danielleb
05-23-2011, 06:45 PM
So my first attempt put me in a holding pattern until april of this year, and then I had a horribly negative experince where my mother refused to see me in person and hung up the phone in anger.
Just a gap filler for those that don't know, I haven't spoken to my mother in 17 years (aside for the call in dec.). She sent me to live with my father then after tensions grew between us as I had mounting frustration over life and tried to throw away all my pictures, medals, and clothes and tell her that I wasn't the person she thought I was.
I guess third times the charm? My mom left a message with my father for me to call her back, and retaining the frame of mind that I am open to the world, but can't control how the world reacts to me, I called her back. She apologized and stated that she was angry after having to talk to my father before me that day (as I had suspeceted). She agreed to meet me at a nearby resteraunt for lunch.
I met with her, she is still quite frail from her recent bought with skin cancer and a MRSA virus. I opened by discussing my fear of who I was talking to, as it seems everytime I speak to her it's a different person that I talk to. We discussed some of our concerns about each other fueled from past events, the whole while I was trying to build the courage to tell her exactly why I had called her.
After probably an hour and a half I finally got to the point of discussing my perception of life and how I just can't properly relate to people, and told her that I was transgendered. It was followed by silence, and I felt like all the air was sucked out of the room and I was stuck in a vaccum. She said, "I don't really know what that is." I gave her the simple explination of a female brain in a guys body. We discussed it a little (and a little about the whole Chaz Bono phenomena that seemed to align convienently), and she asked me the requisite, "does this mean that I won't have grandkids?" I had to explain that it wasn't going to happen the way things are now anyway! :heehee:
She told me that she had recently had to act as intermediary between her best friend and her daughter. Her daughter (2 years older than me) was engaged to her girlfriend, and had to tell her mom she was a lesbian. Her mom didn't take it well (though not poorly, she attended the wedding, just had to be carried out). I had to reinforce that this wasn't about sexual identity for me, and that it's something entirely different (I'm still not sure that she really got that point). I kind of was led to divulge a little more than I wanted in that regard, stating that I'm currently bisexual (though not actively, so does it even count? :D).
I told her that I suspected that for me it was a result of a stressful child birth (keep in mind I was adopted). She said ,"of course." It turns out that my biological mother was forced by her devoutly religious family to give me up for adoption despite wanting to keep me. And at the same time my biological father was trying to get her to marry him, but her family wouldn't allow it. So through the whole pregnancy my biological mother was distressed over the whole situation. (Thank god for religion (yes, that's sarcasm and a joke), take care of your immediate living family, and forget everything else, great additude!)
We spent some time talking about how when I was younger she was trying to treat me like a child and how now she can accept that I am an adult and treat me accordingly. She admitted that had I told her when I was a teenager she probably wouldn't have taken the news well, and not accepted it.
Ultimately (four hours later) she took the point of "you're trangendered, so what?" Stating that as long as it makes me happy that that's what matters most. This was pretty astonishing to me as I could never have predicted such a positive outcome. So I'm holding my breath waiting for the backlash, but I really don't think it's coming (at least not from her).
To add to that positive experience the next day I happened upon a local departement store having a going out of business sale, so I kind of unleashed the girl and spent money I didn't have on some things I needed, and a couple I didn't. ;) Then later that day at the library, the only person in line, I was adressed as M'am while wearing my normal drab attire of grubby old drivers shoes, and all black buttoned shirt, long shorts, and a baseball cap.
So now that that's out of the way, it's onto my dad, who both my mother and I suspect will be a much less positive outcome, but I guess we'll see.:)
Just a gap filler for those that don't know, I haven't spoken to my mother in 17 years (aside for the call in dec.). She sent me to live with my father then after tensions grew between us as I had mounting frustration over life and tried to throw away all my pictures, medals, and clothes and tell her that I wasn't the person she thought I was.
I guess third times the charm? My mom left a message with my father for me to call her back, and retaining the frame of mind that I am open to the world, but can't control how the world reacts to me, I called her back. She apologized and stated that she was angry after having to talk to my father before me that day (as I had suspeceted). She agreed to meet me at a nearby resteraunt for lunch.
I met with her, she is still quite frail from her recent bought with skin cancer and a MRSA virus. I opened by discussing my fear of who I was talking to, as it seems everytime I speak to her it's a different person that I talk to. We discussed some of our concerns about each other fueled from past events, the whole while I was trying to build the courage to tell her exactly why I had called her.
After probably an hour and a half I finally got to the point of discussing my perception of life and how I just can't properly relate to people, and told her that I was transgendered. It was followed by silence, and I felt like all the air was sucked out of the room and I was stuck in a vaccum. She said, "I don't really know what that is." I gave her the simple explination of a female brain in a guys body. We discussed it a little (and a little about the whole Chaz Bono phenomena that seemed to align convienently), and she asked me the requisite, "does this mean that I won't have grandkids?" I had to explain that it wasn't going to happen the way things are now anyway! :heehee:
She told me that she had recently had to act as intermediary between her best friend and her daughter. Her daughter (2 years older than me) was engaged to her girlfriend, and had to tell her mom she was a lesbian. Her mom didn't take it well (though not poorly, she attended the wedding, just had to be carried out). I had to reinforce that this wasn't about sexual identity for me, and that it's something entirely different (I'm still not sure that she really got that point). I kind of was led to divulge a little more than I wanted in that regard, stating that I'm currently bisexual (though not actively, so does it even count? :D).
I told her that I suspected that for me it was a result of a stressful child birth (keep in mind I was adopted). She said ,"of course." It turns out that my biological mother was forced by her devoutly religious family to give me up for adoption despite wanting to keep me. And at the same time my biological father was trying to get her to marry him, but her family wouldn't allow it. So through the whole pregnancy my biological mother was distressed over the whole situation. (Thank god for religion (yes, that's sarcasm and a joke), take care of your immediate living family, and forget everything else, great additude!)
We spent some time talking about how when I was younger she was trying to treat me like a child and how now she can accept that I am an adult and treat me accordingly. She admitted that had I told her when I was a teenager she probably wouldn't have taken the news well, and not accepted it.
Ultimately (four hours later) she took the point of "you're trangendered, so what?" Stating that as long as it makes me happy that that's what matters most. This was pretty astonishing to me as I could never have predicted such a positive outcome. So I'm holding my breath waiting for the backlash, but I really don't think it's coming (at least not from her).
To add to that positive experience the next day I happened upon a local departement store having a going out of business sale, so I kind of unleashed the girl and spent money I didn't have on some things I needed, and a couple I didn't. ;) Then later that day at the library, the only person in line, I was adressed as M'am while wearing my normal drab attire of grubby old drivers shoes, and all black buttoned shirt, long shorts, and a baseball cap.
So now that that's out of the way, it's onto my dad, who both my mother and I suspect will be a much less positive outcome, but I guess we'll see.:)