I am thinking of getting a roommate

[Sophora]

I have thinking about a way to work around my present situation so I can finally start seeing a therapist to start down this path. One of things that I have thinking about was getting a roommate, however I have been on the fence about doing this for a couple reasons.

Well ok the only reason that I want to transitioning and I don't know how a roommate would feel aboutthat nor do I know how to tell perspective roommates that "hey a transgendered person." I know I don't have to disclose the informaton at first however I will have before they start living in the apartment as I have all kinds of girly stuff around and that is not hard to notice. This is definitely where stealth mode won't help me at all.

so how/when would I have tell this perspective person that I am transgendered? Should I look for a female more than I would a male?

[Aprilrain]

ahhh the interesting dilemmas we find our selves in. Have you considered another transgendered person as a roommate? Personally I'd want a female roommate wether she was T or cis then I'd have a girl to hang out with. I would just tell them upfront because if it were my home they'd find out day one anyway. Even before I went full time I was full time at home and it wasn't even my house!

[Hope]

Ahem...

How about you get a trans roommate?

LOTS of girls need a place to live and it would be hard for them to be upset about living with a trans person...

[Jorja]

I had five trans roommates while transitioning 20 years ago. We went everywhere and did everything together. We had a ball. We still call, text, or email one another today. This past Christmas we all got together here at my home. If my schedule works out, I plan to go home to Hawaii this summer and visit these girls.

So yes, if you can find some tgirls to room with go for it.

[Sophora]

Yes I thought about having a trans for a roommate as well(I lumped the transgendered into their appropriate sex...ie transgender female into female and transgender male into male). I think that would be better as I can have someone that I can complain to and know exactly what I am going through. The thing is that I don't know how to look for a trans- or even cis-gendered female. I could post something on craig's list or roommate.com but I wouldn't know how to word. Whether I should mention it in the ad or in person? when to tell the person? that kind of thing.

[Aprilrain]

Do you have a support group? This is where I would start.

[Stephenie S]

Just advertise, dear. Just like you would for any thing. It's easy.

"Transwoman looking for roomate. $450 per month. Must be clean and neat and able to pay rent on time. Share expenses, housekeeping, and cooking. References required. Call 555-8765"

Put it in Craigs List or your local alternative paper. Post a copy at the local GLBT center. It's not hard. I am a landlady and I could not exist without my rental income.

Decide first who you are looking for. You don't say how old you are. I would put your age in the ad. Or at least the age range you are looking for. It's illegal to specify too much. Do your selection after you interview them.

If you know you are going to transition why don't you take this oportunity to go full time. Just identify yourself as a woman. Skip the "transwoman" in my example and just say "28 year old (or whatever) woman looking for a room mate to share my home. yada yada."

Good luck.

[CharleneT]

I've had to have a roomie while in my RLE (budget). So far I have had two. One man, one woman. There were no problems really. I will say that women tend toward more flexible in regards to gender roles etc, so I think they are better for this situation. In my case, the guy was not here long. But his leaving didn't have anything to do with me being trans (he was told I'm TS by the person who recommended my place for him). The woman was great and I was very, very, sad to see her go last week. I never told her about being Trans, nor did she guess it (as far as I know). I would just treat it as a normal roomate situation.

How you handle it will depend on where you are in transition. If it is going to be obvious, then do discuss it, but wait till you've met them and they are interested in the place. Don't lead with that news. In my case, with the female roomer, it helped that she did not know: at no time could I slip "back". It can sharpen your focus quite a bit in that regard.

I would not advertise that you are trans in Craig's list, there could be trouble from that (either harrassment or weird admirers).

[Sophora]

Just advertise, dear. Just like you would for any thing. It's easy.

"Transwoman looking for roomate. $450 per month. Must be clean and neat and able to pay rent on time. Share expenses, housekeeping, and cooking. References required. Call 555-8765"

Put it in Craigs List or your local alternative paper. Post a copy at the local GLBT center. It's not hard. I am a landlady and I could not exist without my rental income.

Decide first who you are looking for. You don't say how old you are. I would put your age in the ad. Or at least the age range you are looking for. It's illegal to specify too much. Do your selection after you interview them.

If you know you are going to transition why don't you take this oportunity to go full time. Just identify yourself as a woman. Skip the "transwoman" in my example and just say "28 year old (or whatever) woman looking for a room mate to share my home. yada yada."

Good luck.


Thanks for the good luck. I am 31 years young(lol). I did place my ad on roommates.com and prideroommates.com. I put that I was transgendered in the ad who is just starting to transition. I did specify that I was looking to room with another transwoman(hmm I like that term) or a female(see I don't know how to phrase that...I think I will changing that message soon). Just wondering if that was too specific there and maybe I should modify it a bit.

I am planning on transitioning as soon as soon as I get the money to start. Nothing has felt more right to me than this(I have started to process of going full-time although the money issue keeps propping up...gah).

and April I don't have a support group yet. :( Finding one is on a long list of a to-get-done-as-soon-as-possible list.

[Hope]

If you have a GLBT community center or group, or whatever - in your area (and you do in the twin cities) putting up an ad on their community bulletin board would also be a fabulous idea. Sure, the center is in the twin cities - but it is the one you use right? The other girls from your area use it too.


I am planning on transitioning as soon as soon as I get the money to start. Nothing has felt more right to me than this(I have started to process of going full-time although the money issue keeps propping up...gah).

Not all of this is expensive.

Pick the low hanging fruit. You are just starting out - you eventually are going to want to at least experiment with all of it (even if you decide some parts aren't for you).

Go to goodwill to pick out a few outfits. Start with girl jeans and T-shirts or button up tops. $8

Pick up nail polish at Target. Something pink and girly and fun. And a clear coat. Always a clear coat. $15. If you buy the fancy stuff.

Find a purse you like on Ebay or have a murse made for you at Timbuk2.com. $25-$60.

Get some make-up and PLAY. $50-$200

Get your hair done. Something glam please. $40. $8 if you go to a beauty school.

Go to Clairs and get your ears pierced! Yesterday. $35 - including the earrings.

Experiment with a new name, if you haven't already picked one out. Try different ones on for a bit. Ask your friends. Consider carefully. Consider how you want it spelled. FREE.

You get the idea... Just because you are low on the cash - doesn't mean you can't make progress. It's not hormones or surgery, but you aren't ready for those yet any way.

[Sophora]

If you have a GLBT community center or group, or whatever - in your area (and you do in the twin cities) putting up an ad on their community bulletin board would also be a fabulous idea. Sure, the center is in the twin cities - but it is the one you use right? The other girls from your area use it too.



Not all of this is expensive.

Pick the low hanging fruit. You are just starting out - you eventually are going to want to at least experiment with all of it (even if you decide some parts aren't for you).

Go to goodwill to pick out a few outfits. Start with girl jeans and T-shirts or button up tops. $8

Pick up nail polish at Target. Something pink and girly and fun. And a clear coat. Always a clear coat. $15. If you buy the fancy stuff.

Find a purse you like on Ebay or have a murse made for you at Timbuk2.com. $25-$60.

Get some make-up and PLAY. $50-$200

Get your hair done. Something glam please. $40. $8 if you go to a beauty school.

Go to Clairs and get your ears pierced! Yesterday. $35 - including the earrings.

Experiment with a new name, if you haven't already picked one out. Try different ones on for a bit. Ask your friends. Consider carefully. Consider how you want it spelled. FREE.

You get the idea... Just because you are low on the cash - doesn't mean you can't make progress. It's not hormones or surgery, but you aren't ready for those yet any way.

I have already done some of those. I already have a new name picked out(it just came to me while I was at work of all places...April Lynn). Thursday I will going shopping with a coworker(the only that knows hopefully). Nail polish is something I have done for years.

as for the rest, I will start immediately well at least immediatelyish :P Thank you, I didn't think about a lot of those at all. I still have a lot to learn and I am glad that I am starting to learn.

[Aprilrain]

Go to Clairs and get your ears pierced! Yesterday. $35 - including the earrings.

You mean a sewing needle some alcohol and your drunk friend aren't all you need? maybe thats why I have as many scars on my ears as I have holes through them!

Another April!, yay!

Hope is right get some girl jeans, no one will notice (as long as they fit you, not to short) and you'll feel better.

My "boy mode" consist of girl jeans and a boy T shirt. this is my disguise when I visit my parents, who know but wish they didn't.

Go check out a support group, you may out grow it in half a year but it will be helpful for where your at right now.