my confusion regarding women

[Jay Cee]

Sorry, the title of this thread doesn't convey my situation very well.

Anyways, I've always appreciated the female form and female beauty. I have stared, gawked and gazed at more women than I care to count. I have been caught numerous times, and have probably made a few women feel uncomfortable (my sincerest apologies for that, btw)

What I am trying to figure out is the why of this behaviour. At first, I thought it was because I wanted to be with them physically. However, that is not really true. I'm not sure that was ever the case. As I explore my transgenderism and sexual orientation more, I realize that my mindset is more hetero female than hetero male.

So, why the fascination, then? Is it because I want to be female? Is it a learned behaviour? Is it a psychological remnant of who I thought I once was?

In case you are wondering, no, I am not on HRT.

Can anyone shine some light on this?

[Sophora]

I have done this too however I don't why you do however I do why I did it/still do. I do it because I either like what they are wearing or I am jealous of them(I have done this more often). One of the first people I told(one of my coworkers actually) is a natural female and she confided in me that she does for the same reason(the see what they wearing not the other one).

It could be a number of things. It could be that you are trying to learn from them(studying thier movements...I have done this as well). It could be a triggered respond from what you conditioned yourself to think. It could be you are attracted to them sexually(Although the more I explore my own femininity I find myself more attracted to guys). Or you could just like the female form. A lot of artists(even gay ones) do this as well.

sorry if that was less then helpful.

[Aprilrain]

Its called studying. I have done it my whole life until recently now I look to see what they're wearing, if I think they are cute (competition), to see how close their facial features are to female "norm" or if they have unusually strong masculine features like jaw or brow etc.

[Chickhe]

I tend to CD as an escape, but why did I gravitate to this activity? No idea, but the other day I was thinking about how I listen to music. As a youngster, I never listened to the words, it was the music that I liked. Try as hard as I could to learn the words, I would always get caught in the emotional feelings the music caused and I could never learn the words ... anyways, I used to look at woman the same way. They seemed to be happy, they look good, they are nice, smart, desired. So I studied some, but I still can't exactly quantify what it is that I like about CDing, it seems to be driven mostly by emotions. Perhaps some of this behaviour is driven by some sort of logical grass is greener over there theory.

[Bree-asaurus]

I used to look at women and I still do. First off... women are just beautiful. I'm straight... I like guys... but women are pretty. Second, I look at women because I envy them. I wish I had what they had. This was quite confusing before when I was trying to figure out my sexuality, but I found out that I look at women because I want to be LIKE them, not because I want to be WITH them. It's funny because aside from the basic features like the pretty face, the boobs, the ass, etc... one of the other things that I would always look at (and envy) was the fact that there was no bulge between their legs. It's not like there's anything there to look at down there... but I would look because I wished I was like them and didn't have those annoying dangly bits between my legs.

[Aprilrain]

one of the other things that I would always look at (and envy) was the fact that there was no bulge between their legs. It's not like there's anything there to look at down there... but I would look because I wished I was like them and didn't have those annoying dangly bits between my legs.

I did this too. while most guys I knew where talking about a girls tits my eyes first went to her crotch. I'm still not obsessed with boobs (a lot a Tgirls I know seem to be)

As far as wanting to be with them or wanting to be them I'm pretty sure I wanted both. Now that I AM a woman its not that I don't find woman attractive (I could easily have sex with a woman as a woman) It's just that now its "OK" to be with a guy which I have always longed for but the idea of me being a male with a guy did nothing for me. I guess I'm bisexual but right now I pretty much just want the attention of men.

[Bree-asaurus]

I did this too. while most guys I knew where talking about a girls tits my eyes first went to her crotch. I'm still not obsessed with boobs (a lot a Tgirls I know seem to be)

As far as wanting to be with them or wanting to be them I'm pretty sure I wanted both. Now that I AM a woman its not that I don't find woman attractive (I could easily have sex with a woman as a woman) It's just that now its "OK" to be with a guy which I have always longed for but the idea of me being a male with a guy did nothing for me. I guess I'm bisexual but right now I pretty much just want the attention of men.

That's cool. In that respect, we're all different. I tried to be straight and had a couple girlfriends. Was even in love with one. Tried to be gay after that, but even though being with guys was better, something was still wrong. Whoda thunk that I shoulda been a chick all along?! :P

[Laurie Ann]

I love to look at and admire women for their sense of style and how they have an air of mystery about them. I am envious of their boobs, butts and legs as well as a lack of hanging parts between those legs. I have longed to be first a girl then a woman since I can remember. I have enjoyed being with women sexually but have always had a greater desire to have sex with a man as a women. I am moving ever closer to surgery when that dream hopefully will. Come true so back to the original premise I guess I look at women because I have wanted to be one for so long I am searching for a sense of style from them.

[Beth-Lock]

This is an interesting point, as I have shared in this, even to the point of mindless staring. I honestly don't know what was behind it, thiough I looked at faces and legs projecting under skirts, more than anything else. I was not thinking of intercourse or even cuddling. Now I enjoy the friendship of women, and maybe that is a part of what was behind it. I just like women instinctively.

[RachelX]

That's cool. In that respect, we're all different. I tried to be straight and had a couple girlfriends. Was even in love with one. Tried to be gay after that, but even though being with guys was better, something was still wrong. Whoda thunk that I shoulda been a chick all along?! :P

Wow! This whole thread very closely parallels my own feelings and experience.
I grew up knowing I wanted to be a girl. I also thought my appreciation and admiration of females, along with my desire to be around them, was also sexual attraction. I had girlfriends, and even lived with one that I was truly in love with. But she recognized things in me that I was unaware of or thought about mistakenly. It was with her help that I learned that my love was not really sexual attraction. And she helped me discover what was essentially a repressed sexual interest in men. But I too have the complication that I identify more significantly as a woman than as a gay man. I am presently in a slow moving -- almost stalled -- transition (due to finances) that I find very frustrating and distressing.
Thanks to you all for posting.

[Myojine]

Sorry, the title of this thread doesn't convey my situation very well.

Anyways, I've always appreciated the female form and female beauty. I have stared, gawked and gazed at more women than I care to count. I have been caught numerous times, and have probably made a few women feel uncomfortable (my sincerest apologies for that, btw)

What I am trying to figure out is the why of this behaviour. At first, I thought it was because I wanted to be with them physically. However, that is not really true. I'm not sure that was ever the case. As I explore my transgenderism and sexual orientation more, I realize that my mindset is more hetero female than hetero male.

So, why the fascination, then? Is it because I want to be female? Is it a learned behaviour? Is it a psychological remnant of who I thought I once was?

In case you are wondering, no, I am not on HRT.

Can anyone shine some light on this?

youre a lesbo?
I've always been attracted to women.
No matter how much I wanted to be a girl and thought i should like guys...
I gave up trying to fake it. Im attracted to women.
You might be like me.
Youre just attracted to women...

[Melody Moore]

You think you are confused wait until you read this... I prefer the company of other women & even when
I was living as a 'heterosexual' male I still felt like a lesbian, but the real weird thing was I shared the same
feelings as Bree about being with guys - it felt wrong but then again I was also sexually abused as a child
& raped as a teenager which might have had something to do with it. But I quickly lost all trust in males & just
couldn't really go there with other males but I do admit there have been a few guys in my life that I might like
to be with had I transitioned sooner. Now 10 months into transition I feel my interest in women has waned a
fair bit & I am thinking about other guys, but I am adamant that I will not get mixed up with the wrong guy.

So I tend to still be fairly shy when it comes to guys. There are a couple of guys in my local area that have
a bit more than just a passing interest in me that I am thinking about, but I am still scared as hell to be alone
with them. I am worried I might hurt some poor guy if he tried to initiate something with me & i am not ready.
Then if a guy hits on me & is persistent then I run! but if I can't get away & he tries to restrain me then I fight.

Girls on the other hand have always respected my boundaries a lot more, which gives me a better chance to get
close to them, I just wish guys could do the same rather than hassling me out for sex. However I am also starting
to learn to use the fact that they want sex from me & flirt a little more too my advantage. This afternoon on the
way home I stopped a a mechanical workshop to make some enquiries about getting some work done on my car
next week. when I first walked in the office noone was in attendance, but then suddenly this really nice looking
workshop manager came out to serve me so I smiled. He first said that he didn't have any vacancies to look at my
car until about midway through next week, but then I let out a disappointed **sigh**. Then I have never seen
anyone turn around & change their mind & suddenly find me a spot to get my car in early next Monday morning.

I thought it was cute so I smiled again at the guy, next thing he asked me what part of town I lived, but when
I told him I lived in the next suburb over, he suddenly started telling me about some sights, some caves & also a
swimming hole near where I live that I should check out because he grew up in the area.. I told him I am a nature
photographer who moved to the suburb at the beginning of the year & that I want to check out these sites now.
But meh thinks I might wait until after next Monday morning to see if this guy offers now to be my tour guide ;) :heehee:

One thing I seem to be picking up on is The Power of Female Persuasion. So who knows I might get lucky yet &
find that guy I can wrap around my little finger. Anyway, in the meantime, I have a big weekend planned to be
catching up with some friends & lesbian girls I know & have been invited to stay over at their place this weekend.
So this sounds this is going to be fun spending the night with a house full of girls tomorrow night & I will be sure
to take lots of photos. - the female of the human species is by far one of my favourite nature subjects ;) :heehee:

[noeleena]

Hi,

What i am seeing & hearing is this , time & time again , & its never applyed to me for reasons you all know....I wont ....TO ....be a ....woman....
So the ? is how you see a woman you are looking at her form & saying i wont to be like her so does that say your male side is a part of you & is strong enough to propel you in to your mind of i wont to be a woman . or is the other part / side of you a woman yet you dont accept that as part of you,
With out my body langage you wont see how im trying to say this & get it over,

Im a woman from birth for get the male side for now , i never .....ever ....WONTED ... to be a woman / female ...i was , i am , i can not change that i just am ...end of,
I knew i was different . weird nuts mad what ever, proberly insane , im just a woman.

Why oh why are you not just women, are you not accepting of your selfs , to me its like im uncertin of my self unsure so i say i wont ....when in fact you must be 100 % sure you are a woman / female because if not your doughting your self & its showing in what you write,

Yes i.v looked at other women & thought lovely clothes & all the externals & yes ill admit i wonderred what would it be like to have time with them alone together , well i do know only one & that was Jos,

yet when i tryed to see it from ((a percived male )) i did not understand & never could because i was wired differently i did not think as a true male or think as one hence i never related to men & still dont.

So dont try & take from this as being a transsexual because im not never was. yet had / have enough wireing to understand some details about men yet never really did,.
All this comes down to how we are wired,

What i keep seeing is a male talking thinking . & acting out that male side, .
Ill put the proviso here ( if ) your female / woman then why are you not thinking as talking as female / woman , to understand your selfs your mind set needs to be inline as how we think. do things & then this gets into being a woman , the Emotional aspects of & then you would not be thinking i wont to be a woman because you are one,

What im saying is i think 95 % woman all the time my male side is still there, still part of who i am allways will be % wise im not really sure any more may be 40 % , whats really neat is i dont have to prove im male or female ,im just a mix of both,

Any way i thought i'd throw this in the ring, see what you all think.

...noeleena...

[amielts]

Maybe you are bisexual?

[Debglam]

I hope that you don't mind a TG/CD weighing in here but I find this subject fascinating!

I LOVE women, love women, and really like women. I have always wondered about the first two aspects. I will see a woman and be attracted to her sexually, be attracted to her dress, features, mannerisms, etc., or actually desire to be her. Sometimes a combination of all of these! It is very confusing and I often wonder what triggers what aspects of all of this. It is almost like my mind is operating on several levels at the same time! I find that pretty neat, albeit confusing.

As to the third aspect, and maybe this is just the trans-thing, but I have always liked womem. Read that as having a lot of respect for women too. I love talking with them, the perspectives they offer, and other intangible things that I haven't been able to put my finger on yet. At a cocktail party, I find myself participating in the mandatory guy talk BS, but as the evening wears on and the men gravitate to one part of the room and the women to another, I am usually with the latter. Just more interesting and enjoyable for me. Funny thing is that as a guy, I am not at all effeminate. In certain circles, I am actually the Alpha Male :straightface: so my "male" opinion is sought and I have to keep pulling myself away from the posturing and other crap that seems to take place in every male-dominated conversation.

Again, this is fascinating to me so thanks for letting me put in my :2c:!

:hugs:
Debby

[Jay Cee]

I hope that you don't mind a TG/CD weighing in here but I find this subject fascinating!

I LOVE women, love women, and really like women. I have always wondered about the first two aspects. I will see a woman and be attracted to her sexually, be attracted to her dress, features, mannerisms, etc., or actually desire to be her. Sometimes a combination of all of these! It is very confusing and I often wonder what triggers what aspects of all of this. It is almost like my mind is operating on several levels at the same time! I find that pretty neat, albeit confusing.

As to the third aspect, and maybe this is just the trans-thing, but I have always liked womem. Read that as having a lot of respect for women too. I love talking with them, the perspectives they offer, and other intangible things that I haven't been able to put my finger on yet. At a cocktail party, I find myself participating in the mandatory guy talk BS, but as the evening wears on and the men gravitate to one part of the room and the women to another, I am usually with the latter. Just more interesting and enjoyable for me. Funny thing is that as a guy, I am not at all effeminate. In certain circles, I am actually the Alpha Male :straightface: so my "male" opinion is sought and I have to keep pulling myself away from the posturing and other crap that seems to take place in every male-dominated conversation.

Again, this is fascinating to me so thanks for letting me put in my :2c:!

:hugs:
Debby

You are quite welcome to toss in your two pennies, Debby.My hearing as many perspectives as possible is a good thing, especially in something I find so baffling.

Thanks to all of you for your comments

Jay Cee