A new kind of love

[prettytoes]

I'm not sure why, but ever since my wife discovered my crossdressing I have fealt a love for her that is deeper than I have fealt in years. I did not tell her about my dressing (I wish I had years ago), she discovered a sport bra and began a search during which she found everything (panties, skirts, bras, tights, etc.). There were a few days that we didn't even speak...I just didn't know what to say to her. We sat down and had a long talk with all the typical questions and lots of tears.

At this point she is fairly accepting with only a few requested boundries (no skirts or dresses in front of her), and there are things I choose not to wear in front of her because I know it would make her uncomfortable. Panties 24/7 (even during intimate times), painted toenails, toe rings, and feminine sleep wear are all OK. I think with time she will be more open to skirts and such. She washes everything with all the other clothing with no problems or complaints (no more hand washing...yippee!)

I don't understand why, but I feel a love for her that is stronger than I think I have ever fealt. Tomorrow will be our 27th anniversary. We connect better, and I really enjoy spending time with her. We don't talk much about my dressing much, but she does tease me once in a while (in fun, not at all nasty), which I really enjoy. I am hoping that she will eventually be comfortable enough to go shopping with me and help me put together a few outfits. I told her I would like a silk or satin nighty for our anniversary, but I'm not sure if she will get me one or not.

Has this new found love happened to anyone else? This is a great thing, and I'm just curious if anyone else had the same result when the secret was revealed to a spouse. Thanks for letting me ramble, and thanks in advance for your feedback.

[Eryn]

I'm right there with you. My wife's becoming aware of my CDing has definitely improved our relationship. I think that this is driven by the fact that we now share what I once carefully kept hidden. Hiding anything requires a certain level of caution in what one says at all times and this is not conducive to a healthy relationship.

[Daphne Renee]

That hasnt happened to me. I am happy for you though. Sounds like you wife is well on her way to accepting your CDing.

[Anna B]

Sorry, can't say on that one...wife doesn't know yet...

Anna x

[Danni Renee]

It has certainly happened to me! Not that I did not feel my relationship was strong before I told my girlfriend but I was not as open and forthcoming with things because I had to be so cautious. Since coming out our relationship is much deeper with more meaning than I have ever had with anyone else and it is great. It allows us both to talk about anything now and not feel uncomfortable (my trusting her allowed her to trust me more) and it is just a wonderful feeling.

[Drew Painter]

I have a new love and that is pretty much the same as you. I came out to my wife and told her about it, and she said, ( I thought she would blow up) if it makes you happy, then so be it, and I do not have a problem with it. The other typical questions arose and she was satisfied with the responses. We now shop together sometimes with me dressed. We share clothes and help each other with make-up, and the like. We have had talks and I have asked her ...this morning in fact ..If she minded me dressing , tooo much. I didnt want her to get burned out and wish that I didnt dress so often. That is when she said,"It makes you happy and I like having someone I can shop and do things with. (We are on and have been on vacation for 11 days 2 more to go. I have traveled drressed up. been dressed up almost 24/7, and it is much more worjk than I ever thought it would be. I am going to stay dressed and drive home dressed Thursday. I have found a new reason to love my already Loved wife. I wish I would have done this 30 years ago...Hell, 40 years ago.............it is wonderful....Drew

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Prettytoes, maybe it's b/c that even though she is still learning to accept it she is standing by you. Maybe what you are feeling is the relief that your secret is out and she didn't run for the hills screaming and now that you know she won't you feel a deeper committment/love for her b/c you feel sure she will stand by you. How couldn't you love her more deeply, IMO?

I think I could still be loving and accepting toward it if it hadn't been shoved down my throat to the point that I was completely turned off to it. IMO, loving someone means being loyal to a fault and accepting the good with the bad as long as the love and respect are reciprocated. I would have a problem with not being told from the beginning b/c I would always wonder what other things had he kept secret.

Having been on her end of the spectrum I would advise you to be VERY patient, respectful, loving and kind. If you push her too far too fast you will turn her off and it's possible she will never be open to it again. Remember, you've had a lifetime to learn and accept yourself and this is all new to her. Even if it takes a couple years for her to get used to the idea don't rush her. Please hear me on this one when I tell you that you will do irreparable damage if you do.

[satin n lace]

Same here our relationship was great before and now it's even better i could'nt ask for it to be better she took it so well, But we do have a latex fetish also so i guess it was'nt a big surprise since i already have women latex garments. Everybodys SO should understand when we all get marride it's should be for life you'll the same person then and now.

[Deana ♥ Danni]

Happy Anniversary :) I love reading posts like this one! From a GG's point of view, I was scared of what all I didn't know when Danni Renee first came out to me, but she was very sweet and kind (and patient!!) in answering all my questions. Not that our relationship was lacking before, but once she told me, I think our relationship has soared to new levels, in so many ways. I absolutely love that Danni Renee trusted me enough to trust me with her secret, maybe you wife feels the same way. I love shopping with and for Danni :) I hope you two are shopping together very soon and that you get your nighty for your anniversary!

~Deana

[Tanya C]

My wife has always known about my cding so I really can't say if our marriage is stronger or weaker because of it.
But I can tell you this, we've been together for more than 35 years.

[Presh GG]

Right ! As Deanna and whispers said..... If you are patient, kind , answer all her questions with love [ remember , she can't keep up just yet,nor read your mind.,] then you will keep a good thing growing.
Most of the written word [ books or "studys "] are way off the mark so YOU are the best teacher.

Push too hard , too fast with only your agenda or become snapish and she could feel hurt and deceived... sweet wins the race.

I'm so glad you both are happy together.
The very best to you both
Presh

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Everybodys SO should understand when we all get marride it's should be for life you'll the same person then and now.

That's not quite a fair statement.Who you married comes into question when you find out you've been deceived. Any partner would rightfully have many questions when they found out such a huge secret. Everything you thought you knew about the person suddently becomes distorted and you wonder exactly who the person is. It's not fair to say you are the same person now as then when your SO hasn't seen/known the "Same person" all along. You know yourself as that same person but your SO is having to learn, what is to her, a new part about you that, to her, has never been a part of the "Same person" she's always known.

I am definately not the same person I was when I married at the age of 19. If I were to remarry today my new husband would see/know a totally different person that I was at 19. Age and experience hones us into totally different people just like water flowing over rocks changes their shape over time. My core values are the same but I view life very differently now. We all change as we grow and evolve into (hopefully) maturer people. None of us ever stay the same.

Presh GG, beautiful cat.

[Joanagreenleaf]

I've not keep any such secrets from my relationships because I always felt it was wrong for both of us. My feeling has always been, "It's us... Not me and not you... Us." Seems to have been the right path to take.

In terms of feeling secure, of loving and being loved, I can't imagine how things could be better, or, why everyone wouldn't want the same. Honesty is the best policy in matters of the heart, once you know what "honesty" is...

There are no, I'd like to note, difficult moments with CDing here. Partly because I believe there is a time and place for everything, and, because it's about the clothes and good feelings - not about any deep dark problems that we don't talk about.

When it comes to going "too fast or too slow" it's really just a matter of paying attention and making adjustments for what else is going on in our lives. It's never a perfect world, but it is a nice one more often than not.

We're happy with that.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Joana, that is very true if you are with a partner who cares as much about you as s/he does his SO. If it's only a one sided relationship where one person is there to fulfill only selfish desires then they aren't going to pay attention to the cues they get from their partner but are going to push to get what they want. Of course, a relationship like this will never work and its not a "loving" equal relationship at all.

[JamieG]

Both my wife and I have noticed that we are closer now that she knows I am a crossdresser. Yes, it took her a while to get over the initial deceit, but I have proven myself trustworthy since then. She understands how difficult it was to grow up with the secret, and how fearful I was of anyone knowing. Having her acceptance and support has helped me become more self-confident. Our communication is better than ever and our love for each other continues to grow.

[Alice B]

That is a great result. It takes the guilt away that you have been hiding for years and opens the door for greater and better communication between the two of you. Hope it continues for you.

[Debglam]

While crossdressing certainly creates "issues" (understatement) in a relationship, with communications and mutual respect I believe they can be worked out. Since coming out to my wife I believe that my love for her has deepened if that is even possible! :)

For me, I think that the biggest reason is that I feel so much better about myself. Finally revealing this side of myself has made me feel like I've had a boulder tied to my back that I can finally set down (being careful not to drop it on my SO's foot!). I like to think that I am a calmer, kinder, happier person since I was able to lose this burden after 40+ years!