Lessons of hate

[dawnmarrie1961]

After supper I usually enjoy a nice brisk walk through the city. It helps me to digest the food and gets me away from the craziness of the homeless shelter for a while.
On my way back I saw up ahead of me a father walking his young daughter. As I was contemplating how cute the whole scene looked and how it reminded me of going for similar strolls with my own children a jogger pasted by me and ran past them. I heard the father curse aloud at the man saying “You’re lucky you didn’t bump in me I would have kicked your ass!” This struck me as quite inappropriate to be saying this in front of a small child.
As the pair got closer to me I walked slightly into the grass to give them room on the sidewalk.
Suddenly as they started to pass by me the little girl reached out her hand and grabbed my hand. I stopped.
“Hello.” She said.
“Hi.” I replied.
Abruptly the father yanked his daughter by the arm. “Don’t talk to that….it’s a fagot!”
“But it’s a nice lady, daddy.” I heard the girl say as I continued walking.
Then I heard the father say, “That isn’t a woman that’s a man! Somebody should put a gun to his head!”
I’ve heard those words before. They don’t bother me anymore. It is sad to witness a young mind being taught such lessons of hate and intolerance towards a fellow human being.
When will they ever learn?:sad:

[Lorileah]

Lessons in hate and nonacceptance are taught early. Your story shows that the treatment we get isn't inborn but learned.

What the father doesn't realize is that his actions will impact that little girl someday and maybe in a manner he doesn't really want. She will grow to admire hateful angry men who will probably abuse her. She will expect and accept that this is the way it is supposed to be. She may turn to behaviors that put her life at risk or live a life of desperation and despair. He will continue to spew his viciousness and one day one of those passers-by will take him up on his threat and he will end up hurt or dead. Then where will his little girl be?

We pass on good and bad to our children. As adults we have the ability to control how much of each we share. If you didn't feel at risk you could have simply said "thank you young lady, you are wise beyond your years." of course I may have added "your mother must be a very kind and gentle soul" and then waited to watch her father's reaction. Not the wisest idea though :)

[dawnmarrie1961]

If you didn't feel at risk you could have simply said "thank you young lady, you are wise beyond your years." of course I may have added "your mother must be a very kind and gentle soul" and then waited to watch her father's reaction. Not the wisest idea though :)
Sometimes the best response is no response at all. I'm sure, had I said anything, the father's reaction would have been one of violence. You don't need an associates degree in Sociology to figure that out.

[Deana ♥ Danni]

This is really sad :( If I didn't know better I would say you saw my ex on your walk.... I agree with Lorileah, parents pass on the bad as well as the good, hopefully the young girl will get more of the mother's gentle lovingness. She is wise beyond her years, the little girl in her innocence could see something that her father could not because he has been blinded by hatred.

Hugs,
Deana

[wadevikingfan]

that is very sad....here iowa is such a open-minded state with gay marriage, and you have a guy like this.???? move up to minneapolis, very understanding people...


wendy

[DanielleLee]

One can only hope that the child is able to break free from her father's hate. That makes me very sad indeed.

[Cynthia Anne]

My opinion of this type of people is very low! Rather it be cd-ers, gay, race or whatever! It's best to forgive their stupidity and feel sorry for them!Although some make it hard to do! Hugs!

[Kate Simmons]

They won't. The thing is, you or someone similar may save that guy's life some time in the future, without a moment's hesitation and without regard to his prejudice. That makes the person who saves him just a little bit better than he is.:)

[eluuzion]

yep, he gets my vote for this week's Darwin Award. Somewhere there is village missing their idiot. Someday he will run into the wrong person, a bigger person that will pound him in the ground. There, problem solved. Now, what to do with that bigger idiot...? I know, a big bigger idiot comes along and...

I knew I should have been a therapist, I am a natural at solving problems...:heehee:
:love:

[KellyCD]

Maybe she'll grow up to hate her father and reject him in her life. But more than likely not, she'll grow up thinking angry abusive men are "normal" and that's the way a man should be. I've known literally hundreds of GG's like that.

My mother was a extremely hateful person as I've explained many times before. Last thing I knew of her was a red cross message in 2006 saying she was dying. I told them never to call me again. It doesn't matter who you are, I can delete #care in an instant.

[Stephanie47]

That was a man that deposited semen into a woman. He's hardly a daddy. Hopefully the daughter will grow up loving all people and not be filled with a consuming hate for people who are different.

[suchacutie]

What a sad story! OMG this man has no idea what negative seeds he seems to be planting constantly. The world has changed with the connectivity we now have. His daughter will see other role models and eventually she will understand that her father is less than he might be.

It makes me wonder how long in the line of his family this kind of hate has been passed along.

tina

[t-girlxsophie]

Guy is a total tool,you can be sure he has similar views on Race,religion etc,a disgrace as a father and a human being,I hope the wee girl rejects his bigoted views as she grows up and meets better role models,some scumbags dont deserve to be parents

Sophie

[Kathryn Philips]

The existence of guys like that just reinforces how lucky I am to be a member of the CD/TV/TG community...

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

It just goes to show that we can never become too trusting outside. Unfortunately we must tread with caution and be aware that some people are just too bigoted and so very narrow in their ability to see reason.
The child sees someone caring, they know. Its unfortunate that the father cannot learn through the eyes of his child. I guess there are some people who learn and continue to seek knowledge and there are some who believe they know everything.

[gerigirl]

My reaction to the original post is that of course this is simply an awful story. However, there are fewer of these people in the civilized world every day. Regardless of this man's influence it is very unlikely that his daughter will share his views by the time she is an adult. There are just too many other forces in most American's lives these days working against this kind of intolerance. Yes, these attitudes will be around for a long time to come and they will never disappear completely but this guy's homophobic behavior is now generally regarded as at the very least innapropriate and socially unacceptable. Before some here conclude that my comments come from a cockeyed optimist who lives in an especially tolerant part of the country let me say that the former couldn't be further from the truth and the latter is something of a misconception. I am quite the realist and my opinion on this comes from a lot of research as well as personal experience. As to the San Francisco Bay Area being super tolerant, while it is pretty easy to be out here I have faced off against some real a-holes. (There is also research indicating that there are several more gay friendly cities in the nation than S.F.)

What I've already written withstanding the response below got me thinking.


Sometimes the best response is no response at all. I'm sure, had I said anything, the father's reaction would have been one of violence. You don't need an associates degree in Sociology to figure that out.

While I do respect Dawn Marrie's judgement in this matter, and all of us should be prudent when dealing with people like the one she encountered I think there is a case for responding to this behavior. First, I don't think this guy would have responded violently. The vast majority of people like this are cowards, and his daughter's presence would have been a limiting factor as well. This guy didn't even have the guts to address the OP directly. Second, we should not as a general rule ignore this kind of insult and ridicule. Always remaining silent in the face of this sort of behavior sends a message to these people that they can get away with it. Third, it is possible to send a message to the child that the world is not as her father sees it. Even a simple response to the little girl like, "Thank you for your kindless young lady." can be quite powerfull. Usually if I have to face this sort of thing directly I maintain my dignity and say something about hate being a great burden.

[Pythos]

I wish for suffocating, and unforgiving darkness fall upon this man like the wings of thousands of ravens. I wish for him to have nothing but nightmares for the rest of his days. His sort is entirely not needed, and that beautiful little girl needs to be freed from the kind of upbringing he will give her. I felt an upwelling of anger when I read what he said to his daughter. I can only hope the girl sees him for what he is and casts him and any kind of "manly" image based on him aside.

I think I would have reported him to the police for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. I have no doubt a cop worth his salt would allow the man to continue spreading such hate, and put him through a sobriety check.

[Daphne Renee]

Its hard to believe there are still idiots like that around. Some people simply should not be allowed to have children. I can only hope her mother is a better role model.

[erickka]

Bigotry and ignorance unfortunately run rampid. It has been said that stupid people shouldn't breed, but why on earth does it seem like they are the only ones having children????

[melissacd]

I wish for suffocating, and unforgiving darkness fall upon this man like the wings of thousands of ravens. I wish for him to have nothing but nightmares for the rest of his days. His sort is entirely not needed, and that beautiful little girl needs to be freed from the kind of upbringing he will give her. I felt an upwelling of anger when I read what he said to his daughter. I can only hope the girl sees him for what he is and casts him and any kind of "manly" image based on him aside.

I think I would have reported him to the police for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. I have no doubt a cop worth his salt would allow the man to continue spreading such hate, and put him through a sobriety check.

Wishing ill upon another is no better than what he said. Hate begets hate. We need to lead by example, take the high road, look for, appreciate and applaud the good the good acts of others, encourage the good. The world gets better by all of us acting in a better manner. We cannot control the actions/reactions of others, however, we can control ours and by walking positively in this world we will help make it a more positive place. This is not looking at the world through rose colored glasses, for I do understand bad things happen, rather it is positively focusing our thoughts, words and actions.

[Donniesr]

Someone made reference to Iowa. Don't fool yourself, we have bigots here too..I have personally felt the brunt of the bigotry of both men and teenagers. I really feel for that young girl, hopefully she will out grow her fathers bigotry.(notice i didn't say dad)...
Like my gramma used to say.." any dumbass can be a father, it takes someone special to be a dad"
I hope that young girl follows her own heart, and not the guy with her..

[Pythos]

melissacd, I understand your stance.

Let me rephrase. I wish that which I wrote on this piece of human waste to plague him until he stops exposing his daughter as well as others to his brand of irational hatred.

Too many hateful people have plauged this earth, and spread their hatred, which begat more hatred. They provide nothing but hate, which this world has ample amounts of.

[TxKimberly]

I have to agree - that is so very sad. A young lady starting out with an open mind, and a bitter bigot teaching her to hate. I can't think of much that is sadder than that . . .

[Chickhe]

The good part is the little girl is learning at an early age that her father is a jerk. She already knows he is wrong because she recognized that you were nice and offered her no harm. What I find sad is the genuine kindness you were feeling when screech the rest hit you. One thing to keep in mind, the guy was already in an angry mood (no excuse) but that could have influenced what he said and how he said it... nothing you did, just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

[Vickie_CDTV]

What that person did was obviously wrong and outrageous.

But, if I had advanced warning that the person approaching was likely to lash out violently as strangers, I would have cut them a very wide berth to avoid all contact (including eye contact.) When a stranger's children are involved it just ups the ante that much more.

If it is just words exchanged, confronting the father is the worst thing one can do. In this day and age of madness, you never know what people are capable of, and it would have done nothing to improve the situation or done anything to help the daughter.

[Salene]

People often treat us like that because they see a male who feminizes himself as weak... all part of the alpha male syndrome. When I run into people like that I let him know acting that way is not acceptable, but that's just my aggressive personality.

[kimdl93]

The fact that young girl reached out to touch the hand of a person said something to positive me. One hopes that life expereinces and examples, like that of her father, won't destroy her kind heart.

[Loni]

sad that child abuse does not include using foul language around / at them.

nobody is perfect, but so many times i here "moms" and "dads" just laying in to there kids, with true gutter words.
and very true this is a learned thing and will repeat in the next generation, and on and on.

sorry to here you had this encounter, but most out there are friendly, remember the girl was friendly. this is the true way she feels, sadly in time her "dad" will change that.

.

[Nicole Erin]

So us TG have to expect a certain level of prejudice, not that it is right but it is something we deal with.
But the same guy was talking crap to some random jogger? This guy has serious issues. It sounds to me like he was just trying to piss off anyone.

Imagine how he treats his kid and his wife? I mean you know for undeniable fact he probably beats both of them.
The wife and kid are probably living in fear.

I have seen people like this before. They usually dig their grave with their own tongues.
I used to live in this one neighborhood and we had this one loser who's response to everything was saying he was going to kick someone's ass. Adults, children, didn't matter. The height of this accomplishment was when he got into it with the property manager, yes, he told the property manager "I will kick your ass".
He was swiftly evicted.

And also some of you got mad when Pythos said she wished harm on this guy. Well when people like the father at the park are that bad, ridding them is not about vengeance, it is about ridding the world of a disease. No one shed a tear when guys like Bundy, Bin Laden, or Hussein were destroyed.

I do not wish anything bad on that guy, he will get his whether we sit around and wish it or not.

[Starling]

This is a man consumed with anger. We don't know what caused it, and we certainly don't know how to make it go away. Any response would have been futile, and possibly dangerous, because the man was not simply expressing opinions, he was acting out in a verbally violent way. He could have been armed. Who knows?

Whatever the virulence of his fevered--and not terribly selective--bigotry, I hope and pray that his open-hearted daughter will be able to survive unscathed.

:straightface: Lallie

[kristinacd55]

I can only quote Nanci Griffith on this one....
A cafeteria line in Chicage
The fat man in front of me
Is calling black people trash to his children
He's the only trash here I see
And I'm thinking this man wears a white hood
In the night when his children should sleep
But, they slip to their window and they see him
And they think that white hood's all they need
Chorus
It's a hard life
It's a hard life
It's a very hard life
It's a hard life wherever you go
If we poison our children with hatred
Then, the hard life is all they'll ever know

[Starling]

I like your music, Nanci, but does it have to be a "fat man"? Talk about bigotry.

[TGMarla]

Yeah, that's completely uncalled for. Too bad the little girl doesn't have a more benevolent father.

[giuseppina]

sad that child abuse does not include using foul language around / at them. ...

True, but the language the OP describes leaves the speaker open to a charge of child abuse, at least in Canada. There was a case a year or two ago in Winnepeg (not sure about location, but was in Manitoba or Saskatchewan) where a young child came to school with swastikas drawn on at least one upper arm. These were removed by school staff. When the child went to school a second time with the swastika, the parents were charged, tried, and convicted of child abuse: teaching hate. They also lost custody of their children.

[docrobbysherry]

They will teach REQUIRED courses in high school on;
marriage, divorce, child rearing and expenses, household and personal finances, gender and sexual variances.:straightface:

U will have to pass a TEST to get a marriage license. If u didn't take the above classes or failed them, you'll have to take them again before u can take test. Fail the test, NO marriage license!:thumbsdn:

To have a child u will have to pass a test and get a license. U have to have passed the class on child rearing first! No license? The hospital keeps your baby! :eek:

Then, that jerk with the sweet little girl? Someone else will raise her!:thumbsup:

Can I PLEASE have your vote!:brolleyes:

[kristinacd55]

I like your music, Nanci, but does it have to be a "fat man"? Talk about bigotry.

Good point, I think she should've changed that one lol

[dawnmarrie1961]

Please. This father is not the "devil". He's probably, like many, basing his teachings to his child on what he has personally experienced or been taught about the world around him. I don't blame him or feel any anger toward him. Infact I pity him. Because, for what ever reason, life has made him soo intolerant and closed minded.
I don't wish for his daughter to grow up hating him. Young children need their fathers just as much as they need their mothers. As she matures over time she will realize that her father wasn't right about everything. Children don't see the faults in their parents. They love them unconditionaly. That is the way it should be.
The only thing I can do to change the view that other people have towards me is to live my life in an honorable fashion and take responsibilty for the choices that I make. I can't change the world....I can only effect the six foot area around me and hope that it will have a domino effect upon everything else.

[7sisters]

I think everyone has an innate sense of justice. Even kids. Many kids somehow dont learn the lessons of hatred their parents try to pass on. you never know how it will turn out for the kid.

[Jannette H]

That is sad, There are a lot of uneducated and ignorant people out there. I had one like that, my father. I was threatened many times by him and i didn't miss him when he passed away in 2003.After that my hypertension got much better and I don't miss him at all.