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steffie39
10-03-2005, 07:55 PM
Hi girls,

A few days ago I tried to go out with my wife as Steffie and I dressed up in skirt/heels. We went shopping together. After a short while, my wife told me that everyone was staring at me and that I looked like a guy in a dress. She didn't say this to be hurtful but she says it bothers her when people stare and make fun of me. I can honestly say I didn't notice it ever (at that time or in my trips before). Even that day with my wife when I was in the store (Dress Barn), one of the sales ladies called me mam. At the time my wife said these things to me, it hurt my confidence a little and I was a little sad. She said she will continue to support my crossdressing but prefers not to go out with me anymore (as Steffie). I can respect this and am grateful she accepts and supports me as she does. I'm not greedy.

On reflection I later thought that because my wife has always been leery about going out with me, maybe she may have assumed some people were staring? I decided I wasn't going to let this derail me even if some were. Each time I have gone out , I have made eye contact more and more and was careful to look and see if there were any double takes or stares and I honestly have seen very few if any. I feel they have all been positive.

This brings me to the subject line and why I went out yesterday. Plus I found another crossdresser to go out with too from my CD meetings (my wife is fine with it-I, of course, asked her first).

Up to now when I have gone out I have gone to clothing shops like Dress barn or to malls (i.e., women clothing stores). However, yesterday I decided to push the envelope a little bit more and went to a little mini-mall in Princeton which had a movie theatre. I went with one of my new friends from a CDing meeting. I went en-femme and my friend dressed androgenously (he dometimes dresses en-femme and sometimes androgenously).

To try and blend it a bit more instead of wearing skirt/heels (which I usually prefer), I wore a pair of women's jeans, a burgundy top and women's sneakers. I paninted my nails burgundy and had some dark red lipstick. I was a bit nervous as this was my first time in a setting where there were as many men as women (unlike in women's clothing stores) plus I guess I was subconsciously still thinking of my wife's comments. I didn't see any stares and asked my friend if there were any. My friend said there were no stares and for me not to worry and that I looked fine. After the movie. we went to grab a bite (a sushi place in the mini-mall). This was yet another first for me-going en-femme in a restaurant. After we ate, I had to use the restroom but I was too afraid to go to any ladies rooms. I asked my friend to check the men's room as he was dressed androgenously and to let me know when it was empty. After giving me the signal, I ran in, went in the stall and my friend let me know then that the coast was clear to exit. I thus made it in and out unscathed with no one seeing me! :)

I guess I can call the day a success. It was nice to have someone to go out shopping and a movie with (because I know my wife won't do that part with me any more). I don't think I could have gone to a movie or restaurant alone. After that my friend and I left and at the end of the afternoon we each went our respective ways. I drove to a secluded lot and took off my makeup and changed back into my male clothes (I put on my makeup earlier in the day in the same lot). I then arrived back home as 100% male. That's my story. At least the week finished on a positive note, though, I think. :)

I guess in a manner of speaking I fell from the horse a few days earlier but at least got back up in the saddle. Maybe the falling is just all part of being a CD, I guess. And to think all this is with no one laughing at me (that I could see)! Can you imagine me if I actually saw someone openly laughing? lol

One last thing: My last couple of trips out before yesterdays, my wife did take a pic of me dressed (I recently got a couple of new wigs which I now wear). I'll have to upload onto my computer and show one sometime I guess. Anyway, take care, girls.

Steffie

Rachel Morley
10-03-2005, 08:13 PM
Hello Steffie,

Great story :) I'm sorry your wife feels this way :sad: I'm thinking that at the moment she's just not quite comfortable enough to go out with you alone. Do you think that your wife might prefer it if there were more people than just the two of you? My wife Marla is totally ok with just the two of us and has no problems at all but she recently told me that she preferred it when we were out with other cds in a "regular restaurant" the other week when we went to a Tri-Ess meeting. - Just a thought

GypsyKaren
10-03-2005, 08:19 PM
Hi Stephie,

Actually, you seem to be doing everything quite right. It's good that your wife accepts your dressing, and she has let you know what her comfort zone is. I'm glad you have someone to go out with.

The fact of the matter is that no matter how well you pass, you're going to get read from time to time. It's happened to us all, whether we knew it at the time or not. You just have to accept this fact and move on. That's why I'm always friendly when I go out, and I always smile at people. This lets them know I'm not a threat to them, and I've never had any problems.

I think if I were you, and if you do pass well enough, that I would be using the ladies room. I've never had a problem with it, I go in, do my business and leave. Going into the men's room while dressed is asking for trouble, one way or the other.
Anyway, I'm glad things are going well for you, and good luck on your shopping.

GypsyKaren

Marlena Dahlstrom
10-03-2005, 08:46 PM
She's undoubtedly facing a variation on the fears about being read that you are. And I'm sure you can appreciate how self-conscious one can be, even when no one's actually paying attention. Something to consider is that while you're effectively in disguise, your wife probably isn't. So she's also got the additional worry about being recognized.

I'm glad you're respecting your wife's limitation, so I'm offering these as things you might want to discuss with her.

Angel's suggestion about going out with a group might help, or it might not. My experience is that as a group, there's little chance of passing -- there's just too many cumulative telltales. But for a CD, it's OK because you can tell yourself that you and that jerk is really staring at one of the other girls. Plus there's truth to the idea of safety in numbers. Someone is unlikely to make a scene when they're outnumbered. But for your wife, she's going to be clearly hanging out with a group of trannies, so that might make less comfortable. OTOH, it might be less obvious that she's your SO, which could make her more comfortable. So when it's appropriate, you might ask about it, but don't expect miracles.

You might also float the idea that she gets a disguise of her own -- such as a wig and/or make-up and/or an outfit she wouldn't normally wear. Might make her more comfortable.

As for yourself, as GypsyKaren said, getting read is just a fact of life, but smile and act like you deserve respect and you'll usually get it.

Bathrooms can be a tricky issue. Generally, it's not safe to use the men's, so the best option is to find a single-stall "family" or handicapped bathroom if one's available. Otherwise, the next best thing is to use the women's, but some women can (and have) freaked over this. So just go in, do your business, wash your hands and get out. (Oh and make sure your feet are pointing the right direction. :D .) If someone raises a stink, just let them know you really need to pee and it's not safe for you to use the men's -- and beat a hasty exit if needed.