almost wish i did not know

[erica12b]

I almost wish I did not know about this site , don’t get me wrong here= I love this site and all of you , but I now know im not a freak, that there could be a gg out there for me, that there are others that understand what im going thru , all the good things that I have learned here have given me hope, yet it is or has not helped with the here and now the real world , the world we are in and the holes we put ourselves in,

When I come here I love reading the hubby wife times and of the girl time’ the lucky one have, I am extra sad to hear of the falls and the big d’s that hit, or the she outed me threads,

It makes my life seem sad but safe, I just read about all the new posts and it was a great escape time for me but then I half to come back to the real world and go to work and help the rents , be a dad ,grandpa, uncle, employee x2, so on and so on seldom do I get to dress and now that I have tried to out my self to a gg or two and tried to date them I find my dressing is a privet time just for me , a my time , I know I want help looking my best and making every thing just right , im finding it harder to share my fem side (don’t know why)

Well that was my vent , putting my thoughts to words and ill look at them in a day or two and see how I feel about it all again lol I hate to love it and love to hate it lol

[Kathi Lake]

But if you didn't know, wouldn't you wonder? For me, that was the final straw. I hit 45 and realized that if I was ever going to experience all that I wanted in life that I had to just get out there and do it. And I did. And I do. And I love it.

Erica, we're glad that you know, and we're glad that you're here.

Kathi

[tiffanyjo89]

To me, this site is kinda a relief of desire to dress when I can't.

I get very little private time, but I do wear panties everyday. If I had one thing to make me hate this site, it's that I wish I could get up the courage to go somewhere en femme. Unfortunately, I have NO makeup and my female clothing collection lacks any proper "casual, around town" clothes [heck, it lacks proper clothing period].

[erica12b]

for me living in fear, was the norm for most of my teen yr's and twentys, at around thirty five i found out i was not alone, been trying to find my place ever sence , got divorced around five yr ago ,(she never knew) she wanted something diffrent, been digging myself out of the mess she left me in ever sence , and its the ups and downs that get to me the highs and the lows i get from some of the threads lol the hopes and rejections of all of you , im addicted to it here so sometimes i wish i did not know of this world and could have just stayed in little closet , every thing changes and so will i someday

[Cynthia Anne]

I enjoyed reading your post! I agree with you on the different types of postings! But then again I see the good in the sad posts! It's nice that we share our sad times with each other because we are directly or indirectly asking and trusting each other for advice! After all what are friends for! Hugs!

[Rianna Humble]

You are partly right that this site does not necessarily change your day to day situation. The reason why I say partially is because your attitude to your dressing will have an indirect effect on all those things that you mentioned.

Whilst you are in conflict with yourself it is harder to be honest with a potential girlfriend. If you are worrying (even subcinsciously) about being a"freak" you cannot apply that part of your mind to doing a good job at work. If you cannot love yourself, how can you share that love with children / grandchildren / nieces / nephews?

You are right that knowing you are not alone does not of itself pay the bills, but neither does denying that you cross-dress. Employers tend to prefer people working for them who are at one with themselves for one basic reason - those employees tend to be more productive.

I hope you find someone to love and who will love all of you, but most of all, I hope you find peace.

[erica12b]

balance , is what i have found , its not what i wish for , but its where i am right now
i feel i have excepted my self , when i do find the right gf then i will see how or if erica should grow ,

after rereading my post i was not trying to be down, or sad , it was just a thought i was having about my emotions going up and down when and after i have been here

[Karren H]

Dollar for dollar... Definitely the best entertainment value out there! :D

[erica12b]

lol always the practical one (karren) lol