To tell, or not to tell...That is the question!

[Wendy_Marie]

I am in a rather unique situation at the moment and have decided to take a step towards bringing my female self out to a larger segment of my little world.

Back around the first of May I was informed that the company I work for was dissolving the Driver/Transporter division and as such May 31st was going to be my final day employeed with them.
A few days ago I received a call from my current Supervisor who informed me that she had placed a bid with several of our larger clients and won the contracts herself and as such was starting up her own Transportation company.
She has already turned in her resignation, gotten approval for loans and made buisness preparations with the bank, state etc....
She then dropped a bombshell and asked me if I would consider working for her as a driver in charge of the Southwestern portion of my state?

I have been in therapy since early Feb 2011 with my main goal being to begin an HRT program within a year of my start date and begin my own transition....
When I got the news that I was going to be unemployed I began making plans around this and thought I would use this down time working towards my one year goal...Now I have been thrown yet another curve ball and since the economy is what it is feel that I must give some serious thought to taking this position.

I believe that what I am going to do is have a talk with this woman and tell her of my planned transition...If she is fine with the news then I will be more than happy to work for her. she has given me indicators in the past which make me think that she would be okay with such news.

Again, in the current economy I think it takes a special type of courage to take the leap and start up a company/buisness and I feel a bit more obligated to let her know now what is in store for me in the near future as I do not want to jeopardize my plans or her buisness and livliehood.

I would be curious to hear what others have to say about my line of thought here....I do have until the 17th of June to make my final decison on the job as technically she won't become a company unto herself until then.

[Mary Morgan]

How well do you know each other? Are you able to call her and set up a meeting, say over lunch? I think your desire to tell her is laudable, but I am not sure why it should interfere with her offer unless you are planning to take lots of time off. In any case, I think an eyeball to eyeball chat would be in order if you decide to tell her.

[Cynthia Anne]

Windy Marie! Oh how I love that name! This sounds like a great opportunity to help you to transition! Starting a new job with no secrets! What a great time to be yourself! As always I hope things work out the way you want them to! Hugs! From Cynthia.

[Karren H]

As good an opportunity as any, Wendy.... to make a fresh start!! If she's on board then you get acceptance, new job. New gender.. .

[Danni Renee]

I agree with all. You need to take the opportunity for the job and from you have said I think you have a good chance of being accepted. My only concern would be since she is a new business owner that the appearance of her and her employees will be very important so keep that in mind when you discuss it with her.

[sissystephanie]

Wendy, you have already gotten some very good advice!! All I can say is go for it!! And best of luck to you in everything!!

[Genny B]

I think everyone is being favorable because this is a dream that many of us wish could happen to us. It does have the possibliity but rejection has a possiblity also. Since you had alternate plans already I would figure nothing ventured, nothing gained and converse privately with your friend. It's also just as important that you be ready for rejection and be ready to ask her to keep your conversation private until you let the world know, and move on. Good luck!

[Lorileah]

I think you have the answer you seeking




I believe that what I am going to do is have a talk with this woman and tell her of my planned transition...If she is fine with the news then I will be more than happy to work for her. she has given me indicators in the past which make me think that she would be okay with such news.



You evidently had a plan for the time you would be without work so that could still be in place. If you truly want to transition then you will do it sometime anyway. If you aren't sure then you need to stop and think for a bit. Is there a reason you can not do the job while you transition?

My thought is you 'fess up, if you are a great worker and your new boss can see past the misinformation about transsexual (that is YOUR job to educate if needed) then you have a great opportunity here. main gainfully employed in a new company (who has the opportunity to break down some barriers) and become the person you want to be.

If you are not committed 100% to transitioning, then the answer is take the job and think it through until you are sure

[boardpuppy]

You have an oppertunity to continue working as the lady you are if the new company owner agrees. Personnelly, (depending on how serious you are about transitioning right know) you should take the job because it will make it that much easier (money wise) in the long run. So you transition in 18 months and not 12, you are still reaching for your ultimate goal. Only you can deside if that extra time will be a make or break time for you. Some girls are desperate and some as long as I can see the light at the end of the tunnel are just fine.

Alice

[Rianna Humble]

I believe that what I am going to do is have a talk with this woman and tell her of my planned transition...If she is fine with the news then I will be more than happy to work for her. she has given me indicators in the past which make me think that she would be okay with such news.

Again, in the current economy I think it takes a special type of courage to take the leap and start up a company/buisness and I feel a bit more obligated to let her know now what is in store for me in the near future as I do not want to jeopardize my plans or her buisness and livliehood.

I would be curious to hear what others have to say about my line of thought here....I do have until the 17th of June to make my final decison on the job as technically she won't become a company unto herself until then.

I think that you definitely have the right idea, and feel sure that she will respect your honesty. Even if it doesn't work out, you will have shown yourself to be honest and considerate, and she can't fail to consider that for the future.

True, it is not a given that she will feel able to maintain the offer, but even if she doesn't you won't have lost anything compared to your plans before she made the offer and you may well gain sufficient respect for her to consider you once you are further into your transition.

[Wendy_Marie]

Thanks ladies for the encouraging words...I have made up my mind to have the talk with her but am going to wait until after my official last day with my current employer so there is no conflict with them....after all if this lady rejects my news and decided that she doesn't want to go ahead with the job offer then I am going to be relying on unemployement benefits for awhile.

[Raychel]

That sounds like a great plan Wendy, But I would call her and tell her that you are definitly interested in the job, but there is one issue that must be discussed. That will give you time to plan your speech and let her know that you are interested. Just to be sure that she does not fill the position.

[Wendy_Marie]

Well I did it...I felt the timing was right and so I took the oppurtunity to let my Former Supervisor and Future Boss know that I am a Transgender Female with plans to transition in the next year.

I tried several times to contact Sarah via phone only to discover that she was away for meetings for several days....She e-mailed me asking what I needed to talk with her about so I sat down and wrote her a detailed response.

That was on Tuesday the 31st of May and I haven't had so much as a call, or email back from her since...which is odd because she usually responds promptly to e-mails....!

I am going to assume that this went over like the proverbial lead balloon and that my job oppurtunity went down in flames along with it....So be it if that is the case...there has to better things on the horizon for this girl.

[Wendy_Marie]

I made my last post to this thread last night just before closing out my computer for the evening....imagine my surprise when I awoke this morning and found a letter from Sarah...
My Supervisor from my old job and future boss on the new job.
She simply said that my being Transgender wasn't an issue as far as she saw it and as long as I did my new job as well as I had in the past there was nothing to be concerned about.

The only thing that is holding me up now from starting this new position is awaiting word from the insurance Company who she is working with.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Go get them girl. May all your dreams come true!

[Wendy_Marie]

just received another e-mail from Sarah..stating that my being hired is contigent upon approval of her Insurance Writer....So does being Transgender make me a Liabilty Risk Now?

This is proving to be an interesting scenario for me...I am just happy that I do have something to fall back on now.

[heatherdress]

Sorry to offer more cautious advice, but I would recommend not sharing your personal "news" with her until after you have both settled in with her new company. Why risk anything if you don't have to? You have to realize she is most likely under a lot of stress and has approached you because she obviously trusts you and needs you. Don't make her second guess herself, even if you ae pretty sure she will be OK with the news. The timing is not good. She may start worring about lost time, reaction of other employees, new company image or other BS - which could affect her decision to employ you. She could offer you a lower salary or position because she fears lost time. Starting your own business is very demandiing and she does not need to have another possible "issue" to think about when she is trying to get to sleep at night.

You need a job to accomplish all your goals. Wait. Help her get started. At the appropriate time, let her know, after she has gotten over start-up fears. If she would be supportive now, she certainly would be as supportinve, if not more, in the near future. Hold your breath, negotiate the best starting salary and benefits you can, help get the new company going, do a great job, and the first opportunity that you find herself thanking you - confide in her, tell her, assure her, thank her.

[Wendy_Marie]

[QUOTE=heatherdress;2509140]Sorry to offer more cautious advice, Advice is what I asked for, cautious or Not Thank You but I would recommend not sharing your personal "news" with her until after you have both settled in with her new company. Why risk anything if you don't have to? Because regardless of what she says, My Transition is going to happen. I would rather lay my cards on the table now when I have the oppurtunity to draw unemployment benefits etc...which as meek as they might be, they still allow me some options that I may not have if i accept the position and then am let og later on.
Don't make her second guess herself, even if you are pretty sure she will be OK with the news. The buisness I work in requires that I deal with troubled teens and young adults...many who are in Foster Care because of problems at home. I don't believe the time to spring this on her is later on when she might feel even more trapped in the situation...besides, I am technically sub-contracted and don't have the protection that those in other fields of employment might enjoy.
Starting your own business is very demandiing and she does not need to have another possible "issue" to think about when she is trying to get to sleep at night.
Which is precisely my reason for telling her up front...better to get things out in the open now than later
You need a job to accomplish all your goals. I do, but in my mind I believe I need a job with an employer who is going to be supportive or at the very least tolerant.Wait. Help her get started. At the appropriate time, let her know, after she has gotten over start-up fears. being sub-contracted doesn't gurantee me hours or work from day to day...if she decides that she just can't or doesn't want to employee me, then all she has to do is stop sending jobs my way....kind of a sticky situation and I am trying to look out for both her and my best interests. QUOTE]
I do appreciate your response....