Are CDers (or lesbian TSs) attracted to women the same way cis-men are?

[ReineD]

(By this, I mean the physical attraction comes first or is initially much more important or stronger than the emotional or the intellectual attraction)

This may be difficult to answer for everyone other than the CDers who identify strongly and purely as men, since you haven't lived in a cis-man's skin. But, I thought I'd give it a shot and ask anyway. So, it might help if in your responses you give a ball park indication as to the degree of your femme identity.

Anyway, I've read so often in threads here how TGs (I'm using the umbrella term to simplify things) are first sexually attracted to women but then it gets all jumbled up and oftentimes replaced with a greater attraction to her clothes or to BE her.

I was just wondering if the initial, pure attraction to the woman gets diffused somehow in the process.

Another question to those for whom it fits is, which attraction is the stronger: the sexual attraction to the woman or the desire to wear her clothes, her makeup, or to look like her?

Third and last question, again to those for whom it applies: does the strength of the attraction to a woman fluctuate whether you are dressed or not, in other words, would it be stronger when you are in male mode, but then in femme mode you would want more to be like her? Or if the woman is attractive enough does it trigger a stronger desire to be like her and the pure sexual attraction is then diminished?

Sorry, but whole thing is quite a mystery to me.

Cis-men are much easier to understand. :p

[kristinacd55]

Hey Reine, nice to answer one of your posts! :) I was initially attracted to the clothes for sure......the rest got all jumbled up afterwards and now as Bob Dylan would say they're "Tangled Up in Blue"! :)

[JulieK1980]

I don't know if my attraction to women is the same as a cis-man. But, for me the attraction has always been based more on emotional and their intellect then the physical aspect comes second.

For me personally, my attraction to a person never becomes an attraction to their clothing or a desire to be them. I'd much rather be myself. The strongest attraction is always my sexual attraction to the person not their clothing. (Although, I often get ideas for my own wardrobe from my wife. :)

My attraction doesn't fluctuate at all whether I'm dressed or not. When I was younger though, my attraction to men was stronger when I was dressed. (I think it reduced the guilt of my bisexuality if I imagined myself as the woman.)

For what it's worth I fall into the TS category that is Not transitioning. ;)

[Loni]

i do not know anything dealing with "cis-men.
but as a male to female cross dresser.
i do have a blanket statement of: i see a pretty woman, and i want to get into her jeans. then i want to get into her jeans.

so yes i am attracted to women, as friends and as lovers. first. but i guess i am a but old fashoned as i want/need something to be there before getting into bed with a lady.
but i also wish i could look even half as good in her clothing (at least the styles).

as for how i am dressed, no difference i love women, but on a date i am the "guy".

i love watching the girls/women/lady's, walk by, all dressed up in there pretty things, and in there casual nothings. but yes i wish i could be dressed the same or so.
i guess i am all, mixed up, but there is no attraction to guys, no mater how they look, or how i am dressed.
.

[Daphne Renee]

Well I wont say I am not interested in makeup and clothes but my attraction to a woman goes beyond that. Physical attraction is also important. Am I more attracted to a woman when I am dressed? Not really. As I get older physical attraction is less important. The kind of person they are and how they treat me is equally if not more important.

[sometimes_miss]

I was just wondering if the initial, pure attraction to the woman gets diffused somehow in the process.
Another question to those for whom it fits is, which attraction is the stronger: the sexual attraction to the woman or the desire to wear her clothes, her makeup, or to look like her?
1. Men usually compartmentalize our feelings; I don't feel any less attracted to a woman when I'm dressed up. It's a separate feeling.
2. My desire to dress and be female is due to numerous things in my past. The degree of attractiveness of a woman that I like doesn't determine how much I want to dress up and/or be like her. For me, it's a 'knee jerk' reaction; when I'm attracted to anyone, my automatic response feeling is to want to be pretty for her, and to be somewhat re-active to her, rather than be the 'pursuer' in the relationship. I am able to override the accomodative and/or submissive feelings I have, but it requires constant conscious monitoring of my feelings and behavior, which destroys any spontanaeity during romantic moments.

I'm guessing that you're going to get all kinds of responses to your questions, because it's all related to why we dress, and there are as many varying reasons for that as there are members here. In each case the degree of attraction and desire to be/be like the woman will vary during any interaction on a sort of sliding scale.

[Frédérique]

This may be difficult to answer for everyone other than the CDers who identify strongly and purely as men, since you haven't lived in a cis-man's skin. But, I thought I'd give it a shot and ask anyway. So, it might help if in your responses you give a ball park indication as to the degree of your femme identity.

I identify as an effeminate male – whether or not that qualifies me as transgendered or non-TS is up to those who insist on this endless need to define and identify. I cannot say that my assigned male gender is consistent with my personal sense of self – I have a male identity, but it has been self-modified in an attempt to escape the trappings of cisgender…


Anyway, I've read so often in threads here how TGs (I'm using the umbrella term to simplify things) are first sexually attracted to women but then it gets all jumbled up and oftentimes replaced with a greater attraction to her clothes or to BE her. I was just wondering if the initial, pure attraction to the woman gets diffused somehow in the process.

Sexual attraction wasn’t necessarily the starting point, in my case – it’s more involved than that. Also, I can’t say I was ever attracted, in an overwhelming desirous sense, to women’s clothing. You’re seeking relief from masculinity, and there are very few exits from this overcrowded male theatre. I would substitute charmed, captivated, enchanted, or fascinated for “attracted.” There may have been a magnetic attraction to a female world outside my experience, but it was NOT sexual…


Another question to those for whom it fits is, which attraction is the stronger: the sexual attraction to the woman or the desire to wear her clothes, her makeup, or to look like her?

I want to look like her, not BE her…:straightface:


Third and last question, again to those for whom it applies: does the strength of the attraction to a woman fluctuate whether you are dressed or not, in other words, would it be stronger when you are in male mode, but then in femme mode you would want more to be like her? Or if the woman is attractive enough does it trigger a stronger desire to be like her and the pure sexual attraction is then diminished?

It comes from within, not subject to outside influences. I feel differently about women these days, meaning in terms of attraction, so I have quite naturally fallen back on my own devices, i.e. my own latent feminine nature, for whatever comfort it can provide. When I’m dressed I feel self-contained, completely away from the competitive world of attraction, at peace with gender incorporation. The woman I wish to emulate does not exist – she’s a figment of my imagination, or, in this case, my fascination with potentiality. I thus charm myself, since it is within my female/male power…

I think siss-man may be a more appropriate description for the author of this post…:battingeyelashes:

[carhill2mn]

I am at a bit of a disadvantage here in that I have seen the term "cis-men" but I do not know exactly what it means.

Whether I am presenting as a man or a woman I am first attracted to the over-all image of a woman; her clothes; her style; her way of walking; her physical attributes. A "sexual attraction" has never been the first thing on my "list" altough, there are some women that certainly excude a type of "sexiness". A nice face and figure are certainly assets.

I do look at the clothes and shoes that she is wearing and often think about how I would love to have such items to wear and wonder how they would look on me. I do feel a certain jealousy thgat she is able to be wearing them and I am not! IMHO a
woman who is not a "stunner" is still attractive to me by being nicely dressed and madeup and acting like a lady.

[Niya W]

Ok TS lesbain responding. It some times a look most of the time it's like there is an energy field that pulls me in :D. Nothing to do with clothes or make up.

[sissystephanie]

I am rather an unusal male, aside from being a CD who has no desire at all to BE a woman!! All my life I have been very careful about dating. To put it mildly, I am very choosy. In high school and in college I had girls after me!! I don't know why and don't care. I chose a lady to be my wife and she said yes!! Then she died!! I have chosen another lady, but she is married and I would never breakup someones marriage so I could step in! She does know that I love her and she does have some love for me, but of course she is devoted to her husband.

I am not even really sure what a cis-man is, but I know that I am not one. First and foremost I am a man, born and bred!! Yes, I love to wear feminine clothing, but that doesn't change my sex or my sexual feelings. I am still a natural MAN!! I think there are others on this forum who think as I do!!

[Lorileah]

I was just wondering if the initial, pure attraction to the woman gets diffused somehow in the process.

I would say no, but it depends on the woman. As I age, my response is less anyway but it isn't the woman's fault, I am just old :)


Another question to those for whom it fits is, which attraction is the stronger: the sexual attraction to the woman or the desire to wear her clothes, her makeup, or to look like her?

See age reference above. Clothes are just easier.


Third and last question, again to those for whom it applies: does the strength of the attraction to a woman fluctuate whether you are dressed or not, in other words, would it be stronger when you are in male mode, but then in femme mode you would want more to be like her? Or if the woman is attractive enough does it trigger a stronger desire to be like her and the pure sexual attraction is then diminished? The attraction doesn't change. My thoughts may change to imagining me as more female, I may have envy and wonderment for her but I don't desire to be her. And the clothes don't change my desire at all. My brain doesn't care :)

[kimdl93]

In my experience, I'm attracted to the woman beneath the clothes -both literally and figuratively - not the clothes themselves. I have my own clothes ;) I have no desire to "BE" the woman I am attracted to, only to be with her.

[kendra_gurl]

I adore and worship feminity and beauty, I always have. My wife who was my highschool sweetheart was and still is very feminine. when I am "girl watching" and yes my wife knows it, I'm admiring their total look, makeup hair stayle and clothing. As for strength of attraction. I've never been with anyone else while dressed but I can say that while dressed if my wife is also wearing sexy lingerie I enjoy HER more than when she is not. If I am dressed and she is not then our sex is more about me and my needs at the time and we both understand that
This made me think of another question to ask perhaps in another thread..Is 42 years too long to be married to the same person? I hope not

[dilane]

A nice face and body are the immediate attractants, but that just gets my interest up. I can also appreciate in detail all the work she's gone to: her hair, makeup, outfit, shoes, bag, jewelery...

But it takes a nice voice and smile, and intelligent, playful conversation to take the attraction to the next level for me.

I'm not interested in being her, or looking like her, but I may covet her dress :)

-- Diane

[RebeccaJ]

First I would say is my femme identity is probably about 10 to 15% of who I am. If I had a choice of spending an hour in bed with my wife having fun, or dressing for an hour by myself, I would pick being in bed with my wife hands down without a second thought. With regards to attraction, I am absolutely turned on by the female body but also need the intellect. I dated a girl who actually strongly supported my being a CD, was incredible in the bedroom, but we lacked an intellectual connection....did not last. When I see an attractive female my desire is much more sexual then what she is wearing. As an example, I have no interest in wearing female jeans but love how they look on a female (my wife says I am a butt man!). There are times where I will see someone attractive and also like what they are wearing.

So bottom line, using my wife as an example. I am incredibly attracted to her....period. Do I think she wears some nice things, yes but just as much as she wears things I do not necessarily like. I do not dress in front of my current wife, but I did in front of my first wife but even in femme mode it was more about her and wanting to please her.

Not sure if I am making much sense or am answering your questions in the way you meant so I will shut up now :>)

[Barbra P]

Hi Kendra

You have me beat by two years.

Hi Reina

I’m probably different from most men because I can’t recall ever looking at woman and thinking I would like to take her to bed – I’m trying to keep this close to “G” rated. I’ve had a few attractive women come on to me and I’ve told them that if I didn’t love my wife as much as I did I would certainly be more than happy to bed them, but I have never been unfaithful to my wife.

I frequently see an attractive woman and I’ll remark about her to my wife, just saying “Now that is a very attractive woman” and she does basically the same with some men that she finds attractive. More often I’ll remark that the dress or the gown is attractive or that I find some outfits extremely sexy. I found Shania Twain’s jeans, boots, and blouse in her video for “Any Man of Mine” to be extremely sexy, and I told my wife so; after seeing that video I told my wife that Shania might just be able to make me break our vows; well Shania never came on to me so we’ll never know for sure.

I guess I’m undersexed in comparison to most men; sex just isn’t that big a deal with me. Yeah, I guess I like a good climax as well as anyone else but I really don’t miss it if I’m busy doing other things.

I’ve never had any romantic feelings toward another man, regardless of the gender I happen to be dressed at the time. I’ve been curious about having sex with a man, and for a long time I was very naïve, maybe just ignorant, and really didn’t understand what sex between men involved. Would I be curious enough to have sex with another man? That is a very hard question to answer, there are consequences to having sex, and then there are my wedding vows. Part of me says I’d like to experience it but then I think of what it would do to my wife of forty years; I don’t know that I could keep it secret, and I think it would hurt her deeply. There is also the fact that I haven’t met a man that I had any attraction to what-so-ever, so I don’t know how I would satisfy my curiosity even if my wife said it was OK. Reversed, I do know that I would not stop my wife if she felt she wanted to have a lesbian affair just for curiosity sake.

I don’t know that I have answered any of your questions, guess I’m just rambling.

[darla_g]

ok i am clueless too, what is CIS? (is this some DoD term?)

[sissystephanie]

I will add one thing to my previous posting! I told my late wife, and my children when they were older, that if I ever quit looking at good looking women they could just close the lid on me. I would be dead. I am a man and I like women. Not all of them, but certain ones do attract me!! At my age, that is about all they do!!

[Alice B]

I am always attracted to a good looking woman, but more and more her clothes have a lot to do with how I view her. I always find that a good looking woman that is dressed well will get far more attention from me and I will study her from her hair to her shoes and am not the least bit afraid to give her a compliment.

[docrobbysherry]

The answers so far r ALL OVER THE MAP!:brolleyes: So, I'll continue in THAT vein!:heehee:

As a man, I tend to objectivefy attractive females that I don't know. Whether I see them in magazines, movies, or in a restaurant. I stare hoping to find out WHY I find them attractive and to simply enjoy the view!:D

Maybe she has a; tiny waist, long neck, lovely hands, cute skirt, hi-heels, gorgious hair, etc., etc.:daydreaming:

When I MEET a pretty woman, I think COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! Now, I'm wondering if I mite like her and her, me!:)
I've dated some stunning women that I couldn't wait to get away from!:doh:
And, some plain ones I couldn't keep my hands off of!:battingeyelashes:

So, how does CDing enter the equation? U should probably read the other posts! I think I've said enuff!:straightface:

[Rianna Humble]

AFAICT I am a lesbian TS - I have never even remotely been attracted to men, but I am at an early enough stage in my transition that I will admit there is a remote possibility that Hormone Therapy might change who I am attracted to.

The attraction that I have felt to other women has always been primarily emotional then intellectual. Given that I have never been able to imagine myself in the role of a husband, I think I can safely say that the attraction is not based on sexual desire.

When I am attracted to another woman, I want to get to know what makes her tick, what things please her, how I can help if she feels sad. This was also true when I was pretending to be a man.

If I am attracted to another woman's clothes, i will compliment her on them and ask where she got them and if she thinks they do my size. On more than one occasion I have said to someone "I wish I could look as good in that as you do!". They understand that this is not a come-on, although when I was pretending to be a man, I often worried that compliments on another woman's clothes, hair, nails etc might be wrongly perceived as an attempted come-on.

I'm glad someone understands cis-men :heehee:


ok i am clueless too, what is CIS? (is this some DoD term?)

Calling someone a cis-man is a shorthand for cisgendered man. Cisgender is the opposite of transgender - it describes someone who conforms naturally to the gender roles ascribed to their birth sex as opposed to transgender who (as the word implies) cross the gender boundaries.


I am not even really sure what a cis-man is, but I know that I am not one. First and foremost I am a man, born and bred!!

Interesting that someone who denies being transgender also denies being the opposite of transgender :eek:

[Pythos]

Most of the CIS men I know of are attracted to women for one main reason...I will leave that for readers to figure, it is quite easy.

I on the other hand want a female that I can be an equal of, who loves me as much as I love her. I would not mind talking clothing and styles and junk like that, as long as she was not repulsed talking cars ( lol ).

I am definitely attracted to the woman first, what she is wearing may draw my eye, but then I look at her face, and eyes. If I don't like those, then nothing much happens.

When I first met the GG she was in baggy and sloppy jeans, unkempt hair, baggy shirt and no makeup. But I looked at her face and eyes and was immediately attracted. Crazy really. IF she had not been so silly when it came to loving a married man with two kids, she would have been my queen, if she would let me be her king (king in girly clothes. LOL)

[Cari]

If the "initial,pure attraction" is there; It wasn't the outfit or makeup I noticed first.
I do believe that I value the emotional and intellectual attraction much more than most men.

If I'm noticing her outfit and makeup for any length of time, I take it as a sign that something is missing in the relationship.
It would be like if your in a conversation with someone and find yourself thinking of other things or staring out the window.
If the physical,emotional and intellectual attraction are there I'm focused on the person and sexually attracted.

I never really get the "be her" thoughts - its more like could I pull that outfit off, what does that garment feel like or I should try that color ect.
Sexual attraction is much stronger than fashion in my case.

I haven't given much thought to if my attraction level changes when I'm dressed.
To be honest I only go out to CD friendly venues, and in general there aren't many women there.
I'll give it some thought

What you may find interesting is that when I'm in a relationship I have no desire to fill the role of a girlfriend for any length of time.

[Mona]

My initial attraction to another person is physical, and the way their appearance indicates certain qualities, some physical, some personality based. And sometimes that is all that happens but if they allow a mutual getting to know one another then they can become much more attractive as their personality, charm, kindness and strengths become apparent.
Oh yeah, and the energy field thing that Niya mentioned!

[Roberta Lynn]

Hi Renie,

Seems like basically you're asking, if I saw a attractive woman with great makeup, terrific hair and wearing a killer outfit would I rather be in her bed or her closet.

Now I enjoy my femm side but being ambiguous in my gender idenity has never affected my sexual idenity. An attractive woman is still an attractive woman no matter how I'm dressed.

So, if you're keeping score mark me down in the 'her bed' column.

[eluuzion]

hiya RD,

First, I looked up a definition for "cis-man" and it still remains a mystery to me. I guess it refers to a guy, born a guy, that is not TS. I'll let Webster's family figure that one out; I'm moving on...:heehee:

“% femme ID”~
I am a guy and a CD, just as I am many other things. I am not confused or dysphoric about my identity. I am always a single person responsible for every action and behavior, regardless of my appearance. I have no imaginary friend(s) now and probably never will.
I do not have a SO and I live alone. I do not want to BE a woman (so far), but anything is possible. I have no defined destination or mission.

“cis-man syndrome”~
Do I notice attractive women? Yes, more by their non-verbal expression and genuineness than physical features. Can physical beauty substitute for emotional/intellectual depth? Yes, but there is a 5-second expiration. (Same 5-second rule for dropped food applies here). Cars without engines do not appeal to me.

“Diffusion?”~
None. I’m always thinking in terms of “riding it”, not “wearing it” or “cloning it”.

“Attraction fluctuation?”~
A woman’s sexual attractiveness remains cognitively anchored to that woman in my mind. If I was “dressed” when I was with a woman, my sexual energy/interest would be a factor influenced by her responses, not by any “feeling” initiated by the clothes I was wearing.

“Be like her?”~
I believe I understand this concept in the manner many here seem to readily relate to it. Bear with my innate cartoon perception of the world for a second...

Being an “identity vampire” of sorts...:heehee:
~ picturing an “intimate” encounter with an attractive woman here...
As my sexual attraction begins to escalate during the encounter, it trips a cognitive “switch” where I begin “sucking” the sexual attraction out of the intimacy of the moment and into “myself”, as fuel for self-interested fulfillment elsewhere. (To “be like her” rather than to “be with her”). That is not the way my mind works...:doh:

I have experienced a strong urge to CD immediately after returning home from an intimate encounter with an attractive woman. But the urge was always AFTER I left. The urge was not present during my time with the woman, nor did it affect any attraction aspects.

:love:

[SheriM]

When I see an attractive woman, I want to look at her some more. I am attracted to her and her clothes. Don't know which attraction is stronger. I would like to be a woman at times but not sure if that means all the time. If I were a woman, I know that I would want to be relatively young and attractive. I would like to be attractive to and desired by both men and women. However, I have absolutely no desire to be with a man. I guess that either makes me a very straight male or a wannabe lesbian.
SheriM

[darla_g]

Rianna thanks for that definition of CIS never heard of that except as Computer Information Systems before......

Hmmm this is an interesting question, I suppose some guys have only one thing in mind as Pythos implies, but I guess I never really liked that much (or maybe it was just that the sex was real crappy) and so I felt i really had to have a connection before anything proceeded. and she would have to be intelligent or else it would nver work out.

As for my CD thing yes I will see women with a nice outfit, beautiful jewelry, fabulous hair, striking makeup, or hot shoes and i really admire it. If its not just a random passing and I get to speak with her and find out she's intelligent too wow, i really admire her. Not to bed her or anything but just think she's really together.

[suchacutie]

I had no idea Tina existed for the first 55 years of my life, so that might qualify to as close to a cis-man that you're likely to find on this site. During that time the attraction to a beautiful woman was as one would expect biologically. As I matured and found the woman of my dreams, that attention turned totally toward her. Ok, I'm not dead, I would appreciate beautiful women, but that was it.

Enter Tina at age 55. I'm still happily married. I now look at a beautiful woman other than my wife and I have two emotional approaches simultaneously. One is the biological appreciation, and the parallel one is "ok, what is she doing to make herself beautiful". In effect, I'm running my the interests of my two gendered-selves simultaneously. It is true that it's no longer "good enough" to appreciate beauty, but that second step of looking to understand the source of the beauty is always present. It's not sequential, it's simultaneous.

Hope this helps!

[AllieSF]

Being a very late starter, 4 years ago after way too many years not knowing that this side of me existed or at least recognized it, I would consider my self a cis-gendered male up until 4 years ago when I "crossed over". Now my attraction to women from what I can tell has not changed from before CD to after CD. I am first attracted physically to a woman. That means to me the physical attributes, including body shape, hair style and color, posture and how one carries oneself, clothes selection and style, voice, and gestures/body language when they are listening, conversing or doing something. All that is my first non-contact impression of the person. After that I need to be attracted to the personality, the character and the inner person. The physical attributes might be considered the eye candy, pleasing to the eye, and physically attracted side, which I need and want. The second part is the deal killer or the deal closer in the sense whether would I want to spend a lot of time, maybe forever, with this person or not. Now whether I want to get into her clothes is a very probable no. I dress in styles and looks that I like in women. Since I now have my own wardrobe, ever expanding and developing, I am not really interested in her clothes. I may be interested in her ability to help me fine tune my styles and looks, and if by coincidence we would be the same sizes, then maybe it would be fun to share clothes. However, that is definitely not an objective, need or want when considering someone as a partner.

[Frédérique]

First, I looked up a definition for "cis-man" and it still remains a mystery to me.

It’s easy – I am CISMAN, hear me ROAR!!! Well, they do make a lot of noise, don’t they? :heehee:

I wish this emphasis on “attraction” would move to the back burner, back yard, or back of the beyond – there is a thing called “the simple pleasure of existence,” and it has a lot to do with why some of us crossdress. If only that side of it could be revealed and understood, so that our beloved crossdressing wouldn’t be seen as a perversion, sexual abnormality, or a “problem” that demands prompt attention. Somehow, during my life, I’ve kept sexual attraction and desire far apart from crossdressing, each in their own little cubicles – they know about each other, but they don’t co-exist or otherwise inhabit (and cloud) the same space. Is it so difficult to grasp the concept that the urge to dress as a woman may have nothing to do with attraction? I may have coveted my neighbor’s wife, but that didn’t lead me to covet her clothes, her identity, or her gender, all in an effort to possess a female vicariously – maybe a cis-man would try those circumstances on for size, but I sure wouldn’t...
:straightface:

[ReineD]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I do feel slightly more enlightened now. :)

Frédérique, in response to your comments, I don't see the CDing as a perversion or a sexual abnormality at all. I asked the question because I've often read posts from people who say that when they admire beautiful women, it is often in admiration of their appearance and with a desire to emulate their looks or imagine themselves being like her. Yet, most of the non-CDing men I know imagine what it would be like to have sex with a beautiful woman when they see her. I just wanted to ask the membership whether both desires exist sequentially or simultaneously for them, as suchacutie so aptly put it. :)

[kendra_gurl]

Yet, most of the non-CDing men I know imagine what it would be like to have sex with a beautiful woman when they see her. I just wanted to ask the membership whether both desires exist sequentially or simultaneously for them, as suchacutie so aptly put it. :)

Reine Most all of us CD's are still Men. While it may not be our first thought when seeing a beautiful woman and most of us would never actually act on the thought there is always gonna be that God I'd love to know what she's like in bed thought.

[Fab Karen]

If you're talking purely about sexual attraction, the physical comes first ( but unlike some CIS males, I'm attracted to a wide variety of women ( as well as other people, being pansexual )). If you're talking about attraction to someone for a potential relationship, it would be turned off by certain emotional things ( lack of intelligence, selfishness, etc. ). I guess you could say I'm dual-gendered, though either way I'm always ME.
I think the subtle assumption in the question begs the tangential question, are ALL women alike in what initially attracts them to someone?

[Debutante]

I have felt attracted to a woman who has just the clothes and look that turns me on a Deborah.... so that I am attracted
to the woman.... and then it might shift to a sexual thing as my male self... all in the blink or an eye... it seems to shift from one
to the other very quickly.... or, the clothes turn me on only.... it varies...... then I want to relate to her as woman to woman,
both on an initmate non-sexual level, or an intimate level leading to a erotic level...

[GaleWarning]

I think I'll turn this one around ... it seems to me that many women are drawn to macho blokes ... many of whom treat them like dirt .... and they love it!
I could never understand why ... still can't.

I have always considered myself to be a sensitive male and believe that because of this, I have not had many women chase after me.

What type of woman do I find attractive? There tends to be something intangible ... a magnetism ... I can't describe it.

I like to look at women who wear hosiery and heels, but few of my girlfriends have been flashy dressers in that sense.
Quite a few have been more than happy to doll up in the bedroom, though, so there is a strong element of sexuality for me in lingerie.

As a newly-wed, my wife and I lived next door to a couple who were only a year or two older than we were, and our kids were of an age.
During the ten years we were neighbours, P and I never once discussed our sex lives.
Years later, when we learned that P and his wife had split up, my wife mentioned that P, too, used to love it when his wife dolled up in stockings and suspenders for him.
And like my wife, his wife did not enjoy doing it for him.
I am pretty certain P was way more more macho than I.
Yet we had the same tastes in women.

So, I really don't know, Reine ... I would say that, in my case at least .... they are!

[ReineD]

I think the subtle assumption in the question begs the tangential question, are ALL women alike in what initially attracts them to someone?

No, we're not.

Speaking for myself, I'm attracted to long blonde (or dark) hair, blue (or brown) eyes, and a killer smile. :)

The most important ingredient was the chemistry, which I felt from across the room even before knowing anything about her intelligence, creativity, and sensitivity. But, if upon further investigation, there had been no intelligence, creativity, and sensitivity, then it would have been a no-go for me. And it certainly wasn't about the clothes. He's not much of a dresser in guy mode. :heehee:

Clayfish .. the idea that many women are attracted to macho blokes is a stereotype. Just look at all the women who are with the non-macho blokes. lol

[Raychel]

Well I am just about as much of a guy as can be, I just happen to like to dess in womens clothes. I have absolutely no desire to become a woman.

Here is my take on this issue.

When I first see a woman, the overall attraction is in her beauty. Then once I get closer and get to talk to her. There has to be some sort of connection, Ease of conversation wit her. After that if she has the inner beauty to match her outer beuaty. Well I will leave the rest to your imagination. :heehee:

Do I want to be her, No
Do I want to be in her bed. Maybe, if I wasn't married and all the pieces fit.
Do I want to get in her clothes. Maybe, if she it the right size and she is OK with it. But I have my own. I like them.

[Frédérique]

Frédérique, in response to your comments, I don't see the CDing as a perversion or a sexual abnormality at all. I asked the question because I've often read posts from people who say that when they admire beautiful women, it is often in admiration of their appearance and with a desire to emulate their looks or imagine themselves being like her. Yet, most of the non-CDing men I know imagine what it would be like to have sex with a beautiful woman when they see her. I just wanted to ask the membership whether both desires exist sequentially or simultaneously for them, as suchacutie so aptly put it.

I apologize for my outburst, but I keep trying to steer MtF crossdressing away from purely sexual matters into somewhat calmer waters. Lately I’ve been reading Hirschfield’s Die Transvestiten, and it’s ALL about sex. It’s tiring, since I dress as a form of detachment from sexuality – perhaps I’m in denial about something, but I know I’m not a cis-man…

To better answer your OP, I can tell you that I used to have several cis-man friends, and I would often find myself in their company. They would openly voice their attraction to nearly every female who would home into view, while I winced and sought to disassociate myself from their behavior. If they knew the depth of my effeminacy, they would literally be repelled – this from artistic, caring individuals who should know better. I kept my secrets to myself, but now and then a gesture would alarm the cis-men and cause a brief repulsion. Surely he’s joking, right?
:eek:

In regards to clothing, I’ve never seen a woman dressed in the clothing I prefer, meaning walking around in the real world, so it would be highly unlikely that I would desire her in this manner. As for wanting to be someone, meaning emulate her looks or fantasizing about actually being that person, it never works out – even if the woman is attractive, her personality may sabotage any idea of emulation, and her appearance is demeaned in the process. If I’m emulating a woman, or more accurately an ideal type of fantasy being, then she is a collage of several observations I have come across over the years – in this way, the woman thus created is a reflection of myself, entwined with the co-existent genders inside me. In my case, sexual desire and a desire to BE someone may exist simultaneously during a moment of passion, but when I’m dressed the entire theory is moot – I’m completely away from sexual desire, along with every other form of desire, in fact I dress to reach this far shore, away from my inherent male tendencies…
:straightface:


I have always considered myself to be a sensitive male and believe that because of this, I have not had many women chase after me.

I used to have a girlfriend who would rant on and on about abhorrent male behavior to her audience of friends and family members, then turn to me and say, “But not YOU!” We were together a long time, off and on, but she inevitably demonstrated her attraction to the very male creatures she publicly despised…
:sad: