what to do

[bomba]

my wife is aware of my crossdressing only by finding a bit of my makeup i left out. and by her cloths being in wrong spot.she has never saw me dress,and i deny everything.when she first realised i was she was very pissed.so for the last year i have been very carful and the subject is never brought up.her anger has gone. but i asked her to get some slippers while she was out shoping theother day. she brought me home pink slippers with white lass.i was speachless. i thanked her and didnt say anything else. but now my head is spining with hope and confution. does anyone out there think she is trying to tell me she accepts my crossdressing. should i say anything.im afraid of a negative respose. any advise please

[Joanne f]

I can understand why your wife got annoyed when she found the makeup and some of her clothes had been moved as it could have meant many things but if we just look at the cross dressing side of it even the ones that share clothes can still have their favorite things that they really do not like you to touch or you should have the respect not to touch .
Now the slippers, there are a lot of fun type of slippers these days so even if you are miss reading it you know that your wife has a sense of humour so that in it's self is an advantage for you to say something so i would personally be inclined to ask your wife if you are miss reading it as this will give her the chance to express her feelings about it without you pushing the issue and if she is not quite sure of what you meant just explain about the incident that happened with the makeup and clothes as that does need to be resolved for both of you .

[Kathy4ever]

Your delima is about the same as mine.My wufe caught me and was very upset about 3 years ago. She has given me a few things but she still not accepting. When I've tried to talk about it she gets a unhappy look and calls me weirdo. I would tread lightly. She could be testing you. Enjoy the small things and let her lead the way with her comfortness.

[Cynthia Anne]

Did you know that if it wasn't for lying we would all live in a perfect world! Time to fess up and love your wife by being truthful to her! I Agree let her work at her own pace! And let's hope you're not reading her wrong! Hugs!

[prettytoes]

Seems to me like she may be trying to send you a message. Maybe this was her way of trying to get you to open up. My wife discovered all my clothing, and for a short time things were kind of rough. Now she is much more accepting and we have never been closer. I just wish I had told her instead of her finding out the hard way. I would take this as an opportunity to have "the talk". Thank her for the slippers, tell her how much you love them, (and her), and go from there. Be ready for all the normal questions..."are you gay?", "do you want to become a woman?", and make sure to let her know that you are still her MAN, and that you love her very much. Good luck!

[Joanagreenleaf]

She knows enough to blow up already - if she wanted to. But, she hasn't done much with what she knows. Which is a good thing, in terms of staying together. You can probably work something out. Keep reading the forums and be selective about what really applies to your situation.

[Deana ♥ Danni]

I would say that this is a positive step forward :) I would take the first opportunity you get to sit and talk with her. But Prettytoes hit the nail on the head, those were the same questions that ran through my head and then I found the courage to ask Danni them, so maybe if you could give her your answers right away :) On the bright side, I bought Danni Renee some pretty pink slippers that said "Princess" with hearts on them for Valentine's Day this year, that is why I say I think your wife buying you pretty slippers is a good sign :) Remember... she is probably as scared and nervous with her questions as you are about telling her :) ~Good luck!!

Hugs,
Deana

[Rianna Humble]

Perhaps, after you thank her for the slippers, you could ask if it is a good time to talk about what it means. As PrettyToes and Deana have said, be prepared to answer the questions that she is bound to have and reassure her that you love her and are still her man.

Although you will need to plan some answers, please make sure that you listen to your wife's feelings and try not to overwhelm her with too much info or with your ideas for possible boundaries. Please take it slowly, listen, reassure and work at her pace.

[RADER]

Your Wife was most likely mad because you where wearing Her Clothes and Make-up.
Women do not like to share clothes, I know my wife is that way. Once some one handed
down some tops to my wife because she could not fit in them anymore. My wife gave them
to Good WILL, She said it would fell creepy to wear someones Else's clothes.
Rader

[Kara Connor]

Talk to her. Don't borrow her clothes or makeup, and certainly don't dress up and wait for her to "discover" you. Make sure you are your normal, guy self, and that there are no extra stressful events going on, and just tell her how you feel, trying to be honest with her and yourself. You might want to have some resources available, such as this site or other materials, but don't "force" them on her. Get a good book like "My Husband Betty" by Helen Boyd, and read it. Another good one is "It's not all about you!" by Elisabeth Morrissey (your wife may well like that one). Not sure how "serious" you are about your femme side. For me, it is a core part of my identity, and though I had told my wife I was a crossdresser before we got married, it is only relatively recently that I realized how important my female identity was. I talked it over with my wife and have been getting out and about as Kara this last year, and I love it. I feel happier as a guy because I now feel complete. I now realize I could never "put the genie back in the bottle". Suppressing (half, at least) my true self was really not working out for me. It just couldn't continue. My wife is not exactly a fan of Kara, but she likes the way my guy side is so much happier these days, and therefore tolerates "the other woman". If she does give you more leeway, be careful not to act like a selfish a*hole. I've been guilty of that occasionally. It is easy to go into the "pink fog". My therapist says it is because Kara is a teenage girl! Probably true, strange though it sounds.

[Sherry Lynn]

The slippers may have been a way of testing you. She would rather you wore the slippers than to reject them as feminine. She would rather you used the makeup than the girl you could have been cheating with. It's like the old story about "when did you start wearing panties?" The answer was "when my wife found a pair in my glove box." Your wife would probably accept you CDing more so than cheating. She's just looking for an answer.

[linda allen]

........... I know my wife is that way. Once some one handed
down some tops to my wife because she could not fit in them anymore. My wife gave them
to Good WILL, She said it would fell creepy to wear someones Else's clothes.
Rader

Those of us who didn't grow up wealthy wore someone else's clothes when we were growing up. My wife's family exchanges clothes when they no longer fit. Sometimes you can be too proud.

[linda allen]

my wife is aware of my crossdressing only by finding a bit of my makeup i left out. and by her cloths being in wrong spot.she has never saw me dress,and i deny everything.when she first realised i was she was very pissed.so for the last year i have been very carful and the subject is never brought up.her anger has gone. but i asked her to get some slippers while she was out shoping theother day. she brought me home pink slippers with white lass.i was speachless. i thanked her and didnt say anything else. but now my head is spining with hope and confution. does anyone out there think she is trying to tell me she accepts my crossdressing. should i say anything.im afraid of a negative respose. any advise please
I don't think she is saying she accepts your crossdressing. In my opinion, it's one of two things:

1. She is ready to talk about your crossdressing. She wants to know how much, why, are you gay, etc.

2. She is still mad about you being a crossdresser and still feels you are "wierd". She bought you the slippers in anger and as a put down.

Let's hope it's #1.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Sounds to me that it is an invitation to talk.

Stay out of "Her" things and get your own, that was one of my wife's objections years ago.

Go at her pace even though you want to go at yours.

[Stephenie S]

I am not surprised at all that she was angry with you. I would be too if you messed with my things. That is gross and a HUGE imposition. You might start by telling her it will NEVER happen again. And then make darn sure it doesn't ever happen again.

On the second note, I am constantly amazed at how some couples seem to communicate by trying to guess what the other means. There is only one way of learning what your wife is thinking and that is to ask her.

Good advice was given above. Find a stress free time and sit down and TALK. Remember marriage is a compromise and you will never get everything you want.

The biggest fear that most women have is that they will lose their husbands to some sort of homosexual plot.

"Are you gay?"

"Do you want to be a woman?"

Make SURE that your wife KNOWS you are her husband all the time. That means holding up your end in the bedroom, and not while "dressed". Be the man she married and you may be surprised at the acceptance you find.

S

[suchacutie]

Her intent overall may not be clear, but one intent is clear: talk to me!

You may or may not like what she has to say, but leaving it unsaid is so much worse. Bring the slippers with you and simply say, "hon, let's talk so that we both understand everything".

tina

[kimdl93]

I agree with the general consensus - talk to her. The cat has long since gotten out of the bag. So there's no reason not to have an honest conversation. Be prepared for all the usual, understanable questions, and no matter what, don't be defensive or evasive. That just makes it harder. If the conversation becomes heated or just too much for her to handle at one time, suggest a break and take things up again later. Time and patience are your allies.

[Joanagreenleaf]

I agree with the "talking" advice. Just tell her how you FEEL. There's no arguing with feelings... You don't argue with hers, do you?

Avoid the Helen Boyd books unless you want to tell your wife you're going to transition (by book two) so you both can then live together as women.... Up to you.

But, do get, "The Lazy Crossdresser" from Amazon if all you care about is enjoying crossdressing as PART of your always busy married life.

[Jennifer Soames]

She just wants to talk. Most people do. She does not want it to be confrontational.