Will you be burning bridges or smashing mirrors?

[Frédérique]

"Burning my bridges... and smashing my mirrors
Turning to see if you’re cowardly..."
(from Seven Seas by Echo & The Bunnymen)

Yes, what will it be? One or the other? Both? Neither? :thinking:

This may be a rhetorical question, meaning it doesn’t require an answer, since we’re dealing with symbolism – perhaps this is an allegorical question? When I first heard the above-quoted lyric, I thought of the two poles of extreme eventuality for crossdressers – on one hand, your passion for dressing causes friction with those you love, or come in contact with, burning those bridges you can ill afford to lose, and on the other hand your confusion about crossdressing may cause you to angrily denounce something that you, as a male, so desperately need to embrace...

In other words, are you comfortable with your dressing, self-reliant to the point where you don’t care what others think, along with the inevitable consequences, or have you internalized your feelings of doubt regarding crossdressing to the point where you feel like stopping, purging, and turning away forever from the feminine reflection you have so painstakingly constructed? In other words, will you be conforming, or NEVER conforming, i.e. how strong is your conviction? Of course, "conviction" may imply no extreme at all, as in my case...

I’m lucky – I’m too far along to stop, and I’m miles away from any feeling of “wrongness,” but let’s not get THAT started again! I’ve burned a few bridges in my time; in fact many of my friends are wondering just where I disappeared to. I became a rumor. I’ve left places behind that I once loved, and I can never go home again, even if I wanted to. However, I need to say that crossdressing had nothing to do with it – I’ve kept the latter close to my bosom (quite literally). My passion to dress has remained, like a true friend, mainly because it’s highly internalized and beyond the physical. I protect my CD’ing faithfully, mainly to avoid the abovementioned eventualities...

I must say I never had the urge to smash the mirrors that contain my reflected visage, because to do so would mean returning, or giving-in, to the male aggression that made me seek this “direction” in the first place. Being an artist, I believe in and/or worship images, so iconoclasm can never be my thing, but beyond that I have a certain fascination with possibilities (or are they impossibilities?). To try is to succeed, and, for some reason, I never give up trying to look like a woman. I never question my reasoning, either, but that’s beside the point...

Rather than burn or smash, I’ll sit down by the river, dressing to please myself, and watch the world flow by. Over yonder, the bridges are still intact, and I happen to have a small mirror in my purse – I need it to see how I’m doing! Life is good, which means I’m betwixt and between the two things I could be doing if I took things too seriously. Stay enthusiastic, my friends...
:battingeyelashes:

Tell me, are you happy, or somewhat satisfied, with your crossdressing, or are you headed towards one extreme or another?

[docrobbysherry]

Neither, for me, Freddie!

Before I began wearing masks, THEN I considered breaking mirrors! Or, more practically, tossing all my ladies gear in the garbage! However, since then, I've become quite pleased seeing Sherry's visage in mirrors!

As a closet dresser, I have the best of BOTH worlds! And, can go back and forth at will with NO ill consequences!

[Danni Renee]

I wish I could say I was happy - I even try to tell myself I am happy but in my heart I know I want more. I have always wanted more. I feel "right", whatever that is, when I am dressed. But with that said, I am not ready to burn my bridges yet. Too many responsibilities. Too much guilt to handle if the bridges burned.

I am stuck somewhere in the middle and torn. I feel I will forever be that way.

[Kate Simmons]

It's been quoted here many times before Freddy but I'll say it again: to quote Popeye the Sailor "I am's what I am's and that's all that I am's". Works for me.:thumbsup::)

[Nikki A.]

I'll probably burn bridges before I smash the mirrors. But at this point in time I try to keep both options available.

[sissystephanie]

I will do neither!! As Abigail quoted Popeye and I paraphrase, I am what I am! I am happy to be a crossdresser, and dress to please myself and no one else!! I used to dress to please my dear wife, but she has passed on so now I dress only to please myself!!

[Sarah Doepner]

Like some of the others, I'll probably be doing neither one very soon. To do so implies desperation or a need to be forced into one camp or another. I'm a fence sitter, attempting to find middle ground that is broad enough to allow me to pursue my crossdressing to my satisfaction while meeting the obligations of life that do not either depend on or involve that activity. I'm not satisfied with what I see in the mirror, but rather than destroy it I know I need to remake what the mirror is reflecting, it's not the mirrors responsibility to meet my expectations of vanity. And at this time in my life a burned bridge better be one I never need again because I haven't the time, strength or resources to build it anew. There are plenty of bridges that have gone out of use or maybe have tolls established on them that prevent their use. That is all fine with me. I guess it's just finding that there is, for me at least, a place where I can wander without worry about the potential for drastic decisions.

[Ash Leland]

Definitely satisfied. Not always easy of course, but confident that this is a constructive thing to keep in my life, and amorphously important, and the amorphousness may well be an illusion. There comes a point where you either accept that there is no reason, or the reason is somehow beyond your comprehension, at least for the present. I know I want to maintain this and there's nothing that could make me leave it behind completely. I've conceded far too much to other people already, for the wrong reasons.

So one way or another, it stays. I haven't really burnt any bridges- I might if I could be safely open with everyone -but I damaged one. On the otherhand, I do have a few supportive friends, and sometimes a friendly minority is all the validation you need. So no smashing mirrors, and consequently...burning bridges may be a possibility. I have a strong sense of what I owe other people and what they have done for me, so the thought is frightening, but to steel yourself against one possibility could leave you open to another.

Interesting side note: you said as an artist, your reverence for symbols puts you off of iconoclasism. As an artist myself, I don't know if I've found that to be true for me. Obviously we believe in the power and necessity of symbols, but there is a trend toward using them against themselves. In The Divine Comedy, there's a thematic assertion that the ideal use of language is to subvert itself in an effort to communicate things that are beyond words, i.e. "showing not telling". just a thought :P sorry about the sidetrack.

[VioletJourney]

I won't be smashing mirrors, I'm actually proud to be a crossdresser. It feels good to have this happiness and to know that most people will never experience it.

As for the bridges, well, I simply don't have any to burn.

[Jennifer Cox]

I've been unhappy for more years than I care to mention ... just can't get the frickin' matches to light!!!

[vikki2020]

I am totally happy with my crossdressing. I have taken a few steps, towards crossing that bridge, and I hope that when I get to the other side, and I will get there, that the bridge remains in tact. That just might be the one thing that is slowing me down, being alone on the other side. I'd prefer not to be, but, I think I can live with that. Maybe the bridge will extend to some, if they choose to keep it there! Hope so! It's been a journey to get to this bridge, and like you Freddie, I'm not turning back!
vikki

[AnnaCalliope]

I'm about halfway across that bridge, in full make-up, tight jeans and knee high boots. I stopped caring what others think several months ago, and embraced the image in the mirror. I'm hoping the bridge will hold up long enough for me to get to the other side, but I'm not expecting it to be fully intact when I get there. I do have a wonderful support network of friends and a few family members that will love and support me no matter what I gender I choose to present.

Of course, I really stopped being a crossdresser back in January, when I fully embraced my femininity and realized I'm just another girl, albeit with a few anatomical shortcomings.

[Kathi Lake]

No smashing or burning for me. It's taken much too long to get where I am to do any of that!

I am very comfortable with where and who I am - and also where I'm headed. Where am I headed? I have no idea! Does it matter? Honestly? Not really. I'm one of those odd ones that don't care for the destination nearly as much as the journey. I'm loving my journey, and know that I'll get to my destination someday. Most likely. Whatever.

:)

Kathi

[GaleWarning]

Just moved into a new place ... I'd give anything for a mirror right now, so won't be smashing any!

[eluuzion]

I'm a fence sitter, attempting to find middle ground that is broad enough to allow me to pursue my crossdressing to my satisfaction while meeting the obligations of life that do not either depend on or involve that activity.


Sarah,
That is an excellent and concise explanation of my perspective on my CD life! The only thing I would add for myself is to clarify my exact position when I am sitting on that top fence rail. I am typically sitting right next to the locked gate, with a copy of the key that unlocks the lock in my back pocket.:heehee:

My approach has always been to address an obstacle before it grows into a roadblock. I believe there are several options for resolving any issue. I just have to take the time to identify all of my options, and use a little creativity. I am not fond of long term drama. I am fond of long term happiness and have been pretty successful in maintaining that goal.

I do not have any unresolved CD issues in my past to report. I am currently doing whatever I desire to do at the level and time I wish to do it. I do not see any future obstacles blocking the CD road in front of me. If I am not happy, I focus on resolving the conflicts. If I can't resolve the conflicts, I replace that part of my life with something that makes me happy.

I know my CD story does not provide the entertaining drama of many members' struggles with life. But my objective is to not have any CD dramas to share, lol.
:love:

[Daintre]

Sorry, I have no mirrors in my humble abode. How I appear is just between me and the wall. As for bridges, well I choose to negate them.

[Frédérique]

I'm a fence sitter, attempting to find middle ground that is broad enough to allow me to pursue my crossdressing to my satisfaction while meeting the obligations of life that do not either depend on or involve that activity.

Even though I’m an opinionated individual, I’ve sat on a few fences in my time, if only to avoid confrontation and preserve the pleasure I get from crossdressing. I only see the extremes here, through written submissions that may or may not be cries for help. I try to be supportive, just as I struggle to NOT say the same thing I’ve said for the umpteenth time. Maybe I’m being cowardly, or perhaps I’m selfishly coveting something that brings me immense happiness…


...you said as an artist, your reverence for symbols puts you off of iconoclasm. As an artist myself, I don't know if I've found that to be true for me. Obviously we believe in the power and necessity of symbols, but there is a trend toward using them against themselves.

My reverence for images (not symbols) puts me off being iconoclastic – in this case, I’m using the literal meaning, namely “image breaking.” I never miss a chance to slip the word iconoclasm into a discussion about images, since I am an “insider” of sorts…

All puns aside, I DO worship images – not images that have been constructed to confuse or mislead, but representational images that are right before my eyes. You could argue that one’s own feminine reflection could fall into both categories, but I reject any notion that I am deluding myself. That being said, I know all about the intractable transitory nature of images – capturing, distilling, embellishing, creating and possessing these images, mental or physical, is what an artist does…


I am very comfortable with where and who I am - and also where I'm headed.

Most of the iconic MtF crossdressers on this site are unswervingly comfortable with themselves, their chosen path, and the somewhat unfair connotations that being a male dressed as a woman inevitably produce. However, I KNOW there are many here who struggle with this strange activity, compulsion, addiction, or however you wish to describe it. In my mind, there’s nothing more reassuring than to experience a calm presence amidst all the turmoil in one’s heart or mind – the newbie should feel that this is a relatively benign thing to do (I’m generalizing, I know), and its OK to crossdress. You can avoid the extremes I have outlined and find an oasis for personal expression – the evidence to support this notion is obvious , so just take a look around…


I know my CD story does not provide the entertaining drama of many members' struggles with life. But my objective is to not have any CD dramas to share, lol.

I feel the same way, but often I feel guilty that my life of crossdressing contains little or no drama worth reporting. There have been dramatic incidents, of course, which have only served to push me deeper into the closet and force me to get comfortable with my claustrophobic surroundings. This led me to my current “position,” where I preach endlessly about the need to preserve the magical aspects of crossdressing, come what may. The bridges to a normal life, in my case, where all blown before I reached the crossing, and the innate characteristics that led me to crossdressing had a lot to do with it…

So, I’ve learned to live in isolation, communicating from afar with my peers, in fact I’m happy about it. Yes, I’m in denial, and yes, you bet I cry. Along with my inexplicable desire to dress, any “objective” I may have involves avoiding drama, either by making myself scarce, or keeping my masculinity in check by openly embracing femininity. I have plenty of problems, but crossdressing isn’t one of them. Can I hear an AMEN?
:clap:

[Kathryn Philips]

The mirror is my best friend. I get to always see my best angle, ie no angle. Face-on I look most passable, so last thing I would want to do is break my mirror.

[kimdl93]

Let's see....hmmm, my ex wife made sure everyone we knew, including my children knew that I was a crossdresser - at least as a concept that she threw out as an assault. Surprisingly, I can't think of one friend, relative or acquaintance who rejected me overtly or covertly, and I have a great relationship with my sons. So, even though I hid and was revealed, here I am with the love and acceptance of those who mattered, and maybe wounded, but no more, by those who didn't.

[drushin703]

Fred: first of all I am no longer in the closet.Whenever I can, as often as I can, I leave the house fully dressed so I am comfortable with my dressing.But
when a crossdresser says he is comfortable he has to pick his surrondings very carefully and only at night and choose as friends only those who can
fully identify with his level of comfort.Hence, when were out of the closet we are in some ways still in it.The closet door swings wider for some than for others.I
am old enough to no longer be bothered by reflective images.I am not pretty by any stretch of the imagination, but my cloths are always clean and stylish and
I never leave home without a fresh pair of pantyhose on.I am kind to others and polite expecially to other cds.But with that said, I wonder what I would say
if I were not a crossdresser and I saw a man walking around in a dress however stylish he was.Would I be startled? Would I laugh or have my friends join in
with laughter and redicule? But the fact is that I AM a crossdresser, and once you cross that line and become one, your love of and your tolerance for
other people, cultures, races, deciplines, religions, principles, dress, looks, gender.....et al, becomes more manifest.....When your a cd, you can never go
back...dana.

[dilane]

I haven't burned any bridges, but I do break mirrors without touching them all the time!

Basically, I haven't disclosed to anyone who would have a problem with it. My close family is in Don't Ask / Don't Tell mode, and about half of my friends know.