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Eryn
05-17-2011, 01:03 AM
I haven't heard of a CDer yet who doesn't want their SO to be accepting. We'd love for them to share our adventure and perhaps even assist us down the path we have chosen.

This is all well and good, but let's step back for a moment and look at it from our SOs' points of view. They obviously care about us, but we've dropped bombs of large proportion on our relationships. Do they see further life with us as an existence catering to our narcissistic whims? After all, each of our SOs married a man and probably could care less about having yet another girlfriend with whom to go shopping!

If we want a happy, continuing relationship, we as CDers should be asking ourselves a question: What's in it for our SOs? If they are to accept our CDing they should also perceive benefits for themselves.

I recently had a pleasant afternoon conversation with my wife and we discussed this concept as it applies to our relationship. Let me share that with you:

The first thing that we noted is that I'm calmer and more pleasant to be around since we had “the talk.” This change didn't happen overnight and there were some rough spots and regressions, but I was eventually able to better come to grips with myself and my frustration level dropped. This has made things much better for our relationship.

The second item is that our communication has improved. Rather than holding things inside and hoping that my wife would somehow read my mind I realized that it is much better to just discuss whatever is bothering me. Again, this reduces both our frustration levels and makes life calmer.

Third, I've consciously tried to make my SO's life easier. I was more self-centered before we had “the talk” and suffered from a bout of pink fog afterward, but now that I am (mostly) beyond that I try to find things that will make her life more pleasant, such as chores that can be shared.

Now, please don't interpret this post as advocating a “tit for tat” relationship. There should be no adolescent expectation of “if you do this for me I will do that for you.” One should do thoughtful acts out of love and respect for one's spouse without expectation of a specific reward.

Now I'll throw it open to discussion. What do you think of this concept?

2SpeedTranny
05-17-2011, 01:06 AM
Little simpler than that here.

My gal is a bit... shall we say... bi.

I'm her lipstick lezzie girlfriend


Communication, blah, blah, blah... that stuff is for Cosmo.

Shananigans
05-17-2011, 01:17 AM
^^^ Ditto to 2Speed hahaha...

But, also because of things like this (in no specific order of importance)...

1. It's fun in the bedroom...especially if you are bisexual. You get the best of both worlds.
2. You have a life-sized Barbie doll that is only too happy to be made over.
3. Your SO can understand things like razor rash, leg pain from high heels, and barbaric terms of hair removal. You can also get advice on clothing.
4. You can share clothes.
5. Camie tends to be a lot sweeter and more affectionate.
6. Inside jokes that make your friends really question what the hell is going on between you two.
7. It's always awesome to watch my SO be amazed by the small things in life...like painted nails. I made her day by painting her nails and it made me feel great too.
8. Shopping IS fun. I seriously don't think you can have too many shopping partners.
9. Adrenaline rush. Driving around town with Camie and picking up food was so crazy for both of us. We always get like giddy little school girls when we take Camie out in public.
10. It's fun to have the couple dynamic and also the two girlfriend dynamic (but, maybe girlfriends with benefits).

Bernadina
05-17-2011, 01:18 AM
Not quite sure what concept you are proposing.

Personally, if I'm going to ask her to accept my feminization, I'm going to go out of my way to treat her like a Princess, whatever that means, with real not just perceived benefits.

I also think that things like improved communications, helping with chores etc., should be addressed anyway in every relationship, not just as a part of CDing.

ReineD
05-17-2011, 01:44 AM
In the beginning I used to think it was fun having "another girlfriend", and I guess it is fun to have someone who doesn't mind watching a chick flick. (My SO actually agreed to watch Tangled with me, lol). But, I've seen one of my sons watch a chick flick with his girlfriend, so maybe this is not so rare. Also my SO and I are past the stage of painting each other's toe nails just for the sake of being girly, although if she asked me to paint hers I would, and I've no doubt she'd return the favor for me. Couples do things for one another whether the things are girly or not. As to the shopping, I much prefer going on my own if I need something. I've always been that way. Get in, hunt for what I want, and get out. It's much more efficient that way and I hate to think there is someone waiting for me while I am trying things on.

So fundamentally, it's much deeper than that.

We are two human beings with different needs and issues, and it's nice to know we are there for each other through thick and thin. We each shift our lives to accomodate the other. It's what we both want to do, out of love and caring. I don't see either of us making any greater "sacrifice" than the other.

VioletJourney
05-17-2011, 02:12 AM
I'd like to think it would be reassuring to know that we understand women much better than the average guy.

2SpeedTranny
05-17-2011, 02:17 AM
I'd like to think it would be reassuring to know that we understand women much better than the average guy.

Bwahahahaaaaaa! You funny!!!!

sometimes_miss
05-17-2011, 08:43 AM
What's in it for our SOs?
Not much. I was already doing a lot of housework, tried to be supporting as much as possible, was already working 7 days a week to support us, went shopping with her a lot, so there wasn't much more I could offer her in return for her accepting my crossdressing (and hey, I like chick flicks and romantic dramas). I did offer to do ALL the housework if she let me dress as a maid, but that didn't fly. Basically, if you've damaged her sexual attraction to you by introducing into the relationship the image of you as a female, there isn't much to make up for that.

Noortje
05-17-2011, 09:04 AM
I think a perceived benefit is a bonus, but not a necessity. After all, everybody has qualities their SO doesn't like, but also doesn't mind. Suppose someone has a scar, does their SO have to perceive a benefit of that somehow? Or can they just say: "I was not looking for a person with a scar, but I found one, and it's OK".

I just want to emphasise that your statement "If they are to accept our CDing they should also perceive benefits for themselves." is not correct. My girlfriend has many flaws of all kinds, and I love (almost) all of them, because they are hers.

Gillian Gigs
05-17-2011, 09:30 AM
There is an expression that goes like this, " never critisize some one until you walked a mile in there shoes". Having a greater understanding for your SO is good no matter if you are a CD, or not. It is always good to share things in common.

Chrissy.Sexton
05-17-2011, 09:34 AM
I can never tell my SO. Not because of how she'd react but because this is very much "my thing" and I don't want to share it.

FAVORITE HEELS
05-17-2011, 10:13 AM
Eryn,
I agree with you 100%.Must be because we are both So.Cal Gurls or something.I have been reading alot of yours and your wifes posts and find that agree with most of what you both have to say.It looks like we have the same values and both have accepting SO's.I like to see that your wife is involved with this site.My wife asks me about my dressing and our talks are getting more productive.I dont think she will ever want to see me dressed.She does however like the ability for me to be a better listener and are more patient with the kids as a result of being able to dress up.We like to shop(for her so far) and I have been doing more chores(dressed if possible) and she appreciated the help.I need to dress often I have the house to myself all week 8-5 and that means I am calmer more often.I am really lucky to have her be accepting of me as a CD'r.Just wish i was able to shave my legs and arms chest.Just are able to shave my feet ankles and upper chest(neck/bra line for now).As it turns out my body hair is one of her favorite things.I will give in to that for her enjoyment.I just want to know HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS PINK FOG GOING TO ROLL IN ??THERES WORK TO BE DONE AND I DONT WANT TO SOIL MY DRESS AND HOSERY!!

Katesback
05-17-2011, 10:36 AM
I cannot see any benefit in having a man that is a CD. If I date a man I want a man. Spare me the "Katie your not accepting". I am the first person to encourage you to be who you are. I just don't want anything to do with the CD stuff in MY personal life.

Katie

suchacutie
05-17-2011, 11:00 AM
Since my wife and I discovered Tina AFTER 34 years of marriage and my age 55, we started from the beginning with sharing everything about Tina, and my wife is completely supportive. We have talked about everything, and I do mean everything! So...

1) Just talking is important: My wife desires the intimacy of conversation between the two of us. To quote, "I'm honored that you trusted me enough to share this part of you and didn't hide it when it came about. I understand how vulnerable this could make you feel!"

2) I suddenly realized that I didn't know what it was like growing up as a girl: My wife realized quickly that Tina was, effectively, born in August of 2005, and that Tina had to go through a lot of the growing pains that every girl does as she grows into adulthood. Some of the trivial items are experimenting with makeup, finding your "style" in clothes, learning to walk in heels, learning how to dress, learning what feminine clothes are!, learning the vocabulary (what the devil are "doleman" sleeves, for example). Then there are the more difficulty things like socialization, psychology, expectations, and desires! That got my wife and I discussing very private feelings about growing up as a girl or as a boy. We suddenly were sharing experiences we both had not thought of in years, but clearly experiences that had shaped each of us. We began to uncover snippits of "Tina" in my past and my wife related to Tina just how girls should act and think. Those discussions were very intimate, and many were deeply buried in our psychies in places we thought we would never return. Very intimate.

3) There are some (possibly triavial to some) outcomes of having your husband "thinking" like a girl. For the last 5.5 years, my wife has never been "late" once. Why is that? It's because I know just how long it will take her to do anything feminine! I understand her daily life so much better! We share moisturizer. We share a daily skin regimine. We have conversations about feminine issues that most males couldn't have because they don't want to or they don't even understand the words! They sure can't share the experiences! Oh, and this is all in male mode!

4) Tina is my wife's girlfriend. Tina is completely intereseted in anything and everything my wife has to say and what she wants to do. I hate chick flicks, Tina loves them! It's just the way it is and that's just the tip of the iceberg! They have a great time together.

All in all, Tina has brought my wife and I closer together on any number of levels. My wife loves the openness that has resulted in our lives and, frankly, so do I!!!

Barbra P
05-17-2011, 11:27 AM
Hi Eryn

Very interesting post, I envy your ability to sit down and have a discussion with your wife, mine isn’t amendable to doing that. She met me at a party and I was dressed en femme, she has seen me en femme literally every October, and not just on Halloween but for a good deal of the month. She has come home unexpectedly from work and caught me en femme countless times. But we are both retired now, both home pretty much all the time together. We go to the Doctor’s together, even into the examining room- not many if any secrets; about the only place I don’t go with my wife is when she goes for a haircut, and even then depending on where she is going I sometimes tag along – she goes to one hairdresser’s home and I like to go with her.

I can’t say that she gets anything tangible out of my CD’ing, but the man she loves and married is the man who has been a CD’er since childhood. My cross-dressing is an integral part of me, it is part of my makeup, part of my personality, if she loves me then she also loves the part of me that was/is shaped and molded by my CD’ing. I can’t just stop, I have tried that and it doesn’t work for me. I sometimes get a little tired of hearing about what is in it for our SO’s or how they feel and very little about how we feel about being denied a big part of our existence.

I love my Wife dearly, we have been married 40 years, and I’m extremely hurt by her inability to cope with whom I am or even try to understand, or even listen. I bought “My Husband Wears My Clothes” hoping that maybe she would at least get an inkling of what I feel and what CD’ing means to me. I wrote a three page letter to go with the book attempting to explain what I feel and that I have been this way since childhood. She hid both the book and the letter and has not read either.

The only way I can meet my CD needs seems to be by hurting my wife, and I think that is as painful for me as it for her, maybe more so. The only alternative that I see is to stop doing something that has been an important part of my being for 60 years; I’ve tied that and I was miserable and difficult to live with. I didn’t give a damn about anybody, I didn’t care to be intimate, I was hard on the grandchildren, and I was a real macho sob. I got interested and started CD’ing again a short time ago and we have been intimate more in that short time than in the last 8 or 9 years. I actually enjoy being with my wife in the bedroom again and look forward to every opportunity when we will be alone in the home. I’m more relaxed for days after dressing, I’m probably the most forgiving and loving person in the house with the Grandkids after I have dressed. So maybe those qualities are tangible things that my Wife and family benefit from my CD’ing.

We are not in a financial position to get a divorce and while her pension, and my IRA and a couple small insurance policies (if something were to happen to me) would be enough for her to live on, my $1000 a month SS surely isn’t enough for me to live on. I understand that a helium balloon kit from Party Town, a piece of tubing, and a plastic bag is a very quick and painlessly solution for me, probably not for my Wife though.

ReineD
05-17-2011, 11:45 AM
I cannot see any benefit in having a man that is a CD. If I date a man I want a man. Spare me the "Katie your not accepting". I am the first person to encourage you to be who you are. I just don't want anything to do with the CD stuff in MY personal life.

Sorry Kate, but I cannot stop shaking my head in wonderment at the paradox you represent. Who other than a transsexual can best look beyond someone's external gender to see the essence of the soul within? I don't want to say that your comment is hypocritical, but I do believe it is rather harsh and limited. Are you saying this to make a point, or would you ever purposely not love someone because he CDs?

JulieK1980
05-17-2011, 11:57 AM
I'm sure this depends mostly on the individual, and the individual relationship. Being transgendered has influenced who I am as a person, and apparently my wife is happy (for the most part lol) with who I am as a person considering she willingly married me. Thus there is an inherent benefit for her in that.





I cannot see any benefit in having a man that is a CD. If I date a man I want a man. Spare me the "Katie your not accepting". I am the first person to encourage you to be who you are. I just don't want anything to do with the CD stuff in MY personal life.

I find a bit of irony in this. To each their own I suppose.

Stephanie47
05-17-2011, 12:10 PM
There is absolutely nothing in it for my wife. She married a guy. I have and would do all the domestic chores now that I am retired. We shared the domestic chores when we both worked. That is the only fair way to work a marriage. She does not approve of cross-dressing. If she were head over high heels about my cross dressing, maybe it would be fun for me and maybe both of us. While she is at work, I can and do dress in pretty dresses, all appropriate undergarments, heels and a wig. I think cross dressing makes my life fuller. I think most spouses would rather have their guy 24/7.

Katesback
05-17-2011, 12:16 PM
After having worked with countless trans people I can say that in general CDs exhibit traits listed below.

1. Ever escalating drive for freedom of expression.
2. Many are really TS but wont admit it (if I marry a man I want a man)
3. Many exhibit increasing fetisistic behaviors (not my thing sorry)
4. Many when in girl mode will do things to satisfy thier sexual desires (I dont want my guy cheating on me)
5. Many increasingly expect thier wives to be "accepting" (really this means participatory in thier behaviors)
6. Constant reminders of trans related activities (I lived through this and now days it is behind me, not interested in reliving this)

Because of the constant pushing to express themselves, I have NO desire to impose any restriction upon anyone (it is wrong) hence I refuse to date a CD.




Sorry Kate, but I cannot stop shaking my head in wonderment at the paradox you represent. Who other than a transsexual can best look beyond someone's external gender to see the essence of the soul within? I don't want to say that your comment is hypocritical, but I do believe it is rather harsh and limited. Are you saying this to make a point, or would you ever purposely not love someone because he CDs?

ReineD
05-17-2011, 12:39 PM
Kate, you're meeting all the wrong CDers! My SO and many others like him aren't the way you describe at all! :)

And I, for one, place absolutely no restrictions on him. I can't, really. No one gave me that power. :D

Nigella
05-17-2011, 12:47 PM
Kate

Sorry to say this but you need to get a smaller paint brush.

Katesback
05-17-2011, 12:50 PM
Absolutely there are exceptions but hey it is a risk just like dating an addict. Am I willing to take that risk? Nope. I would rather be single. Finally another reason I would not date a CD is because of the assumed understanding I would have. Who says I have to be understanding or accepting? Hell I am just as critical of gay men that act like fames. I myself respect men that act like men regardless of thier sexual preference.






Kate, you're meeting all the wrong CDers! My SO and many others like him aren't the way you describe at all! :)

And I, for one, place absolutely no restrictions on him. I can't, really. No one gave me that power. :D

sissystephanie
05-17-2011, 01:11 PM
Kate, I guess it is good that you will never meet my late wife!! She would have a number of things to say to you that would probably change your mind!! I told her that I was a CD when I proposed to her and she accepted me anyway!! I have always assumed that one of the main reasons was that I have never had any desire to actually be a woman! I just like to dress like one, but under the satin and lace I am still all MAN!! And that is true of a great many of the MTF CD's on this forum!!

My late wife and I had almost 50 years of happy married life before cancer took her. What did she get out of our life? A husband who loved her in very many ways, and a special girl friend when she wanted her!! I never pushed her to let me be Stephanie, because I did not need to!! Sometimes she would tell me to go dress as Stephanie because she wanted to go shopping, and wanted Stephanie's help. In fact, I probably picked out at least 75% of her clothes!! My color sense is not all that good, but my sense of what would look good on her body was very good!! I still do that for my lady friends, of which I have many!! I don't know if that is my feminine or male side that gives me that ability!!

kendra_gurl
05-17-2011, 01:16 PM
Whats in it for my SO? She now understands why I have the traits she fell in love with. Why I am not the asshole so many other SO's of friends she works with seem to be. She tells me all the time about the girl talk at work and how glad she is I am not one of those type of husbands.

Other than this there not a lot for her as a benifit and I'm sure there are a lot of negatives but we seem to dealing with all of it

Rianna Humble
05-17-2011, 03:24 PM
Who other than a transsexual can best look beyond someone's external gender to see the essence of the soul within?

Reine, you are right that a TS ought to be best placed to do this, but we each have our own limitations. I believe that in order to be able to look beyond the exterior to what makes a person tick, we have to be interested in other people and humble enough to want to see them progress.

It is unfortunate that some members appear only to post for the purpose of self-aggrandizement and seem to dismiss true support as prolonging dysfunctional behaviour. Such people express the kind of negativity upon which you commented.

darla_g
05-17-2011, 03:45 PM
i really like what Reine said in her first post.

As for a GG seeking out a CD for a partner I suppose we did have one or two here on this site, but I would think that it is exceedingly rare.

Kathryn Philips
05-17-2011, 04:45 PM
Eryn,

In my case , to be perfectly honest, there is nothing in it for my wife. She once caught me applying make-up and with a bra on my way to being fully dressed. She felt sick for a few weeks but somehow our marriage managed to survive. She was relentless and found all my clothes and threw them away. She also asked me in all seriousness to visit a doctor for treatment to be cured of of CDing. I went into deep crossdressing hibernation. Was depressed (not clinically) for months. Felt the most painful gender envy. I have recently re-emerged without her knowledge. The need to see and express myself as a woman is impossible to avoid.

She is Latin American and her view of what a man is as is supposed to be is almost in her DNA. She finds the idea of me looking like a woman repulsive. When we had the talk, I asked for permission to dress occasionally when I needed, away from home , away from sight, away from her. She said she would allow me to wear one item of clothing for a few minutes, no make-up if I needed. But soon after she retracted even on this. Nothing. Forbidden.

If she accepted and permitted out-of sight CDing on a regular basis I would be happy. But other than my happiness, there is nothing in it for her. I've been in a bad mood for 3 years, that would lift. I have lost all interest in what she buys, wears, the way she dresses, what she does to her hair because I'm jealous and I cant bear it. That would change. But there is nothing in it for her.

I only buy male clothes out of neccesity, when they need to be raplaced through wear and tear. I hate shopping for male clothes. It almost makes me sick. If I was allowed to dress that would change. But there is nothing in it for her.

I want to love her so badly, but I am so hurt about her lack of acceptance of me as a CD and general attitude towards gay and transgendered people that I also sort of hate her. I she allowed me to freely express my inner femininity, my sort of hate would go away. But there is nothing in it for her.

Lorileah
05-17-2011, 05:04 PM
the benefit is they get ....me:D

Personally I am amazed and shocked when anyone wants me no matter how I am dressed, but then again I know what kind of self centered, egotistical, rude, sometimes mean person I am AND I have seen myself naked and there just ain't no way I would date that.

But what do they get? I can be just the opposite of those things above and that is not dependent on what clothes I have on.

You see I am still a strong advocate of you are you no matter what you wear. It works for you; it works against you. I am not a fan of "gender roles". If you don't dress you should help with household stuff ( I always did except laundry which I am finding out is an art that I still don't get) and my wife and now GF had/has no qualms in getting dirty doing repairs or gardening. Maybe that is why it works out well for me, I don't have set standards.

What do they get in return? They should get the same thing that they would get with any life partner. Someone to share with, someone to care with and someone who will be there for them. As you said it isn't a "I'll do this if you do that" thing. It should never be that, it should be "I would gladly do that for you" thing because you care.

Debglam
05-17-2011, 08:34 PM
Since coming out, I listen closer, help without being asked, and do my best to be a spouse worthy of the wife I adore. This isn't a tit-for-tat situation but one in which I view my wife's attempts to understand all of this without judgement or ultimatums to be a gift that I try to repay at every opportunity. Finally, feeling better about myself has made me a nicer, more tolerant, and less angry person than I have ever been in my life. Without getting too personal, it has made our love life as good and probably better than when we were newlyweds!

t-girlxsophie
05-17-2011, 11:23 PM
As i've mentioned (once or twice lol) my Wife knew from the absolute beginning about me being a CDer,Throughout the period of getting to know my femme side,we Communicated our feelings to each other.Her eyes were open to everything,and It was her decision,when she was comfortable to meet Sophie for the first time,so their are GGs out there who are absolutely fine about sharing their life with a Crossdresser,Its rather disengenious to suggest otherwise.Not once,I'm sure has my Wife ever thought "Whats in this for me"

We love,support and appreciate each other that is the bottom line in our relationship,the fact I crossdress has no negative bearing on that.

Sophie

Mimi
05-17-2011, 11:42 PM
Since coming out, I listen closer, help without being asked, and do my best to be a spouse worthy of the wife I adore. This isn't a tit-for-tat situation but one in which I view my wife's attempts to understand all of this without judgement or ultimatums to be a gift that I try to repay at every opportunity. Finally, feeling better about myself has made me a nicer, more tolerant, and less angry person than I have ever been in my life. Without getting too personal, it has made our love life as good and probably better than when we were newlyweds!

This is exactly what Eryn was getting at. I'm the SO she was having the conversation with, and this is what Eryn has been doing for me as well. It's not that I'm telling Eryn I'll let her dress if she does the laundry, or telling her I'll let her buy those cute sandals if she's nice to me, but when I see that Eryn is truly happier, and this happiness is expressed by being much more pleasant to be around, I get the benefit of Eryn's dressing, and I am more likely to be encouraging and positive. Perhaps Eryn's comments also relate more to those CDers who felt a great deal of frustration or depression in their confusion before coming out to their wives, and were not necessarily so pleasant to be around, as opposed to the ones who either came out at the start of the relationship, or did not have any issues with depression.

vetobob9
05-18-2011, 02:32 AM
Research has indeed found there are plenty of advantages for women who are married to crossdressers. What you have mentioned in your post is only the tip of the iceberg. Male crossdressers tend to be better communicators than "normal" men. In addition, on average, they also tend to be more helpful toward their wives.
You don't have to, but it would be advisable to continue doing the things you were doing with her before the revelation. Remember to practice chivarly, pulling the chair out for them, holding the door open, etc.
I think as long men are doing these things, it shouldn't matter what they choose to wear. I might be wearing a dress but I still hold the door open for the GG's whether I know them or not.
Ultimately, the best advice I can give is this: you will ultimately be judged by your actions and how you treat your family. One way to start, for those who need to work on it (not sure who this is for), is to undertake a vow to never yell at or cuss at your wife if you find yourself arguing with her. Politeness and understanding her perspective will go along way toward not only saving your marriage but she just might be willing to show more openness toward the warddrobe choices you are making.

Eryn
05-19-2011, 11:03 PM
I'd like to thank everyone who commented, even those who found fault in my OP. The whole point of discussion is to air our thoughts and consider those of others.

It is correct that I was referring primarily to relationships between CDers who came out to their SOs some time well into the relationship as I did. Relationships that include CDing from the start like Sophie's and Stephanie's are wonderful and I wish that we all could have them. In my case, I didn't even know what a CDer truly was when my wife and I were married. I just knew that I had a special interest in feminine things that surely would go away after marriage.

Kathryn, my heart goes out to you. Any situation where one partner has made a flat ultimatum is not a partnership at all.

Reine, thank you for the words of wisdom. You're right, it's about love and caring, not keeping score to see who is making the greater sacrifice.

Kate, it is probably best that you don't want to date a CDer.

And finally, Mimi, thank you for completing my thoughts in the same way that you complete me. :hugs:

Eryn

Kerigirl2009
05-20-2011, 09:58 AM
Whats in it for our SO- Hmmmm well lets start out by saying Honesty with our feelings that would probably bring us closer together simply because as our crossdressed selves we allow ourselves the freedom of expression. (the men I know would never EVER do that)
How about a better understanding of what they as GG go through on a daily basis.
A bigger wardrobe if they are the same size. LOL my wife told me I could share some of her clothing ( but I try to have my own)
A more loving Husband or BF because we realize that what we have revealed is sooo hard to not be able to talk with someone else about unless they have been given permission to reveal their secret to someone else. I gave my wife permission to talk with whomever she choosestoo but as far as I know she has only discussed this with one woman from her work who I have never met. ( she trusted her and I believe she has never told anyone)
I kind of wish she would out me because I believe in my heart of hearts that her family for the most part would not have to big of an issue with this. I really feel I am ready to come out more to the people I love.
And last but certainly not least - A happier husband just to be around the people who love all of him/her.

Keri
My two cents

ReineD
05-20-2011, 11:59 AM
And finally, Mimi, thank you for completing my thoughts in the same way that you complete me. :hugs:

Eryn


Awwwwww! That is so sweet, it put tears in my eyes! :daydreaming:

TGMarla
05-20-2011, 02:38 PM
Kate, I get where you're coming from. You didn't ask to be TS, and now that you've taken care of that little birth defect, you just want to get on with your life as a normal female with the same attitudes towards these issues that most other women have.

That said:

1. Ever escalating drive for freedom of expression.

Other than my continual buying of new dresses, I'm not trying to expand the scope of my crossdressing.

2. Many are really TS but wont admit it (if I marry a man I want a man)

I admit to some TS tendencies, but I'm not going to transition. I yam what I yam.

3. Many exhibit increasing fetisistic behaviors (not my thing sorry)

Not into the fetish thing. Sorry.

4. Many when in girl mode will do things to satisfy thier sexual desires (I dont want my guy cheating on me)

Is masturbation cheating on my wife? I have no desire to have sex with anyone but my wife and myself.

5. Many increasingly expect thier wives to be "accepting" (really this means participatory in thier behaviors)

It would be nice to have her acceptance, but I don't expect it from her, nor do I impose my erratic behaviors on her.

6. Constant reminders of trans related activities

I don't give her or anyone any reminders of any of my trans related activities. I go out of my way to keep it out of her face out of respect for her.

Momarie
05-20-2011, 03:15 PM
Eryn,

In my case , to be perfectly honest, there is nothing in it for my wife. She once caught me applying make-up and with a bra on my way to being fully dressed. She felt sick for a few weeks but somehow our marriage managed to survive. She was relentless and found all my clothes and threw them away. She also asked me in all seriousness to visit a doctor for treatment to be cured of of CDing. I went into deep crossdressing hibernation. Was depressed (not clinically) for months. Felt the most painful gender envy. I have recently re-emerged without her knowledge. The need to see and express myself as a woman is impossible to avoid.

She is Latin American and her view of what a man is as is supposed to be is almost in her DNA. She finds the idea of me looking like a woman repulsive. When we had the talk, I asked for permission to dress occasionally when I needed, away from home , away from sight, away from her. She said she would allow me to wear one item of clothing for a few minutes, no make-up if I needed. But soon after she retracted even on this. Nothing. Forbidden.

If she accepted and permitted out-of sight CDing on a regular basis I would be happy. But other than my happiness, there is nothing in it for her. I've been in a bad mood for 3 years, that would lift. I have lost all interest in what she buys, wears, the way she dresses, what she does to her hair because I'm jealous and I cant bear it. That would change. But there is nothing in it for her.

I only buy male clothes out of neccesity, when they need to be raplaced through wear and tear. I hate shopping for male clothes. It almost makes me sick. If I was allowed to dress that would change. But there is nothing in it for her.

I want to love her so badly, but I am so hurt about her lack of acceptance of me as a CD and general attitude towards gay and transgendered people that I also sort of hate her. I she allowed me to freely express my inner femininity, my sort of hate would go away. But there is nothing in it for her.

It sounds like you only offer blame to your wife.

Sometimes_miss said: "I did offer to do ALL the housework if she let me dress as a maid, but that didn't fly."

Something tells me 'Sometimes_miss' you really know how to keep a home, and that would be heaven.
I wouldn't mind the dressing if it went beyond posing and posturing.
To take on the responsibilities as well as the pleasures, would show me you respect a woman, not just the dainty things but the grunt work as well.

Barbra P
05-20-2011, 03:37 PM
“Many when in girl mode will do things to satisfy thier sexual desires (I don’t want my guy cheating on me)”

I have never cheated on my wife, nor do I intend to, even though due to a vaginal Prolapse and a few surgeries many years ago meant that we can’t have intercourse in the normal manor between a man and a woman. While I can bring my wife to a climax manually, she can’t return the favor, leaving me with masturbation as my only outlet for sexual tension.

It is far too easy to paint a group of people with a wide brush and unfounded beliefs. As the saying goes “Ignorance is bliss” and I’m always somewhat amazed at the number of people I run across who must be living such blissful lives.

Katesback
05-20-2011, 03:50 PM
Thats great you are the way you are. My statments did not say ALL CDs were one way. I just said that from my extensive observations I can use the word MANY in my remarks.

PS I looked at your pictures. You look great!

Katie



Kate, I get where you're coming from. You didn't ask to be TS, and now that you've taken care of that little birth defect, you just want to get on with your life as a normal female with the same attitudes towards these issues that most other women have.

That said:

1. Ever escalating drive for freedom of expression.

Other than my continual buying of new dresses, I'm not trying to expand the scope of my crossdressing.

2. Many are really TS but wont admit it (if I marry a man I want a man)

I admit to some TS tendencies, but I'm not going to transition. I yam what I yam.

3. Many exhibit increasing fetisistic behaviors (not my thing sorry)

Not into the fetish thing. Sorry.

4. Many when in girl mode will do things to satisfy thier sexual desires (I dont want my guy cheating on me)

Is masturbation cheating on my wife? I have no desire to have sex with anyone but my wife and myself.

5. Many increasingly expect thier wives to be "accepting" (really this means participatory in thier behaviors)

It would be nice to have her acceptance, but I don't expect it from her, nor do I impose my erratic behaviors on her.

6. Constant reminders of trans related activities

I don't give her or anyone any reminders of any of my trans related activities. I go out of my way to keep it out of her face out of respect for her.

TGMarla
05-20-2011, 03:57 PM
Thank you, Katie. And I'm happy that you are now as you have always felt you should be.

Jayne1963
05-20-2011, 07:13 PM
My partner and I do not consciously consider our sexual orientation as part of our normal everyday relationship. We share our responsibilities equally and there is no 'tit for tat'. Ian's 'hobby' is irrelivant during our everyday life. He or I wouldn't want it any other way. I accept his CDing because I totally love him and don't expect him to run after me and 'apologise' for what he is. Our relationship is the same now as it was before I knew . If not stronger. I fell in love with the man and I still feel the same way even when he is dressed.

Annaliese2010
05-21-2011, 04:26 PM
What's in it for our SOs?

Great sex fun excitement diversity two-for-1 company ideas opinions conversation great sex fascination cheating-but-not-really thrills spills adventure bisexuality and great sex for a few...

PHXTC
05-21-2011, 11:41 PM
I think for my SO, she just enjoys that I am allowed to dress. I told her in the very beginning stages of our relationship and it's just stuck ever since.

Kathryn Philips
05-22-2011, 07:30 AM
[QUOTE=JamieTG's~SO;2497180]It sounds like you only offer blame to your wife.
The point I was trying to make is that even if she allowed me to dress and I was trully happy, there is nothing in it for my wife. She would be geting out of it what she expects of of me to start with.