Karen’s Morning Out Gone Dramatically Wrong – How Your SO Shouldn’t Find Out!!

[Karren H]

By now many of you know what has happened so here is the blow by blow. Well, the day started out like any other day, almost. Had to go over to the Ohio River to inspect a piece of property the company owned. Since I wasn’t meeting anyone I figured Karren could go and do a little shopping enfem on the way home. And it would be kind of cool for Karren to earn a paycheck!! Left the house and changed at a nearby rest area. Felt very comfortable and drove to Ohio and to the site. Stopped along the way and took some phots of Karren in front of a river lock and dam. Took some photos of the property and of Karren at the property. Everything was going smoothly. Then at 10:05 AM I received a call from the wife. I talk to her many times during the day so no big deal to talk to her even though I was enfem.

I said Hi and she asked what are these womens clothes doing under your suits in you wardrobe? I paused trying to think of something else to say but the obvious. But I couldn’t so I said “I like to crossdress and have been doing it since I was 8.” BOOM!!! She started crying hysterically. She started sobbing and saying she could take it any more and that she was going to leave!! I told her that I loved her over and over and that she couldn’t leave. This went on for what seemed like an eternity! She was calming down as we talked and I said I’m coming home. She said No, don’t come home, you have a lot of work to do! She asked about how often I dresses and I told her every week or so. And where did I get my clothes and I told her the local discount store, on sale. Said I was a frugal shopper and she said “I don’t want to hear about it”. No cence of humor, like I would expect her to have one!! She asked where I hid them and I told her in the garage. We finally hung-up and all I could think about was what was going to happen next!

So I drove back to the rest area and changed back, then drove to work. It was lunch so I called her and we talked about CDing. She had done some research on the web and said that she doubted that I could stop, and that it was my Mother and Grand Mothers fault! Bingo, the Hutton curse, a long line of male hatters, even affected my sister. So she expressed her concern about anyone finding out and me loosing my job and us having to move away. And the kids and our son in particular. I said that we shouldn’t tell anyone! She agreed. She did notice that I had changed over the last year and put 2 and 2 together. After the phone conversation I went back to working though it was difficult. Left for home at 5:00pm.

Got home and figured that “Here we go”! But the son was home and everything appeared normal! When I went into the bedroom there was Karren’s clothes that she had found (a couple skirts and some shoes and a top), neatly folded and in plastic bags! Thought they would be thrown away, or shreaded (along with me)! So I took them back to the garage. I know she knew that I took them, nothing! The son had marching band practice at 8pm so I figured that ok, NOW, here we go! NOTHING! We talked about day-to-day things, together we took the dog for a long walk and went to watch the son practice! NOTHING!!!!

The next morning, more normality! And at lunch we talked and she wanted to buy a pool table and we discussed adding on to the house!! On the way home I bought her some flowers and gave them to her when I got home! She did say that she was still copping and having heart problems. A minor increase in her medication seemed to be helping. I told her that I understood! The rest of the evening was normal as was Thursday, Friday, and today, Saturday!!

Now I know there will be questions but I’m not pushing her on this. It’s her speed that is setting the pace. The family is now my number one priority, everything else is secondary!! I have been working harder to be more involved in the families daily events. And working hard to complete the construction projects I have going on. So, Karren is on vacation at home. Most of her things have been moved off site! May still dress on business trips but will decide that later. Thanks to all that have IMed, PMed, and emailed me. Special thanks to Emily, Lauren, Dana, Darla, Rachael, and Haley for their continued attention. Don’t think I could have held up with out them and everyone! Also thanks to a couple local Pittsurgh non-members, Bill the ex-cd lawyer and Amy, my dressing buddy. Stay tuned, more to come I’m sure.

Love
Karren

[Deidra Cowen]

Wow...thats a wild story. I'm gald all is well with the wife and family. Perhaps she will grow comfortable with your Cding and let you do it more. But take care of family and work first!

Good luck.

[Julie York]

You have my symapthies. Maybe it needs to be out in the open anyway. But rather you than me.

[Wendy me]

wow good luck ............

[GypsyKaren]

I'm hoping she'll realize that you're the same person she fell in love with from the beginning. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

GypsyKaren

[Emily Ann Brown]

Karren has tried to tell you everything that happened physically. But she has left out just how traumatic it was for her. Her first note to me was signed with her given name. That was no big deal privacy wise because we have no secrets from each other....but it did tell me just how confused and scared she was. The next couple notes were signed in mishmash names. I don't tell this to make my sister look weak, because I know now she's not. She's my hero. I don't know if I would have come home. Her thread title tells it all...... HOW NOT TO TELL ....everyone involved pays a high mental price. Lauren has been telling both of us to take the bull by the horns and come out face to face before something like this happens, that it will be easier in the long run and will give better odds of saving our marriages. What am I going to do now? I don't know.......but I am thinking about my options a lot.


Emily Ann

[Lauren_T]

Well, Karren, you dodged that bullet. but try not to make a habit of it, OK? ;)

I hope the situation continues to improve, and from all signs I would expect that be the case - but good luck anyway...! :thumbsup:

[Samantha Jane]

Hi Karren

My heart so goes out to you. :)

There are many, many of us who have lived with the fear of our secret being discovered and for 24 years that was how I existed. Always wondering is this the day I get caught, say by my hidden clothing being found (as in your situation), perhaps my leaving something incriminating laying around or just plain getting caught in the act, so to speak.
For me the pressure eventually got too much and luckily given events, I had the opportunity to come clean to my wife. How I lasted so long in keeping my dressing 'en femme' a secret remains a mystery to me.

Once things were out in the open, like you I let things ride and I wanted her to raise the subject of my CDing, rather than my forcing the issue.

She still has great problems at times, in excepting who/what I am. Although our circumstamces are different, in as much as I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to reveal everything to my S/O, there is still that trust problem between us and we have a lot of work to do with regards our relationship.

So I do so dearly hope that with a lot of love, time and hard work, you and your wife will be able to work things out.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

either by accedent or from me telling them... everyone who knows me knows i cd
first week i met the woman i married i showed her i cd and she was fine with it and still is 12 yrs later

our 11 yr old son said he is ok with me wearing pantyhose, but is not ok with me fully dressing if he is around. :o


TRUST is a big deal with women for some reason haha ;)
so if u keep any secrets from them, even if u think its a harmless one they tend to blow up :eek:

[racquel]

All I can say is best of luck to you and your wife.I hope she can get past any hard feeling's she may have from your recent revelations about who you are, and hopefully can accept you as the wonderful person she originaly fell in love with. Huggs.

[Adrianne]

All i can say i wish you all the luck in the world.

Adrianne.

[Olivia]

How can you keep it a secret? I mean, some of you have years and years of history with a wife or SO. I've just been talking to my wife Jackie about this very thing tonight. I told her about my cding two years before we married(29 years ago) and while it hasn't been easy for her (or me), today it is just a part of our life. Please girls, learn from Karen's experience! Tell the one who loves you the most, and the one whom you love the most. Love is a very powerful emotion and it can conquer more than most of us imagine. Your partner doesn't have to always be in the dark about something that is so important to you. Find a way to come clean; the relief will set you free, keeping these secrets cannot be healthy for either of you. My wife said tonight, how can either partner ever feel secure or comfortable when this hangs over the relationship all the time. Would my wife prefer I weren't a crossdresser? No doubt she would; BUT she does love me with all her heart and she wants me to be happy. Don't all of you who have to live this secret life think your wife feels the same? I bet she does. Please don't feel I'm being condescending or insensitive but understand that the stress of keeping such a secret must be debilitating and nonconducisive to a healthy, fulfilling relationship. With only the best wishes in mind, Olivia.

[Karren H]

Sunday Morning - Worked with cement all day Saturday. Asked the wife if she had some hand creame. She found me some and gave it to me and said "I don't like you going out in public smelling like Lillac even if you do". I cracked up laughing and she just smiled. Normality is wonderful!!!

Luv Karren

[michelle19845]

i hop things get better for you.just take things a step at a time.it sounds like you aren't pushing the situation hard ,like saying things related to the topic constantly.thats good.give her time and try to help with anything possibleand keep showing your graet support for the family being first.thats the most important!you'll make it!


good luck,


michellle19845

[Julie]

OMG Karren! I'm sorry I totally missed this earlier. WOW! My heart was pounding reading your story here!

You are so right letting her take this at her own pace. Having read so many accounts of SOs and wives telling their story it seems that's the best way. I wish you all the best and hope your wife will come around to acceptance. And I admire how you put your family first. That will go a long way in helping things mend.

[MsEva]

Just to piggy back upon what Olivia and Julia have said and what I have said to you on other posts...you have reached an important milestone in your lives together. It is good to let her know who you really are. I wish I was a strong as Olivia to have told her before we married 24 years ago. That would have been the right thing to do..I regret it even today. I am so fortunate that my dear wife stuck by me and accepts my fem side. It was important to her to know that she and our family will ALWAYS come first. In a way my outing to her has made us stronger. At least she understands where I was coming from over the years of our marriage. I so wish you, your dear wife and your family the best. Courage dear Karren! Know you have support here but your first line of support is your family!

Eva

[Missy Anne's GG]

Hi Karren,

I have been following this thread with much concern for you and your wife. It is always my strong hope that those who are in loving relationships will overcome any initial negative feelings that are bound to occur when discovering their mate's crossdressing, and will rise above the situation with an even greater love for each other. I have found this to be true with me and Missy Anne. It has become "our little secret" that we can have fun with, and it has given us a closer bond with each other, even though I didn't think that our relationship could have gotten any better!

If your wife needs someone to talk to, you could have her pm me. I would be more than happy to do whatever I can to help.

Warmest regards,

Missy Anne's GG

[MsEva]

That was really sweet Missy Ann's GG! You are a really nice person! :thumbsup:

[Natalie x]

Karren, honey, you're doing it right. You both clearly love each other immensely, and are putting your hearts into finding the answer. The first signs of hope are encouraging, like the first light of dawn after the darkest night. We are all with you in this.

[Deidra Cowen]

I am gald things are turning out well!

Of course its hard to tell from these forums to a certain extent. But you get a general idea about someone's personality from their posts. (lord knows what some think of me and have figured out! ;) )

I'd submit you are probably one heck of a husband and provider to your wife and family, and she loves the hell out of you (vis versa too!). So one shock is not a end game deal...esp since you are not cheating on her. :thumbsup:

Next GG I get into a serious relationship will know from the beginning...but then again I generally only go on the town out enfemme anyway so thats just about the only way they are going to meet me anyway. :eek:

Keep us posted on things.

[cdgirl]

Karren Like I Said In My P M Message To You Honey,
I Will Be There For You All You Have To Do Is Ask. Huggs Roberta.

[uknowhoo]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Karren. It seems like it's going pretty well so far. I hope the trend continues. Btw, the flowers were a very sweet touch. Hugs, Tammi

[Stephenie]

Best wishes, Karen. Hope things keep going on an even keel.

[JoAnnDallas]

Karen... Please keep up informed on you and wife's progress. I am glad it is getting better.

Love JoAnn

[ladyfydiana]

Karren good luck. :)

I agree the family is the more important than CD is.You can allways dress but you cant find another family.

Diana

[Karren H]

Tuesday Update: Very normal today. The wife and I worked on the french drain together! Tarring the foundation wall! She looked like a tar baby! lol On wrinkle was that she hid her makeup and took it from the bathroom where I told her I dresses! I think she is trying to reduce my temptations to dress or just doesn't want me in her makeup! She does't know that I have my own and twice as much as she has! But things are still progressing nicely compared to my expectations! (death and/or lawyers!!) Trying real hard to be a good girl though it is tough!!

Ohh, and Emily didn't mention that she was more upset than I was last Tuesday! Soggy salad for lunch!! And I love her for that!!

Luv Karren

[LindaMarie]

Karren,

I'm glad things are going well. Nothing like tarring the foundation wall to bring a couple together.

Take care, hon.

I wish you both all the best.

Linda



Tuesday Update: Very normal today. The wife and I worked on the french drain together! Tarring the foundation wall! She looked like a tar baby! lol On wrinkle was that she hid her makeup and took it from the bathroom where I told her I dresses! I think she is trying to reduce my temptations to dress or just doesn't want me in her makeup! She does't know that I have my own and twice as much as she has! But things are still progressing nicely compared to my expectations! (death and/or lawyers!!) Trying real hard to be a good girl though it is tough!!

Ohh, and Emily didn't mention that she was more upset than I was last Tuesday! Soggy salad for lunch!! And I love her for that!!

Luv Karren

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Hmm... Never thought about using tar as a foundation. I suppose it would be effective at covering up beard shadow, but I'd think it would be pretty tough to remove. :D

BTW, when she finds out how much make-up you have, you might have to keep her out of your make-up. ;)

You both take care.

[Joanne_'jojo']

I'm glad to hear things are going better than expected. You've been one of my insipirational people on here, from reading your posts etc even if I have been too shy to post replies. (Getting braver all round though)

I think Darla is right about the makeup though, you're probably going to have to stand guard over it soon enough... rooting for you both.

Jojo

(Trying to find the right time a words to tell my wife, she's sick at the moment so don't want to add to her stress)

[º’~\_…trace GG…_/~’º]

hey karren,

i'm glad things seem to be going so well for you now that everything is out in the open though you need to be prepared for those days when things don't go so well too.

if your wife has hidden her makeup, it's fairly certain that she's doing a lot of private thinking about this and is trying to get things sorted in her head.

not wanting to be too explicit here, but there are times of the month when your wife may not be the most reasonable about this and so things might get a little stormy.

be strong though, it really sounds as though you are committed to making this work :)

[Emily Ann Brown]

Okay....so a girl can't have secrets around here.....my GG friend who knows about Emily took me out to lunch after she called and heard how upset I was.
I confess that I lost it in the restaurant and had a good 10 minute cry (in drab). Isn't that what sisters do when one is hurting?


Emily Ann

[Karren H]

JoJo, Thank you for the sweet comment! I'm truley humbled by the attention! I don't think there is a good time to tell your SO that wouldn't add stress to both you and her! After keeping the secret for over 30 years it appears the trust issues are more hurtful than the deed it self! My engineering logic tells me that the sooner in a relationship the better! I had never planned to tell her so my course of action was limited! Thanks again for everyons help. Love Karren

[Tamara Croft]

30 years???? OMG!!! can I ask... why did you never plan to tell her?

[tifftg]

30 years???? OMG!!! can I ask... why did you never plan to tell her?


I can't speak for anyone else, in my case with over 24 years of secrecy, I delude myself that I can get to Karen's 30, I have no good answer as to why I never spoke up before, I hope that I will outlast the odds. None of those are good answers, just the only ones I have.

Fear of losing everything, family, kids, against a need to be femme from time to time.

This is why I at least started therapy, it is becoming too much to carry everyday.

[Tamara Croft]

Fear of losing everything, family, kids, against a need to be femme from time to time.I can certainly relate to that and not to take this one off topic, I think I'll go start a new thread ;)

[Karren H]

30 years???? OMG!!! can I ask... why did you never plan to tell her?

Never planned to tell her or anyone in the family!!!

Luv Karren

[MsEva]

How are you fairing honey? How is your lovely wife? I hope you are doing well...we are all pulling for you..seems like a lot of this discovery is going on..with you and Brittany...so sorry for your troubles.

[Karren H]

How are you fairing honey? How is your lovely wife? I hope you are doing well...we are all pulling for you..seems like a lot of this discovery is going on..with you and Brittany...so sorry for your troubles.

Eva,

Very much better than I ever expected!!! Thanks for asking!!! The wife and I are even watching What Not To Wear tonight!! Everything is very normal around here!! And I find that amazing! Her acceptance of dressig is a long way away, if at all, but she accepts me and thats a start! Lots of hugs and "I love you's" from her!! We are still on her schedule for discovery and I'm not adding any pressure! She is handling it very nicely!

Love Karren

[MsEva]

Well done Karren! So happy give her a secret hug from me..for my lovley wife.

[Karren H]

3 Week update!!!! Flash! Normal! WOW Still can't believe that no one has died (me) or the lawyers arn't knocking at the door!! We continue to do everything together as before the great discovery! We did have a few chats about my obsession, especially after she found out I bought a new pair of fishnet stockings! Oppsie! Left the reciept laying around! She hinted at an arangement but didn't press her, didn't want to seem too eager!

We both worked the funnel cake booth for the band boosters and wore red aprons. When it was over she asked me if I wanted her to untie it! I said no, I klike red! Her good friend chimesd in, "Good, you can go home in drag". I smiled and winked at my wife! She didn't think it was funny! LOL

She is deathly afraid of the kids and friends finding out! And me loosing my job and having to move away! And I agree, those are valid fears! So I am continuing to cool it at home but have been wearing lingerie under my bussiness suits more!! and still plan to dress on business trips (Utah next month) More as things progress! It is still and always will be the family comes first!

Oh! and continued thanks to those who email, IM and PM me on a daily basis!!!
And if Darla thinks shes getting my corset, Dream on girl!!! Heheheh

And if you havent read my 360 blog http://360.yahoo.com/karrenhutton The french drain is done!!!!
Love
Karren

[Lauren_T]

Good to know that things are on an even keel at the very least, Karren...
...so far, so good... may it continue... :thumbsup:

[robinLynn]

hope it all works out girl

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I thought it was Freudian slips that you were supposed to leave the receipts lying around for. ;)

Seriously, glad to hear things are working out for the both of you. (Although I was looking forward to picking up a corset on the cheap. :p)

It sounds like you're already doing so, but do be sure to talk about her "what will the neighbors think" fears. Maybe before she brings up talk about an arrangement, since if she's less afraid, she'll be more generous in her proposed arrangement.

[melissacd]

Karren,

I am sorry that she discovered your hobby and yet somehow, based on your comments, I feel that this may have been a blessing in disguise. I read your comments and wonder if my wife has reached the stage yet where she could deal with it better.

The difference in my case is that she already found out and wanted to beat the shit out of me, however, your wife seems to be taking this very gracefully. She is showing that while she is not enthusiastic (yet) about your hobby, that at least she loves you enough to keep you around.

It gives me great hope for you and for me.

Thanks for sharing. My fingers and toes are crossed for you that you have a continued success and that your marriage grows even more from this unplanned event.

Huggs
Melissa

[Shannon]

Best wishes for you Karen. I kept my secret from my ex for 24 years. Our marriage was in pretty bad shape at the time -- poor communications, growing apart, and co-dependency. When she found out, she was unaccepting and felt betrayed. We did not have a strong foundation of friendship and communication to move forward together. Your priorities for you family are clear, and I think you are approaching it well by letting her set the pace. There are stages we all go through when faced with these traumas -- first there is shock, then anger and resentment, then hopefully moving on to acceptance and rebuilding. It's not exactly a linear sequence and there is plenty of overlap. Hopefully you can tune in to the stage(s) your wife is in and deal with her accordingly.