Came out to a friend, now he hates me, no clue what i should do...

[Myojine]

Ok so, I play on MMO game
these games are pretty much like life online these days
Well I came out to him because well
I felt like i was lieing
the problem though is that we've pretty much gone as far as cybering, and sharing porn.
So needless to say, he feels like I've lied to him and... everything.

I don't know what to say.
He's a very important friend in my circle of people.
I just dont know what to say.

[Felicity71]

you win some, you loose some. Try to educate him.

[Andrea85]

Say and do nothing. For now at least. I have a little personal experience on this, but YMMV.

A really good friend of mine was the lst for me to come out to (about being trans and being gay), for the fact he could be somewhat homophobic. So, when I came out to him, he was freaked, and his mom said he felt like he didn't know me anymore. So I left well enough alone.

That was 3 months ago.

The other day, I was passing by his moms house, and figured it was time to see if we were still friends or if he anted nothing to do with me anymore. He was in the garage, so I thought being out in the open would be a good place to confront him. I told him I was having an anxiety attack and was needing someone to talk to. We talked for about a half hour, then I brought up my coming out to him. He said he may have overly freaked when I told him but it was because it as so shocking to him. (That's about as good of an apology as he gives.) But he said now he was completely cool with it, supported my descision, and still considered us best friends. We ended up hanging out for several hours that night.

So just give him space for a while. It may just be shock he is dealing with. There's no set time period to wait, just confront him when the time feels right. Good luck!

[Melody Moore]

If he hates you because you trusted him so much that you felt the need to confide in him in an issue
that is so personal & close to your heart, then realise that he was never any sort of true friend to even
begin with & this isn't any sort of real loss, except to him. Trust me, you will make better friends in the
future that accept you for the person you truly are & who you are aspiring to be by being so honest.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Myojine, I don't have any relevant experience with this, but in a way your on-line friend is grieving the person he thought that he knew. Grief can find all sorts of expressions including anger and a desire to hurt others. In time he may come to see that you are still the same person and did him an honour by confiding in him.

If he doesn't then I'm afraid there will be nothing to do but to find a truer friend.

Sorry if this is not much consolation

[Aprilrain]

Just so I'm clear, you have never actually met this person? except for online? right?

[Hope]

You don't get to control how other people react.

You can influence it, but they get to decide how they behave. It is one of the ways you get to find out who the really cool people are, and who the real jerks are. The cool people take surprising or challenging information in stride, and continue to accompany you on the walk of life - to support you and think you are rad. The jerks - well, they are jerks about it.

Being trans is a HUGE jerk filter. But you still don't get to decide who the jerks are - you just get to unmask them with unprecedented swiftness and efficiency.

[Melody Moore]

Being trans is a HUGE jerk filter. But you still don't get to decide who the jerks
are - you just get to unmask them with unprecedented swiftness and efficiency.

I remember my pyschologist saying to me when I started hormone therapy & treatment 9 months ago...
"One of the best ways to find out who your real friends are & who really loves you is to transition"

[Jay Cee]

I remember my pyschologist saying to me when I started hormone therapy & treatment 9 months ago...
"One of the best ways to find out who your real friends are & who really loves you is to transition"

A less dramatic and painful way would be to loan each of them $20.00, and then see who pays you back on time. ;)

Sorry to hear your having a tough go with that particular aquaintance, myojine.

[Laurie Ann]

I am old and do not know much about online games. I would like to know what MMO is?

[Carole Cross]

Massive Multiplayer Online, sometimes followed by RPG - Role Playing Game, giving MMORPG

Back to the OP, sorry to hear that your friend didn't react well to your coming out. Like the other s said give it some time or try to educate him. I came out to a friend acouple of years ago and although he was sceptical at first. I gave him a couple of websited to look at and after reading those seemed to understand. He later found out that when his gf was at college, one of the girls on her course was trans so she was cool with it too.

[Violetgray]

Just curious, do you think it might have something to do with the fact that you had cyber-sex with him under false pretenses?

An apology for that might be a good start.

[Aprilrain]

So, how exactly does "cyber sex" work? Sounds boring, then again the last time I found video games entertaining was in the 80's.

[Violetgray]

So, how exactly does "cyber sex" work? Sounds boring, then again the last time I found video games entertaining was in the 80's.

It works like phone sex, except with chat. Oh, and video games are WAY more entertaining now that they've ever been. It's like the difference between using a computer now and in the 80's.

[Sejd]

You sounds like you are really disappointed that someone who you thought was your friend is not a friend at all. That must hurt. Sorry for your experience. Hope you find another friend soon :0)

[CatAttack]

Just curious, do you think it might have something to do with the fact that you had cyber-sex with him under false pretenses?

An apology for that might be a good start.

This. Since this is just some online guy, don't take it to heart. Think of it as a lesson. But if you really don't want to lose him, the only thing you can really do now is to apologize and try to educate him [without overloading him with information]. You'll meet new people and make new friends.. BUT if in real life, NEVER get intimate with a guy and THEN tell him that you are trans!! That is like super dangerous! You are lucky that this guy was online and that the sex was non-physical.. because otherwise he would probably be soo much more pissed.