Christy_M
06-06-2011, 12:49 AM
I have made a few posts over this past weekend regarding coming out to my family and this will be the final one, I promise (until I tell my son in Fort Bragg)...
I went to lunch with my aunt (Dad's sister) who had taught me how to do my make-up when I was 14 or 15. She was not only totally accepting but also offered advice on a couple of movies to watch as well as where to buy large size shoes. Of course, I already knew of the shoe places she mentioned but the movies I hadn't heard of (Kinky Boots and A Girl Like Me). She is also friends with a handful of TG folks and offered to put me in contact with them for advice or just communication.
I also talked with my wife's family today. My MIL and her best friend (my SO's godmother) knew from my wife reaching out to them a few weeks ago. I talked to them at length and they were both so loving and accepting. They are sad and dissappointed that their daughter is going through this pain of losing her husband but they understand my need to be me and take my life in the direction that supports my happiness. My MIL offered to buy me a pair of heels to see if she could guess my style, too. My FIL was also very supporting. he kept telling me that I just need to take everything one day at a time. It will be a hard road but he said that he is sure I will be alright when I come out on the other side. They all said that they want to make sure I remain a part of the family and want to make sure that I know I am welcome anytime with or without my wife.
I have expressed a lot of guilt and shame over the last couple of days becasue I have villified everyone in my life before I ever gave them a chance to know about me. I have lost so many years and countless relationships becasue I just knew in my sould that people would not want to be around me if they knew my secret. These last few days with my family I have learned the capacity of love and how true caring for someone allows a level of openess I never thought possible. I have kept all these relationships at arms length for all my life and now I am so comfortable bringing them closer.
When I landed in Seattle tonight after this whirl wind coming out weekend I actually felt comfortable calling everyone in my family and letting them know I landed safely and that I appreciated them for loving me and accepting me for who I am. before this weekend, I avoided calling anyone in my family becasue I never knew what to say that didn't seem ackward. Now, I am genuinely curious about how they are doing and what is going on in their lives.
I only say all this to say that for those that are trying to decide when to come out (not if...that is a personal choice that I don't want to suggest is easy to do but once the decision is made then...) the sooner the better. It is just wasted time between the time you know you are going to tell them and when you actually do tell them. So much can be done in just a little time. As I stated in my previous post, My sisters took me out as Christy the day after I told them about me just to give me advice and talk about us, as sisters, and how we should relate to each other moving forward.
I am so humbled by the the kindness and love and I cannot say enough about how lucky I am to have these wonderful people in my life.
Hugs,
Christy
I went to lunch with my aunt (Dad's sister) who had taught me how to do my make-up when I was 14 or 15. She was not only totally accepting but also offered advice on a couple of movies to watch as well as where to buy large size shoes. Of course, I already knew of the shoe places she mentioned but the movies I hadn't heard of (Kinky Boots and A Girl Like Me). She is also friends with a handful of TG folks and offered to put me in contact with them for advice or just communication.
I also talked with my wife's family today. My MIL and her best friend (my SO's godmother) knew from my wife reaching out to them a few weeks ago. I talked to them at length and they were both so loving and accepting. They are sad and dissappointed that their daughter is going through this pain of losing her husband but they understand my need to be me and take my life in the direction that supports my happiness. My MIL offered to buy me a pair of heels to see if she could guess my style, too. My FIL was also very supporting. he kept telling me that I just need to take everything one day at a time. It will be a hard road but he said that he is sure I will be alright when I come out on the other side. They all said that they want to make sure I remain a part of the family and want to make sure that I know I am welcome anytime with or without my wife.
I have expressed a lot of guilt and shame over the last couple of days becasue I have villified everyone in my life before I ever gave them a chance to know about me. I have lost so many years and countless relationships becasue I just knew in my sould that people would not want to be around me if they knew my secret. These last few days with my family I have learned the capacity of love and how true caring for someone allows a level of openess I never thought possible. I have kept all these relationships at arms length for all my life and now I am so comfortable bringing them closer.
When I landed in Seattle tonight after this whirl wind coming out weekend I actually felt comfortable calling everyone in my family and letting them know I landed safely and that I appreciated them for loving me and accepting me for who I am. before this weekend, I avoided calling anyone in my family becasue I never knew what to say that didn't seem ackward. Now, I am genuinely curious about how they are doing and what is going on in their lives.
I only say all this to say that for those that are trying to decide when to come out (not if...that is a personal choice that I don't want to suggest is easy to do but once the decision is made then...) the sooner the better. It is just wasted time between the time you know you are going to tell them and when you actually do tell them. So much can be done in just a little time. As I stated in my previous post, My sisters took me out as Christy the day after I told them about me just to give me advice and talk about us, as sisters, and how we should relate to each other moving forward.
I am so humbled by the the kindness and love and I cannot say enough about how lucky I am to have these wonderful people in my life.
Hugs,
Christy