Men pretending to be (even dressed as) women who try to pick up other men

[WsprsOnTheWind]

I saw this thread topic in another (dating) forum and I wanted to get the opinions of posters here.

So what is your opinion of men who pretend to be women (on or off line) and talk to men? What do you think their reasons are? Why wouldn't they go to the gay/bisexual sites and talk with those who are open to talking instead of targeting straight men and being deceptive?

Now my limited and negative experience dating a CD would lead me to the impression that I was given that it could be the CD's secret desire to experience having sex with a man and justifying doing so by denying his masculinity while pretending to be a woman.

I have learned from being here and from you all being patient and kind, considering the poor quality of education I received firsthand from a CD, that CD's come in many forms and flavors, if you will. I have relied on many of your posts and input to help me learn more about CD's and to soften my opinion and not be bitter toward them all just b/c I happened to meet a rotten apple in the barrell. And, I do appreciate your patience and help. Not only have some of you befriended me, during and after dating a CD, but coming here has actually helped me in the healing process.

Looking BACK on my personal experience with a CD and what I was told by him about his view on being with another man, I would have to say that some of these men are bisexual (or gay and haven't admitted it to themselves) and want to be with a man but are ashamed/reluctant to openly admit that.

What is your opinion of this; how would you feel if it happened to you; how would it make you feel in regard to trust issues with those you talk to online as far as potential significant others? How would you feel if you met someone that you presumed to be a woman and when the crutial moment came you found out it was a man dressed as a woman?

I realize there are a lot of questions in this thread but I have a LOT of questions I would like to have input on.

[sissystephanie]

I am very sorry that you had the negative experience that you did. CD's are just like all other human beings! There are good ones, which I think I am, and bad ones! It is my belief that most of us are good people, even if we do wear clothing of the opposite sex! I have been a CD for over 60 years, and in the past went out in public often as Stephanie! Yes, I was hit upon by men frequently but I always rejected them. I like to dress as a woman, but I have no desire at all to be one in any sense of the word!!

My late wife knew that when we married, and we had almost 50 happy years together! And crossdressing was a big part of our lives!!

I believe that I would know if any "woman" I met was a crossdresser, simply because of what I have been through in my many years! I am a very "choosy" man and have only met 2 women in my life that I would even consider marrying. I did marry the first one, and then she died. The second one is married, so I cannot have her. But I love her, and she knows it!! Her husband probably does too!! But I am happy with my life, and I still crossdress!

If you have other questions, feel free to ask. By PM if you wish!!

[AllieSF]

Yes, a lot of questions. I do not know if you are a GG, TS, CD or what. I say that because being a GG, one may have very distinct impressions about their experiences than a TG/CD/TS may have. So, I will give you my impressions of what I understand what you are talking about and asking.

First, some CD's want to have an intimate experience with a male for various reasons, including being Bi and it is something this person is used to, being Bi-curious and looking to try it out to see if it works for them, being curious (which in my opinion is Bi-curious) for the same mentioned reasons, or being gay and already attracted to men. There selection of a partner for short or long term is their business not mine and I respect their right to select who is of interest to them for whatever reason.

Second, regarding "pretending" to be a woman. I crossdress and pretend to do that (actually I don't want to be a woman, just like dressing as one) every time I go out. I interact with anyone and everyone. At a distance I am probably passable, but up close it is obvious that I am a man in women's clothing. So, in my opinion anyone who crossdresses more or less completely is in a way pretending. When you tie that into trying to meet a man face to face, unless the CD is super passable, which is very rare, the male will know in short order that the woman in front of him is a man dressed as a woman. On line that is a different scenario. Thinking as I write, I would say it may be like a crossdresser trying to date a new woman who does not know about the CD side of his life. I personally am not to the point to advertise to all potential female mates that I like to CD. If and when I find a suitable woman, I will probably only tell her that I CD once I decide that she may be the one for me long term, she is a person who embraces diversity for all its beauty, is someone I can trust with my private life and will not share it with everyone else if she decides my CDing is unacceptable to her. That is where I would have to take the risk that she will respect my right to privacy and wishes that she would not tell anyone else.

Now take my approach and apply it to a CD who is looking to date a man for whatever reason. If the CD is pretty passable, on line it may be hard to tell that she is a CD. So maybe the CD wants to get a better idea of the man with whom she is communicating from the dating site before she reveals that she is a CD. This is all assuming that she did not say anything in her profile to indicate that she was a CD. I personally see no problem with that. Remember that she will be the one taking a big risk if she eventually meets a man and he reacts badly, maybe even violently upon discovering that she is not a real woman. Also remember that we are all adults here and responsible for our own actions and their consequences.

Now they may be on a site looking for a man for the experience of just chatting. They may want to see if they could get the courage to actually meet a man and want to get some initial experience of how to talk with them and not make a lot of stupid mistakes. They could also be doing that to make themselves feel good with no intention of actually meeting the guy. I am not in favor of that approach because they may be leading a nice guy on who has no chance to ever meet her. Some may consider it simple cyber flirting and harmless, and I can understand that point of view too. They may not go to gay/bisexual sites because they may not know where they are, or because it is fairly well known that gay men are not generally interested in other men who CD, or because they are looking for a straight man. There are a lot of men who want and like sexual and dating experiences with transgenders from CD's to full TS's and still consider themselves straight. I believe that is just their inability to admit that they are Bi or Bi-curious.

Now, how would I feel if a someone I thought was a woman on a dating site turned out to be a CD? Hmmmmm..... First I would probably laugh my ass off that I found one of me and realize how small this world actually was. Then, being the curious person I am, I would still want to meet this person to talk about "our" lifestyle. I am an open and accepting person, so I would probably not be in any way upset if it happened to me. My approach is to trust my internal senses and if I trust someone and they treat me bad, I chalk that up to experience, refine my filter criteria and move on and do not dwell on it. Now if I was a man looking for a woman and got duped all the way to the bedroom, I still do not know if I would be upset. Hell, I might be is such horny mood, that I may just decide to experience something new! But it would really take a very attractive and super passable woman, with a great personality to fool my TG radar and previous experiences which all form the basis of my filtering process when considering dating a woman.

I think I answered all of your questions as I understood them. Now I will wait and read what others will post. This should be an interesting thread.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Stephanie, I am so glad you had such a great relationship for that long with your wife.

Allie, I would hope that whomever you felt comfortable enough with to share your secrets with would be trustworthy enough to keep them to herself.

I would be ticked off the the 4th dimetion if met someone that I had been talking to and it turned out to be a woman. To me that person wouldn't be someone that I could trust to be truthful first of all and also it would really irk me that they would trick me into meeting them knowing that I was expecting/wanting to meet a man. I probably wouldn't be very nice about the situation.

[Vickie_CDTV]

In my years in the TG community, I have not seen many who dress up and actually try to fool straight men into a real life intimate situation. Not everyone can pass well right up close and personal and and have a voice passable enough to get into an intimate situation without discovery. There are also plenty of men who do like trans girls there is no need to go to such measures. Lastly, doing that can be very very dangerous, and girls have been murdered that way. This is also the most sensational image of the crossdresser, that one that the media loves to present, and sadly an image too familiar to the average person.

Few of us fool men, and most crossdressers are straight, and in the case of someone like myself naturally monogamous, loyal and devoted to our SO (if we are fortunate to have one.)

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Quote by: Vickie_CDTV: There are also plenty of men who do like trans girls there is no need to go to such measures.

I thought the same thing when I read the thread/replies on the other dating forum. Why would a man do that when there are so many sites out there that would be to his preference? It makes no sense to me.

and in the case of someone like myself naturally monogamous, loyal and devoted to our SO (if we are fortunate to have one.)

This seems to be a common theme with CD's. Unfortunately, in my situation, the guy was so narcissistic that he thought he could find many women that would love and accept him and had no need to hang onto the one he had.

[Barbara Dugan]

I only date masculine guys because of my sexual orientation ..but in all my profiles I always disclose what I am...I never try to pretend or deceit anybody..My personal opinion is that a cross dresser sexuality is not different than anybody else...It can be real simple or very complex

[Pythos]

I for one do not dress up to attract men. I dress for myself, and if guys like what they see, they may look but not touch. Now I am about to say something that will sound very much unlike me. I am a sexist. That's right, I am sexually discriminating.

My preferred intimate partner will be female. If she's a butch female, then so be it, if she is a cool girly girl that still like my fem or androg self, then rock on. But I do not fantasize about being with a man. The thought does nothing for me.

My view on cds that dress up and purposely go out to deceive men into thinking they are women to the point of intimacy are doing absolutely no one at all, any kind of favors, and feed the incorrect notion that all CDs are homosexual men that are out to dupe straight men into dating them.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

I am a sexist. That's right, I am sexually discriminating.

What you call sexist/discriminating I call preference. We all have things we like and will/not adhere too b/c we are not attracted. I don't see that as sexist at all. I see that has being human and having preferences.

[Pythos]

I like preference too, much nicer sounding.

[joannemarie barker]

it's a dangerous game to play and not one I would consider.having said that,when I realised I was attracted to men I tried to tell myself that it was just a cd fantasy for a long time,I guess there are Many layers of self acceptance

[Kate Simmons]

I'm not sure what the CD's that do this are trying to prove(if even they are). I've always been up front concerning myself and who I am and never tried to pass myself off as someone or something I wasn't. I can understand why it would be upsetting.:)

[Vickie_CDTV]

I thought the same thing when I read the thread/replies on the other dating forum. Why would a man do that when there are so many sites out there that would be to his preference? It makes no sense to me.


Some might consider it a dangerous thrill, some might see it as a test of how passable they are, some think that at the last moment the guy won't mind they are not a GG and that straight men really don't care (I have actually hard someone say this!) It No matter how one slices it, it is an incredibly bad idea for everyone.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

I like preference too, much nicer sounding.

I have preferences too but I've closed the door on some aspects of who I will give a chance in my life. Even if it's someone I am attracted too that falls into my "preference" catagory in looks, I refuse to get involved with some personality types ever again.

An empty box wrapped in pretty paper is still just as empty once opened.

One man on the other forum said that after he found out he had been chatting with a man for several weeks he ended the contact but the man kept harassing him telling him he could change his mind. To me that's just insane to even think you can change someone's sexual orientation who has made it clear they are not interested.

[Pythos]

Have to ask when it comes to closing doors, does that include all crossdressers? Please don't say you are going to judge all of us off the behavior or actions of one representative. That would be the same as me saying all women are heartless and in many ways stupid b__ches that don't want a man that actually gives a damn about them, based soley on my last experience with a prospective GF.

[DonniDarkness]

There many extreme fantasies out there, this is one of them. Many erotic writers have written about this subject, also there is a growing popularity of Japanese animation catering to this very subject as well. All in all It is about the deception.

This part of the fantasy is usually followed by a situation where then straight man says "oh your so beautiful, i dont care what gender you are"......This holds the feelings of acceptance and levity in the fantasy. So i dont think that the fantasy is really about the sex....its really catering to the admission of acceptance they have for themselves. Its extremely strange and dangerous when adding the ammunition of a webcam and the angry emotions one has for those who try to trick another.

My thoughts,
-Donni-

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Have to ask when it comes to closing doors, does that include all crossdressers? Please don't say you are going to judge all of us off the behavior or actions of one representative. That would be the same as me saying all women are heartless and in many ways stupid b__ches that don't want a man that actually gives a damn about them, based soley on my last experience with a prospective GF.

If you look at my wording, I said the door is closed to some "personality types." Right now I'm neither looking or not looking. If someone comes along that's fine if not that's fine too. It's never bothered me to be alone. However, if it happens that someone does, I will be very much more guarded until I know that the guy is for real this time and not just some emotional vampire using women to suck their energy from them b/c theirs is so depleted they have to use that of others. If that makes any sense.

Donna, your post sounds to me like a fantasy that's been taken to far and some who cannot separate fantasy from reality any more. I am all to familiar with that.

The truth is that it is just that a fantasy and I highly doubt that the reality would be that they would be seen as so beautiful that gender would not matter. I know that there is no way a woman could make herself so attractive to me that I would want to be with her intimately. I can see how that could pose a very real danger to those who put themselves in a situation like this.

[Gina X]

I did go on a dating site a couple of years ago and pretended to be a woman as an experiment to see how far some men would go I only did it for two weeks and it was quite surprising what some men would do, when I presented myself as a four foot overweight 70 year old who would only indulge in certain practises with particularly "large" boys the offers still came thick and fast there must really be some desperate people out there it was a real eye opener. I wouldn't do it again or recommend other people to try it but it was an interesting excercise ..............

[sandra-leigh]

My understanding is that men pretending to be women is pretty common on dating sites, partly because on the majority of dating sites, women get a lot of responses and men (even very decent men) may get very few.

I gather that some string the respondents along for the sake of getting attention; I gather that some string the respondents along and sponge off of them (little presents) or outright defraud them; I gather that some string the respondents along for their own sexual thrills; I gather that some string the respondents along sexually to see how far they can get the guy to go, whether to prove how "desperate" or "pathetic" the respondent is or for the sake of springing the surprise to make them feel unhappy / unsettled / ill.

Do some CD's respond as women to try to attract men for sex? I don't know, but I consider it possible.

There is a difficulty inherent here in deciding what a "CD" is, and when a person stops being a "CD" for the purpose of this matter. For example, I'm suspect you would agree that a pre-op TS with a SRS surgery date lined up should probably not be included in this discussion: in such a case, medical agreement would have to have been reached that the person was indeed female. A female who happened to have still have male parts is probably not in the game for "gay sex", and stating that they were female would not be inaccurate (even if it was not the whole truth.)

As we move further away from that, we get cases such as pre-op TS who has applied for surgery but not received a date; a pre-op TS who has been authorized for surgery but cannot afford it yet; a certified TS who is medically unable to undergo the surgery; a certified TS who chooses not to undergo the surgery but lives "24/7"; a non-op TS who has been living "24/7" but didn't bother getting officially certified (e.g., because certification would go on their medical record as a "mental illness", triggering a bureaucratic dismissal when the supervisors are fine with the situation); a non-op TS who would be forced into a nasty discriminatory legal situation if they made it official... and so on. And moving further away still, you get the people on HRT who are not certain that being TS is the right thing for them; you get the androgynes who are happy to be in between genders... etc.. You might call some of these people "CD", but do they think of themselves that way? Are they "pretending" to be female?

We also have the more slippery case that I myself am not quite sure what to make of: the male who is "straight" when in male mode, but feels that they are female when in female mode. The objective reality of that situation is endlessly debatable. Some cases might be Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). I have personally met an intersex person who went through a fairly regular hormonal cycle that brought their female side further forward at times. And I would certainly hesitate to deny the reality of the Two Spirited Peoples: the term "Two Spirited" was literally created in the city I live in, and it is said that this city has the largest known concentration of Two Spirited Peoples in the world; I have met some myself and it was completely clear to me that there was no "pretending" going on with them.

[I fell asleep at this point in writing the response, so I guess I'll stop here.]

[Pythos]

WsprsOnTheWind,

I see what you mean. Thank you for clarifying.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Pythos, you're welcome.

Sandra, you pose some good points that I had not even thought of. That is exactly why I posted this topic.

[Rianna Humble]

what is your opinion of men who pretend to be women (on or off line) and talk to men? What do you think their reasons are? Why wouldn't they go to the gay/bisexual sites and talk with those who are open to talking instead of targeting straight men and being deceptive?

Now my limited and negative experience dating a CD would lead me to the impression that I was given that it could be the CD's secret desire to experience having sex with a man and justifying doing so by denying his masculinity while pretending to be a woman.

I have learned from being here and from you all being patient and kind, considering the poor quality of education I received firsthand from a CD, that CD's come in many forms and flavors, if you will. I have relied on many of your posts and input to help me learn more about CD's and to soften my opinion and not be bitter toward them all just b/c I happened to meet a rotten apple in the barrell. And, I do appreciate your patience and help.

I have read some people saying that they fantasise about doing this, and I don't know how far they would really go. Many of those CD's that have written of this fantasy seem to see themselves as "straight". If it remains at the stage of fantasy they may even be right, but I would assume there must at least be some element of bi-curious in any man that would dress up as a woman for the purpose of having intimate relations with a man.


Do some CD's respond as women to try to attract men for sex? I don't know, but I consider it possible.

There is a difficulty inherent here in deciding what a "CD" is, and when a person stops being a "CD" for the purpose of this matter. For example, I'm suspect you would agree that a pre-op TS with a SRS surgery date lined up should probably not be included in this discussion: in such a case, medical agreement would have to have been reached that the person was indeed female. A female who happened to have still have male parts is probably not in the game for "gay sex", and stating that they were female would not be inaccurate (even if it was not the whole truth.)

I'm sorry to say that in my opinion, Sandra-Leigh is introducing an irrelevant diversion here. It seems to me that for this discussion, we can accept the fundamental difference that an MtF cross-dresser sees themself as primarily being a man who likes to express his more feminine side on occasion whereas an MtF transsexual is a woman who may or may not yet have had their birth defect surgically corrected.

To indulge Sandra-Leigh's detour for a few moments, speaking as a non-op TS, if I were looking to enter into any kind of relationship before GRS, then I would need the prospective partner to be OK with my situation, although I am quite prepared to socialise as my true gender without (as someone loves to put it) waving the trannie flag. The difference for me being in the type and depth of relationship.

[Cheryl S.]

I can't speak for anyone else but my experience began as a teenager. It started as a fetish for womens high heel shoes. In my 20's thru 40's and into my mid 50's my fetish was met by my wife who enjoys wearing high heels when we are out. In my mid 50's and when money was no longer an issue I began purchasing high heels for my own private use. My desires then elevated to wearing, in addition to sexy stilettos, womens dresses, a wig and under garments. I then decided to try a transformation service which made me look and feel like a woman. Having been thru the service I learned to put on makeup and then one day while home alone ventured out. It was a great feeling. Over the ensuing months and year I have gone out in public several times. Eventually after one transformation session I decided to stop at a local spot known for its diverse clientel. I truly looked feminine both at a distance and up close. I walked in and though scared felt somewhat at ease. The woman who was managing the establishment welcomed me (she must have sensed I was nervous) and made me feel entirely welcome. I told her I was a CD and her words were "honey that isn't a problem". She let me know if I I was bothered or felt at all intimidated by anyone to let her know. I've been back several times and recently was approached by a man my age. He approached me and struck up a conversation. I knew what he had in mind and went along with it. We sat and talked and eventually the talking led to touching. When i am dressed as a woman the physical contact does not bother me. I don't go there to pick up another male. I am comfortable with what I do and have lines I will not cross. The other person will know I am a MtF crossdresser. i don't pass nearly as well as I did after a transformation session but…I don't go to this place for any reason other than I feel comfortable there and people there don't judge you. When I leave and return to my male persona and world I am not interested in having any type of relationship with another male. I CD maybe once a month. I enjoy my life with my wife and the world we live in. I know that some of you may not agree with what I do but I believe we all do what we do within the confines of our life and we make things work.

[BRANDYJ]

Great thread Wsprs. I too saw the post on the other dating site. That is after you said you saw it on a dating site. So I went looking for it.
My opinion? This is to simple. But I do not like liars, cheaters and those that deceive anyone for any reason. I am a man that just happens to be a CD as well. But my reaction if it happened to me would be about the same as I think it would be with any man. I'd be just as turned off and and angry of the deception as most any man would. I have a low opinion of anyone that would pretend to be something they're not with intentions less then honorable, be it a sexual fling or even just a friendship. Neither are good if born out of a lie. I had this happen to me several years ago. This women made contact with me and we would message everyday. It did not take long before I figured out this "women" was not a Captain for United Airlines, but perhaps a gay flight attendant that liked leading men on. I had fun breaking it to "her' that I was on to the games "she" was playing.

[Kaz]

This has been really interesting... I cannot conceive of why any CD would want to pass themselves off as female on a dating site and then go through to meeting unless... a) they are nuts, or b) they just got in too deep and couldn't figure out how to get out. Of course c) is that they self-deluded and really thought it would work out... a long shot!

Do CDs go on dating sites and pass themselves off as female for other reasons... ie not meeting. Yes. Do women go on dating sites with no intention of meeting... yes.

The on-line dating market is a multi-billion dollar market... but you have to accept what is in play here. A very good friend of mine (not me!) has been using this for years to find women. He should write his experiences in a book and publish! He has conversed with and met some amazing people. He eventually has settled with a girl from Columbia. I hope they will be very happy together. However, what he really knows about her is limited. He has been out there and met the family and all that, but it is a different proposition than the "low tech" model of finding a partner.

And there-in lies the problem... in the dating game, on-line or not, nothing is necessarily as it seems, and we figure things out as we go along. When I was in my twenties I knew of friends who would blag their way into the casino and pull women on the basis that they were film producers. They were lab technicians! But they had a good sex life!

So, back to CDing... once you meet them you will know, if not at first, then as soon as the action starts...

Would I go on a dating site and go to meeting up on a deception? I cannot think of a bigger nightmare scenario! This is just not worth the risk.. I could be dead in a ditch with the wrong guy!

I know people who would get quite violent if they found out that there date was a bloke in a dress.

[CaitlynRenee]

Years ago, I met a BI CD girl quite by accident. We had both been left alone at a professional function do to our 'dates' being unable to make their respective flights into Austin. It was our mutual loneliness that got us talking about our own professions in the field of education. I taught weapons and Cindy was technical writer for electronic media. She was up front about her sense of loneliness and missing her guy, and said I most likely wouldn't understand. Then she went on to tell me she was BI and CD and NOT looking for anyone but her beau. The CD part I had deduced, but the BI part I had not. After telling Cindy I was CD myself and NOT BI, we had a good laugh, a drink, dinner, and spent a really enjoyable evening together. I was attractedd to the person of Cindy, not the potential of a sexual partner. Cindy became a good friend and we still talk from time to time. We've also met in drab and had a good time. She is happy in her life and I am happily married in mine.

I guess what I'm saying is that honesty really IS a good policy to adhere to. Of course, It might be totally different when one intentionally sets out to try and fool another as to their true gender. That could be treading on some really dangerous ground.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Brandy, I am so glad to see you post here. I've not seen you on line/heard from you in a while and I've been worried that you are okay. I remember you telling me about this now that you posted it here.

I'm not necessarily speaking of men that pretend to be women being CD's. I am sure many are NOT so it's not as if I was thinking or implying that I thought CD's only would do this but I knew I could get some diversly insightful answers here.

My first guess would be this it is gay men who are afraid to "come out" and live their fantasies online pretending to be women. Why they don't just go to gay sites I'll never know.

[DebCD]

I have not experienced this before but I do see the potential for such behavior. I have used dating sites now and again to look for interested men and/or crossdressers to date. I always represent myself as what I am, a crossdressed guy. Even then it is not that easy to find a date that isn't married or has questionable issues. Maybe I am too picky about who I let get close to me. I really enjoy being dressed and would just like to have a friend that enjoys being with me dressed. But I will not compromise on sneaky married people or safety concerns. Someone who is deceiving what they really are has other issues that I don't want to know about.

-Deb

[Fab Karen]

Online, it is sad guys who need to seek therapy to accept themselves, rather than playing games online in order to have fantasy material for masturbation. In real life, it is extremely rare, as Allie mentioned not many dressers are that passable up-close ( though some admirers in denial might pretend they didn't know when they have all along ), and it's very risky behavior.

[sometimes_miss]

So what is your opinion of men who pretend to be women (on or off line) and talk to men? What do you think their reasons are? Why wouldn't they go to the gay/bisexual sites and talk with those who are open to talking instead of targeting straight men and being deceptive?
They don't want to admit to homosexual desires. There's a huge stigma attached to it, we're brought up to believe it's a horrible thing, so rather than admit to it, even to ourselves, we go through all kinds of mechanisms and excuses to ignore it. Like if you pretend it's not there, it isn't. This is a simple defense mechanism that we use for all kinds of desires that we don't want to admit having.

[Mistybtm]

I only date masculine guys because of my sexual orientation ..but in all my profiles I always disclose what I am...I never try to pretend or deceit anybody..My personal opinion is that a cross dresser sexuality is not different than anybody else...It can be real simple or very complex

Great answer I agree I am the same.

[Joanagreenleaf]

Reading your original question about "the crucial moment" I'm assuming you mean when the expected boy/girl differences finally come into sight and/or touch.

Well... Here's the thing, male of female, there are actually all kinds of go/no go points aren't there?

I'll get the "actually a guy" issue out of the way first. If they were that good, or, I was that drunk, I'd tend to believe I'd say, "Wait a bit... Not what I was looking forward to..." My feelings would be, "If I got fooled, it was me that went along with it this far. Go? No go?" But, I would not be angry about it.

Clumsy situations do come up in life, and so long as everyone exited the scene without loud noises or bruises, well, no real harm done... Try again. Lots of fishy fish in the sea. No news there.

Now, for the "actually a gal" issue... The fact is the anticipation is often greater than the reality. For example, if I think she's a firm breasted woman, and it's all foundation underwear, well, I can be more or less enthusiastic - odds are she'll pick up on it and that will change the course of things. Oh, well, not every "at bat" is a home run - even with people we know and love.

Sticking with the "getting naked for the first time" notion, there's all sorts of problems with people's expectations of the other person and the reality of sags, stretches, wrinkles, fat, bones, poor tone, bad tattoos, too much hair, too little hair, and other turn offs, etc., etc., etc. You either "go with what we've got" or you gracefully back away from proceeding further. If you can "beg off," easily great. If you can't... Well, you can't help some things going poorly sometimes...

What would I think if I were to run across a "She's a guy!" situation? I'd probably give credit where credit was due, "Very good. Yes, nice effort. Soooo, this is going in a different direction... But, good job there."

That's dating. That's life. That's the way it goes some days.