Need a confidence boost for my first public shopping trip tomorrow

[VioletJourney]

Tomorrow I'm going to try to go shopping in public. I'll be in drab but I'll also be completely alone, so it's going to take all my courage to get through it, especially with my having an intense phobia of being publicly humiliated. Any stories or advice you have to help?

Of course if any of you SoCal girls wanna come with, that would be fine too...

[GMCD]

Above all else, be confident. Confidence will always be your best accessory. I know that that's going to be really hard as you will be in unfamiliar territory. There is no reason to not be confident, though. You will be in drab, so there's no worry about passing. Just be sure you clean yourself up, wear good clean clothing, be polite and friendly, and don't worry if anyone reads you as "weird" or "gay" or "one of them." After all, this is kind of "weird" and we are "one of them" and "gay" isn't necessarily a bad thing to have people think about us.

If it helps, be upfront with the store's clerks about what you are doing. I find that nine times out of ten the simple act of saying, "I am looking for something for me," is enough to open all kinds of doors of help. I have gone in drab shopping for makeup (had a makeover at a mall in drab once), shoes (love trying on shoes), and even had myself fitted for a bra at Frederick's of Hollywood. Stores are in the business of making money and they don't really care if it comes from men or women as long as it's green. Plus, by talking with the clerks you can learn about sizes and styles and even get in on great specials that you'd never know about if you just nervously shuffled through the store without a word (in fact, doing so will arouse a lot more suspicion than anything they might think about you if you just tell them that you need a new skirt for the summer).

As for shopping among other shoppers, just do what you need to do and don't worry about them. Oftentimes they won't even give you a second glance. They're looking for what they need, so should you.

I hope you have a great outing and go home with at least one special treat for yourself. You deserve a treat and you should take that attitude with you, "I deserve a treat and I'm going to go out there and get it. My money is as good as any woman's." That's my mantra for shopping anyways.

Hope something in all that helps. Much love!

[Sarah Doepner]

I've never been criticized or denied service when shopping for women's clothing, makeup or anything else. I used to do a lot of visualization before trying something new like this. I'd imagine with as much detail as possible what I'd be doing and how much I was enjoying the process. It always helped make it seem like this was something I'd already done before.

The first step is always the most difficult, the problem you will find is stopping or even slowing down once you get going. Too much fun.

[brandi.tgurl]

I've got a long day at work tomorrow... and I'm broke. Shopping sounds sooo much fun though.
When I first went shopping for me while in drab, I went to stores where I knew there was a self checkout (ie many Walmarts). For me it was the embarrassment of buying not so feminine sized women's clothing - or rather, women's clothing that would obviously fit me. I wasn't dressing often, nor really in public, so while the clothes weren't amazing, they were comfortable and did their part. I recognized a benefit through this - and that was that people really don't take notice what YOU'RE there shopping for. The key is to act like you belong in the ladies section. Browsing different outfits, nobody pays attention to what size you're looking at. Even if you hold it up to yourself, you can pass it off trying to compare your size to the size of a lady friend. Or, if you are confident enough, it doesn't matter and you will look at what you want and size what you want. I've only had one negative comment from another shopper, and it was regarding buying intimates for my SO at Wally World - it was embarrassing to me that they saw i was buying panties... but it took a couple of days before the real significance of that statement sank in - panties should come much better stores than walmart! They had no clue that when the realization struck, I was the one wearing the panties. I still get nervous shopping for my femme clothes in drab, but it is actually thrilling. I get a kick out of trying to pair tops with bottoms, and I love the idea of having new clothes to wear and how pretty I will look and feel when I do. I've upped my choice of stores to shop at, too. Although, I'm still not at a point where I can walk into Forever 21 and ask for assistance. I prefer box stores like Target, Kohls, or even Ross and TJ Maxx, where the setting isn't as intimate as say victoria secret, Lane Bryant, or Hollister - those purchases I make online. Some like that setting and are comfortable in it, some aren't. Another reason I prefer Box stores is they have a mens section too. I'm not comfortable with taking femme clothes to try on. But, if I take a mens shirt and pants in with that dress, skirt, or blouse, I feel like I will draw less attention from the "wrong dressing room" crowd.

I wish you the best of luck tomorrow. Be confident. Have fun. And, like GMCD, I do hope you find yourself something special.

[BiancaEstrella]

Here's a post I wrote for one of our sisters who had similar concerns:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?149532-How-to-ask-a-shop-assistant-for-help-when-shopping-in-male-mode&p=2423494&viewfull=1#post2423494

Confidence? How about this: You're GOING to find something you love. Maybe even several things. Make it/them yours. Buy. Own. Love. Dress.

[anonymousinmaryland]

Tough answers to follow. The only thing I can add is, every time you go, it gets easier.

[Sara Jessica]

I hope you have fun!!!

I'm curious where you are going. Feel free to PM me if you wish.

[linda allen]

I'm taking this in becasuse soon, I will have to buy a couple bras. The ones I have are wearing out and don't fitt that well anyway.

I'm thinking Walmart, but I wish they would group the bras by size, not style. Find something you like and you still have to root through the rack for your size.

[Amanda22]

Everything will be great, you'll see. It is always so much fun to shop and I've never had a negative experience. Your fears are normal, but I predict you'll have a wonderful experience and be planning your next shopping trip very soon.

[Tina B.]

I've been shopping in drab for years, I don't do public dressing so it's always in drab. I have stood out front of stores and quickened out more times that I want to admit, I've walked back and forth, and around the store hour what felt like hours trying to get up the nerve to go in. After all that, thousands of dollars spent of thirty years, mostly bought in person, and by myself, the only time I have ever even gotten a funny look, was from and older SA, while buying a waist cincher, but by then I was able to just smile, put it on the counter, and wait for her to do what she is paid to do, sell it to me, that's her job. And if you shop main line stores, corporate head quarters does not want to hear complaints about their people.
Tina B.

[MsKimiko]

Confidence is key. I know it's hard to listen to a girl who's never been out herself but I have seen many crossdressers our and about and the ones who seem to draw little to know attention are the ones who look confident and don't look nervous. I know it's easier said than done but u can do it girl

[Paula_56]

It's amazing, once you do it, you'll see there is nothing to it.

Dress, nicely in drab mode clean shaven, nice clothes, present a nice wholesome image be polite, and smile.

The SA's will trip over them selves to help you.

Here's an example of my last shopping trip.

I walk in to dress Barn, smile

SA: Hey can I help you?

Paula: I'm looking for a black pencil skirt.

SA: What size?

Paula: A 16 or maybe an 18 depending on how they are cut.

SA: Over here.........

Paula: These look perfect, Would it be OK if I tired them on?

SA: Of course!!!

It really is that easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Amanda22]

Please let us know how it went...

[Genivieve]

If it means anything you look like any girl I'd see strolling the mall. I live 2 blocks from the mall so I'm an expert. I'm a wimp. I can't buy lip gloss without sweating but as many on the forum have said no one cares or notices remotely as much as you fear.

I was outed at a goodwill buying size 11 heels last year. I made a sarcastic quip and moved on. I still have those lovely shoes and the idiot doesn't even work there anymore. Just go be f-ing happy and enjoy. Ok time for me to follow that advice.

[Maiko Newhalf]

Good luck girl. You'll be fine!

Let us know how things go. I havn't get the courage yet. :)

[Fab Karen]

So by now you've done it & seen that most people pay no attention to what you're buying at check-out line. As always, just focus on the task- what you want, size, decent price?

[joank]

I was just shopping today (en femme). The Sally's Beauty SA's and I have a good relationship. We =talk about products and even were discussing the lenght of capris and crops. BTW, I get read all the time. It is even easier to shop in drab. Money does the talking and if an SA questions the purchase (and they will NOT) Just keep on shopping. Have fun...

If I was just a little closer I would be your 'Aunt' on your first trip.

[Karren H]

I shop for anything and everything fem, locally and never.... NEVER have had a problem... Bough a corset, wig, fanny padding and two new tops, from 2 stores during lunch today..... What I do is.... Act like it is as normal as buying male clothes... Talk to the SA's... Ask questions... Chat with other shoppers.... Chat with the checkout girl.... Smile... look like your having fun.... HAVE FUN....

You make it the norm and you push your new reality on everyone you come in contct to... Act scared, of try to sneak in or hide and people pick up on that and all eyes will drift your way... Act like you belong there and people will accept it....

Good luck!!

[Jeanna]

I think you will be pleasantly surprised on how easy it will go. If you get a rude/intolerant sales rep, leave and go on to the next store. I wish I could be there, we could have so much fun!
Enjoy your day

Jeanna

[VioletJourney]

Well I did it, I went to H&M and got me a new top and some shorts. They're so comfy and so cute at the same time! The most fear I experienced was sitting in the car waiting to go in. After that, it was relatively simple. I didn't talk to any SA's or other shoppers, but that's because of my social phobia rather than fear of being outed. Actually, the one thing that made all the difference was while I was looking at some short denim shorts (cuz they were right near the men's section) I saw another guy come in and just browse through the women's clothes without a problem. He must have been shopping for someone else, because the clothes he had were way too small for him, but it was helpful nonetheless.

On the way home I drove by a beauty supply shop and decided to go in there too, and I wasn't nervous in there either, and I walked out with 2 new lip colors, 3 new nail colors, new eyeshadow and some liquid eyeliner. It was a very fun day and I'd do it again, though maybe not at H&M, all the stuff was so small it made me feel a little self-conscious about my weight!

Oh, and I will post pictures but not until the rest of my stuff comes in the mail.

[Ashley Lynn Swift]

I don't know that I can really offer any advice that hasn't been already given. But I will say living in SoCal your definately in a great area to go shopping for yourself weather in drab or enfemme because everyone seems to be a lot more accepting of it. Or they just don't care because they are so self absorbed in themselves to notice anyone else. I know I spent my first 6 months of RLE out in Hemet, Ca and even out there in the desert they didn't seem to notice or care much at all. I kinda miss it out there. Because there where a few girls from this site I was really hoping to meet that I never got the chance too. Because of money problems I.e. Having lost my job. And spending the first four month unemployed. But for the most part I have found most people out there to be really cool about it. It was a whole different experience from back in my pretransition days of shopping in drab back in Kansas and Oklahoma. Far less scary then Kansas or Oklahoma.

[Genivieve]

ehhh I didn't read your second post! I'm glad it went well. Please do post pics! I messaged you. I live in L.A. and would be happy to shop once I scrounge some more funds. This stuff gets expensive! I've resorted to hitting thrift shops lately. You find the craziest cool clothes. Prom dresses, casual jackets, large sized heels..ect and I seem to care less what they think because the employees deal with sooo many different people they appear to judge less. It's also cheap of course.

[Amanda22]

I shop for anything and everything fem, locally and never.... NEVER have had a problem... Bough a corset, wig, fanny padding and two new tops, from 2 stores during lunch today..... What I do is.... Act like it is as normal as buying male clothes... Talk to the SA's... Ask questions... Chat with other shoppers.... Chat with the checkout girl.... Smile... look like your having fun.... HAVE FUN....

You make it the norm and you push your new reality on everyone you come in contct to... Act scared, of try to sneak in or hide and people pick up on that and all eyes will drift your way... Act like you belong there and people will accept it....

Karren is right on the money with her advice. Sometimes in public I'm scared and the suspicious looks pop up. If I just say what the hell, smile, have fun, and truly act as though everything I'm doing is completely normal, it really does rub off on everyone else. It's an amazing phenomenon!