liked it when she asked, made me feel noticed, you know?

This only reinforces what I have been saying all along. You fool NO ONE by "underdressing". You may think no one can tell, but the truth is, anyone with two eyes and half a brain will notice.

The fact that no one says anything just shows you how polite most people are and how little they really care about what you wear.

Stephie

[shesadvl]

but its interesting that some CD'ers do push the boundry and would love to be caught.... I know as My everloving CD'er would dress for work and walk out and you can see a bra being sported under the work shirt,... my comment is hey.....unless you want to out yourself and have a lot of 'splaining to do, may it be wise to take it off...;)
or leaving high heels shoes on show with the male shoes...lol.... whether its deliberate or not......
I am sure there a lot of you that push that boundery...:battingeyelashes:

:clap: yeh what stephie said....made me laugh....;)

[sherri]

Yes, part of me does want to get caught. But the other part of me knows it isn't worth the cost.

[RebeccaJ]

I agree where others that for some it may be not about being "caught" but more a hope of acceptance. Feeling that it is OK and its not harming anyone and being respected and liked for who we are not what we wear. I for one believe my CDing makes me who I am but no one knows that but me.

[Pythos]

My clothing styles are known by nearly everyone I know. My cding by people other than my mother, and my aviation buds. My Goth androgynous style, only mom mom knows nothing of. I try not to hide that aspect, no matter how "fem" it looks.

[TGMarla]

I understand the premise here, because I will not deny the "forbidden fruit" aspect of crossdressing. However, I really don't want to get caught doing this by anyone. I don't like it when the doorbell rings and I'm all decked out. I don't like it much even when the phone rings most of the time. So the short answer is no, I don't much want to be caught.

[BillieJoEllen]

There was a time that I fantasized about being caught but no_ I really don't want to be caught

[Stephanie47]

My wife knows I cross dress, but, she does not know the extent of my wardrobe. Does anybody else know I cross dress? I don't think so. There is always the possibility one of my adult children snooped around while growing up. If, they do know, they have not told me or hinted. Do I want to be caught? No! Do I want to be ridiculed by people who do not understand? No! Do I want to make my family uneasy? No! I would love to have any outlet to express myself. I want to be able to chose to who, when and where I want anybody else to find out about my cross dressing. When I look at the postings for the cross dressing conferences in Atlanta and elsewhere, I think maybe someday I'll be able to make the trip. I think it would be easier to be among strangers who share the same lifestyles.

[Detroit Molly]

I don't know about getting caught, but I go through these phases where I just want to tell everyone* that I like dressing up like a girl. My wife knows, a few of my close friends know, one of whom, a GG, is my regular dress-up/go shopping/go to Gigi's partner, and you all know. Sometimes though, I just don't care who knows. I know it's a little cavalier, and it'll probably bite me in the ass eventually, but I'm honestly not that afraid of who knows and how.

*where everyone is everyone but my family, who all live like a thousand miles away and don't need to know my personal business, and my wife's family at her request.

[Lorileah]

Yeah, since I don't hide it anymore I don't enjoy wearing the clothes. OK not. There is a little flawed logic in wanting to get caught. It implies for one thing that what you are doing is wrong. That of course is one major hurdle as to why we "think" we cannot be out. Because we think what we are doing is wrong. The other flaw is how hard some work to hide it. You want to get caught? You need to leave evidence where people can see it. Why? Because people in general don't really care what color your underwear is. I wonder do women sit around all day and hope someone notices their panties?

I really do think there are many people here who dress (underdress whatever) for the rush, but as with anything the longer you go without getting "caught" the less thrill it is to do it. If they want to get caught for the rush they will be outta here pretty quick and onto the next thrill. But if they really wanted the rush they would be like the people who end up in the media section, where they do something that really is is illegal.

[Kate Simmons]

As I always say, using the word "caught" implies we are doing something wrong. Are we? I prefer the word "discovered" in connection with something like this myself.:)

[Jilmac]

When I was still deep in the closet, I didn't want to get caught because it meant embarassment for me and my wife, and a whole lot of 'splainin' to do. Now that I'm living alone and dress whenever I want, I'm hoping to get caught by one of the church ladies who roam the neighborhood knocking on doors and preaching. I just want to see their reaction and hear what they have to say as they quote scripture.

[abigailf]

I want to come out, but the wife does not want me to, so yes, I would like to get caught.

[deebra]

JessMarie,i'm really curious how you were caught, just about all mens pants are loose so they would hide any panty lines, did the top of your pants slide down in the back to show your panties? Of course the female boss had no legal right to ask you such a personal question. Sounds like women talking among themselves an put the boss up to it. Let us know.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Wanting to be free and accepted and wanting to be caught are two very different things. We've all heard this silly thought for years...the criminal wanting to get caught or they would just stop what they are doing, never made sense to me.

Trust me on this, getting called names by my ex threatened with separation, living in the spare room for a week (being completely ignored), and then reminded of it routinely for several years was not a particulary thrilling experience that i consciously or sub-consciously sought.

[NicoleScott]

I don't know. If people really want to get caught, it should be easy to make happen.

[Duana]

I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that many (not all) crossdressers really have a deep desire to be "caught" or at least get a huge kick out of flirting with possibility. I this right? Any comments

Absolutely, we want to get caught... right up until the instant we do :)

[Being Paige]

I think that as the older I get the more I don't worry about getting caught, I to believe that it is a lot of stress being a Cd /TG! I just don't feel like hiding any more even though I am not sure what I really want.

[donnatracey]

...have to agree with the wisdom of the last 2 posts.....really agree with Paige, as I get older I seem to not worry as much.....not that I want to....yet!.....:eek:

[Kerigirl2009]

I do with the hope that everything will be fine. If its goes good then great and if its bad then So what I guess I lose a few aquaintences. I can make more friends.
I am one of the CDers that has many many signs that I am a (shhhh) Crossdresser.

[Cheryl T]

The "danger" of being caught adds to the thrill (it did for me in the early days). In some respects we subconsciously want to be caught to end the hiding and lying and all that. Part of that is the fact that we most likely want to tell someone (especially our spouse) and be accepted, but we just don't know how or don't want to risk the derision and humiliation that may accompany it so we would prefer to be "caught". That way someone knows, but we didn't have to break our own barriers to tell someone.

[BRANDYJ]

No, I don't want to get caught by my employer, my casual friends and those that I know or feel will not understand. However, like others have said, there are some people that I want to tell. Over the past 10 years or so, I have told many friends and some acquaintances that I felt I could trust to be non-judgmental and accepting. I have only been wrong about one person. That is my older brother. Have not talked to him in close to 3 years...his choice. my crossdressing is personal and shared only with those I choose to share it with. So no, I don't want to get caught even by the general public.

[Gillian Gigs]

Don't we all love that adrenalin rush. It is sort of like an orgasm. Adrenalin and endorphins would be the drugs of choice if they could be sold on a street corner.

[abbykins]

Being discovered is not bad for me because I believe I can make crossdressing consistent with the rest of my life. If a friend or relative doesn't like it, that's their problem. If they don't want me in their life because of it, then unfortunately that's the best answer. If a company didn't want me because they found out, I wouldn't want to work there. Luckily for me, I don't think any of my friends or family would really mind. I'm not married, I have no kids, no financial responsibilities, and I work for myself, so that all makes it much, much easier for me to do it this way. How easy it is depends where one is in life.

Letting someone discover might be better in some cases than telling them. If they don't want to deal with it, they can just never mention it. A subtle discovery gives them time to think before reacting. Or it might prepare them for being told later. I agree with you, Cheryl, about barriers or not knowing how else to tell someone.

[clairebostock]

Hi
well i didn't want to be caught, but in the end it was the best thing for me. not that it is for everyone.

take care out their xx

[Fab Karen]

That implies hiding something you're ashamed of.

[kathie225]

My wife knows of my crossdressing and has seen me en femme on a number of occasions (within her boundaries), yet I feel I wish to share my need with another. So far haven't meant someone I'm willing to share that part of me to. It's a mystery why I feel that way, but I do.

[kimdl93]

I think this is true to the extent that we are often so desparate for acceptance that we "need" to share this part of ourselves, even it it means being caught. of course, we hope to be caught by someone accepting. That's the danger - hoping for rather than seeking out acceptance and undrstanding.

[Drisc13]

I am enjoying my dressing and I am getting more adventerous. So I don't want to get caught just yet and have explaining to do!!!!!!

[kimdl93]

I guess it all depends on the point of view. If it is a CDer who is doing this for kicks and who has no feelings of being transgender, might there be a touch of exhibitionism involved?

But if the CDer identifies with feeling feminine even if it is just sometimes, then it could be a repressed desire to be recognized and validated for who she is.

I suspect that hoping to get caught, as Reine notes, also goes along with hoping to be validated. Its a rather risky way to acheive that validation. Why leave it to chance - doesn't it make a good deal more sense to come out in some sort of controlled, well-thought out process?

[Nicole Rose]

I've had so many close calls when I was younger.