How do you deal with public conversation

[Sarahgurl371]

How do you deal with the CD subject when in public like at the break room or at restaurant with friends? I'm new to the forum, and am working on self acceptance, having alot of anxiety lately when the subject comes up, as it inevetably does. Worried everyone can see it on my face, then everyone will know. I work and live in a relatively conservative area, ever want to move to NYC?

[Sara Kat]

How do you deal with the CD subject when in public like at the break room or at restaurant with friends? I'm new to the forum, and am working on self acceptance, having alot of anxiety lately when the subject comes up, as it inevetably does. Worried everyone can see it on my face, then everyone will know. I work and live in a relatively conservative area, ever want to move to NYC?
It depends on who I'm with but for the most part I "joke around" that I do it. Little does anyone know... :D

[Rachel Morley]

Well, for me, crossdressing (as we know it) rarely comes up in everyday conversations at work. However, the subject of someone being a bit "fem" or someone making a joke comment about a guy doing something non-manly and that "OMG he'll be wearing women's clothing next" type thing, does come up from time to time.

When this happens I just say nothing but do do maintain eye contact and smile sometimes. So, I'm joining in but I'm not contributing if you know what I mean.

[uknowhoo]

Hi Tammy, and welcome to the forum (btw, I love your name!!).
Anyway, on those occasions when the topic has come up, I just try to go with the flow. Act as others do, which would usually include joking around with it. The only way to give yourself away is by giving yourself away. Just relax, go with it and you'll be fine! Good luck. Tammi

[psdibe]

I agree with Angle, I have not had it come up very often. If some thing does I just continue the conversation with out any change in tone or expression. People really don't know. Even if youa re wear panties under your male clothes.
Hugs PD.

[Julie]

I know no one who hasn't been told would ever suspect I'm TG so that kind of conversation has no effect on me. In fact, I have been the one to start conversations about it. I'm curious how they will react. Since I work construction, I'm sure you can imagine their reaction :rolleyes:

[heathr1]

Most of my jobs have been working in places where it is predominantly women in the workplace.

Several years ago, while in the rest room at work, with just a waitress there too, she unexpectedly picked up a lipgloss from her handbag and jokingly said, while waving the lipgloss brush in front of me 'Would you like a make-over? Lipstick, lipgloss and a dress?'

I was secretly wishing she'd put the gloss on me, but laughed with her. Then the best part.....She then explained that after an argument with her boyfriend, she made him sit in front of her one day and she applied full make-up on him...She then gave an evil looking grin :D

Another time, while another waitress was applying make-up in front of me, she revealed to me that her and several other women considered dressing me in a waitress' uniform and putting make-up on me so I would go the manager on her birthday and serve her coffee in her office. She then said they'd decided it would be unfair to put me through that....I felt robbed :(

I used to be in a slimming club too and I was the only man among 40 or more women members. They decided to start bringing in their clothes to swap while continuing to lose weight and I'd occasionally have the women hold a dress or skirt up to me for a laugh! I joked with them, but wished so much that one of them would try to pursuade me to dress up :D

Maybe one day?

I never told anyone during these situations about my dressing.

[Lady Jayne]

I'm totally in the closet but a group of friends and I have done the female fancy dress thing more than once, everybody knows this so if crossdressing comes up in conversation i just say something like "well I have been known to wear a frock from time to time" or "only on weekends" still people have commented that I seem to enjoy it a bit too much.:D

[MarinaTwelve200]

I know no one who hasn't been told would ever suspect I'm TG so that kind of conversation has no effect on me. In fact, I have been the one to start conversations about it. I'm curious how they will react. Since I work construction, I'm sure you can imagine their reaction :rolleyes:

I really Like to "play dumb", at least in a joking way. I am known as being a 'paragon of knowledge' about many obscure and diverse subjects (not unlike norm the mailman---but i'm taken more seriously) and I often bring up "interesting trivia" to get conversations going.---Correcting people's "misconceptions" about anything from eqyptian heiroglyphics to particle physics, is the expected thing from me.----

Invariably, if CD is mentioned, there is usually a Homosexal/Gay connotation about it. My usual reply is something like "what do the clothes a guy wears have to do with whether or not he wants to have sex with other men?" (playing dumb)

This gets them thinking. then I follow up with "You DO know what a homosexual IS dont you?"---Like I am appaled that an adult dosent know what "Gay" means. Then I give my text book definition of homosexuality, and how it has nothing to do with how a guy dresses or how well he plays football.

I Then usualy say " beleive it or not, most those crossdressing guys are straight."---I say it like I am relating one of my "amazing facts", so I am not "suspected" and it is in line with my normal propensity to spout interesting information.

I will often follow up with other interesting details and explainations is asked---as oftimes this fact is a "revelation' to most. I often get to blow away a few myths Too, like telling them how stupid it would be for a gay guy to dress like a girl to attract another gay partner, etc. etc.
So I actually get to properly "educate" folks aboutCD withot appearing oddly defensive myself.

[insearchofme]

I usually say something like, "What ever get you through the night". I teach Health Education on the college level. one of the courses I teach is Human Sexuality, so when I say something about sex my freinds usually take me seriously.

I always point out that anywhere from 5-10% of all men crossdress and most are straight. This always gives them some pause and I then interject that perhaps we should check to see who is wearing panties. Every guy there says no, wonder what would happen if they ever call my bluff and see my panties (which I wear most days)?

The women in the group usually laugh and say something like, "Come on guys give us a peek". Usually some guy says, " We if you will" and that ends the discussion. Often times i wish we would just 'reveal" ourselves

[Stephanie Brooks]

Mostly the subject never comes up. I keep to myself anyway, so I'm not in that many conversations. Accordingly something such as crossdressing is unlikely to be discussed.

[Stephenie]

Since I'm in a somewhat supervisory position I get to tell people that what others do is none of thier buisness and that making derogatory remarks is not acceptable. Even if they wear a dress to work as long as it is not a safety hazzard then I get to defend them with out outing myself. :D

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

it has come up around me and i deal with it in a positive way,,,

also "Dont Hate",,,, "Hate" is why our soldiers are not at home with their families

[Donna]

I LOVE NEW YORK CITY!

From Donna who is stuck in Rhode Island (anyone know where that is?)

[Wendy me]

well my best freind brought it last winter in a veary negitive way ... so i tlod him look your so wrong do you think i am like that he said no your just like me ..then i said i am a crossdresser ....could have knocked him over with a feather ...btw the subject has never came up again....

[MarinaTwelve200]

well my best freind brought it last winter in a veary negitive way ... so i tlod him look your so wrong do you think i am like that he said no your just like me ..then i said i am a crossdresser ....could have knocked him over with a feather ...btw the subject has never came up again....


I hope you didnt leave him still thinking that CD was "gay". Indeed, Thats my main point when I discuss the subject, to break people's association with CD and Gay---the number one misconception that is at the root of most animosity toward CDers.

Not that "gay" is "bad", but most people can at least get over their CD phobia once they realize that it is a seprate thing in itself---and they really know nothing about it. They had tied it to gay myths, but when those links are invalidaded, its is an excellent chance to give them correct information.----

They can be corrected on their gay misconceptions later.

[Wendy me]

oh no we left it he was more clear than he ever thought he would be....

[HaleyPink2000]

Actually, sexual issues come up all the time where I work. I find that if I just smile and ignore the idiots, it will go away in short order. I keep doing my job, which I am paid to do. Break or Lunch comes, I leave till it's time to work again. After 20 years on the job, you hear everything at least once. Anything from the B, C and F words and worse.

I don't need that in my life. So I ignore trash like many I work with. Then go on with my day. The bad part is sometimes the vulgarity rubs off on you, from years around it. No matter how hard I try sometimes I slip up and curse also. Do I like that I did talk like that to others. NO! But I'm working on it. Have a short time till I retire and I won't be hearing as much trash talk. As for talking about Cding at work, No! I won’t do that and never will. Why should I put my retirement on the line?

Haley:)

[Stormgirl]

Simple,I dont discuss that kind of stuff with anybody.

[phoebekins]

Hi,

I’m a GG, and I was out to dinner a couple of months ago in Montreal. It such a party atmosphere around town, (especially for the 18 year olds who come up from the States all the time because of the lower drinking age!) I was with three other women, and we saw a guy in a dress with a bra and panties on over that, with condoms tied to him. (He was walking around to help draw attention to condom awareness, which was a good thing.)

Anyway, the women I was with noticed this “condom safety” guy, and then started talking about transvestites—in an ignorant and derogatory way. One of the women (who is retired, and seemed rather naïve) bragged, “I was a nurse, and I know all about transvestites! I worked in a hospital and the transvestites used to wake up from their sex change surgery and yell about how their new female body parts hurt, just so everyone would know they had them!” I said, “Um, did it ever occur to you that maybe the patients were in pain, and they needed a nurse??” She didn’t get that, and she didn’t get anything else! She also said “he” after the man had had surgery, and therefore was a “she.” She didn’t care, clearly.

I also pointed out that she kept saying “transvestite” instead of “transsexual,” and I said to her, “If you have to make fun of people in such a rude way, you might at least want to get your terminology straight!” Again, over her head. :mad:

The other two women were agreeing with her. One of them said, “Transvestites are sick and need help,” and they were nodding “knowingly.” I knew that I was in the minority, and I said what I could, but I knew that I couldn’t say anything to change their narrow minds.

I have a friend who is a transvestite, and he has to deal with this type of ignorance all the time. It just made me so sad and mad to hear this stuff, even though it wasn't surprising to hear, if that makes any sense. I ended the conversation by saying, “I’m thankful that I’m not as naïve as you guys,” (and then I began to eat large mouthfuls of French fries so I wouldn’t scream at them!) I was amazed at how fast I wanted to lose my temper at them, and I didn’t want to get overly angry in public.

Anyway…sorry to vent in such a long post, but it really bugs me when people get so cruel. I guess if I didn’t have this friend of mine, I wouldn’t feel so rotten when people are clueless.

Do you guys (and girls) think that I said the right thing? Or, should I have just laughed and ignored them?

Thanks, and I’m really glad to have found this forum! Sorry to sound so miffed, because actually, I'm thankful that I found a place to tell this story.
Phoebe

[Sarahgurl371]

Its very interesting that the rest of the world wants to worry about whats in your back yard, but as soon as you get close to thiers the subject changes. I agree that some are too narrow minded to ever change thier negative opinions about anyone who is different than them, just seems like they might miss out on some good frienships living like that. I personally am not offended by anyones sexuality or lifestlyes, so long as everyone is a willing participant and no one gets hurt.

I guess I was just taken by suprise when I was told the story of a kid who hid out in a high school after he killed someone, and he was a TRANSVESTITE. After several minutes of relating the story I got... wait the person he killed was a transvestite. I said it doesn't much matter, the guys a MURDERER! But I was immeadiatley anxious at how there was such a negative conotation to the whole transvestite thing. Apparently murderer = transvestite.

It just really freaked me out, and caused alot of anxiety in that situation for quite a while. I'm normally pretty open about everything and not offended by much, but that one got to me.

[MichelleGray502]

yes sometimes when i am out with some of 'me mates that has no idea 'bout Michelle and 'th transgender topic comes up, I Just more or less go along with 'th conservation and what is being said. I only come out clean with people that i think who would have a open mind 'bout it, That sometimes is not as easy as you can imange it is i try read people minds and thin k to 'meself wondering if they would understand or not if i should tell them 'bout Michelle or not. But on 'th other hand i seem to always pick certain people that i know who would never understand 'th transgender world no matter what i said or how i explain it to them. So it all depends at 'th time and people that i am with if i would ever come clean with them 'bout Michelle or just tell them 'bout how i am on 'th topic.

Anyhow that's how i am on this and i am sure evryone has there own ways on dealing with it.

[jo_ann]

what I really hate is when the subject comes up, and it's negative.. and you feel like saying something.. maybe even defending your lifestyle, but you rather let them think that you have nothing to do with and see if they can dig a deeper hole for themself just before you reveal that your highly offended since your being talked about.

[Mirragea]

If it is a negative closeminded dialogue I remain quiet unless I feel like rockin the boat.Most of the time I'm in the position to slip in info without anyone knowing(they kind of expect this type of thing from me now).Sometimes after they joke about gay people(macho environment entertainment) etc...Someone will approach me privately and have genuine questions about srs,hormones,what is a transsexual etc...One time I chattin with a coworker about Michael Jackson.I asked her what she thought(during the trial).She said that he did it he is gay.My logical debate couldn't convince her that a person being gay isn't the same as one being a pedohphile.So you can't win them all.I had to let her wallow in her ignorance.

[Deidra Cowen]

I have had two co-workers/friends (guys) mention transgendered girls in a postive way. Unfortunately they were referring to sexual attraction, not any general acceptance in a social way...but they got a kick out of tgirls. By the way both of these cases were before I started dressing (so it was not a case of them suspecting me, I do the macho male act pretty damn well), but i regardless ignored the subject.

My daughter while riding in the car with me mentioned guys that dress up just a week or so ago. We were riding along and this girl was on a bike on the road. She was extremely muscular and caught all our eyes. My daughter gave me a bit of a knowing look...it threw me off...has she picked up on some clues? Again discrestion was the better part of valor...I moved the conversation on to other things. At her age of 16 I am not ready to reveal myself and have her deal with my issues.