A weekend full of Ups and downs

[Wendy_Marie]

In the midst of one of the worst weekends I have had feeeling depressed and alone I have had a great ray of sunshine brought into my life in the form of a daughter to an old friend of my wife and I.

My GG friend Jessica is in the same age group as my two daughters 24-27years old and like the two of them she also has a son who is still in the toddler stage.

This being two of the reasons why I felt that perhaps I might reach out to this young lady in hopes of asking some advice on how to approach my two daughters with the news that their Father was Transgender and currently going through Therapy with the possibilitly of beginning HRT in the next 6-months to a year.

Jessica has always been a very open minded young woman, highly intelligent and...Oh yeah, did I mention that two years ago she graduated with a Degree in Psychology from the University of Missouri Medical School in Columbia Missouri?

She replied to my e-mail with such a heart felt and genuine expression of concern and caring for me that I found myself crying like a baby when I read her response.

As if this wasn't good enough news...today my wife and I decided it was time to break the news to our oldest daughter as of the two children we have, she is by far the most open minded of the two...Hoping that when we chose to tell the younger one she might help cushion the news and help her understand as the two of them are pretty close to each other....

My oldest daughter took the news well and expressed her happiness in knowing that I had opened up and was taking steps to pull myself out of the depression I have been in for the last few years. she said it would take her sometime before she would be ready to meet me as wendy but that is okay...the part that worried me the most was fear that she might not want to understand and fear that I would be of some harm to the Grandson who is turning a year old next month.

Now for the tough part...I still have to tell the younger girl who is 24...she isn't nearly as open minded as her sister and I really fear that I may lose her and the ability to have my other grandson who turns four in a couple of months in my life...only time will tell. Wish Me Luck!

[Persephone]

It sounds like your weekend went from cloudy to sunny, Wendy! I certainly wish you luck with the next step.

Only you and your wife can decide if and when to discuss your crossdressing with your other daughter.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[DonnaT]

Good luck with talking to your younger daughter.

I hope you don't get shut off from your grandkids.

[Leslie Langford]

Wendy, I'm willing to bet that your younger daughter will be just as accepting as your older one, although it may take her a bit longer to wrap her head around the fact that you are transgendered from the way you describe her. It will, after all, come as a startling bit of news if you were able to successfully keep this part of you hidden from them for all these years.

I told both my children (a boy and a girl) when they were in their late 20's/early 30's (and also on separate occasions), and both were surprisingly O.K. with it. If anything, they were very appreciative of the fact that I trusted and thought highly enough of them to share such an intimate secret with them. My daughter even said that she felt closer to me now than ever before - and she had always been "Daddy's girl" because we are so much alike in temperament. Mind you, neither one of them wants to meet "Leslie" as they prefer to continue seeing their father as the same person he always was, and that's fine by me.

As for the grand-kids - no worries. It hasn't affected my relationship with them one bit, nor their parents' willingness to continue having them interact with me as before, even when we are alone. Although it was never said in so many words, no doubt they give me credit for never exposing them to this side of me when they were children, so I am sure that they have every confidence that I will behave no differently with their own kids - and rightly so!

Yes, it was a nerve-wracking experience, not knowing how it would go, but it has also been a "win-win" event in the end, and I now feel as if a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. Better they find out this way in a planned (and controlled) conversation, rather than having me drop dead unexpectedly one day and having them come across "Leslie's" things while going through my personal effects afterwards. That would have been an even greater shock...

[Wendy_Marie]

Thanks all for your words of encouragment....
Leslie, You hit the nail on the head when you said that at least telling in this way allowed me to do so in a controlled manner. That was my thought as well....
My youngest is how do I say it...? A bit of a prude...and even though she is 24 years old, has a child of her own...she really doesn't like discussing sex in any manner with anybody...this includes her mother or even her older sister.

She will be the challenge....but I can't stop feeling how I feel and I wouldn't know even if I could. I hate feeling as though I am putting my relationship with my Grandson on the line because my wife and I have virtually raised him from the day he was born...in fact he nad his Mother have lived with us for a little over a year this time.

[kristinacd55]

Interesting thread as I am also mulling over telling my 2 daughers, ages 25 and 19. I was thinking of telling them together, but reading Leslie's response (separate occasions) seems to make more sense to me. I've started going out to clubs, (3 times in last 3 months) and getting home late so I feel that the time is fast approaching! Also, went to a few support group meetings as well.
Good luck Wendy with younger one, my younger daughter will also be more of a challenge I think too!

[Leslie Langford]

Thank you for the vote of confidence regarding my approach on how I told my grown children about my crossdressing, Wendy and kristina. The only cautionary note I would add is that while you need to set the stage yourself and determine the best time to bring this subject up, i.e. when they are both most likely to be in a receptive mood - don't let too much time elapse between those two separate sessions either.

If you do, you may have some awkward questions to answer as to why you chose one over the other to tell first, and why you waited so long to bring the other one into your confidence as well...

[Wendy_Marie]

The only cautionary note I would add is that while you need to set the stage yourself and determine the best time to bring this subject up, i.e. when they are both most likely to be in a receptive mood - don't let too much time elapse between those two separate sessions either.

If you do, you may have some awkward questions to answer as to why you chose one over the other to tell first, and why you waited so long to bring the other one into your confidence as well...

This has been a huge consideration upon my mind as well....

The daughter which I told yesterday seems to be adjusting well to the news already....She called last night to see if my wife and I would come over to her house today and babysit for a few hours while she took a final at school...?

We told her Yes and she told her mother to tell me that I could borrow her shoes, but to stay outta her closet...then she laughed. I'll take humorous jabs at me as a good sign.

[kristinacd55]

Thank you for the vote of confidence regarding my approach on how I told my grown children about my crossdressing, Wendy and kristina. The only cautionary note I would add is that while you need to set the stage yourself and determine the best time to bring this subject up, i.e. when they are both most likely to be in a receptive mood - don't let too much time elapse between those two separate sessions either.

If you do, you may have some awkward questions to answer as to why you chose one over the other to tell first, and why you waited so long to bring the other one into your confidence as well...

I'm still thinking of telling them both together, they are pretty close to each other and live at home still too. What are your thoughts? Wendy, I'd like yours as well :)

[Wendy_Marie]

Kristina,
Of course I can't speak as to what might be best for you as I do not know your situation or your daughters....
I still believe that for me and my girls I made the right choice...time will tell because I intend to tell my youngest later today.
My youngest is a bit of a hothead...like me she has a bit of a problem with authority and like her mother she is very opinionated. I think that if we would have brought her sister and her together in a single setting and told them both she would have thought we were trying to pressure her into accepting the news...and now especially after I see how my oldest is handling the news....the younger daughter would have felt alienated.
I hope that I am wrong and my younger daughter suprises me today....but I am hoping for the best and fully expecting the worst.
Good Luck in your own endeavor and I would really like to hear the outcome.....I know I'll be posting as soon as I have some more news myself.

[Wendy_Marie]

Well, I finally got it over woth and told my youngest daughter everything today...She took the news suprisingly well although I still remain guardedly optimistic as only time will tell.

[PretzelGirl]

Yea Wendy! It isn't an easy thing with our own kids and they may be the hardest to tell of all. But stay alert. Sometimes the day 1 reaction starts to change as they sit on it. And I don't mean in a negative way, but in a guarded way where you don't want to push it. Let it go at their pace now. It surprised me how my daughters embraced it so quickly. But that certainly doesn't always happen. So continue with life and they will let you know how they feel. Congrats on breaking the door down. Now wait for them to invite you in.

[kristinacd55]

Well, I finally got it over woth and told my youngest daughter everything today...She took the news suprisingly well although I still remain guardedly optimistic as only time will tell.

Good for you Wendy! I'll bet it's a relief for you....time will tell as far as that goes. But you crossed a big bridge.

[Leslie Langford]

Sue said it best - yes, it will probably take a bit of time for the full impact of that disclosure to sink in, and once it does, you will likely find that life moves on. My kids now know, I am not in their face about my crossdressing, and the subject hasn't come up since. The only evidence they may have seen is the fact that I now keep my body fully shaved year round and we have an in-ground pool that the whole family enjoys. They have seen my "hairless" self many times when we are all using it and I am only wearing swimming trunks, and never once has any word been said.

Young people these days are far more cool with all aspects of sexual and gender diversity. One of my daughter's best friends is gay, and he's the one she looks to for advice when dress shopping - not her girlfriends. My son also lived on the outskirts of our city's "Gay Village" for a couple of years when he was working downtown, and while not being gay himself, he got to see that lifestyle first-hand and was always fine with that.

My real challenge remains my wife, who is of a generation best exemplified by the television series Mad Men, and were people still adhered to rigid and stereotypical gender roles. While she "gets" that the world has changed, she still struggles with that deeply ingrained mindset developed in her formative years.

[Deana ♥ Danni]

I am very happy it has all worked out Wendy :) Hopefully things keep getting better from here :)

Deana ♥ Danni

[Wendy_Marie]

Thanks all...I admit that it feels as if a huge burden has been lifted from me...Like many here have already said....knowing that I don't have to lie to my children anymore is well worth taking the risk in the first place.
I think that has been the worst part....