Nice talk with my wife

[prettytoes]

My wife and I had a really nice talk last night. She is absolutely wonderful and I tell her every day how much I appreciate her. I recently gave her a copy of "My Husband Wears My Clothes", and she has just finished it. I asked her if it helped her, and she said it really did help to put her at ease and to begin to understand all of this. She is now able to kid with me about my dressing, which to me indicates acceptance rather than tolerance. I did not tell her about my desire to crossdress, (I wish I had, but never could bring myself to do it); she found my stash of clothes. She asked me if I ever intended to tell her, and I told her that I had wanted to for many years, but did not have the courage to do it. I honestly thought I would lose her if she found out.
I also explained to her that I often get thoughts of "why me"?. Why must I be like this? I really wish I could explain it, even to myself, why it makes me feel so good to dress. Sometimes I even feel silly, but that quickly gets washed over with a great feeling of joy and general sense of well being.
I can only assume that I am surely not the only one that gets these feelings. I guess this is what causes the purges that we seem to have gone through at one time or another. Anyone care to comment?

[Alice B]

That is great news and your wife sounds as if she is truly a caring person and open minded.

[Danni Renee]

I used to have the "why me" question but since I came out to my girlfriend and she accepted me it does not bother me as much. I still question have many other questions to work through though!

[ReineD]

I also explained to her that I often get thoughts of "why me"?. Why must I be like this? I really wish I could explain it, even to myself, why it makes me feel so good to dress. Sometimes I even feel silly, but that quickly gets washed over with a great feeling of joy and general sense of well being.
I can only assume that I am surely not the only one that gets these feelings. I guess this is what causes the purges that we seem to have gone through at one time or another. Anyone care to comment?

I think it has most to do with an abject fear of rejection. On the one hand you can't help your need to dress, but on the other you feel that if you do you'll lose everything that you hold dear. Maybe a part of it also has to do with the way you and all other guys are socialized and have formed your male identities, by rejecting everything feminine, at least publicly so in your case. So you've had some internal conflict to resolve as well as dealing with a fear of losing wife, family, friends, etc.

It's not easy.

So ... now that she knows, please guard against going overboard in the opposite direction if you can. I've seen it happen here often enough, like the cover that comes off of a steam cooker. This is understandable, and usually things get back to a more balanced state down the road, but the immediate swing to the left does scare many of the wives who all of a sudden go from thinking their husbands like to dress occasionally and privately, to wanting to do little else but, including body shaving, nail growing, eyebrow plucking, ear piercing, along with tons of new clothing and accessory purchases, in order to begin going out dressed in the mainstream (if they had been previously closely closeted). In other words, *pink fog*. This is when a wife might wonder what is happening to her husband and her marriage, and she might wish to stop supporting the CDing because she'll be scared. Or, she'll do her best to seem supportive while she struggles inside and wonders what is going on.

Don't forget that it will take your wife just as long as it took you to reach the same level of acceptance you're at now, so please don't go faster than she can catch up.

:hugs:

[BriannaCD]

I think it has most to do with an abject fear of rejection. On the one hand you can't help your need to dress, but on the other you feel that if you do you'll lose everything that you hold dear. Maybe a part of it also has to do with the way you and all other guys are socialized and have formed your male identities, by rejecting everything feminine, at least publicly so in your case. So you've had some internal conflict to resolve as well as dealing with a fear of losing wife, family, friends, etc.

It's not easy.

So ... now that she knows, please guard against going overboard in the opposite direction if you can. I've seen it happen here often enough, like the cover that comes off of a steam cooker. This is understandable, and usually things get back to a more balanced state down the road, but the immediate swing to the left does scare many of the wives who all of a sudden go from thinking their husbands like to dress occasionally and privately, to wanting to do little else but, including body shaving, nail growing, eyebrow plucking, ear piercing, along with tons of new clothing and accessory purchases, in order to begin going out dressed in the mainstream (if they had been previously closely closeted). In other words, *pink fog*. This is when a wife might wonder what is happening to her husband and her marriage, and she might wish to stop supporting the CDing because she'll be scared. Or, she'll do her best to seem supportive while she struggles inside and wonders what is going on.

Don't forget that it will take your wife just as long as it took you to reach the same level of acceptance you're at now, so please don't go faster than she can catch up.

:hugs:



Reine, wow! What great insight. I go through those very thoughts all of the time. My family knows about "Her" as does my wife. It is the "Rejection Factor" I fear the most, so I hide.


Thank you for your words.


Brianna

[ColleenCD]

Spot on Reine,

Colleen

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

You couldn't have defined it any clearer Reine.

[prettytoes]

Reine, you really hit the mark.
I am trying to be careful to not go too fast. I really have no desire to venture outside dressed, as my physical structure would always make me nothing more than a man in a dress. I will get dolled up for Halloween, though. I work with chemicals all day, so painting fingernails would be a waste of time, and I promised my wife that I would not shave my chest. I know she likes the chest hair, and I have no problem keeping it. She likes my hairy chest, and it is the one thing I can do for her. I can wear a skirt outside when I am at my camp...no-one to see me except for the deer, and they won't tell!
Thanks again for your insight.

[Drisc13]

I can so relate to your feelings. My wife also knows and helps me with my dressing but I do get embarrassed still. I don't know what I would do without her

[suchacutie]

My wife and I brought Tina to "life" together almost 6 years ago, so embarrasment would seem unlikely, and it was....

until the first day that Tina found her voice. Suddenly some switch got thrown and Tina was suddenly incredibly shy and, well, embarrassed. To this day we still don't know why this set her off. That voice was some turning point and suddenly it was clear that this was really Tina. It didn't bother my wife at all.

I guess we never know what's in store for us in this adventure!